Web-Teases What Are They Good For?

I have discussed this subject before, but it has been on my mind again of late. Most of you are aware that nemo and I have started our own WebTease site. Well, all that work got me to thinking. What good does a site like that do for a couple who are already into chastity, tease, and denial? I mean, aren't web-teases for guys who, for whatever reason, masturbate a good deal of the time. I am not putting them down. God knows, they probably need the distraction. But most men in chastity can't masturbate, and the vast majority of them are written for men who can.

So why would I, of all people, start a masturbation site for men without Key Holders (KH)? Simple. Most KH's don't realize what a great source of tease and denial ideas web-teases can be. After all, most of us prefer NOT to allow our guys to masturbate. But I say, “Why not?” First of all, it relieves us of having to do it for them. I mean, there are times when I would rather not have to get my hands all messy with lubrication and make my arm sore from trying to edge him four or five times. Then there is the problem of accidents. I may blame nemo if he cums during one of these sessions, but the fault is really mine for not noticing exactly how close he was to ejaculation in the first place.

That's where web-teases come in. I find one I really like, or at least a portion of one, and I use it the next time he wants some attention, but I am too tired (or lazy) to tease him for an hour. Here's how I work it. I have three choices: 1) I can use the web-tease as a guide and follow the script to make him do everything to himself, or; 2) I can use ideas I have gotten from some of them to do things to him, or; 3) I can even load one up on the PC and watch as he attempts to do everything the woman in the web-tease tells him to do.

Now, some of the web-teases can take several hours to complete. So if I am having him do one online, I either set aside enough time, or I stop him when I think he has had enough. If he is doing one online, I can also help him by handing him the next item he needs or by cleaning them when he has finished in anticipation that he might need it again. I can even be his timekeeper when he needs one. Either way, they can be very entertaining. Especially when he has to ruin his own orgasms. I just love watching the looks that cross his face. Don't forget, masturbation carries with it a certain amount of humiliation for most men. They just don't like doing it front of you.

So there you have it. Yet another way to tease and deny him without having to tire yourself out. Besides, after watching him ruin his own orgasms puts me in the mood to have a few orgasms myself!

Mistress Ivey

More On P.O.T.

The term “Post Orgasm Torture,” in itself, sounds almost horrible. Let's face it, any time you use the word “torture” you conjure up all sorts of medieval, horrific images. So I will just call it “Post Orgasm Torment.” I think that is a less terrifying phrase.

I have run across many women who don't understand exactly what I mean by POT, so let me clarify exactly what I am talking about. To put it bluntly, the head of a man's cock becomes extremely sensitive immediately after he cums. You may have discovered this yourself, probably by accident. Or you may have never experience it. Take heart, every man has this sensitivity.

It seems that the vagina is actually too well lubricated for normal intercourse to effectively produce the torment we are talking about here. Most men can continue to thrust their penis in and out of a woman after they ejaculate until their erection shrinks on it's own, without any discomfort at all. That's because there is so much lubrication (including his own semen) that he really can't feel anything. At least not on the head of his cock.

Let me warn you, if you engage in POT, your partner will (if you are doing it right) become almost violent. The problem is not that you are hurting him, it's simply that the extreme sensitivity makes them react in any way they can to stop it. It's like being held down and tickled. If you have ever been tickled until it became so intense that you find yourself fighting to stop it, well, you have experienced a little of what POT can be for the average male.

Most males, especially those who have not experienced much POT will not be able to control their reactions to it. Basically, what you will be doing is tickling them in the most sensitive spot on their entire body! In spite of what it may seem (or he may tell you) it does NOT hurt them. They will do absolutely anything to make you stop. They will scream, they will squirm, they will beg, and, in fact, try to make you believe that you are seriously hurting them. But in spite of what they do, or say, the fact is, you are tickling them.

Now that you know the truth about POT, let's talk about the best way to torment them post orgasm. Because of their potentially violent reaction, I strongly recommend that you (at the very least) bind their hands behind them. It is better to tie them down so that they are not able to move much at all. By the way, this is an extremely fun way to torment them!

Once you have your guy securely bound, go ahead and tease him any way you like. You can edge him, or anything else you enjoy doing up to, and including, the point at which he begins to “spurt.” Go ahead and allow him a full orgasm (otherwise this won't work).

As soon as his cock's throbbing begins to subside, take hold of the shaft and hold on tight. Using your other hand, rub the head of his cock with your fingers or palm. Do this gently, as that is all it will take. Instantly he will protest. Remember, he is NOT being hurt! He is being tickled! How long you can continue doing this will vary from man to man. But you should be able to do it for at least 10-30 seconds for the average guy. Sometimes you can go even longer.

Another method is to continue stroking his cock after orgasm. If you bring him to orgasm by stroking his cock, you simply continue stroking as long as your hand slides gently up over the head with each stroke. This method is not quite as effective, but should still give you an idea of what is possible. The problem is, every second of rest his cock gets, brings him closer to the point where it will no longer be so sensitive. But either way, you should still enjoy a few seconds of extreme sensitivity. Stroking the shaft does nothing. It's the head that is sensitive!

Don't listen to anything he says. He is only trying to prevent further torment. Again, you are NOT hurting him. But he will act as if you are. If you try this, please write me and let me know how it went. I would love to hear from you. Have fun with it!

Mistress Ivey

Pushing The Envelope

There is one area of your relationship that is difficult to understand... Your partner's fantasies. That is, exactly how far does one want to push a fantasy toward reality? This actually works both ways, but in most FLRs, the male doesn't have to worry about pushing the Mistress' fantasies too far. After all, she is in control. So how far she wants to push it is up to her. But how far do you push your chastity kept man's fantasies?

Let's say your guy has fantasies about being used by other women. He may actually enjoy it if you send him to the neighbor's house for the weekend. But how would you actually feel about that? On the other hand, suppose your guy fantasizes about watching you with another partner (cuckolding). Whether you want to do it or not is really irrelevant if you want to keep your relationship together. Many men fantasize about things that (romantically) sound good, but the reality of those fantasies might never live up to his expectations (or yours for that matter).

So how do you know just how far you can take a fantasy before the reality ruins it? Well, it all depends on the individuals involved. But you knew I was going to say that. You want a more definitive answer, right? Well, there is no more definitive answer. The only way you can effectively answer that question in any relationship is to communicate. You have to tell your partner (no matter which partner you are) exactly what you think you can handle. If you are not absolutely sure you can handle cuckolding, say so! Don't leave anything to doubt.

Okay, now he wants to be lent out to other women (while in chastity, of course) but you don't like the idea of him having sex (even in chastity) with another woman. What do you think about including another woman in your tease and denial sessions? Think about it. That might not be so bad. If you could handle that, why not try it. Maybe some day you will be able to send him home with someone else for the night.

By the same token, if cuckolding is on your list but definitely NOT on his. Maybe you can find a way to perpetuate the fantasy without making it reality. Remember, this applies to ANY activity that you don't BOTH completely agree upon. Many of these activities are a matter of building the trust you need between you both in order to feel secure in doing them.

Perhaps a slow and easy entry into any area of concern is the way to go. Then, you can always back out if either of you are still not comfortable with it. For example, corporal punishment can be something that either party might not be into. So try it out. Maybe a simple smack or two as a reminder of who is in charge will turn into something you both love doing (once you have tried it). If it turns out to be exciting for you both, you can increase the frequency or the intensity (or both) as time goes by.

The slow and easy method can be applied to anything in the tease and denial games you play. They can be used when setting up protocols, or deciding whether to use bondage, or how much or what type to use. It can be used in humiliation play. Start with something easy and slowly increase the to more and more humiliating scenes. Because of legal entanglements, some humiliation scenes might need to stay in fantasy form. But how do you handle that?

That's where you (as Mistress) must use your imagination. You need to know just what his fantasies are and use them when teasing him. Yes, you will have to talk. You will have to talk “dirty”! You will have to tell him his fantasies in your own words. But once you get used to doing that, it won't seem so bad. Kind of like bondage, once you try it it doesn't seem so kinky.

I guess what I am trying not to say is, whatever you do, make sure you communicate with each other, and take it slow. That's the best advice I could ever give anyone.

Mistress Ivey

Love That Menthol!

I'm not talking about cigarettes. I'm talking about all those pain-relieving creams you can use for so many purposes. You know the ones, they have menthol, eucalyptus, or ginger root (or all three) in them. Once you get past the smell (some more than others) there are so many wonderful things you can do with them.

I'm talking about Mentholatum, Bengay, Icy-Hot, Tiger Balm and the other brands that seem to get hot or extremely cold when applied to sensitive parts of the body. They are so much fun to tease my slave (nemo) and keep his mind on me long after I have finished my teasing. Here are some ideas you can use on your partner:

• The next time you masturbate him, use Icy-Hot cream. It makes a good lubrication (like hand lotion) and stays with him long after you finish.
• Don't forget to put a good amount of 'something' on his balls before he leaves for work.
• If he sits in front of the TV too much, try putting a little bit on his anus. That should get him off the couch for awhile.
• Try rubbing a good amount on the cheeks of his ass, too. He won't think much of it at the time, but after he pulls his pants back up it will grab his attention.
• Coat his cock and balls before he heads for the golf course with his buddies.
• Before he satisfies you with his tongue, apply a dab of cream to his anus. Tell him he can stop when he can no longer feel the cream (assuming you can last that long).
• If, like me, you enjoy watching him squirm (especially in public), Try coating his cock and balls just before you go out for that quiet dinner at your favorite restaurant.

You may as well avoid using it on his nipples, no matter how much you will be tempted. Most men won't feel much there. I have used it on a man with very sensitive nipples, and it just wasn't effective.

I am sure you can come up with a lot more opportunities than these. I just wanted to stir your imagination and get you thinking more about teasing your guy in ways you may have forgotten. I invite everyone to leave a comment and let me know what you use these kinds of inspiring creams for.

Mistress Ivey

Staying Power

I have already talked about using numbing creams to keep your chastity boy from ejaculating when you want him inside you. But there are other ways of doing it. For example, you could spend months, or even years, training your boy to hold back while telling you each time he comes close so that you can stop (or pull off). But, as I said, that can take years of practice. Assuming you don't want to wait that long, I have a couple of other ideas you might like.

For example, you could run out to your local Ace Kink Center... uh, Hardware store and pick up a number of rubber O-rings to use as cock rings. Why buy more than one? Because you don't (yet) know which one will be the right size. I would recommend you purchase several sizes between 1-inch and 1 1/2-inch. Bigger or smaller if you need them. But I suspect one of these should work. They should come in 1/16th-inch increments so you can get the exact right size for your guy. Even if you buy five or six of them you'll probably spend less than a few dollars for the lot. You might even find an pack of assorted sizes for about $2.00us. So cost is not a factor here.

Here's what you do. Place one around the base of his cock only (NOT the cock and balls). If he is hard, it should be difficult to get it on. You can use lubrication to make it slip on a little easier, or you can roll it from the tip to the base. If you can catch his cock when it is flaccid (soft), you can get it on more easily. However, if you have chosen one that is too small, he will be in quite a bit of pain when he gets hard. You want a little pain, but not so much that he can't concentrate on the job at hand.

Here is a quote from a friend who wrote me about using O-rings:

“As far as the o-rings are concerned, there is a safety issue with just about everything we use on our slaves. Whether it's an o-ring on their cocks, a metal cock-ring, a whip or clamps. It really doesn't matter what it is, there can be problems. But I've found the rubber o-ring to be extremely safe, at least it can be cut off, the metal cock-rings can't. What a woman has to do is exactly what I told you. She has to find the proper size o-ring for his cock, firm but not tight while flaccid. Understanding that when he gets the erection the o-ring will be very tight and he will be in pain. But it will not harm him, and it will keep him rock hard for as long as you want. Expect him to claim his cock is about to be cut off by the o-ring, you know how they go on about CBT. Once he gets time to relax his cock will go down and you can easily remove it then. Just don't let him get you thinking it's unbearable and impossible to endure. After they get use to wearing the o-ring it will still be painful but it does get better for them, just a bit. We've been using o-rings for a while now and have found other uses for them as well.”

Using a rubber cock ring such as this can keep him hard for quite awhile, especially if you are bouncing up and down on him. He should be able to last quite a bit longer if you used the right size. If he still comes too soon, you may need a smaller O-ring. Be careful! Using a too small O-ring can cause him a great deal of pain and, if left in place too long, it can cause damage to the very thing you are trying to have fun with.

There is one other solution. You could try any of a number of Adjustable cock rings available for around $4.00us. One advantage to an adjustable cock ring is that it can be loosened and removed much more quickly than the aforementioned O-rings. You can practice adjusting the amount of pressure this type of cock ring puts on your guy's cock until you get it just right, all without having to remove it.

Some facts you should know about cock rings:

• The results vary from person to person, so it may not work for you.
• They can temporarily create more sensitive, intense and hard erections.
• They can help to delay ejaculation.
• They may temporarily make his cock larger (but it's only temporary).

Any of these solutions can be used by themselves or with the addition of a Desensitizing lube. The combination should prove to be quite effective!

Mistress Ivey

To Lock Or Not To Lock?

There are a number of couples out there (not to mention men without a KH) who practice the honor system when it comes to chastity. The reasons vary greatly as to why they do not use a chastity device. While I believe that there certainly are times when the honor system may be better than using an actual device, I also believe that there are benefits to using a physical device that just cannot be realized otherwise. I know that's a pretty strong statement, but let me explain.

I believe that chastity can (should?), be used for several reasons. First and foremost is the fact that many men actually desire it. But beyond that, the benefits a couple may realize through the use of a device are not often apparent. For example, chastity can bring a couple closer together by allowing them to open up and become more communicative with each other. If done right, chastity can also improve their sex life, their respect for each other, and even reinforce their roles as husband/father and wife/mother. Many times, I have heard from readers who say their husbands have become better role models to their children. I can understand this. After all, he should be demonstrating more respect for his wife while she is showing her children a more self-assured, even self-reliant, woman.

Now I am not saying that you cannot achieve all these things without chastity, many do. But chastity (especially when a device is used at least part time) can facilitate, and often speed up, the realization of these benefits.

I recently received a letter from a man who says he and his wife have been practicing chastity utilizing the honor system. His problem was that after a number of weeks he loses interest (or desire) for sex altogether. As it turned out, his wife has not been teasing him during times of abstinence. While there may be many causes of his lack of interest after a time, it is my opinion that were his wife to tease him on a regular basis, his interest would not decrease.

I have been touting the benefits of teasing (both psychological and physical) for almost a year now. I have received an overwhelming number of letters from those who agree. However, I know that many of you ladies out there do NOT practice teasing your chaste partner with any regularity. There is so much more to it than just physical teasing. I don't know how many times I have said that the most important (not to mention easiest) way to arouse a man is through his libido! His mind can not only arouse him, but it can (under the right circumstances) even produce ejaculation without ANY physical contact at all. It's rare, but it does happen.

The incorporation of a chastity device serves as a constant reminder that there is someone who cares about his sexual activity. But in order to strengthen that impression, teasing on a regular basis (at least several times a week) is what makes it all work. Psychological teasing should be done on a daily basis, even several times per day. Physical teasing should also be done at least two or three times per week if possible.

Without a physical chastity device (the honor system) however, allows for the possibility of unintended, often unwanted, even involuntary, ejaculations to occur. Even an improperly fitted chastity device can allow unintended ejaculation from time to time. Of course, often, a set of “spikes” can help prevent unwanted ejaculation in an improperly fitted device.

So when faced with the question of using a device or the honor system, I would choose a device every time, just for practical reasons. Of course, there are times when it's not practical to wear a chastity device (and those vary widely with the individuals involved), so the honor system must be used during these times. But over all, I think it's better to rely on three basic rules: 1) Use a device when possible; 2) Psychologically tease him several times a day; and 3) Physically tease him several times a week. Doing these three things can produce a happy, healthy, relationship that will facilitate communication and harmony as well as cooperation and attentiveness. With the proper balance of these things you have the tools with which to create the perfect relationship even if you can't (or don't) use the device at all times.

Mistress Ivey

Penetration Without Ejaculation - Update

Back in April I wrote a blog post about having intercourse without allowing your partner to ejaculate. Well, I am posting this update by popular demand. Yes, it really does work!

Even though there is a link in the aforementioned post, I will give it to you again. The product I used to desensitize nemo's cock is called Boy-Butter Extreme Desensitizing Lubricant. You can also get it here. Though I am sure there are other products that will adequately numb a cock for penetration, this is the best one I have tried, and I have tried many.

In this particular session, I began by securing nemo to a dining room chair. You know the type, straight back and nice and sturdy. I bound his wrists to the uprights at the back of the seat and his ankles to the bottom of the front legs. This allowed him to scoot his bottom to the front edge of the seat giving me easy access to everything I wanted.

First, I sat on the floor between his legs and fondled his balls while asking him if he would like to have an orgasm. I teased him by saying that I intended to give him the chance to have one (if he could). Once I had his cock nice and hard, ready for anything, I began applying the Boy-Butter to his entire cock (head and all). I wore a rubber glove because I didn't want my hand to go numb in the process.

I stroked it slowly and gently for about five minutes making sure he was completely numb. Then I used a damp (not dripping) washcloth to clean all the Boy-Butter off. After all, I don't want it to numb me, I want to feel him inside me and not go numb in the process. Once I was sure his cock was free of all numbing agent, the fun began.

At first, I backed up to the chair, teasing him with my bottom. I guess you could say I was more or less performing a lap-dance for him. I taunted him asking him if he wanted to touch me ass. With my legs between his, I slowly lowered myself down onto his erect cock. (Yes, I was pretty wet by this time.) At first I just sat there taunting him about what he could (or couldn't feel). I found the position to be a bit awkward at first, but I found that placing my hands high up on his thighs I was able to get up a pretty good rhythm.

I continued that for a few minutes, but what I really wanted to do was to see his face as I took my pleasure from him. So I stood up and turned to face him. I straddled him and, after allowing him to suckle each of my breasts for a moment, I lowered myself down onto his lap inserting his cock fully into me. In this position he could reach my breasts with his mouth (when I allowed it) and I could set up a very nice rhythm that I knew would bring me to the brink of orgasm quickly.

I continued moving up and down on his hard shaft until my first orgasm washed over me (the first is always the best). I stopped for a moment allowing him to suck my breasts while I recovered from that first orgasm. I also pinched his nipples while I had the chance. It turns him on and I love doing it. When I felt rested, I continued fucking him. I had a total of eight orgasms this time, three more than the last time. And I was becoming exhausted.

When I climbed off of him, he asked when he was going to get to cum. I just laughed and told him that he had his chance and that maybe I would give him another opportunity to ejaculate next week. He was very disappointed, but understood that this was all about my pleasure, and not his.

I highly recommend that you try this. It really works for those times when you need to feel a real cock inside you, but still don't want to give your partner an orgasm. I don't know exactly how long the numbing lasts. Since it wears off gradually, nemo could not give me an accurate time either. But I can say that it lasts more than a few minutes, because it takes me awhile to cum that many times. I don't allow myself to have multiple orgasms. That would tire me out too fast.

Here is that link again for those of you who are interested. I am sure you can find this stuff at any online store or maybe even your local adult toy store, but this place uses three different suppliers and always gives you the lowest price.

http://www.mistressiveystoys.com/Boy-Butter-Extreme-Desensitizing-3-oz-Tub-TSA-Approved/sku-CNVBBL-BBX3?a=mi92111

Mistress Ivey

Tease, Tease and Tease Some More

While I am on the subject, I want to talk a little more about teasing. Too many women agree to lock their partner in chastity and all too quickly forget about him. What I mean is, she enjoys all the little things he does for her, the attention he pays her, the chores he does without complaining, and even the orgasms he so willingly to gives her (after two or three weeks in chastity).

Shame on the woman who basically ignores her charge after locking him up. My point is, being a Mistress (or a KH) requires a great deal of work on her part. If you choose to ignore his needs after locking the chastity device in place, then things will quickly return to what they used to be. Him, always wanting sex, while she tires of his constant begging and pleading with her for more sex. Is that what you were expecting from chastity?

I hope not. You were hoping to make your relationship better, more fulfilling. Perhaps you wanted to get to know each other better. But if you don't give him the attention that you, very probably, expect from him, he will lose interest very fast. Yes, chastity works, as I have said before. But it is a two-way street. You only get as good as you give.

So what should you be doing? I mean, you don't want to give him an orgasm every week. But you also want him to be happy so that he will want to continue with this lifestyle. After all, when you first started out it worked very well. I have said it before and I will continue saying it until every woman whose partner is locked in chastity gets it, “Tease Him”! Be merciless! He wants to be teased. He wants to be denied. He wants YOU!

If you don't know his deepest, darkest fantasies, how in God's name do you expect to get him as aroused as he can possibly get without allowing him an orgasm? Let's say your partner's fantasy (whether he would want it to come true or not) involves being forced to suck another man's cock. What you do the next time you find yourself in bed with him (both of you naked) is talk about making him do just that. Tell him how you know it's one of his fantasies and that you would love to see him do it. Especially at your command. Tell him that you will try to come up with a plan to make it come true. Tell him it turns you on thinking about it. Describe it in detail. Tell him how big the cock you have in mind is, how long, how big around. Tell him how you would want to masturbate while watching him do it, how much his humiliation would excite you and get you all wet down there. (If necessary, you can tell him that you know it's only a fantasy.)

Believe me, not only will his cock get hard (as hard as possible in his cage), but he will enjoy every minute of it. Just knowing his fantasies (especially the ones he wants to come true) can be such a great tool for you to use when you want to tease and deny him. After all, denial is nothing without the tease first! Talking about any of his fantasies in detail just might make him want to orally please you while you talk. Or after. So don't ignore those needs and desires your partner has, instead, use them to your advantage. Remember, his mind (his libido to be precise), is the single most powerful weapon in your arsenal.

You don't have to remove his chastity device to tease him. You don't even have to touch him! However, should you want to remove his cage, you still don't have to allow him to ejaculate. Tease him using his fantasies while you play with his cock. Don't let him cum! Just play with him. Play as long as you like. I guarantee he will give you all the attention you want (any kind of attention)! If you only tease him often enough. Two or three long sessions per week should do it. The more often you do it, the faster he will recover from a full orgasm and the more attentive he will be.

If you don't know his fantasies and just can't get him to open up, try reading a few fantasies (stories) online and see which of them turn him on the most. Then use those types of fantasies when you tease him. It may surprise you just what will turn him on, so don't be shy. His fantasy may not interest you at all, but that's okay. You don't have to get turned on by his fantasies, but you want him turned on, so use them!

Edging him (getting close to orgasm but denying it) is one of the best ways of teasing a man there is. So while your telling him these fantasies, edge him. Don't forget to take nice long (at least one minute) breaks every time you stop his orgasm. Think of it as fun, because it is!

So, by all means, tease him, deny him, and then tease him some more. Doing this can restore his attentive behavior after a full orgasm much faster than ignoring him sexually. You might reduce weeks to days, or days to one single day. Wouldn't that be great? Don't be lazy now. Give it a try!

Mistress Ivey

Learning to Tease

Many times teasing your partner can become difficult. The problem is coming up with imaginative ways to tease him so that things don't become “stale” or “routine”. Well, I have good news. There is a website that is jam-packed with teases that you can use “as-is” or modify for your own special needs.

Milovana is a website dedicated to web teasing. They have literally hundreds of webteases. Most are designed for men, though there are a few for women. However, all the teases are designed for solo use. That means that the reader is supposed to masturbate as directed in the tease. Some of the teases involve pain of kind or another, and many require you to have certain “toys” during the tease. Almost all of them are excellent example of tease and denial.

So how does this help you? I would suggest that you read several of the tease and denial teases and see how you could adapt them to your own situation. In other words, how you can use them with your partner. Perhaps you want to become the person guiding the tease and order your partner to do the things the tease call for. Or... You can become a part of the tease by doing the things listed in the tease to your partner instead of making him do them to himself. Your participation would greatly increase the pleasure you both obtain from the tease.

If you are really into tease and denial, you should be able to find many of the webteases useful. For example, you want your partner to remain in chastity (orgasm free) for a month. Try this: once a week, remove his chastity device and perform on of the teases from Milovana to tease and deny him an orgasm. By the end of the month, he will be MORE than willing to do whatever you want in order to get that orgasm. It won't be long before you are coming up with tease and denial scenes of your own.

So give Milovana a try and see what ideas you can come up with. You might even break a webtease up into several parts and have him perform a portion of it each day (or night, as the case may be). Anyway, it will be entertaining and there is a great deal of potential for some real excitement.

Mistress Ivey

Chastity Works!

I recently received a letter from one of my readers (Karen) that reinforced my belief that male chastity works when applied properly. Although, it is my belief, that chastity is mostly a psychological thing. Especially since most of the chastity devices are so easily defeated. The weak point being the lock itself. After all, cutting the lock is not that difficult, and if the device is made of plastic, well you figure it out. Most men in chastity, whether an actual device is used or simply the honor system, want to be in chastity. Why else would so many beg their wives to lock them up?

The nice letter I received actually included some statistics concerning things like, behavior of her husband, communications, and her own ability to “open up” to her husband. I have been writing this blog for about a year now, and the one thing that I have tried to get across to my readers is that you can actually improve your relationship with your husband (partner) when you apply the things I teach. It's always nice to receive validation.

As I have always said, you don't need to be a leather-clad, whip-carrying, high-heeled “Bitch” in order to take control of your partner and improve your sex life as well as your relationship. As a female in charge of your relationship, if what you need is more intimacy, you can get it. No one says that every sexual encounter with your partner has to include any BDSM activities. If you want more closeness, more warm, loving cuddling, you can have it. And your partner will be more than willing to give it to you.

According to Karen (who kept excellent records), her husband is the most cooperative during the third and forth weeks of chastity than he is during the first two. In fact, she says he has never received ANY demerits during the forth week. Hmm. This only validates what I have said before, a man will NOT be particularly attentive or cooperative right after he has a full orgasm. In fact, according to Karen (who uses a demerit system), her husband receives 78% of his demerits during the first week after release. 93% during the first two weeks. That means that, in her case, a man takes some time to “recover” from an orgasm. Not exactly news to those of us who have experienced it.

Basically, what all this means is that chastity works. If you unlock your partner once a week and give him a full orgasm, you may never have the attention and the cooperation that those of us who keep him locked for a month or more experience. Check the poll I have been running for the last few days. Men want to be locked up for a significant length of time. They know, the longer they have to wait, the better they feel, and the more they will enjoy the release.

Now, what about communication between the two of you? Chastity can help you to pry your partner open. That is, he will be much more willing to share his innermost thoughts and desires when he is locked in chastity. As you may know, when your partner opens up to you, it makes it a great deal easier for you to open up to him (and, perhaps yourself). Opening up communication between you and your partner is always a good thing. It can rekindle the romance you once had. It can improve your day-to-day attitude towards each other.

If you, as a “normal” woman (or even house wife), approach male chastity with an open mind, you may be surprised at the results. If your man has been hinting (or pushing, prodding, or even begging) you to try it, I recommend you take him up on it. Give it a fair trial. Perhaps two or three months, with longer and longer periods of chastity. That way, you can see for yourself how well it works. Who knows, you might just enjoy teasing him.

So in conclusion, I say, lock him up, tease him often, and don't let him out too often. Once a month should do it... (If he's earned it.)

Mistress Ivey

Creative Punishments

Punishment and discipline is another area in which many women do not feel comfortable when it comes to male chastity or Female Led Relationships (FLR). Many of the women I have interviewed seem to have one common theme when it comes to getting over this discomfort. If you will recall, I have touted (over and over again) that the main thing in keeping your partner's interest is almost constant teasing. Without it, it won't take long before he will lose interest in tease and denial, not to mention chastity.

So why do I bring this up now? After all, this is a post about punishment and disciplines. Because, if you can make punishment as much fun as everything else you do (sexually speaking) then neither of you should lose interest. Let's be honest for a moment. As drab and uneventful as most of our lives can be, sex is the one area in which so many of us look for fun. So, when your sub (partner, chastity-boy, or what have you) misbehaves, why does it have to be any different?

Many women turn to sexual denial when confronted with coming up with an appropriate punishment for their subs. However, a longer period of denial may actually be a reward for some men. Don't try to understand it, just accept it. So if you really want to punish him, why not make it fun? At least, fun for you!

Here is one method of punishment that works for me, along with a few variations to keep things interesting. Whenever my sub gets caught 'playing' with himself, such as masturbating without permission, I apply one of the following tricks to get him back on track, as it were. Take some hand lotion such as Lubriderm or Jergen's (even lubrication will work). Place a healthy amount in his hand and have him begin to masturbate for you. Once he has a nice hard penis, tell him to stop and hold out his hand (the one with all the lotion on it). Add a little lotion if you like then sprinkle a some coffee grounds on his, somewhat sticky, hand. Make sure to get some on his fingers as well as his palm. Have him continue his masturbation until you are satisfied that he has learned his lesson.

One modification that I often use is to sit on the bed (or even a chair) with my legs spread wide. I order him to sit on the edge of the bed (or chair) between my legs. Then I reach around him taking his balls in my left hand (I happen to be right-handed) and his cock in my right. I will stroke him slowly until he is sufficiently hard before adding the lotion and the coffee grounds. Now I have control of him and his erection. I can go fast or slow. Use lots of pressure or very little. It all depends on how I feel at the moment. This position puts him right where I can whisper in his ear.

Remember? I said it many times, talking during sex is very important. So I tell him what he has done wrong and how I expect him to improve in the future. I may even talk about some other (future) punishment I may use if I don't see an improvement. Something that I know will turn him on just thinking about it. Do I allow him an orgasm during his punishment? Don't be silly. Of course not.

If your guy gets excited by a little humiliation, try making him masturbate kneeling in front of you while you stand over him giving him step-by-step instructions. I usually hold a riding crop or paddle and I ALWAYS remain dressed. What I wear may vary depending on whether I want to give him a little visual excitement or not.

Well, there you go. I will post more in the near future, but in the mean time, I would love to hear from you, my readers. Send me an email or post a comment telling me what kind of punishments you use or are used on you, as the case may be. I would love to hear your ideas so that I can share them with all my readers.

Mistress Ivey

What is CFNM

For those who are not aware, CFNM stands for Clothed Female Nude (or naked) Male. This begs the question of just how popular CFNM is. Well, there are numerous web sites dedicated to CFNM if that tells you anything. It must be fairly popular or there would not be that many web sites dedicated to it.

Having established that it is even remotely popular begs the question, “Are you playing with your partner while dressed?” It might surprise you to learn that many men (subs, slaves, chastity boys, etc.) actually love that sort of thing. On top of that, there are a number of them who never even thought about it. They haven't thought about it because their Mistress always plays with them wearing some sort of lingerie, fetish-wear or nothing at all.

The truth is, playing with a naked man while you are clothed can be a big turn-on for him, and possibly you, too. My slave loves to be played with either blindfolded or while I am fully dressed. It's a small thing that can cause a slight bit of humiliation. Think about it this way, being naked in a room full of naked people is not nearly as humiliating as being the only naked person in the room. I think we all know that. So it stands to reason that if he is naked and your are not, it will be slightly humiliating to him.

You should try it sometime. Maybe invite a few of your kinky friends over to enjoy his humiliation. He'll probably love you for it.

Mistress Ivey

The Doll

I have written about using humiliation as a way of sexually teasing your sub to heighten both his sexual excitement and your own pleasure. Of course, there are many ways of humiliating any man (sexually) but if you into using humiliation as a means of asserting your control, ow just because you both love it, you will want to find something that works for you both.

Every man is different (duh), so you need find out exactly what works best on yours. Here's a suggestion that will work on most men regardless of who they are. I once tried this on a sub (I no longer have) and really enjoyed the experience. Now, I can't swear that this will work for you, but it can be a great deal of fun finding out. This particular method is always best when done as a total surprise to him. Odds are, he will be totally humiliated and you will both get a great deal out of the experience.

Buy yourself an inflatable doll. You know the type, you have seen them in the adult stores, both online and real stores. They are often given as a joke at bachelor and bachelorette parties, birthday parties etc. Who knows, your guy may have actually used one before. Be sure to get a fairly inexpensive one. The reason for this is that you don't want it to look to realistic. After all, it will be more humiliating the cheaper it looks. Make sure it has all the best features. You know, “Greek” and “French” features as well as “natural Missionary” features (3 holes). Now you could spend upward of $700 for a a life-like pose-able doll, but I recommend you spend under $30 for something really humiliating.

Once you have your doll, you can do any number of things with it. Here are a few suggestions:

• Teach him to treat his “Mistress” right by sexually satisfying her while you watch. Make him use her mouth, her anus, and her “pussy” as per your instructions.
• Teach him to properly clean up after himself (orally).
• Take him and his doll to a group meeting and make him demonstrate different methods sexually pleasing her.
• Take a video of him performing with his doll and upload it to one of the many adult video sights on the web.

As you will probably learn, once you start searching for the “right” doll, there are also male dolls as well as transvestite dolls. You can use any of these depending what you want to teach your man or what kind of humiliation you wish to inflict upon him.

The fun you can have with this are unlimited. Use your imagination and see what kinds of things you can come up with. Don't forget to have fun with it. After all, that's whole point, isn't it? Send me an email or make a comment here once you have tried it and let me know how it went.

Mistress Ivey

Slow Edging

Click Photo to watch video

I have been a long time proponent of long, slow teasing of a man's cock. There is nothing that gives me more pleasure than to slowly, gently work a man's cock in my hands until he just can't stand any more. I'm not talking about a ten or fifteen minute session here. No, I am talking about a thirty, sixty or even ninety minute session. Something that your guy will be sure to remember for the rest of his life!

If you will take a look at this video, you see what I am talking about. While the video in question is only about thirteen minutes long, it could just as easily have been continued for as long as the woman wanted it to. But you will get the idea of how to do this if you pay attention to how she keeps her guy on the edge without allowing him an orgasm. Never mind that she eventually ruins his orgasm at the end. The important parts of the video take place long before the end.

If you watch closely, you see a number of times when she coaxes some pre-cum from her man's cock. Go ahead, watch the video and count the number times you can actually see this. I'll wait...

This video is an excellent example of how to keep your guy on the edge while teasing him to distraction. My only complaint is that she does not talk to him very much at all. In order to turn your guy on even more, try talking about one of his favorite fantasies. Pick on that he might actually want to come true and tell him how you are going to make that happen. Tell him who will be involved, when it might happen, give him as many details of his fantasy as you can to make him believe it. Trust me, he will be more excited than you can imagine.

Watch the video, then have fun with your guy. It will be worth the effort.

Mistress Ivey

Cuckold Caution

I have received several emails (while off-line) asking me about cuckolding. There seems to be, and rightfully so, a great deal of concern about the effects, or consequences, it might have on a relationship.

In general, cuckolding can be very destructive to a relationship. I'm not saying that it is (or will be) destructive to every relationship, but of all the activities centered around tease and denial, or male chastity, it has the greatest potential to destroy a relationship more than any other singe activity.

Many submissive men involved in male chastity have fantasies about their spouse (be it Mistress, girlfriend, or what have you) making love to another man while they are forced to watch, or even participate on various levels. Those fantasies can turn into nightmares when they become reality. For a small percentage of couples, cuckolding works, even enhances a relationship. However, in most cases, the green-eyed monster (jealousy) rears its ugly head and, before you know it, someone gets hurt.

So, your guy talked you into practicing in male chastity and some tease and denial. It has all been going so well (lots of fun for the both of you), until he told you that he wants to watch another man make love to you. Regardless of how you feel about it, he has just expressed his fantasy to be cuckolded. Once you get passed the initial shock, what do you do?

Here are a few things that can go wrong:

• He may love the idea, but become very jealous once his fantasy becomes reality.
• He may enjoy it for awhile, but grow angry when he sees you enjoying another man.
• He may withdraw with feelings of having been betrayed by the woman be loves.

Any of these things could ruin an otherwise wonderful relationship. So what can you do to satisfy his fantasies without destroying your relationship?

First of all, and I cannot emphasize this enough, take it SLOW! Don't rush right out and find a guy who is willing take part in your partner's fantasies. I suggest that you build his fantasies during teasing sessions. Tease him mentally by telling him you have been thinking about making his fantasies come true. Talk seriously about it with him. Not just once, but many times. Find out exactly what kind of cuckolding he would accept. That is, does he want to be forced to watch, maybe even participate, or would he want you to date other guys while he sits at home wondering what you are doing and with whom? An “out of sight” type of cuckolding may not seem as bad, but leaving everything to his imagination can end up being just as destructive. So proceed with caution.

If you have decided to go ahead and experiment with cuckolding, I suggest you fake it the first time or two. By that I mean, go out while he sits at home. Tell him you are going on a date with some other guy, but don't actually do it. Go to your mother's and pay her some attention for a change. (She will probably appreciate the visit.) When you return home, you can tell him what a wonderful time you had on your “date”. If he then decides he can't handle it, you can tell him the truth and even provide a witness to attest to the fact that you did not have sex with another man.

If he is okay with your story, then you can move on to the next level and actually go on a date. Of course, I would suggest you NOT have sex on this date either. You can simply have dinner or a few drinks, but you don't want to do anything that might damage your relationship. In other words, proceed slowly! Just because your partner seems okay with everything so far, does not mean that his negative feelings won't catch up with him after a few days (or even weeks).

I strongly recommend, no matter what type of cuckolding you are doing, that you be ready to quit cold turkey if anything goes wrong. It's always better to be prepared for the worst than push-on when things get rough.

In most cases, the chaste male is more likely to be better off keeping cuckolding fantasies as fantasy than reality. You can use his fantasies any time you tease and deny him. You can use them when you want him to behave, either as a threat or as a promise. Just be prepared for the worst if you decide to try it for real.

Mistress Ivey

Drinking His Own Cum

I've written several blogs about this subject, but I have had questions from readers who claim their partner is reluctant to drink their own cum after an orgasm. Well, Ladies, this is completely normal. It all goes back to those evil physiological and mental changes that occur when a man has a full (normal) ejaculation.

Believe me, this is the reality of how men work. Many men secretly want to drink their own cum. Some will admit it, especially if they are very aroused. It does not mean that they harbor the secret desire to experience homosexual activities. If they refuse to do it after having a full orgasm, it doesn't mean that they were lying about their desires. It only means that they are normal when it comes to after-orgasm desires.

If your man is one of those who lose the desire to taste their own ejaculate, then there are some things you can do about it. First of all, take a look at the poll my slave (nemo) put on his blog. At this point in time, the poll is still running, but as of this moment, the outcome is obvious: Men want to be “forced” to obey. Armed with this knowledge, you may be able to get him to comply with your order to drink his cum. Be aware, you may still be met with resistance. But, in most cases, persistence may just get you what you want.

If he is still too resistant for your taste, here is a method that is sure to work. Don't let him have a normal orgasm. Instead, ruin two or three orgasms in a row (it shouldn't take long) and then tell him to drink the result of this milking. Since he has not actually experienced a normal orgasm, his sexual arousal should still be in effect and he will be more willing to comply. I use a small medicine cup, the type you get free with many liquid, over the counter, medications, to collect the results of this type of milking. Then it is easy (and less messy) to get him to drink it.

The milking (through ruined orgasms) method works very well simply because his desire for sexual release (and attention) are still very high. He will be more willing to do what you want than when you allow him a full orgasm.

Mistress Ivey

To Cuckold or Not to Cuckold

For many, that may be the question. But for me, there is no question. I know that my husband (and slave) sometimes has fantasies about these things. I also know that from his past experiences (read wives) he could not emotionally withstand it, no matter how strong his fantasies on the matter.

If you have delved as deeply as I have suggested you do into your partner's fantasies, then you should know which of these fantasies you might want to turn into reality for him, and which you should leave as fantasy. But we all have that “wicked” streak that wants to give him everything he fantasizes about. The real questions is, what damage might be done if we do?

Though nemo often fantasizes about being cuckolded, I know that he would have serious jealousy issues with it should I ever actually do it. So here is how I plan to over come these issues.

First of all, I know that if I were to actually cuckold him, it might just ruin our relationship. Therefore, I must find another way of making his fantasy, at least seem, to come true. I would schedule a night (or even a weekend) out in a hotel, somewhere. Las Vegas would be an excellent choice. One evening, I would bind him to the bed or even a chair while I go out. I would, of course tell him that I am going out to find a man to fuck me and that when I get get back, he can lick me clean.

This would, of course, cause him to have much anxiety. He might even get angry. But at some point during my one to two hour absence, he would fantasize about what I am doing. He would convince himself that I am only fulfilling another of his many fantasies, and that the man I choose would mean absolutely nothing to me. The fact is, I would choose no one. I would merely spend the time away gambling, shopping, or even just sight-seeing.

When I finally return to our room, I would continue the fantasy, acting as if I had just had great sex with a really sexy guy I found in the bar. I would undress, and make him give me two or three (or more) orgasms orally. I am sure it would not take long for him to realize that my vaginal cavity contained no semen. Only when I have been fully satisfied, would I explain what I had actually done.

It is very important that in doing this kind of thing, you would need to sit down and have a serious discussion about what happened. You have to be very clear that you (or I in this example) did NOT have sex with anyone other than him. Discuss his feelings about what you did, how he felt about it, what were his feelings while he was alone and waiting for your return?

I guess my point here is that there are ways in which you can simulate giving him many of the fantasies he loves without either of you having to do anything you really don't want to do. If you can use your imagination, you should be able to come up with other ways of making his fantasies come true (at least in part).

The emotional well being of my husband (slave, sub, partner, etc.) is extremely important. There is no better way to ruin a relationship than to inflict emotional damage, whether intended or not. So please, be careful what you do. Remember, in placing control of the sexual aspect (and possibly other aspects) of his life in your hands, he has entrusted you with a very valuable gift. Don't abuse it!

Mistress Ivey

Another Lesson in Teasing

My slave, nemo, recently posted three photos of women with very different body styles. Along with each photo was a statement of how each would treat a male sub. Along with the post a poll was posted asking men to choose which woman they would prefer as a key holder. The results were not at all surprising. (Click here to view it.)

It is obvious that what a chaste man wants has nothing to do with a woman's body style, or her overall beauty, but rather how she intends to treat him. More than 50% (more than double the next highest choice) of the men chose Woman #1 because of what she promised to do to them. Let's face it girls, the more you tease your man (sub, slave, chastity-boy) the more he will appreciate you. So... Here are the basics of what you should be doing in each and every tease session you give him, whether or not you deny his orgasm, the build up to that point is the same.

First of all, you should spend a little time getting to know the cock you intend to tease. (Name it if you like.) Take some time to study it. I mean get up close and personal with this thing you intend to use to bring such joy and torment to your man. Look it over very closely. Examine the head (glans) of his penis. Notice how it seems to form a little helmet. On the underside, where the corona (the ridge that extends around the penis) begins and ends (and where the foreskin is attached (if he has one). This is, by far, the most sensitive spot on his entire body. Rub this spot for few minutes and you can make him ejaculate.

Better Milking

I have read a great deal about prostate milking and I have tried to apply what I have learned. Well, I have a couple of tips for those you who would like to (or do) practice prostate milking. If you are currently milking your partner through prostate massage, but you are not actually getting much (quantity wise) from him, I have a couple of tricks for you.

If you already get plenty of cum from your partner when you massage his prostate, it may be that you are actually using one or both of the tricks I am going to tell about without even knowing it. You see, massaging the prostate (as a doctor would) does not normally produce more that a few drops of liquid. That's because the prostate does not contain all the stuff you find in a normal ejaculation. If your partner has had a vasectomy, he will produce a smaller amount of ejaculate anyway because there are no spermies in it. But there are two other places that contribute to the quantity of fluid in a normal ejaculation.

Of course, you already know about the prostate. It supplies a small amount and the older your partner is, the longer it takes for him to produce more prostate fluid. However, the seminal vesicles (located just behind the prostate) produce a larger amount of fluid than the prostate itself. This fluid seems to act as a sperm plug designed to help block another man's sperm from getting to the egg.

If you have long fingers and can reach just beyond the prostate, you can massage these vesicles which will produce more fluid than the prostate alone. If your have short (or normal length) fingers, you may have difficulty reaching the vesicles. In that case, try using a slim vibrator or even a P-spot toy such as an Aneros style prostate massage aid to help you reach them. (Here is the one I use.)

Still, there is an even better way. If you spend some time getting your partner aroused, ready to cum, then switch to a prostate massage, you can get as much fluid as a regular ejaculation would produce, but without the thrill of a full orgasm. When a man gets excited enough, his body prepares for an ejaculation by sending everything “up front” so to speak. If you stop arousing him, or at least stop manipulating his cock, before he gets to the point of orgasm, you have everything right where you want it. Try switching to a prostate massage at this point, and you will get all the combined fluids. It's like the ultimate ruined orgasm. A full load, with none of the fun (for him).

Sometimes it can help to physically milk his cock once the prostate massage does it's work. That is, once you begin getting fluid while massaging his prostate, use your hand to stroke from the base of his cock to the tip (much like you would milk a cow). DO NOT stroke in both directions, as this can cause a normal orgasm. By going in only one direction, you prevent a normal ejaculation while milking the urethra of everything in it.

Now, if all you have been getting is a tiny amount and you make him swallow it, think how surprised he will be tonight when you give a good deal more to swallow!

Mistress Ivey

Anal Techniques

One of the many things I like to do to my hubby/slave is to insert a plug in his anus before taking him out to run some errands. I know there are a few of you like to do the same. I get such a thrill knowing how uncomfortable and selfconscious he gets whenever I do this. However, many of the letters I get from readers tell me they have difficulty either inserting butt-plugs (or dildos for that matter). So maybe I can make things a little easier with this post.

First of all, an anus is NOT a vagina. It does NOT generate its own lubrication. Therefore, when preparing to insert anything into it, you MUST lubricate it yourself. I have heard it said many times, that when lubricating an anus, when you think you have put on enough lubricant, double it. I don't know if really true or not, but I do this: you need LOTS of lubrication! You not only need to lubricate inside and outside the hole, but you need to put lubrication on whatever it is you are planning to push in there.

If your partner is not used to anal sex or having anything shoved in his ass, then you need to start small and work your way up to the larger items. Many online toy stores sell sets of anal plugs often called anal training sets. I strongly recommend that you start small and gradually move to larger items as your partner gets used to them. Starting small just makes sense.

You should also NOT try to push the entire item in suddenly. Take it slow. You want to ease it in, not ram it in. Now in the case of a strap-on dildo that is fairly smooth and straight, you can begin a slow in and out motion, eventually ending up with you ramming it in. But that's only after a slow, gentle initial entrance. Slow is good.

I have a tip on making it easier to insert whatever item you are trying to insert in the anus as well. Often times, what makes insertion difficult is the sub's inability to relax. Let's face it, it he keeps clenching, there's no way you're ever going to get anything in without a great deal of pain. However, if you make him place his toes together and his heels apart, then bend him over a table or counter, then you will have no problem inserting a properly sized item such as a butt-plug or small dildo. Why? Because in this position it is not possible to clench the anus muscles. That's why doctors use that position for rectal exams.

So in conclusion, simply remember to lubricate well, start small, go slow and make him “assume the position” before you full him up.

Mistress Ivey

Contracts

I get a lot of questions concerning things like: “How do I know what I can and can't do to my sub?” and; “How can I tell my Mistress what I like and don't like without topping from the bottom?” These are very legitimate questions and they deserve straight forward answers. The problem is, the answers are are not so simple. Everyone is different and their desires, likes, dislikes, tolerances, and limits are all different. But there is an easy way to get the guidance you need without any topping from the bottom or taking the fun out of the whole experience.

What you need to guide you safely through your experience is a contract. Why? Because a contract, though not legally binding, will help you establish rules, protocols, and a way to keep things from getting out of control. A contract can be an excellent guide for the Mistress (or KH, or whatever you are called) as well as for the sub, hubby, chaste, or teasee.

To Chastise or Not to Chastise

That is so often the question facing couples who engage in a female led relationship (FLR). But the answer is much simpler than it sounds. I created this blog for those women who have little (or no) experience with sexually controlling their man. Even though a chastity device can be a great way to accomplish that, it may not be desirable, or even necessary.

Male chastity has become a very popular 'kink' these days. You can now purchase a chastity device at your local sex store, not to mention every sex toy store on line. But just because it is popular is no reason to jump on the band wagon. There are as many reasons to use a chastity device as there reasons not to.

Perhaps your partner feels too uncomfortable. Maybe the device you have chosen does not really fit as well as either of you would like. Of course, you could have one custom made, but even then, you may have problems. Let's face it, male chastity (in its popular form) is a fairly recent addition to the kink scene.

Basic Teasing

Men love sex! But there is a basic problem all men suffer from that us lucky women don't... We can have multiple orgasms! Let's face it girls, after one orgasm all we want is another one. Men, however, are very different. Once they cum, they're done. Oh, it's not their fault. That's just the way they work. The key to giving a man more sexual pleasure than he is used to, is by denying him an orgasm. When his orgasm is denied, a man will be able to continue for as long as it takes to reach that much wanted release.

If you want your man to stay hard, deny him an orgasm and you will see what I mean. Here is the basic method for doing just that. You will need some basic supplies: A pair of rubber gloves (dish washing gloves work very well); Vegetable oil (it's much better and cheaper than commercial lubricants) or a cheap hand lotion.

You should tie him 'spread-eagle' if possible. You will want to have access to his perineum (the space between his balls and his anus). Once you have him securely bound. It's time to get started. Let's get one thing straight. He is NOT going to cum (if you can help it). At least not until you are ready to ride him to orgasm. Instead, he is going to be aroused to the point of exploding, but he will not be allowed to.