Monday, December 8, 2014

What's in a Name?

Do you call yourself a Key Holder, a Mistress, a Femdom, a Dominant, a woman in charge, or something else? If you have a partner, significant other, man, guy, boyfriend, husband, or whatever, in chastity, does it make a difference to you what you call yourself? Does it matter what others call you? What is the difference between all these things, and does it matter? What do you call your partner? Do you call him sub, subbie, sub-boy, boy-toy, submissive, slave, or sweetheart? Again, does it really matter?

Isn't what really matters, the fact that your relationship works? Uh, it does work, doesn't it? Are you sure? Have you stepped out of your roles in order to have a frank (or George) talk about how satisfied you both are? Have you talked about doing more? Or even less? Have you discussed your teasing? Are you really doing enough, the way he really likes it? Or does none of that matter to you?

It may not really matter what you call yourself, or him, for that matter. But if you truly want your relationship to be successful, you must talk about it, especially if you are (or he is) new to it. Are you really doing enough to keep him happy, interested, and horny? Are you teasing him enough, the right way, or is he always wanting more? Are you getting enough of what you want? Are you, possibly, neglecting him because you don't have the libido he has, or because it doesn't matter to you?

I fully understand the dynamics of a Female Led Relationship, but it doesn't help if I am not doing it right. That is, if my partner is not happy for one reason or another, I am not doing something right. I have to swallow my pride (as a Mistress) and sit down to a serious, open discussion of what he likes and dislikes about the way I do things. Then I have to be able to take his criticism without getting angry, or feeling I have failed in some way.

Understanding your partner and his needs, is not always easy. The best way to do it is through open discussions. He must understand that whatever he tells you, you will not be hurt or upset or angry. You should have one of these conversations every few months (3-6?) just to make sure things have not changed.

And speaking of changes, people, and their desires can change as often you change your underwear. What seems good in fantasy, may not be so good in reality. But one thing remains constant in any male chastity relationship... Teasing. Whether you tease him daily, weekly, or once a month, you must use both physical AND psychological (mental) teasing. That is, you can fondle his cock all day and never get him hard if you are talking about the weather, the economy, your bills, or his mother. Let's face it, you need to tend to his mental needs as well as his physical needs.

So... What's in a name? No matter what kind of relationship you have, no matter what you call each other, or yourself, one thing remains constant... You MUST communicate if you want to be successful. That is, if you want to be happy as a couple.

Mistress Ivey

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