Chastity Works!

I recently received a letter from one of my readers (Karen) that reinforced my belief that male chastity works when applied properly. Although, it is my belief, that chastity is mostly a psychological thing. Especially since most of the chastity devices are so easily defeated. The weak point being the lock itself. After all, cutting the lock is not that difficult, and if the device is made of plastic, well you figure it out. Most men in chastity, whether an actual device is used or simply the honor system, want to be in chastity. Why else would so many beg their wives to lock them up?

The nice letter I received actually included some statistics concerning things like, behavior of her husband, communications, and her own ability to “open up” to her husband. I have been writing this blog for about a year now, and the one thing that I have tried to get across to my readers is that you can actually improve your relationship with your husband (partner) when you apply the things I teach. It's always nice to receive validation.

As I have always said, you don't need to be a leather-clad, whip-carrying, high-heeled “Bitch” in order to take control of your partner and improve your sex life as well as your relationship. As a female in charge of your relationship, if what you need is more intimacy, you can get it. No one says that every sexual encounter with your partner has to include any BDSM activities. If you want more closeness, more warm, loving cuddling, you can have it. And your partner will be more than willing to give it to you.

According to Karen (who kept excellent records), her husband is the most cooperative during the third and forth weeks of chastity than he is during the first two. In fact, she says he has never received ANY demerits during the forth week. Hmm. This only validates what I have said before, a man will NOT be particularly attentive or cooperative right after he has a full orgasm. In fact, according to Karen (who uses a demerit system), her husband receives 78% of his demerits during the first week after release. 93% during the first two weeks. That means that, in her case, a man takes some time to “recover” from an orgasm. Not exactly news to those of us who have experienced it.

Basically, what all this means is that chastity works. If you unlock your partner once a week and give him a full orgasm, you may never have the attention and the cooperation that those of us who keep him locked for a month or more experience. Check the poll I have been running for the last few days. Men want to be locked up for a significant length of time. They know, the longer they have to wait, the better they feel, and the more they will enjoy the release.

Now, what about communication between the two of you? Chastity can help you to pry your partner open. That is, he will be much more willing to share his innermost thoughts and desires when he is locked in chastity. As you may know, when your partner opens up to you, it makes it a great deal easier for you to open up to him (and, perhaps yourself). Opening up communication between you and your partner is always a good thing. It can rekindle the romance you once had. It can improve your day-to-day attitude towards each other.

If you, as a “normal” woman (or even house wife), approach male chastity with an open mind, you may be surprised at the results. If your man has been hinting (or pushing, prodding, or even begging) you to try it, I recommend you take him up on it. Give it a fair trial. Perhaps two or three months, with longer and longer periods of chastity. That way, you can see for yourself how well it works. Who knows, you might just enjoy teasing him.

So in conclusion, I say, lock him up, tease him often, and don't let him out too often. Once a month should do it... (If he's earned it.)

Mistress Ivey

Creative Punishments

Punishment and discipline is another area in which many women do not feel comfortable when it comes to male chastity or Female Led Relationships (FLR). Many of the women I have interviewed seem to have one common theme when it comes to getting over this discomfort. If you will recall, I have touted (over and over again) that the main thing in keeping your partner's interest is almost constant teasing. Without it, it won't take long before he will lose interest in tease and denial, not to mention chastity.

So why do I bring this up now? After all, this is a post about punishment and disciplines. Because, if you can make punishment as much fun as everything else you do (sexually speaking) then neither of you should lose interest. Let's be honest for a moment. As drab and uneventful as most of our lives can be, sex is the one area in which so many of us look for fun. So, when your sub (partner, chastity-boy, or what have you) misbehaves, why does it have to be any different?

Many women turn to sexual denial when confronted with coming up with an appropriate punishment for their subs. However, a longer period of denial may actually be a reward for some men. Don't try to understand it, just accept it. So if you really want to punish him, why not make it fun? At least, fun for you!

Here is one method of punishment that works for me, along with a few variations to keep things interesting. Whenever my sub gets caught 'playing' with himself, such as masturbating without permission, I apply one of the following tricks to get him back on track, as it were. Take some hand lotion such as Lubriderm or Jergen's (even lubrication will work). Place a healthy amount in his hand and have him begin to masturbate for you. Once he has a nice hard penis, tell him to stop and hold out his hand (the one with all the lotion on it). Add a little lotion if you like then sprinkle a some coffee grounds on his, somewhat sticky, hand. Make sure to get some on his fingers as well as his palm. Have him continue his masturbation until you are satisfied that he has learned his lesson.

One modification that I often use is to sit on the bed (or even a chair) with my legs spread wide. I order him to sit on the edge of the bed (or chair) between my legs. Then I reach around him taking his balls in my left hand (I happen to be right-handed) and his cock in my right. I will stroke him slowly until he is sufficiently hard before adding the lotion and the coffee grounds. Now I have control of him and his erection. I can go fast or slow. Use lots of pressure or very little. It all depends on how I feel at the moment. This position puts him right where I can whisper in his ear.

Remember? I said it many times, talking during sex is very important. So I tell him what he has done wrong and how I expect him to improve in the future. I may even talk about some other (future) punishment I may use if I don't see an improvement. Something that I know will turn him on just thinking about it. Do I allow him an orgasm during his punishment? Don't be silly. Of course not.

If your guy gets excited by a little humiliation, try making him masturbate kneeling in front of you while you stand over him giving him step-by-step instructions. I usually hold a riding crop or paddle and I ALWAYS remain dressed. What I wear may vary depending on whether I want to give him a little visual excitement or not.

Well, there you go. I will post more in the near future, but in the mean time, I would love to hear from you, my readers. Send me an email or post a comment telling me what kind of punishments you use or are used on you, as the case may be. I would love to hear your ideas so that I can share them with all my readers.

Mistress Ivey

What is CFNM

For those who are not aware, CFNM stands for Clothed Female Nude (or naked) Male. This begs the question of just how popular CFNM is. Well, there are numerous web sites dedicated to CFNM if that tells you anything. It must be fairly popular or there would not be that many web sites dedicated to it.

Having established that it is even remotely popular begs the question, “Are you playing with your partner while dressed?” It might surprise you to learn that many men (subs, slaves, chastity boys, etc.) actually love that sort of thing. On top of that, there are a number of them who never even thought about it. They haven't thought about it because their Mistress always plays with them wearing some sort of lingerie, fetish-wear or nothing at all.

The truth is, playing with a naked man while you are clothed can be a big turn-on for him, and possibly you, too. My slave loves to be played with either blindfolded or while I am fully dressed. It's a small thing that can cause a slight bit of humiliation. Think about it this way, being naked in a room full of naked people is not nearly as humiliating as being the only naked person in the room. I think we all know that. So it stands to reason that if he is naked and your are not, it will be slightly humiliating to him.

You should try it sometime. Maybe invite a few of your kinky friends over to enjoy his humiliation. He'll probably love you for it.

Mistress Ivey

The Doll

I have written about using humiliation as a way of sexually teasing your sub to heighten both his sexual excitement and your own pleasure. Of course, there are many ways of humiliating any man (sexually) but if you into using humiliation as a means of asserting your control, ow just because you both love it, you will want to find something that works for you both.

Every man is different (duh), so you need find out exactly what works best on yours. Here's a suggestion that will work on most men regardless of who they are. I once tried this on a sub (I no longer have) and really enjoyed the experience. Now, I can't swear that this will work for you, but it can be a great deal of fun finding out. This particular method is always best when done as a total surprise to him. Odds are, he will be totally humiliated and you will both get a great deal out of the experience.

Buy yourself an inflatable doll. You know the type, you have seen them in the adult stores, both online and real stores. They are often given as a joke at bachelor and bachelorette parties, birthday parties etc. Who knows, your guy may have actually used one before. Be sure to get a fairly inexpensive one. The reason for this is that you don't want it to look to realistic. After all, it will be more humiliating the cheaper it looks. Make sure it has all the best features. You know, “Greek” and “French” features as well as “natural Missionary” features (3 holes). Now you could spend upward of $700 for a a life-like pose-able doll, but I recommend you spend under $30 for something really humiliating.

Once you have your doll, you can do any number of things with it. Here are a few suggestions:

• Teach him to treat his “Mistress” right by sexually satisfying her while you watch. Make him use her mouth, her anus, and her “pussy” as per your instructions.
• Teach him to properly clean up after himself (orally).
• Take him and his doll to a group meeting and make him demonstrate different methods sexually pleasing her.
• Take a video of him performing with his doll and upload it to one of the many adult video sights on the web.

As you will probably learn, once you start searching for the “right” doll, there are also male dolls as well as transvestite dolls. You can use any of these depending what you want to teach your man or what kind of humiliation you wish to inflict upon him.

The fun you can have with this are unlimited. Use your imagination and see what kinds of things you can come up with. Don't forget to have fun with it. After all, that's whole point, isn't it? Send me an email or make a comment here once you have tried it and let me know how it went.

Mistress Ivey

Slow Edging

Click Photo to watch video

I have been a long time proponent of long, slow teasing of a man's cock. There is nothing that gives me more pleasure than to slowly, gently work a man's cock in my hands until he just can't stand any more. I'm not talking about a ten or fifteen minute session here. No, I am talking about a thirty, sixty or even ninety minute session. Something that your guy will be sure to remember for the rest of his life!

If you will take a look at this video, you see what I am talking about. While the video in question is only about thirteen minutes long, it could just as easily have been continued for as long as the woman wanted it to. But you will get the idea of how to do this if you pay attention to how she keeps her guy on the edge without allowing him an orgasm. Never mind that she eventually ruins his orgasm at the end. The important parts of the video take place long before the end.

If you watch closely, you see a number of times when she coaxes some pre-cum from her man's cock. Go ahead, watch the video and count the number times you can actually see this. I'll wait...

This video is an excellent example of how to keep your guy on the edge while teasing him to distraction. My only complaint is that she does not talk to him very much at all. In order to turn your guy on even more, try talking about one of his favorite fantasies. Pick on that he might actually want to come true and tell him how you are going to make that happen. Tell him who will be involved, when it might happen, give him as many details of his fantasy as you can to make him believe it. Trust me, he will be more excited than you can imagine.

Watch the video, then have fun with your guy. It will be worth the effort.

Mistress Ivey

Cuckold Caution

I have received several emails (while off-line) asking me about cuckolding. There seems to be, and rightfully so, a great deal of concern about the effects, or consequences, it might have on a relationship.

In general, cuckolding can be very destructive to a relationship. I'm not saying that it is (or will be) destructive to every relationship, but of all the activities centered around tease and denial, or male chastity, it has the greatest potential to destroy a relationship more than any other singe activity.

Many submissive men involved in male chastity have fantasies about their spouse (be it Mistress, girlfriend, or what have you) making love to another man while they are forced to watch, or even participate on various levels. Those fantasies can turn into nightmares when they become reality. For a small percentage of couples, cuckolding works, even enhances a relationship. However, in most cases, the green-eyed monster (jealousy) rears its ugly head and, before you know it, someone gets hurt.

So, your guy talked you into practicing in male chastity and some tease and denial. It has all been going so well (lots of fun for the both of you), until he told you that he wants to watch another man make love to you. Regardless of how you feel about it, he has just expressed his fantasy to be cuckolded. Once you get passed the initial shock, what do you do?

Here are a few things that can go wrong:

• He may love the idea, but become very jealous once his fantasy becomes reality.
• He may enjoy it for awhile, but grow angry when he sees you enjoying another man.
• He may withdraw with feelings of having been betrayed by the woman be loves.

Any of these things could ruin an otherwise wonderful relationship. So what can you do to satisfy his fantasies without destroying your relationship?

First of all, and I cannot emphasize this enough, take it SLOW! Don't rush right out and find a guy who is willing take part in your partner's fantasies. I suggest that you build his fantasies during teasing sessions. Tease him mentally by telling him you have been thinking about making his fantasies come true. Talk seriously about it with him. Not just once, but many times. Find out exactly what kind of cuckolding he would accept. That is, does he want to be forced to watch, maybe even participate, or would he want you to date other guys while he sits at home wondering what you are doing and with whom? An “out of sight” type of cuckolding may not seem as bad, but leaving everything to his imagination can end up being just as destructive. So proceed with caution.

If you have decided to go ahead and experiment with cuckolding, I suggest you fake it the first time or two. By that I mean, go out while he sits at home. Tell him you are going on a date with some other guy, but don't actually do it. Go to your mother's and pay her some attention for a change. (She will probably appreciate the visit.) When you return home, you can tell him what a wonderful time you had on your “date”. If he then decides he can't handle it, you can tell him the truth and even provide a witness to attest to the fact that you did not have sex with another man.

If he is okay with your story, then you can move on to the next level and actually go on a date. Of course, I would suggest you NOT have sex on this date either. You can simply have dinner or a few drinks, but you don't want to do anything that might damage your relationship. In other words, proceed slowly! Just because your partner seems okay with everything so far, does not mean that his negative feelings won't catch up with him after a few days (or even weeks).

I strongly recommend, no matter what type of cuckolding you are doing, that you be ready to quit cold turkey if anything goes wrong. It's always better to be prepared for the worst than push-on when things get rough.

In most cases, the chaste male is more likely to be better off keeping cuckolding fantasies as fantasy than reality. You can use his fantasies any time you tease and deny him. You can use them when you want him to behave, either as a threat or as a promise. Just be prepared for the worst if you decide to try it for real.

Mistress Ivey

Drinking His Own Cum

I've written several blogs about this subject, but I have had questions from readers who claim their partner is reluctant to drink their own cum after an orgasm. Well, Ladies, this is completely normal. It all goes back to those evil physiological and mental changes that occur when a man has a full (normal) ejaculation.

Believe me, this is the reality of how men work. Many men secretly want to drink their own cum. Some will admit it, especially if they are very aroused. It does not mean that they harbor the secret desire to experience homosexual activities. If they refuse to do it after having a full orgasm, it doesn't mean that they were lying about their desires. It only means that they are normal when it comes to after-orgasm desires.

If your man is one of those who lose the desire to taste their own ejaculate, then there are some things you can do about it. First of all, take a look at the poll my slave (nemo) put on his blog. At this point in time, the poll is still running, but as of this moment, the outcome is obvious: Men want to be “forced” to obey. Armed with this knowledge, you may be able to get him to comply with your order to drink his cum. Be aware, you may still be met with resistance. But, in most cases, persistence may just get you what you want.

If he is still too resistant for your taste, here is a method that is sure to work. Don't let him have a normal orgasm. Instead, ruin two or three orgasms in a row (it shouldn't take long) and then tell him to drink the result of this milking. Since he has not actually experienced a normal orgasm, his sexual arousal should still be in effect and he will be more willing to comply. I use a small medicine cup, the type you get free with many liquid, over the counter, medications, to collect the results of this type of milking. Then it is easy (and less messy) to get him to drink it.

The milking (through ruined orgasms) method works very well simply because his desire for sexual release (and attention) are still very high. He will be more willing to do what you want than when you allow him a full orgasm.

Mistress Ivey