Using Fantasies

In all my books, and in many previous posts, I have talked about the importance of fantasies in a Female Led Relationship. I have talked about how they relate to his arousal. How to use them to increase his enjoyment. How to increase your partner’s frustration and arousal with them. What I have not really addressed is exactly how you can relate or nurture a fantasy while teasing your partner. What do you say? Do you have to recite a fantasy as though reading him a story?

The answer to those questions is really more simple than you think. You don’t have to tell him an entire fantasy. You don’t have to read or recite any fantasies for him. What you have to do is plant the seeds, nurture them, and watch them grow.

So how does one implant a fantasy in one’s partner? Simply by feeding a little bit of it to his imagination and letting him (or it) do all the work. If you tell your partner that you are going to do something “special” for his birthday. Maybe even allow him an orgasm. He will wonder exactly what you have in mind for him. However, he will be left on his own to come up with a fantasy to fill that void. That is a very bad thing!

“Why is it a bad thing to let his imagination run wild?” You may very well ask that question. The answer is simple… You will never be able to live up to the fantasy he came up with. First of all, leaving him to his own devices, his own imagination without guidance, means that he is free to think whatever he wants.

Suppose you did that very bad thing. You may be planning a special tease session, using his favorite tease methods, and you intend for it to last about thirty to forty-five minutes. But because you left it all up in the air, he may come up with a scenario in which you make him stand in front of you, stark naked, and masturbate at your direction. His fantasy may take hours to actually complete. Now when you proceed to tie him down on his birthday, he will not be getting what he has been dreaming (fantasizing) about for the last month. He will feel let down.

However, if you plant your own fantasy in his head, you will insure that he is on the right track. It would be advantageous of you to add a little to the fantasy from time to time. Suppose you start his fantasy out by saying, “I am planning on giving you a special tease session that will end with you having a terrific orgasm.” And you leave it at that. You have started out in the right direction, but you must add to it before he lets it get away from him (or you).

Say, there is a week until his birthday. On the day after you initiated his fantasy, you now tell him that you plan to use a certain toy that you know he likes. Tell him how you will use it. Make sure that you don’t give him too much information, though. You might say something like, “I am going to use the big vibrator on you. But I am going to do it very lightly. So lightly that it will drive you insane.”

Now, you have planted the right seed. It will grow in the right direction. He will imagine you doing exactly what you said you would, but he can’t imagine anything else. It will keep him aroused all week long. Of course, from time to time, you can add little hints like, “You love it when I drag that big vibrator slowly across your anus, don’t you?” in order to keep him focused on that particular fantasy.

Now, while you are actually teasing him, that is, when he is bound to the bed, a chair, or the dining room table, you want to use fantasies in a completely different way. This time you want his imagination to run wild, so you don’t have to tell him an entire fantasy yourself. Besides, when you do that, you are telling him YOUR fantasy, not one of his. So here is how you do that…

Now that you have him at your mercy and you are teasing him in some way, whether you are stroking his cock or running an ice cube up and down his body, doesn’t matter. You simply need to implant the seed and let him take it from there. For example, you might say, “Imagine that you are in a castle bound to a big wooden table. There are lots of scary implements hanging on the walls. I am not there. Someone else is tormenting your body, not me. Tell me, what do you think she might do to you?”

Now you have set up the fantasy, let him take it wherever he wants it to go. Maybe adjust your teasing to fit his fantasy. If he seems to get stuck for what to say, prompt him. “The woman in this fantasy has just picked up a large, very sharp, knife.” Then you can let him tell you what she does with the knife while you use an ice cube to make it feel as if he is being cut just as the fantasy says. (Now do you see why I insist that a blindfold is so important?)

Maybe, during your next tease session, you can simply ask him to tell you about any one of his own fantasies. Remember, don’t judge him! Fantasies are just that… Fantasies. But you can find out more about the kinds of things that you might be able to use in the future, either as methods of teasing, or to implant a fantasy of your own.

Happy fantasizing!

Mistress Ivey

Masturbation -v- Sex (pt.3)

Games:

Now that we understand how masturbation and partnered sexual activity differ, and we know that fantasies can play a major role in any type of sexual activity, let's take a look at how to use those fantasies to our advantage.

To put it simply, tell your guy that he can go into the bathroom and masturbate for his release this month. That will cause a smaller drop in his desire and, therefore, a shorter recovery time, than if you simply stroke his cock to ejaculation for him. Whether you nurture a fantasy or not, at this time, will have some, albeit slight, effect on his recovery time as well. But what do fantasies have to do with playing games?

If you like to play sexual games with your partner, whether or not he is locked in chastity, the more you incorporate fantasy into your games, the more effective they will be in getting, and keeping, him aroused. For example, if you text your partner during the day, try adding a little bit of fantasy to your text. This is a simple thing to do. You could, for example, ask him if he would be turned on being tied to a chair while you slowly rake your fingernails over his entire body, and just leave it at that. His mind will work overtime for the rest of the day. If your were to actually do that to him, at one time or another, before asking him the question in a text message, the memory of that event will enhance his imagination in re-creating the fantasy.

If you are one of those women who enjoy the humiliation he feels when you make him stand before you and masturbate, then knowing some of his fantasies can really help. Nurture the fantasy by relating parts or it, or asking him to tell you about the fantasy while he tending to the job at hand. He may finish much sooner than he would if you just sit there in silence and watch.

If you use games to determine when he gets an orgasm, or what kind of an orgasm he may have, fantasy can be a great tool here as well. You can begin by telling how you intend to allow him to orgasm. Maybe you promise to spend some time teasing his entire body first, or make him do it in the car. Whatever fantasy you use can help build his anticipation of the event.

Use your imagination to come up with ways to use fantasies to increase your partner's desire and anticipation of your next encounter, whatever that may be. You may be surprised how effective fantasies can be...

Mistress Ivey

Masturbation -v- Sex (pt.2)

Fantasy:

We have talked about the difference between masturbation and partnered sexual activity, and how that difference effects his behavior, or desire for more. In this segment we will discuss what part fantasy plays in these two activities.

When a man masturbates, it is crucial that he work up some sort of mental image of the sexual activity that turns him on. Whether he is looking at a Playboy magazine or watching a porn-flick on the Internet makes little difference. Some men need visual (or auditory) stimulation in order to maintain a fantasy long enough to produce the desired result... Ejaculation. Others, do not have any difficulty in this area. It all depends on their experience, whether it has been watching videos, live action, or just staring at photos. The ability of their own imagination to produce a clear enough fantasy for them to successfully masturbate is the key to how long it takes them to achieve ejaculation and how satisfying that ejaculation will be.

Some men may tell you that they don't fantasize while masturbating. Bull sh#t! They may not realize they are doing it, but they do. If they are watching a video, for example, they are most likely imagining themselves as being a part of the action. If they are simply looking at photos, their imagination has to work a little harder and it may take them longer to reach their goal.

Now let's put this into a practical situation. If you are the Woman in charge of this man and all his sexual relief, it would be extremely beneficial to you to be able to implant, or even nurture, a fantasy that will get him as excited as possible in as short a time as possible. Even if you do not intend to allow him to ejaculate at the time, the more aroused he is, the better for you. If your goal is to tease and deny, then the more exciting the fantasy is to him, the better. The more details you relate (or make him relate to you) during your session, the better. Not only for that moment, but the fantasy will remain clear in his mind when you are not there to stir his imagination.

So, can you see how important it is to use fantasies when teasing your guy? If not, you should re-read this and the previous post a time or two.

In the next installment, I will explain how all this can make playing sexual games, or chastity games, more fun for the both of you...

Mistress Ivey

Masturbation -v- Sex (pt.1)

Physiology:

I have mentioned before, in my books, that a man's brain knows the difference between when he masturbates and when he has had actual sex. By “actual sex” I mean involving a second (or third, or fourth...) person. Let me be clear, there are physiological differences, as well as psychological, that impact his behavior after the fact.

When a man masturbates, the brain, for obvious reasons, knows there is no chance of that act resulting in procreation. Yes, even if you are jerking off into a test tube to produce an off-spring, the brain thinks there is no chance of inseminating a woman. The brain controls the body. Therefore, the body knows. And there is a difference in what happens.

When a man masturbates, he satisfies certain physical and mental desires, but not certain emotional and psychological needs of the body and brain. That explains why a man may masturbate on a regular basis, whether once every day or so, or more often. If he were to have actual sex, involving a partner, he may skip one or more of his regular masturbation sessions. The main reason for all this is that the brain/body releases different chemicals, endorphins, etc.

It's this difference that changes his overall desire for sex and his behavior after. The post sexual drop after masturbation is much less detrimental to the desire for repeated sexual activity. As you all know by now, if you have been denying a man the sexual release he wants for several days, weeks, or even months, the post sexual drop can last up to a couple of weeks. Whereas, if he simply masturbated on his own, the drop may not last more than a day. However, there is another factor involved... Fantasies!

I will explain how fantasy plays a part in this post sexual drop and how you can use it to your advantage, in my next post.

Mistress Ivey

How Long?

I think a great many women who end up putting their partners in chastity, for whatever reason, don't fully understand the tease and denial (T&D) aspect of sexual activities. If you ask any male how long a good tease session should last, you may very well get answers like, “As long as you can keep me hard,” or “At least an hour at a time.”

I am sure your chaste man would love for you tease him as long and as often as you can find the time, but who can really keep it up (pun intended) for that long? What I have found to be most effective, are shorter teases leading up to a longer (maybe 20-30 minutes) tease as the grand finale. Of course, if you can muster the energy for a 30-60 minute tease once every week or so, that's great! But for daily teasing, I recommend much shorter, more frequent sessions.

You wouldn't want your guy to top you from the bottom, simply by telling you he needs more attention, now would you? After all, we all know he wants far more attention than we are capable of giving him. So, pace yourself. Here are a few examples of simple, short teases you can do almost any time.

1. Call him on the phone and tell him the beginning to one of his favorite fantasies.
2. Stop him as he is passing through the room you are in and make him expose himself to you. You can fondle him, if you like, or have him fondle himself. This takes about two to five minutes, or as long as you would like it to take.
3. While watching TV have him fondle himself until he gets hard. Then reach over to make sure he did it right. Thank him for doing it for you and go back to watching your show.
4. Text him during the day and have him do something for you, such as going to a restroom and send you a photo of his cock, or maybe tell him to insert a butt-plug.
5. When you have just climbed into bed, and are too tired for a long tease session, fondle his balls until you tire of it, or fall asleep.

Remember, teasing does NOT necessarily lead to ejaculation. It's not called “Tease and Denial” for nothing!

Mistress Ivey

Get Real

I have written many fantasies, listened to,and read, many more. Fantasies are a wonderful thing, but... After all is said and done, they are still just fantasies. Many men fantasize about the “Perfect FLR” and what it would be like to live under the control of a powerful woman. But we all must live in a reality-based world.

So what is the reality of the “Perfect FLR”? What is truly practical, achievable, and logically livable FLR? These are questions that each couple must answer for themselves. But it must be done as a couple, not a single person.

Any couple who desires to move their relationship from a male controlled to a female controlled one, needs to be able to sit down and openly, and honestly discuss their expectations. If you can't talk with your partner about such things as sexual activity, daily routines, discipline and possibly punishment, then you have no business entering into such a relationship.

Many men I have spoken with over the past ten years, think they can simply turn over total, unilateral control of every aspect of their lives to their spouse without fear of failure. Let's be honest. That would be very impractical. Not just impractical, but irresponsible.

Please, if you truly want to shift your relationship to a female led one, put aside your fantasies, and look at everything openly and honestly. Be honest with yourself. If you simply can't, for whatever reason, wear a chastity device more than seven days in a row, say that. Don't fool yourself into thinking that your partner will automatically know this and never put you into a chastity device for any longer than that.

Fantasies are great. But let's be honest, fantasies are scary. That's their appeal. But you need to temper your fantasies with a healthy dose of reality. Please.

Mistress Ivey

Title Change

For reasons I don't really understand, I have been asked (for publication purposes) to change the name of the box set eBook and paperback that contains the entire (upgraded and enhanced) versions of all three volumes of 'The Marriage Counselor'.

So, I have decided to call it 'The Marriage Counselor – Complete Version' so that you can still tell that it is all three books plus upgrades and additions. I hope this will not cause any confusion for those of you who intend on purchasing one (or more) of these works of fiction.

Yes, the three original versions of the books are available NOW in both eBook and paperback (this time), and the new 'Complete Version' which contains all three books plus some additional material and better editing, will be available March 1st. However, you can only get the eBooks from Amazon this time. I had some problems with one of Smashwords distributors and it wasn't worth my time to make the necessary changes to suit one distributor. Thus, I am not using Smashwords for this release of the original eBooks. However, 'The Complete Version' eBook is available from Smashwords.

The paperbacks for the three original versions are only available from Amazon as well, but the 'Complete Version' is available from both Amazon and CreateSpace starting soon! You can pre-order a the eBook version from Amazon now and receive your copy on March 1, 2017 which is the scheduled release date for both eBook and paperback.

Thanks for your time.

Mistress Ivey