Step Three

If you have done the first two steps exactly as I have explained them, then you should be ready for Step Three. I want you to gather together the following items:

• Something you can use as a blindfold. A bandanna, a scarf, or even a sleep-mask. Anything that you can secure over his eyes so he won't be able to see anything you are getting ready to do to him.
• A couple of toothpicks
• Some type of mentholated cream or ointment. IcyHot works well and so does any muscle-ache relief cream such as Bengay or even Tiger Balm.
• A few wooden clothespins (3-4 will do).
• Something that vibrates.
• Some kind of lubrication (oil or cream)

Once you have all these items, put everything except the blindfold in a small bag. An old purse works just fine. We don't want him seeing the other items until you are done with him. Getting him to wear a blindfold for some sexual fun shouldn't be difficult.

Step Two

Okay, so your husband gave you a few well deserved massages. I hope there were at least one or two of those that you did not return the favor. You can make up any excuse you like, but I would stay away from the “I'm sick” excuse. Let's look at where you can go from here...

What I recommend is treating your husband to a long, relaxing tease session. You should start with a message, much like the ones he has been giving to you. Make it long and slow. However, unlike him, I want you to include his genitals. Remember, long and slow.

Once you have massaged his back (and buttocks), turn him over and apply some nice soothing oil (or body lotion) to his chest and legs. DO NOT touch his genitals until you have finished with the rest of his body!

Starting Out

For most of you, this is all old stuff. That is, you may have already set up your Female Lead Relationship, or taken charge of your sex-lives, or whatever it is you needed to do to get where you are today, relationship-wise. But for those of you who have been sitting on the fence, or trying to figure out where to get the inner strength to take charge, this may be what you have been waiting for.

Let's start at the beginning... Maybe your hubby has been after you to take charge. Maybe he has pushed one or more of my books under your nose in an attempt to get you to read them. Maybe you have even read one or two, but still haven't convinced yourself that you can actually do it. Well, you won't have to wait after reading this post.

Whether or not your husband has been after you to take the lead in one way or another, let me give you some tips in which you can approach this that fits in with your idea of how things should be. You don't have to live up to some Internet-driven image of what a real Mistress is. You don't even have to try and please your husband by doing what he wants. Instead, try doing a few things that YOU want to do.

My Next Book

I am posting this since I need YOUR help in writing my next book. It is going to be a book about what different women do to sexually tease their partners. I want to hear from those of you who have found a special way of teasing or denying your partner. I want to know what works for you and, perhaps, how you found that particular method.

My next book will contain information gathered from you, the people out there practicing sexual control over their partner. Do you use chastity? If so, how did you get your partner to wear a chastity device? Was the idea yours or his? Does your wife have a special way of teasing you that drives you insane? What does she make you do in order to earn an orgasm?

Do you use some special milking technique? Or, perhaps you have found a very effective way of controlling when he gets to have an orgasm, and what type you allow him to have. I want to know what works for you. In what ways do you use humiliation? Punishment? Discipline? And do you use rewards?

This next book will be mostly written by those of you who are brave enough to write and tell me about it. Don't worry, your name, along with any other identifying information, will be changed to safeguard your identity. Please, take a few minutes to write me and let me know what works for you and your partner. More information may be obtained on this page. Or email your ideas to: iveys.book@gmail.com.

Thank you,

Mistress Ivey

Giving Thanks

Sitting on my bed this morning, as I often do, trying to decide whether to write a blog post or another chapter in my latest book, I wonder what my life would have been like if I had not met the man I now call husband.

My childhood was spent being beaten with belts, drop cords, and wire coat-hangers. I gave birth to my first child while his father was in prison and I lived on the streets. I gave him up for adoption, because I wanted a better life for him than I felt I could give him.

I took up with another man. Another child was born. The beatings continued.

Several years later, after moving in with that man, who would not marry me, but who had fathered my second child, the beatings changed. They were not eliminated, merely changed to fists. I thought this was not only my lot in life, but something I deserved. I didn't know why, but I must deserve it.

New Book

I know there are many women out there who suffer from one or more diseases that can cause major pain when having vaginal intercourse, I know this because I am a victim of just such a disease myself. I have long considered writing about it, but I really didn't what I, a sexual relationship writer, could say about it. But now, I realize just how many women suffer with one or more of these ailments that can make ruin a marriage or, at least, a sex-life.

I have had Interstitial Cystitis (IC) since 2003. I refused to become a victim of IC nor to allow it to ruin my family or my marriage simply because I could no longer withstand the pain of vaginal intercourse. If you suffer from any ailment that makes vaginal intercourse painful for you, you need this book.

I have spent years studying the sexual relationships of many different people. What I have learned about human sexual relationships is that vaginal intercourse is NOT the only way to have a happy, satisfying, sexual relationship with your partner.

I understand and have overcome the guilt feelings I first had even before I learned about my disease. I was unable to withstand the pain of vaginal intercourse and I felt guilty that I had to deny my husband the sexual pleasures he deserved. It almost ruined my marriage, but I refused to allow that.

Now, I am passing my knowledge on to you, whoever you may be, because there is no reason for you not to have a happy, loving, satisfying, sexual relationship with your partner. No longer will you have to feel guilty about your sexual relationship or the fact that you can no longer have vaginal intercourse. You owe it to yourself and your family to read this book.

You can pre-order this eBook NOW for only $2.99us at your favorite eBook store and it will be delivered to you on January 1^st, 2018. Or you can order the paperback version for only $6.95us from Amazon NOW!

Don't wait until it is released!

On January 1, 2018 the price goes up!

So reserve your copy NOW!

Mistress Ivey

More on Milking

Last time, we discussed some of the reasons for milking your partner's prostate, and why you should NOT pay any attention to what the Internet says you should do. It's time we got down to business. Let's discuss the mechanics of prostate milking, just for the record, and to make sure you are doing it right.

If you look at the photo on the right, you will see what you have to do. Your finger may need to be a little further in than the photo would make you believe, but you don't want to push it in too far, either. You should be able to feel his prostate. If it is enlarged, a common malady in older men, barring any serious health issues, it makes no real difference. All you need to do is to rub your finger up and down the prostate to stimulate semen flow.

There are number of positions that you might want to use. If you can place him on his knees with his head down, this is probably the easiest method. Doctors often do it with the patient standing, slightly bent over at the waist. Use whatever position is easiest for you. Be especially careful not to push your finger(s) in too far. Although this still might work, you will most likely be pressing behind the prostate instead of directly on it.

The Truth About PM

No, I am NOT talking about time here. I am talking about “Prostate Milking.” I have recently done a little research into what the Internet presents as “normal” prostate milking. It's all wrong! Pay no attention to most of what you see, hear, or read about milking a prostate on the Internet.

Let's begin with what NOT to expect. Don't expect him to shoot gobs and gobs of semen like he does when he has a normal orgasm. If you see that happen, he HAS had a normal orgasm. He will not yell “woopie” or anything else. It just doesn't happen. In fact, he probably won't even get hard, though that is possible.

Here is what you should expect. When you are massaging his prostate correctly, you should see a few drops of semen, not a whole load by any means. By a few, I mean three to five drops is normal. If you keep massaging the prostate, he may continue to leak a few drops from time to time. The longer you do it, the more you will collect. Just don't expect a lot. Of course, there are always exceptions to this rule. You may get a larger amount, just don't expect it.

A Cross-over Post

Below is a copy of a comment made concerning pegging and prostate milking. I wanted to share it with everyone and I will discuss it after you read it...

“When we married, I thought my husband was a manly man; he certainly acted that way when we were dating. I began seeing a definite submissive side to his personality after a few months of being married.

I explored his willingness for anal play by first lightly fingering his bottom when I was sucking on him; his responses signaled his interest so I moved to lubricated finger full insertion and prostrate pressure.

He actually initiated anal stimulation during foreplay and intercourse by moving my hand to his bottom. Based on that, I got more explicit with him by teasing him with (a) medium diameter candle; his eyes told me he wanted it. Next step was a small butt plug that didn't look too threatening.

It didn't take too much work for me to get him working with me to do rhythmic Kegels with it in that added immensely to his pleasure. A few weeks of that and I thought he'd be eager or at least willing to try something more radical. But it took some coaxing.

More on Tasks

There are a large number of men (I don't know about women) out there who don't have anyone to give them orders, or to tell them what to do and when or how to do it. These men want some kind of sexual release (or tease and denial) in order to relieve their sexual frustrations. I finally found them a solution...

There is a website called SexScripts that does just that. No, you won't find any Mistresses or Masters to tell you what to do, but you will find many games you can play that will take care of all those pesky sexual urges you have.

SexScripts has a program that you can download and simply run any of the hundreds of programs (scripts) that are listed on their website. These scripts are written by people just like you and me. People who know what tease and denial is all about. Want chastity? There are scripts for that. Want to be controlled by a Master or Mistress? There are scripts for that. Want to play a game online with other people (live) where you have to strip or even perform tasks while other players watch you? There are scripts for that, too!

About Tasks

I get a great number of questions from women who want to know what kind of tasks they should be giving to their partner. It has always been my opinion that you should create your own list of tasks. I have said this in my books and on this blog before, but I have also given several ideas.

First of all, you need to know your partner's likes and dislikes. What turns him on about being controlled by you? Does he enjoy being humiliated? Is he into voyeurism? Exhibitionism? Does he enjoy being punished for failures? What are his fantasies about? If you can't answer these simple questions, you are probably NOT giving him the kinds of tasks he would most enjoy.

First of all, I like to think there are three basic areas that all tasks can be lumped into. The first are tasks that come from everyday life. Things that you need done. Chores! The other two areas are “sexual” tasks and “humiliation” tasks. Of course, both of these last two can be broken down into many sub categories, but that is where you come in.

More Anal Fun

I have always said that you should be having fun (sexually speaking), especially if you have a male partner in chastity. So here is how I often do it...

I recently purchased a glass dildo from a company called 'PipeDreams.' They have created a whole line of glass dildos called 'Icicles'. The particular one I bought was #5 (pictured here). I tried it out on myself first, but the real fun came when I tried it out on my slave, nemo.

We had the house to ourselves and I bound him bent over the kitchen table. His arms were bound to the legs at the far end of the table and his ankles were bound to the legs at his end. Feeling that I had him securely bound, I put the Icicle in my favorite strap-on harness and proceeded to lube his anus.

Before I even attempted to enter him, I showed nemo what I intended to use. He was a little bit apprehensive, but then, he usually is whenever I don my strap-on harness. After applying some lubrication to the dildo, I pressed the tip against his tight little hole. Taking hold of his hips, I began pressing the forward firmly. Of course, all the while I was reassuring nemo that this would not hurt him. (If he relaxes enough, it won't.) I have to admit, when I used it myself, it felt really great.

More on Pegging

This is memo. I am writing this to give you more of a male perspective to pegging. Guys, if you think you would enjoy being pegged by your partner (or someone else), and they don't know it, you need get on the ball and talk with them. I know that many of you are terrified to bring up the subject for fear that you will be scorned, laughed at, or told you are just too perverted. But if don't ever bring it up, you will always long for something you may NEVER get. That's not fun.

The trick is to find a way to bring it up with least amount of risk. So, I suggest sitting down to talk about what you both like and don't like. Tastes change, so doing this periodically is always a good idea. If you enjoy any kind of anal play from wearing a butt-plug to prostate milking, then pegging is not that much different. So bring up the subject during one of your discussions and hopefully, you will get your wish.

To Peg or Not to Peg?

I haven't really written much on this subject. Even in my books I didn't go into great depth. So, here is a little information to help get you started, if this is something you think you might enjoy.

First of all, let me be clear for those who might not be aware of it. “Pegging,” as it is often called, is the act of using a strap-on dildo in order to have anal sex with your partner. This is not something that appeals to everyone, but I have been surprised at how many men actually want their wives to engage in this type of activity.

I will not get into the psychological aspects of pegging or what it might represent to certain people. I have found that the reasons men have for enjoying it vary greatly. Women also enjoy in engaging in pegging for a wide variety of reasons. But the best reason I can think of for doing it is that it can be fun for both parties.

Warning: Anal sex of any kind can be painful! Especially at first. Once a man gets used to doing it though, the pain will ease and his enjoyment will increase. 

More on Fantasies

So, Ladies... If you have been paying attention, and if you take a look at the two polls in the right-hand column, you should realize that your partner most likely fantasizes about many different things. Some, he hopes you will make come true, but others he just wants you to talk about doing.

My point here is (and I will leave the polls up for another week), if you take a close look at what these two polls indicate, you should be able to guess where your partner is in these polls. If you can't, then you can always have him take the polls again, just for you. Don't worry, he will answer the questions, if you will but ask them.

Most men, I have found, want their limits to be pushed, at least a little. You can use his fantasies to push those limits if you like. All you have to do, when you are sexually teasing him, is to mention that you have been wanting to do something special. Something on his fantasy list. You don't have to actually do it. Just talk as if you might. Tell him how much fun you think it would be to do it. Tell him exactly how you would do it.

Would you make make him dress up as a woman and take you to a coffee shop? Perhaps you might mention that one of your girlfriends knows about his submissive side and wants to see it for herself. So you thought you would invite her over so she can see just how obedient he is.

And for those things on his “Reality” list, well, if any of them appeal to you, why not make a few of them come true for him. It isn't a great deal of work for you. All you have to do is tell him you want him to do whatever it is. He should, albeit reluctantly, obey you. After all, that is what he wants to do. He longs to be told exactly what to do. It is all a part of the teasing that you do for him.

So, Ladies, in the future, remember to push his limits and tease him with fantasy, and a splash of reality every once in a while. It will liven up both your lives and possibly make this “being in charge” more fun for you.

Mistress Ivey

Reality-v-Fantasy

I have always been curious about something. What challenges would men most like to have become reality and which would they prefer to keep only as fantasies?

Everywhere you look on the Internet, you see photos and stories about submissive (or chastised) men being subjected to all sorts of humiliating situations. I mean, you see it all the time in captioned photos, erotic stories are filled with humiliating situations such as, being naked or dressed as a French maid at a party full of women (and or men). Men being forced to commit homosexual acts, and even men being exposed in pubic.

I know how my own husband feels about most of these situations. After all, he loves humiliation of this kind. But what do YOU think about them. Do you only fantasize about be bound to a chair while watching your wife have wild sex with another man? Or is that something you would love to actually do? Would you want to be “forced” into joining in, maybe sucking his cock? Or would you prefer to suck this cum out of your wife's vagina?

Maybe, to you, simply having your wife (or Mistress) sit on the couch and instruct you how to masturbate for her is a only a fantasy. But would you like it to be real? Or would that be too much for you?

Teasing Methods (pt-5)

So, by now you have a pretty good grasp of what Tease & Denial is all about. But there's more. Lots more, actually. However, this is the last in my “Teasing Methods” series. Here are a few ideas of things you can have him do when you want to be doing something else. That is, when you don't want to be bothered. Basically, these are things you can make him do by himself, so you don't have to.

So you are sitting at home, ready to watch your favorite TV show, or maybe a movie you have been waiting to see. In pops your partner wanting you to do something to tease him. Tell him to watch a porn video that will last until your show is over. Be sure you tell him NOT to ejaculate. Better yet, put him in chastity, at least for the time being. That way, you can be sure he won't have any unauthorized ejaculations.

You could try making him drop his pants right there in front of you. Have him masturbate while you watch your show. Or, if you are not that interested in the show, direct him. Tell him when to speed up and when to slow down, just to avoid that unwanted ejaculation. Yes, it requires a bit more involvement, but again, you don't have to direct him.

Teasing Methods (pt-4)

Okay, we have talked about many types of teasing so far, but we have not touched on what you can do when the two of you are not in the same room. In other words, while he is away. So let's do that now.

There will be plenty of opportunities to use the teases in this post. You don't have to send him to some far away place and make him spend several nights in a hotel room, just to do these little teases. In fact, you can use these while he is at work, or running errands for you, or anytime he is not physically with you. He could simply be in another room, for that matter.

Try sending him some sexy photos. It works best if he has a computer with him, but you can simply send them to his cell phone if you want. Have him make a special album (or folder if he is using his computer) to place all the photos you send him into. That way, he can always find them and there is less chance of someone else seeing them by accident.

These photos don't have to be of you. If you prefer not to open yourself up to that sort of thing, you can always send photos you find on the Internet. Use your favorite search engine and type in anything that will provide photos of whatever you want. You can get any kind, even animals mating, if that's what turns him on. Just a few of these photos along with your words of encouragement, can go a long way toward getting him all “hot and bothered.”

You can also send him some sexy texts. Tell him what you would like to do to him the next time you get him alone. This is also a good way to find out what really turns him on. He probably has fantasies of a nature he has been reluctant to tell you about. So try lots of different subjects to see how he reacts to them. Maybe he loves the idea of you dripping candle wax on his body. Or maybe he finds the thought of you being dressed in a skimpy pair of jean-shorts to be something that gets his penis all in an up-roar.

You can also have him perform tasks for you while he is away. Send him out to purchase a pair of ladies panties, a size that will fit him. Or maybe you would prefer to make buy some type of lingerie for you. The humiliation of going to a boutique to by sexy things for you can be a real thrill for him as well, and for you.

Maybe you send him to work with a small tube of lubricant and a butt-plug. Have him insert it while he is at work, or out shopping. Tell him to take a photo of the plug in place before he gets home. This type of humiliation is a common turn-on for many men. Maybe you can have him send you a photo of his hard penis while he is out of the house.

You send him a text link to a sexy story online with orders to read it before he leaves the office, or at least, before he gets home. If he is out shopping, have him read it on his phone before he is allowed back in the house.

Using a little imagination, you can come up with a myriad of thins he can do for you that will at least turn him on, if not yourself. Have as much fun with it as you can. It's the little things you have him do that can make all the difference in how much he relies on you for sexual stimulation. And that is what you want.

Mistress Ivey

Teasing Methods (pt-3)

So far, we have covered a lot of ground. But there is a lot more to go, so pay attention! Here in part-3, I will give you some more basic ideas on how to get your guy on edge and keep him there.

Again, at least his hands should be bound so he cannot interfere with what you are doing. And, of course, a blindfold will help. It not only gets his imagination working over-time, but it also means you can wear that old pair of ratty jeans you are so comfortable wearing. After all, if he can't see you, what does it matter what you are wearing? He can imagine anything you tell him.

This time, try using a vibrator. It doesn't really make a great deal difference what type it is, but having a couple different ones on hand is a good idea. At least one should be of the “wand” style. You know, something that has to be plugged in or, at least, charged. You can find this type at most pharmacys and ANY sex shop. A small battery powered one is also a plus.

You can use a vibrator just about anywhere on his body. Try it on his penis, balls, anus, nipples, neck... you name it! Any of his erogenous zones should get a charge out of it. Tickling him with it can be a great deal of fun as well. Don't forget the bottoms of his feet.

Speaking of things that vibrate... Purchasing a small vibrating butt-plug is also a good idea. There are a number of uses for an item like that. Insert one. Turn it on. Then go ahead and tease whatever else you want to tease. It only adds to his pleasure (or should I say, torment?).

Have you ever tried a masturbation aid? There are many such items on the market. Some, like the “Fleshlight” can get quite expensive, but there are many cheaper items that work just as well. You can check them out here if you like. However, if you don't want him to ejaculate, I recommend using a desensitizing cream on his penis first. Otherwise, you are liable to ruin all your fun when you were just getting started.

I don't know about the rest of you, but sometimes I hate getting all that lubrication on my hands. But I found a great solution to that problem! Rubber gloves! Now, you are probably thinking about those Nitrile gloves like the hospitals use. No, no, no! What you want are dish-washing gloves. You can obtain them just about anywhere. They have raised ridges, bumps, or even a grid pattern that helps you pickup those slippery dishes. Well, those grippers can work wonders on the male body, especially the penis! And you can always make him clean them up when you are done.

Finally, try using a penis extender. You can obtain them wherever you buy your sex toys. If want to look at a few, here is a link to some for you. You might still want to use some desensitizing cream on his penis, but don't worry, he will stay hard while you ride him to as many orgasms as you want. And, of course, you can always make him wait until next time for his orgasm.

Mistress Ivey

Teasing Methods (pt-2)

Okay, we have discussed how to handle that “quick-shooter” and how to use some of those other erogenous zones he has. If you did your homework, you should also know that stopping direct stimulation BEFORE he can ejaculate, is a very good method of extending his pleasure (and yours, if you are really having fun).

Now that you have spent some time “not touching” his genitals, and he is probably begging you to do so, let’s see what else we can do to frustrate him. Try using something like a feather. Ostrich feathers are especially good for this. Use it just like you did your hands, except that now, it’s okay to stroke the feather across, up, down and along the length of his penis and balls. Don’t worry, it won’t be enough stimulation to bring him to the edge.

The next option is to give him five or six VERY SLOW strokes with your hand. If you want to use lubrication for this, so much the better, but it’s not necessary. When I say “slow,” I mean really slow! It should take you at least four, maybe five seconds to complete one full stroke up and back down. Again, the point is to keep him from getting close to an ejaculation. Ejaculation is the enemy, here. Repeat stroking his penis this way stopping for thirty seconds after every five or six strokes.

Talk to him. If he normally ejaculates easily, talk about your day. What did you do, where did you go? The idea is to distract him from what you are doing. If he is one of those who can hold back when he wants to, talk about how much fun you are having doing all this to him. Talk about how much you love making him beg for it.

Or… You could try using a toothpick or a small kabob skewer (get them at your local grocery store) and poke his skin in all those erogenous places, including his penis and balls, even the space between his legs, behind his balls. Don’t poke him hard enough to cause real pain, just enough to keep him aroused. 

One final tease you might like to try. Again, this works great for that quick-shooter. Buy some desensitizing cream or basic Ora-gel (both available at your local pharmacy) and apply a liberal amount to his entire penis. That should slow him down a bit. If you're lucky your arm will tire before he gets close to ejaculating.

Of course, you may use any one of these during a Tease & Denial session, or all of them, if you like. I find that mixing them up, using different methods for each session, keeps things more interesting. After all, you don’t want things to get monotonous. What good would that do?

Until next week, practice.

Mistress Ivey

Teasing Methods

I get a lot of questions about teasing. Sexual teasing, that is. You know, Tease and Denial, T&D, sexual torment. Things of that nature. Well, there are literally thousands of ways to sexually tease a man, but here are some of my favorites. PLEASE, send me any methods you use that you are willing to share. I love learning what other people do with their partners when it is time to get them all worked up. And, I have never stopped learning.

Before I start, let me remind you, binding your partner's hands (and adding a blindfold) is something I highly recommend. After all, you really don't want him reaching down and finishing himself off, after you have spent all that time getting him on edge. It ruins all your hard work and leaves him sexually uninterested for the next few days, making him totally unmanageable. The blindfold just adds to his excitement and makes him use his imagination a great deal more.

Let's start by giving you some tips for that “quick-shooter” if you have one. If you can't touch his penis for more than a few seconds before he spurts it all away, don't. Don't touch his penis then. You can get him all worked up and aroused, simply by running your hands, or just your fingertips, over most of his body. He has other erogenous zones. Use them, instead. I often prefer to start this way anyway. It arouses him enough to get his penis standing as strait and tall as it ever will (without a penis pump) so that, by the time I am ready to touch it, he is begging me to do it.

If you have never watched a T&D video on the Internet (yes, I am talking about porn), you really should take some time to watch a few. X-Hamster, Pornhub, and XVideo, are just a few.

Try doing a search with your favorite search engine (Bing, Google, Yahoo) for tease and denial videos. Most SE's will simply post the videos right there for you.

If you go to one of these video sites, the first thing you will notice is that most of the videos only last a few minutes. Most are shorter than fifteen minutes. But if you really want to get your man excited, watch some of the longer ones, say, over twenty minutes long. This will give you a better idea of how these woman can make their partner's erection last so long without exploding and ruining all your fun.

Take your time! After all, if you have the right attitude, it can be great fun for you as well. You want him to last as long as you can make it last. It's called “Denial” for a reason. Don't allow him to ejaculate before you finish. Making him wait until (maybe) next time, will make him much easier to handle when you want him to do chores and such.

I will give you more details in upcoming posts. In the mean time, do your homework.

Mistress Ivey

Soft FLR

I get a great number of questions about keyholding and Female Led Relationships (FLR), but one question I never seem to get is, "What if I don't want to get into all that BDSM and corporal punishment stuff?"

The answer is simple. I mentioned this in my books, but most people probably missed it because it is such a small part of the whole scope of what an FLR is about. So in answer to the question, "Can we still have an FLR even though I don't totally subjugate my husband?" I give a resounding, "Of course you can." You can make your FLR as hard or as soft as you like. There is no reason, other than you both want it, to subjugate your partner. That is, if you would rather withhold sex for a couple of days, or have him wash the dishes for a week instead of taking a paddle to his bare bottom, it is perfectly okay. You set your own rules.

There are no rules, other than the ones you set for your own relationship. If you don't want to make him wear a chastity device, that's fine. No one says it is a requirement. If you would rather he handle the finances, or the grocery shopping, or even buying you flowers once a week, that's totally up to you. How you set up your FLR, the rules you set, the punishments you prefer to use, are all something that the two of you can work out together.

I encourage everyone who is new to the world of Female Led Relationships to sit down and make a contract, or agreement, as to exactly what is acceptable to the both of you. You may eventually throw it away as your relationship evolves and changes over a period of time. But if you start out by setting certain boundaries, and expectations, you have a good place to start and you each know exactly what is expected of you.

A "Soft" FLR is one in which there may be no physical punishments involved. However, I do strongly recommend that you include at least some tease and denial. It doesn't even have to be in your contract. But I think you will both be surprised at how much fun it can be. From the woman's side, there is nothing like working your guy up and edging him, then stopping at least long enough for him to catch his breath before doing it all over again! Men seem to love it as well.

Mistress Ivey