Thursday, September 22, 2011

To Lock Or Not To Lock?

There are a number of couples out there (not to mention men without a KH) who practice the honor system when it comes to chastity. The reasons vary greatly as to why they do not use a chastity device. While I believe that there certainly are times when the honor system may be better than using an actual device, I also believe that there are benefits to using a physical device that just cannot be realized otherwise. I know that's a pretty strong statement, but let me explain.

I believe that chastity can (should?), be used for several reasons. First and foremost is the fact that many men actually desire it. But beyond that, the benefits a couple may realize through the use of a device are not often apparent. For example, chastity can bring a couple closer together by allowing them to open up and become more communicative with each other. If done right, chastity can also improve their sex life, their respect for each other, and even reinforce their roles as husband/father and wife/mother. Many times, I have heard from readers who say their husbands have become better role models to their children. I can understand this. After all, he should be demonstrating more respect for his wife while she is showing her children a more self-assured, even self-reliant, woman.

Now I am not saying that you cannot achieve all these things without chastity, many do. But chastity (especially when a device is used at least part time) can facilitate, and often speed up, the realization of these benefits.

I recently received a letter from a man who says he and his wife have been practicing chastity utilizing the honor system. His problem was that after a number of weeks he loses interest (or desire) for sex altogether. As it turned out, his wife has not been teasing him during times of abstinence. While there may be many causes of his lack of interest after a time, it is my opinion that were his wife to tease him on a regular basis, his interest would not decrease.

I have been touting the benefits of teasing (both psychological and physical) for almost a year now. I have received an overwhelming number of letters from those who agree. However, I know that many of you ladies out there do NOT practice teasing your chaste partner with any regularity. There is so much more to it than just physical teasing. I don't know how many times I have said that the most important (not to mention easiest) way to arouse a man is through his libido! His mind can not only arouse him, but it can (under the right circumstances) even produce ejaculation without ANY physical contact at all. It's rare, but it does happen.

The incorporation of a chastity device serves as a constant reminder that there is someone who cares about his sexual activity. But in order to strengthen that impression, teasing on a regular basis (at least several times a week) is what makes it all work. Psychological teasing should be done on a daily basis, even several times per day. Physical teasing should also be done at least two or three times per week if possible.

Without a physical chastity device (the honor system) however, allows for the possibility of unintended, often unwanted, even involuntary, ejaculations to occur. Even an improperly fitted chastity device can allow unintended ejaculation from time to time. Of course, often, a set of “spikes” can help prevent unwanted ejaculation in an improperly fitted device.

So when faced with the question of using a device or the honor system, I would choose a device every time, just for practical reasons. Of course, there are times when it's not practical to wear a chastity device (and those vary widely with the individuals involved), so the honor system must be used during these times. But over all, I think it's better to rely on three basic rules: 1) Use a device when possible; 2) Psychologically tease him several times a day; and 3) Physically tease him several times a week. Doing these three things can produce a happy, healthy, relationship that will facilitate communication and harmony as well as cooperation and attentiveness. With the proper balance of these things you have the tools with which to create the perfect relationship even if you can't (or don't) use the device at all times.

Mistress Ivey

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