Staying Power

I have already talked about using numbing creams to keep your chastity boy from ejaculating when you want him inside you. But there are other ways of doing it. For example, you could spend months, or even years, training your boy to hold back while telling you each time he comes close so that you can stop (or pull off). But, as I said, that can take years of practice. Assuming you don't want to wait that long, I have a couple of other ideas you might like.

For example, you could run out to your local Ace Kink Center... uh, Hardware store and pick up a number of rubber O-rings to use as cock rings. Why buy more than one? Because you don't (yet) know which one will be the right size. I would recommend you purchase several sizes between 1-inch and 1 1/2-inch. Bigger or smaller if you need them. But I suspect one of these should work. They should come in 1/16th-inch increments so you can get the exact right size for your guy. Even if you buy five or six of them you'll probably spend less than a few dollars for the lot. You might even find an pack of assorted sizes for about $2.00us. So cost is not a factor here.

Here's what you do. Place one around the base of his cock only (NOT the cock and balls). If he is hard, it should be difficult to get it on. You can use lubrication to make it slip on a little easier, or you can roll it from the tip to the base. If you can catch his cock when it is flaccid (soft), you can get it on more easily. However, if you have chosen one that is too small, he will be in quite a bit of pain when he gets hard. You want a little pain, but not so much that he can't concentrate on the job at hand.

Here is a quote from a friend who wrote me about using O-rings:

“As far as the o-rings are concerned, there is a safety issue with just about everything we use on our slaves. Whether it's an o-ring on their cocks, a metal cock-ring, a whip or clamps. It really doesn't matter what it is, there can be problems. But I've found the rubber o-ring to be extremely safe, at least it can be cut off, the metal cock-rings can't. What a woman has to do is exactly what I told you. She has to find the proper size o-ring for his cock, firm but not tight while flaccid. Understanding that when he gets the erection the o-ring will be very tight and he will be in pain. But it will not harm him, and it will keep him rock hard for as long as you want. Expect him to claim his cock is about to be cut off by the o-ring, you know how they go on about CBT. Once he gets time to relax his cock will go down and you can easily remove it then. Just don't let him get you thinking it's unbearable and impossible to endure. After they get use to wearing the o-ring it will still be painful but it does get better for them, just a bit. We've been using o-rings for a while now and have found other uses for them as well.”

Using a rubber cock ring such as this can keep him hard for quite awhile, especially if you are bouncing up and down on him. He should be able to last quite a bit longer if you used the right size. If he still comes too soon, you may need a smaller O-ring. Be careful! Using a too small O-ring can cause him a great deal of pain and, if left in place too long, it can cause damage to the very thing you are trying to have fun with.

There is one other solution. You could try any of a number of Adjustable cock rings available for around $4.00us. One advantage to an adjustable cock ring is that it can be loosened and removed much more quickly than the aforementioned O-rings. You can practice adjusting the amount of pressure this type of cock ring puts on your guy's cock until you get it just right, all without having to remove it.

Some facts you should know about cock rings:

• The results vary from person to person, so it may not work for you.
• They can temporarily create more sensitive, intense and hard erections.
• They can help to delay ejaculation.
• They may temporarily make his cock larger (but it's only temporary).

Any of these solutions can be used by themselves or with the addition of a Desensitizing lube. The combination should prove to be quite effective!

Mistress Ivey

To Lock Or Not To Lock?

There are a number of couples out there (not to mention men without a KH) who practice the honor system when it comes to chastity. The reasons vary greatly as to why they do not use a chastity device. While I believe that there certainly are times when the honor system may be better than using an actual device, I also believe that there are benefits to using a physical device that just cannot be realized otherwise. I know that's a pretty strong statement, but let me explain.

I believe that chastity can (should?), be used for several reasons. First and foremost is the fact that many men actually desire it. But beyond that, the benefits a couple may realize through the use of a device are not often apparent. For example, chastity can bring a couple closer together by allowing them to open up and become more communicative with each other. If done right, chastity can also improve their sex life, their respect for each other, and even reinforce their roles as husband/father and wife/mother. Many times, I have heard from readers who say their husbands have become better role models to their children. I can understand this. After all, he should be demonstrating more respect for his wife while she is showing her children a more self-assured, even self-reliant, woman.

Now I am not saying that you cannot achieve all these things without chastity, many do. But chastity (especially when a device is used at least part time) can facilitate, and often speed up, the realization of these benefits.

I recently received a letter from a man who says he and his wife have been practicing chastity utilizing the honor system. His problem was that after a number of weeks he loses interest (or desire) for sex altogether. As it turned out, his wife has not been teasing him during times of abstinence. While there may be many causes of his lack of interest after a time, it is my opinion that were his wife to tease him on a regular basis, his interest would not decrease.

I have been touting the benefits of teasing (both psychological and physical) for almost a year now. I have received an overwhelming number of letters from those who agree. However, I know that many of you ladies out there do NOT practice teasing your chaste partner with any regularity. There is so much more to it than just physical teasing. I don't know how many times I have said that the most important (not to mention easiest) way to arouse a man is through his libido! His mind can not only arouse him, but it can (under the right circumstances) even produce ejaculation without ANY physical contact at all. It's rare, but it does happen.

The incorporation of a chastity device serves as a constant reminder that there is someone who cares about his sexual activity. But in order to strengthen that impression, teasing on a regular basis (at least several times a week) is what makes it all work. Psychological teasing should be done on a daily basis, even several times per day. Physical teasing should also be done at least two or three times per week if possible.

Without a physical chastity device (the honor system) however, allows for the possibility of unintended, often unwanted, even involuntary, ejaculations to occur. Even an improperly fitted chastity device can allow unintended ejaculation from time to time. Of course, often, a set of “spikes” can help prevent unwanted ejaculation in an improperly fitted device.

So when faced with the question of using a device or the honor system, I would choose a device every time, just for practical reasons. Of course, there are times when it's not practical to wear a chastity device (and those vary widely with the individuals involved), so the honor system must be used during these times. But over all, I think it's better to rely on three basic rules: 1) Use a device when possible; 2) Psychologically tease him several times a day; and 3) Physically tease him several times a week. Doing these three things can produce a happy, healthy, relationship that will facilitate communication and harmony as well as cooperation and attentiveness. With the proper balance of these things you have the tools with which to create the perfect relationship even if you can't (or don't) use the device at all times.

Mistress Ivey

Penetration Without Ejaculation - Update

Back in April I wrote a blog post about having intercourse without allowing your partner to ejaculate. Well, I am posting this update by popular demand. Yes, it really does work!

Even though there is a link in the aforementioned post, I will give it to you again. The product I used to desensitize nemo's cock is called Boy-Butter Extreme Desensitizing Lubricant. You can also get it here. Though I am sure there are other products that will adequately numb a cock for penetration, this is the best one I have tried, and I have tried many.

In this particular session, I began by securing nemo to a dining room chair. You know the type, straight back and nice and sturdy. I bound his wrists to the uprights at the back of the seat and his ankles to the bottom of the front legs. This allowed him to scoot his bottom to the front edge of the seat giving me easy access to everything I wanted.

First, I sat on the floor between his legs and fondled his balls while asking him if he would like to have an orgasm. I teased him by saying that I intended to give him the chance to have one (if he could). Once I had his cock nice and hard, ready for anything, I began applying the Boy-Butter to his entire cock (head and all). I wore a rubber glove because I didn't want my hand to go numb in the process.

I stroked it slowly and gently for about five minutes making sure he was completely numb. Then I used a damp (not dripping) washcloth to clean all the Boy-Butter off. After all, I don't want it to numb me, I want to feel him inside me and not go numb in the process. Once I was sure his cock was free of all numbing agent, the fun began.

At first, I backed up to the chair, teasing him with my bottom. I guess you could say I was more or less performing a lap-dance for him. I taunted him asking him if he wanted to touch me ass. With my legs between his, I slowly lowered myself down onto his erect cock. (Yes, I was pretty wet by this time.) At first I just sat there taunting him about what he could (or couldn't feel). I found the position to be a bit awkward at first, but I found that placing my hands high up on his thighs I was able to get up a pretty good rhythm.

I continued that for a few minutes, but what I really wanted to do was to see his face as I took my pleasure from him. So I stood up and turned to face him. I straddled him and, after allowing him to suckle each of my breasts for a moment, I lowered myself down onto his lap inserting his cock fully into me. In this position he could reach my breasts with his mouth (when I allowed it) and I could set up a very nice rhythm that I knew would bring me to the brink of orgasm quickly.

I continued moving up and down on his hard shaft until my first orgasm washed over me (the first is always the best). I stopped for a moment allowing him to suck my breasts while I recovered from that first orgasm. I also pinched his nipples while I had the chance. It turns him on and I love doing it. When I felt rested, I continued fucking him. I had a total of eight orgasms this time, three more than the last time. And I was becoming exhausted.

When I climbed off of him, he asked when he was going to get to cum. I just laughed and told him that he had his chance and that maybe I would give him another opportunity to ejaculate next week. He was very disappointed, but understood that this was all about my pleasure, and not his.

I highly recommend that you try this. It really works for those times when you need to feel a real cock inside you, but still don't want to give your partner an orgasm. I don't know exactly how long the numbing lasts. Since it wears off gradually, nemo could not give me an accurate time either. But I can say that it lasts more than a few minutes, because it takes me awhile to cum that many times. I don't allow myself to have multiple orgasms. That would tire me out too fast.

Here is that link again for those of you who are interested. I am sure you can find this stuff at any online store or maybe even your local adult toy store, but this place uses three different suppliers and always gives you the lowest price.

http://www.mistressiveystoys.com/Boy-Butter-Extreme-Desensitizing-3-oz-Tub-TSA-Approved/sku-CNVBBL-BBX3?a=mi92111

Mistress Ivey

Tease, Tease and Tease Some More

While I am on the subject, I want to talk a little more about teasing. Too many women agree to lock their partner in chastity and all too quickly forget about him. What I mean is, she enjoys all the little things he does for her, the attention he pays her, the chores he does without complaining, and even the orgasms he so willingly to gives her (after two or three weeks in chastity).

Shame on the woman who basically ignores her charge after locking him up. My point is, being a Mistress (or a KH) requires a great deal of work on her part. If you choose to ignore his needs after locking the chastity device in place, then things will quickly return to what they used to be. Him, always wanting sex, while she tires of his constant begging and pleading with her for more sex. Is that what you were expecting from chastity?

I hope not. You were hoping to make your relationship better, more fulfilling. Perhaps you wanted to get to know each other better. But if you don't give him the attention that you, very probably, expect from him, he will lose interest very fast. Yes, chastity works, as I have said before. But it is a two-way street. You only get as good as you give.

So what should you be doing? I mean, you don't want to give him an orgasm every week. But you also want him to be happy so that he will want to continue with this lifestyle. After all, when you first started out it worked very well. I have said it before and I will continue saying it until every woman whose partner is locked in chastity gets it, “Tease Him”! Be merciless! He wants to be teased. He wants to be denied. He wants YOU!

If you don't know his deepest, darkest fantasies, how in God's name do you expect to get him as aroused as he can possibly get without allowing him an orgasm? Let's say your partner's fantasy (whether he would want it to come true or not) involves being forced to suck another man's cock. What you do the next time you find yourself in bed with him (both of you naked) is talk about making him do just that. Tell him how you know it's one of his fantasies and that you would love to see him do it. Especially at your command. Tell him that you will try to come up with a plan to make it come true. Tell him it turns you on thinking about it. Describe it in detail. Tell him how big the cock you have in mind is, how long, how big around. Tell him how you would want to masturbate while watching him do it, how much his humiliation would excite you and get you all wet down there. (If necessary, you can tell him that you know it's only a fantasy.)

Believe me, not only will his cock get hard (as hard as possible in his cage), but he will enjoy every minute of it. Just knowing his fantasies (especially the ones he wants to come true) can be such a great tool for you to use when you want to tease and deny him. After all, denial is nothing without the tease first! Talking about any of his fantasies in detail just might make him want to orally please you while you talk. Or after. So don't ignore those needs and desires your partner has, instead, use them to your advantage. Remember, his mind (his libido to be precise), is the single most powerful weapon in your arsenal.

You don't have to remove his chastity device to tease him. You don't even have to touch him! However, should you want to remove his cage, you still don't have to allow him to ejaculate. Tease him using his fantasies while you play with his cock. Don't let him cum! Just play with him. Play as long as you like. I guarantee he will give you all the attention you want (any kind of attention)! If you only tease him often enough. Two or three long sessions per week should do it. The more often you do it, the faster he will recover from a full orgasm and the more attentive he will be.

If you don't know his fantasies and just can't get him to open up, try reading a few fantasies (stories) online and see which of them turn him on the most. Then use those types of fantasies when you tease him. It may surprise you just what will turn him on, so don't be shy. His fantasy may not interest you at all, but that's okay. You don't have to get turned on by his fantasies, but you want him turned on, so use them!

Edging him (getting close to orgasm but denying it) is one of the best ways of teasing a man there is. So while your telling him these fantasies, edge him. Don't forget to take nice long (at least one minute) breaks every time you stop his orgasm. Think of it as fun, because it is!

So, by all means, tease him, deny him, and then tease him some more. Doing this can restore his attentive behavior after a full orgasm much faster than ignoring him sexually. You might reduce weeks to days, or days to one single day. Wouldn't that be great? Don't be lazy now. Give it a try!

Mistress Ivey

Learning to Tease

Many times teasing your partner can become difficult. The problem is coming up with imaginative ways to tease him so that things don't become “stale” or “routine”. Well, I have good news. There is a website that is jam-packed with teases that you can use “as-is” or modify for your own special needs.

Milovana is a website dedicated to web teasing. They have literally hundreds of webteases. Most are designed for men, though there are a few for women. However, all the teases are designed for solo use. That means that the reader is supposed to masturbate as directed in the tease. Some of the teases involve pain of kind or another, and many require you to have certain “toys” during the tease. Almost all of them are excellent example of tease and denial.

So how does this help you? I would suggest that you read several of the tease and denial teases and see how you could adapt them to your own situation. In other words, how you can use them with your partner. Perhaps you want to become the person guiding the tease and order your partner to do the things the tease call for. Or... You can become a part of the tease by doing the things listed in the tease to your partner instead of making him do them to himself. Your participation would greatly increase the pleasure you both obtain from the tease.

If you are really into tease and denial, you should be able to find many of the webteases useful. For example, you want your partner to remain in chastity (orgasm free) for a month. Try this: once a week, remove his chastity device and perform on of the teases from Milovana to tease and deny him an orgasm. By the end of the month, he will be MORE than willing to do whatever you want in order to get that orgasm. It won't be long before you are coming up with tease and denial scenes of your own.

So give Milovana a try and see what ideas you can come up with. You might even break a webtease up into several parts and have him perform a portion of it each day (or night, as the case may be). Anyway, it will be entertaining and there is a great deal of potential for some real excitement.

Mistress Ivey

Chastity Works!

I recently received a letter from one of my readers (Karen) that reinforced my belief that male chastity works when applied properly. Although, it is my belief, that chastity is mostly a psychological thing. Especially since most of the chastity devices are so easily defeated. The weak point being the lock itself. After all, cutting the lock is not that difficult, and if the device is made of plastic, well you figure it out. Most men in chastity, whether an actual device is used or simply the honor system, want to be in chastity. Why else would so many beg their wives to lock them up?

The nice letter I received actually included some statistics concerning things like, behavior of her husband, communications, and her own ability to “open up” to her husband. I have been writing this blog for about a year now, and the one thing that I have tried to get across to my readers is that you can actually improve your relationship with your husband (partner) when you apply the things I teach. It's always nice to receive validation.

As I have always said, you don't need to be a leather-clad, whip-carrying, high-heeled “Bitch” in order to take control of your partner and improve your sex life as well as your relationship. As a female in charge of your relationship, if what you need is more intimacy, you can get it. No one says that every sexual encounter with your partner has to include any BDSM activities. If you want more closeness, more warm, loving cuddling, you can have it. And your partner will be more than willing to give it to you.

According to Karen (who kept excellent records), her husband is the most cooperative during the third and forth weeks of chastity than he is during the first two. In fact, she says he has never received ANY demerits during the forth week. Hmm. This only validates what I have said before, a man will NOT be particularly attentive or cooperative right after he has a full orgasm. In fact, according to Karen (who uses a demerit system), her husband receives 78% of his demerits during the first week after release. 93% during the first two weeks. That means that, in her case, a man takes some time to “recover” from an orgasm. Not exactly news to those of us who have experienced it.

Basically, what all this means is that chastity works. If you unlock your partner once a week and give him a full orgasm, you may never have the attention and the cooperation that those of us who keep him locked for a month or more experience. Check the poll I have been running for the last few days. Men want to be locked up for a significant length of time. They know, the longer they have to wait, the better they feel, and the more they will enjoy the release.

Now, what about communication between the two of you? Chastity can help you to pry your partner open. That is, he will be much more willing to share his innermost thoughts and desires when he is locked in chastity. As you may know, when your partner opens up to you, it makes it a great deal easier for you to open up to him (and, perhaps yourself). Opening up communication between you and your partner is always a good thing. It can rekindle the romance you once had. It can improve your day-to-day attitude towards each other.

If you, as a “normal” woman (or even house wife), approach male chastity with an open mind, you may be surprised at the results. If your man has been hinting (or pushing, prodding, or even begging) you to try it, I recommend you take him up on it. Give it a fair trial. Perhaps two or three months, with longer and longer periods of chastity. That way, you can see for yourself how well it works. Who knows, you might just enjoy teasing him.

So in conclusion, I say, lock him up, tease him often, and don't let him out too often. Once a month should do it... (If he's earned it.)

Mistress Ivey

Creative Punishments

Punishment and discipline is another area in which many women do not feel comfortable when it comes to male chastity or Female Led Relationships (FLR). Many of the women I have interviewed seem to have one common theme when it comes to getting over this discomfort. If you will recall, I have touted (over and over again) that the main thing in keeping your partner's interest is almost constant teasing. Without it, it won't take long before he will lose interest in tease and denial, not to mention chastity.

So why do I bring this up now? After all, this is a post about punishment and disciplines. Because, if you can make punishment as much fun as everything else you do (sexually speaking) then neither of you should lose interest. Let's be honest for a moment. As drab and uneventful as most of our lives can be, sex is the one area in which so many of us look for fun. So, when your sub (partner, chastity-boy, or what have you) misbehaves, why does it have to be any different?

Many women turn to sexual denial when confronted with coming up with an appropriate punishment for their subs. However, a longer period of denial may actually be a reward for some men. Don't try to understand it, just accept it. So if you really want to punish him, why not make it fun? At least, fun for you!

Here is one method of punishment that works for me, along with a few variations to keep things interesting. Whenever my sub gets caught 'playing' with himself, such as masturbating without permission, I apply one of the following tricks to get him back on track, as it were. Take some hand lotion such as Lubriderm or Jergen's (even lubrication will work). Place a healthy amount in his hand and have him begin to masturbate for you. Once he has a nice hard penis, tell him to stop and hold out his hand (the one with all the lotion on it). Add a little lotion if you like then sprinkle a some coffee grounds on his, somewhat sticky, hand. Make sure to get some on his fingers as well as his palm. Have him continue his masturbation until you are satisfied that he has learned his lesson.

One modification that I often use is to sit on the bed (or even a chair) with my legs spread wide. I order him to sit on the edge of the bed (or chair) between my legs. Then I reach around him taking his balls in my left hand (I happen to be right-handed) and his cock in my right. I will stroke him slowly until he is sufficiently hard before adding the lotion and the coffee grounds. Now I have control of him and his erection. I can go fast or slow. Use lots of pressure or very little. It all depends on how I feel at the moment. This position puts him right where I can whisper in his ear.

Remember? I said it many times, talking during sex is very important. So I tell him what he has done wrong and how I expect him to improve in the future. I may even talk about some other (future) punishment I may use if I don't see an improvement. Something that I know will turn him on just thinking about it. Do I allow him an orgasm during his punishment? Don't be silly. Of course not.

If your guy gets excited by a little humiliation, try making him masturbate kneeling in front of you while you stand over him giving him step-by-step instructions. I usually hold a riding crop or paddle and I ALWAYS remain dressed. What I wear may vary depending on whether I want to give him a little visual excitement or not.

Well, there you go. I will post more in the near future, but in the mean time, I would love to hear from you, my readers. Send me an email or post a comment telling me what kind of punishments you use or are used on you, as the case may be. I would love to hear your ideas so that I can share them with all my readers.

Mistress Ivey