Stifling His Orgasms

Thumbing His Orgasm

Hopefully, by now, you have learned how to ruin his orgasms by stopping all stimulation to his cock. Now let's take a look at another fun thing to do. I call it 'Stifling' an orgasm. It's really another way to ruin an orgasm, but different. The objective here is to stimulate him enough for him to shoot his ejaculate hard, but still prevent him from doing it.

There are several ways to accomplish a stifled orgasm. The easiest is probably the thumb method. When your guy gets ready to shoot that load simply press your thumb firmly over the hole in the tip of his cock. Press FIRMLY and hold it until all the jerking, or spasms, stop. It may take about 30 seconds or so, just be patient. Once you release your hold on his cum, it may squirt one time, but that should it. The rest, if any, will simply ooze out.

Another method is to squeeze the tip of his cock with your thumb and forefinger on either side. No, not the top and bottom as you might expect. If you do it right, and squeeze only the tip, you find it easy to stifle his ejaculation. Again, when you finally release your hold on his cock, he may squirt once and then dribble for a few seconds. It's fun to watch.

A third method is to cover the tip of his cock with the palm of one hand (called palming) while holding his cock steady with the other hand. Again, press firmly and don't let go until all the spasms stop. The advantage to this method is that you can continue stroking his cock with one hand while using the other to stop his ejaculate from coming out. He may squirt a bit when remove your hand, but that's okay. You were successful if the rest of it dribbles out.

My final method for stifling an orgasm is to squeeze the base of his shaft tightly when reaches the point of no return. This will force his ejaculate to back up into his bladder or something, but it won't hurt him. It is perfectly safe to stifle an orgasm, no matter how you do it (short of putting his cock in a vice). If you wait until all the spasms stop, he may not do anything. That is, you might get a little cum oozing out and you may not. Either way, you were successful!

Stifling an orgasm can be slightly painful for some men. It's not excruciating or anything, it can make him uncomfortable for a few seconds. Don't worry, it won't harm him. A little pain should not put you off of stifling his orgasms. I am told that the pain is not bad enough (at least in most men) that they can't take it.

Finally, stifling orgasms is fun. Almost as much fun as ruining one. Most of the time you can still continue to tease him because he shouldn't lose all of his desire to continue. If he does, it won't last as long as having a full orgasm would.

Happy stifling, all!

Mistress Ivey

More Ruined Orgasms

Nothing pleases me more than when I ruin a guy's orgasm. I have written much on the subject here, but I would like to give you some quick tips on doing it yourself.

If you enjoy edging your guy, that is bringing him as close to an orgasm as you can and then stopping (or pausing) for a moment so he can relax and back off a bit, then you are already half way there. My first tip is try it by edging. It doesn't matter how many times you stroke his cock, as long as you stop for a minute or more to let him back off from the edge. Even if he has not quite reached it, you have been successful and he will enjoy it.

If you DO manage to get him right up to the edge, then you have reached that perfect point. The point where, just one more stroke (or two) will send him over the edge, shooting his ejaculate all over the place. So what you need to do, is pay close attention to everything he does. The more you are able to repeat the process, the better you will get at determining exactly when to stop.

Here's a little hint: keep an eye on his hips. If he tenses his hip muscles (raises up slightly if laying down), he may be getting very close and it's a good time to back off. If he lowers his hips below the normal resting position, look out. He may be ready to shoot and it may even be too late.

The key here is practice. Practice makes perfect. Practice is fun! He will love it, and if you don't stop in time to watch his ejaculate simply drip from his cock, well, there is always next time. Like I said, practice is fun. If you stop too soon, keep trying. And remember, if you succeed, you can try again right away. If you fail and he cums hard enough to “shoot”, then you will need to wait a day (or at least a few hours) to allow him to recuperate.

So have fun, and don't stress out if you fail the first few times out. You will eventually get the hang of it and you will learn exactly what to watch for. Every man is different, so I can't give you all the specific signs to watch for, you'll have to figure them out for yourself. But don't forget to have fun doing it.

Mistress Ivey

Stifled Orgasms

I have done a great deal of writing about ruined orgasms (my favorite kind). But I think I have to redefine them just a bit. I have come the the conclusion that some orgasms, while not allowed to expend their ejaculate in a 'normal' manner, are not quite the same as real ruined orgasm.

What I am talking about needs a bit of explanation. When I talk about a ruined orgasm, I am speaking about one that is allowed to happen all on it's own. It will not squirt, spurt or shoot as a normal orgasm. It will, in fact, only dribble out. The only way I have found to achieve this type of orgasm is to simply allow it to happen without touching the cock at all. That is, when that all important, crucial moment arrives (often called the point of no return) and no further stimulation of any kind is given, the ejaculate will simply dribble out.

However, if you stop the orgasm by squeezing the tip, shaft or base of the cock, you have not, technically, ruined the orgasm. Though it may not be what your guy wanted, it still allows his system to pump all it can as hard as it can, it just doesn't come out. It will be blocked from squirting, spurting, or otherwise shooting out as in a normal orgasm. That's why I call these “stifled orgasms.”

The only difference between a stifled orgasm and a full orgasm (one that is allowed to squirt, spurt and shoot out) is the fact the the stifled orgasm isn't allowed to come out until all the hard pushing is done. The fact that a full orgasm results in a decrease in sexual desire is also present in the stifled orgasm. Therefore, for all intents and purposes, a stifled orgasm is a full orgasm that was not allowed to exit the body with any force.

A ruined orgasm, on the other hand, is not a full orgasm because no matter how much the subject tries to push his ejaculate out with force, he is simply unable to do so. This then, leaves him totally unsatisfied and wanting more. Wanting more is the goal of the ruined orgasm, isn't it?

So from now on I will refer to only three types of orgasm; full, stifled, and ruined. I apologize for any past confusion this may cause, but in the future, things should be much more clear.

Mistress Ivey

P.S. Just received a comment from a long-time reader. He tells me that the loss of desire from a Stifled orgasm does not last nearly as long as that of a full orgasm. This is good news and I thought I should get the word out. He says, in his case at least, it only lasts for about an hour. So I stand corrected. Thanks, Tom.

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Teasing with Tenga

I know I have talked about this before, but I feel it bares repeating. Not only that, but there are always new ways of doing things. I am always looking for new and different ways of teasing my husband (and his cock) sexually. Maybe because I find it to be so much fun. Or maybe because I don't want to get bored with doing the same old thing all the time. So here is something I have found that I think works really well.

There are a large number of chastity enthusiasts who enjoy a little humiliation along with their chastity. Just having your subbie/hubbie stand in front of you and masturbate can be a very humbling experience for most men. This is one time I don't recommend a blindfold. He should be able to see you watching him do his own thing.

Masturbation is a very personal, and often private, thing, especially to a man. He might admit that he does it. He might even admit what type of porn he uses to do it. But to have someone actually watch him do it, especially if she is giving him orders, can be quite humiliating and very erotic at the same time.

There is one item that I think really adds to any tease and denial session as well as to any masturbation sessions you might have you man perform for you, and that is the Tenga Egg. For those of you are unfamiliar with this particular product, I have included a video below.

By using one of these eggs on your man's cock, you can give him quite a ride. You can twist it, pull it down and guide it back up until he is ready to shoot his load, then stop. Allow him ample time to rest before continuing. The best part of all, should he ejaculate without your permission, you can continue playing with the egg and it will drive him mad! A little bit of Post Orgasm Torment, if you will. Of course, it is also a great idea to use one if you are trying for a second, or even third, orgasm of the day. He will achieve it much more quickly if you use a Tenga Egg for those second and/or third orgasms.

If you are making him masturbate for you as a humiliation or punishment, a Tenga Egg can be so much more humiliating than just his own hand. He will, of course, have to stop on command. You don't want him pushing himself over the edge, now do you?

Anyway, give humiliating him through masturbation some thought if you haven't already. Then consider finding new and different ways of making him do it for you. If he has to do it too often, or always in the same way, he will become too used to it and it will no longer be humiliating. We don't want that, now do we?

Mistress Ivey

See our entire selection of Tenga Eggs here

Role Play

There is one area of chastity play that I have left out in my blog. That's because most people who get involved in chastity play (or reality) don't often us it, and that's a shame. It's called Role Play.

It is up to the Mistress (or whatever you call yourself) to control all the teasing that goes on with you and your chaste partner. However, coming up with new and exciting ways of doing it can be a daunting task. I mean, you can bind him, remove his chastity device, and tease him in any way you like, but doing the same thing each time can, eventually, become boring. Just as with any other kind of sex, variety is the spice of life. But figuring out new and different ways of teasing a man's cock can be a difficult at best. If you do the same thing (or even several things) too often, then some of the fun and excitement will become routine. And that's no good!

Role play adds a whole new aspect to the world of tease and denial. For example; You could pretend to be a mall cop and you have apprehended a shoplifter (your partner). You can bind him, you can make him undress, you can even remove his chastity device if you like (but it's not necessary). Then you can do anything you like, such as masturbate in front of him, have him do it for you, or even allow him to please you orally if you like. How the story unfolds can be different every time you play. The point is, you have just added a bit of variety to your teasing that will be much appreciated by the both of you.

Another popular scenario is the cop and the fugitive. Suppose you have to interrogate a suspect in an robbery. Perhaps you want to know the location of the loot he stole. You can do anything you like to your prisoner to get the information out of him. In the end, you give him an orgasm (ruined or otherwise) for giving up the information. Or, you could keep him on the edge as long as you like if you are not happy with the information he is giving you.

Another popular role play scenario is Doctor/patient (or nurse/patient) as the case may be. Of course you would play the role of the Doctor or nurse while your chaste partner becomes your patient. Here, again, there are any number of things you can do ranging from a physical exam (very in-depth) to prostate milking, or anything in between.

Without going into a long list of scenes you can use for your role playing, I'll leave it to your own imagination, or you can research it on the net. It's up to you. But by adding role play to your repertoire of teasing methods, you have a million new ways to tease and add excitement to your sexual experience.

Mistress Ivey

P.S. Click here for some Role Play ideas.

Teasing Preemies

Over the past two years I have received many complements and complaints from my readers. Thankfully, the complaints have been few and mainly centered around one issue, premature ejaculation during teasing. The question everyone seems to have is, “how can you tease a guy when he shoots his load at the slightest touch?”

To me, the simplest answer is, use a lighter touch. That is, if your fingers seem to set him off too easily, try angora, a soft brush, or even silk panties. Try anything that will reduce the amount of actual stimulation (friction) and increase the amount of mental stimulation. That is, tease his mind more than his penis.

I know there are men out there who can actually achieve an orgasm without even being touched, but they are few and far between. So unless your partner is one of these, I suggest that you tease him by touching his penis less. Instead, try touching his nipples, his balls, even his bottom or his anus. There are guys who will get extremely excited when you touch their feet. Experiment. Find out what works and what doesn't work with your guy.

Now, it's not all up to you. If your guy is one of those who shoots off too fast, he needs to work on the problem from his perspective as well. He needs to figure out how to hold back, if even just a little. Once he finds a method that will help him hold back a little, he should concentrate on maximizing his abilities in that area. For example, it may be that if he can learn to keep his cock expanded, that is, at its most erect. He may be able to hold off for a few seconds to a minute or more once he has practiced it for awhile.

To understand what I mean, have him try to make his cock as hard as he can. There are certain muscles he needs to utilize to do this. Once he figures out which muscles control it, he can practice exercising those muscles until he can continuously squeeze them for an extended period of time. At least long enough to tell you that you need to back off for a minute so that he can relax.

Some men have told me that if they can manage to keep certain muscles from clinching (tightening) they can hold off an orgasm for quite awhile. However, it is difficult learning which muscles those are and keeping them relaxed during a tease session is something that will take lots of practice.

There is one other way to extend a tease session for a quick-shooter. Allow the first orgasm to happen. Of course, it should be ruined whenever possible, but allowing it to happen will simply get it out of the way and the teasing can then continue. If the orgasm happens to be a full orgasm, then I find you have no other recourse than to engage in a some post orgasmic torment. Grab that cock with one hand and rub the head with the palm of the other for as long as you can. I say as long as you can simply because if your guy is not bound he will stop you. But at this point, that's all you can do. Treat it like a punishment for not warning you in time for you to ruin the orgasm, or prevent it altogether.

The final method I have to offer to those of you with preemies (premature ejaculators), is don't touch his cock until (and if) you intend for him to cum. That is, simply tease his mind. Tell him fantasies, make him watch videos of other women teasing their men, or anything else you can do without actually touching his cock. Don't allow him to touch it either. After all, your goal in teasing him is to keep him hard for as long as you can (or want to) without allowing him any kind of release.

So, in summation, there are ways of handling this problem (or even working around it) in order to accomplish your goal. Stick to it, be inventive, and you will find a way. Please write me and let know what you do to handle your preemie. I could use a few more ideas myself.

Mistress Ivey

How to Control Your Man

I have done my research over the years and have been trying to find a way to sum it all up in a simple form. Well, here it is. If you want to control your husband, lover, male counterpart, submissive, or whatever, here is a guide that should be of some help. It is by no means a complete, in-depth discourse, but should be enough to get you started.

Also, if you, yourself, feel a bit timid, or guilty about doing or saying some of the things your partner wants (or needs) to hear, then you have to remember, you are doing it because you love him and he does it because he loves you. Don't push him harder than he can stand, but always push to find his limits. Once you find them, respect them, but keep on pushing them.

The following is a list of things that you should be doing. Not everything will apply in every case, and there may be things not on the list that work for you. Don't hesitate to leave a comment for all to read, or write me if what you have to say is more personal.

1. You must absolutely take total control of his orgasms!
   1. You must get him to wear a chastity device of some kind.
   2. You should put it on him yourself and only you should hold the key.
   3. Let him out at your discretion only and only for teasing or release.

2. Control your own feelings of guilt.
   1. He should never be permitted to have any kind of orgasm without your permission.
   2. If you feel he deserves an orgasm... Ruin it!
   3. Remember, you can ruin several orgasms a day, but he can only have one full one.
   4. Full orgasms should be for very special occasions (no more than 3 or 4 per year).

3. You must get into his head!
   1. Learn his fantasies and what turns him on.
   2. Tease him with your words whenever possible.
   3. Find out what humiliates him.
   4. Use his humiliation whenever possible.

4. You must keep him sexually aroused as much as possible.
   1. Talk sexy to him.
   2. Tell him you are going to make him do something humiliating.
   3. Fondle him, or let him fondle you.
   4. Send him text messages with orders to do something sexual.
   5. Make him give you orgasms frequently.

5. Make him do something humiliating (see list below).
   1. Make him wear a butt-plug for a time.
   2. Make him be naked when you are not.
   3. Make him masturbate for you.
   4. Always, ALWAYS make him eat his own cum no matter where it is deposited.

6. Punish him whenever he displeases you.
   1. Don't let him get away with anything!
   2. Spank, paddle, or whip him.
   3. Humiliate him in some way.
   4. Put Bengay or Icy-Hot on his cock, balls, or anus.
   5. Make him do anything he hates.

7. No matter what you are doing, or where you are, find ways to tease him.
   1. Fondle him through his pants in public (or in private).
   2. Whisper sexy or humiliating things in his ear.
   3. Make him shop for lingerie with you.

Men are all different. Thus, different things turn them on and different things humiliate them. Here is a list of things that humiliate many men. This list is by no means complete, nor will every man be turned on by everything on the list. It is up to you to discover what works and what doesn't. Sometimes, only the threat of these things is enough to turn him on. Humiliation can be used as a punishment as well. Find out which ones and you can control his behavior through the threat of it.

Humiliations:

1. Name calling (stupid, worthless, etc.)
2. Belittling him or his “equipment” (tiny dick, little willy, etc.)
3. Forced cross-dressing
4. Wearing women's clothing (maids outfit?) anywhere
5. Shopping for lingerie (for you or for him)
6. Wearing a butt-plug in public
7. Masturbating in a public restroom
8. Wearing women's panties or pantyhose under street clothes
9. Masturbating for you or a group
10. Eating his own (or other men's) cum
11. Shave his genitals yourself, then make him keep them clean shaven
12. Sexually servicing several women
13. Telling others about your lifestyle
14. Prostate or other type of milking
15. Being naked around the house
16. Anal penetration (dildo, strap-on, etc.)
17. Sex with an inflatable doll
18. Suck a realistic dildo
19. Being naked outdoors
20. Being photographed (or video recorded)
21. Post photos or videos to the web
22. Forced bi-sexuality (make him suck another's cock)
23. Being cuckolded
24. Drinking your urine
25. Doing just about anything sexual to himself while you or others watch

The thing to remember is that you don't have to make him actually do these things. Just implying that you “might” may be enough of a turn on. It's up to you to discover what works with your man and what doesn't.

Mistress Ivey

What are You Denying?

I get quite a few complaints from men whose wives have locked them up in a chastity device (and some who haven't) concerning orgasm control. These men want to know exactly what constitutes “Orgasm Denial” and what is just plain sexual denial.

Ladies, ladies, ladies! If you are not teasing your partner at least once a day (hopefully a great deal more) then you will never achieve what you are looking for. Your man will eventually stop doing as he is told and will become disillusioned at the least, possibly even bitter about it.

Sexual denial is never going to improve your marriage, or your husband's behavior. If your goal is to mold him into the man you want him to be, then you have to tease him and tease him and tease him some more. That's all there is to it.

In my experience, you should be teasing your guy for at least 30 minutes a day. It doesn't matter whether you give him that all at once or break it down into several shorter teases, but you must tease him every day. You need to use him to please you, if nothing else. That alone will give him what he needs even if you do nothing else.

Personally, I recommend teasing him for five minutes or so several times a day. You must talk to him, erotically, that is. Get his cock hard. If he is in a chastity device and can't get hard, at least make his cock strain against its confines. If you can do this several times each day, then you are no longer just denying him sex.

Once or twice a week you should spend at least an hour getting him sexually aroused. Talk to him, stroke his body. Tease his nipples, balls and anus. Use some kind of instrument, a toothpick, a feather, a fine brush, to tease his body until he is fully aroused (mentally if not physically).

At least once a month, remove his chastity device (bind his hands so that he can't touch himself) and tease his cock until he is begging for that orgasm you have denied him. You can either let him have it, ruin it, or just plain deny it for another day, week, month, or whatever length of time you like. Make it fun for you. If you enjoy doing it, then you will be more likely to continue doing it instead of ignoring the fact that your partner needs sexual attention.

If you are one of those who doesn't want to use a chastity device, be prepared for him to masturbate. It's will happen. In spite of what he tells you. But if you can make it more interesting for him, say with a little humiliation? Then you may not need that chastity device. Try making him masturbate while you watch. Do it several times a week and you may get his unauthorized masturbation under control.

In short, make sure that you are denying him orgasms and not just denying sex. Sorry to have to tell you this, ladies, but if you simply deny him sex, he will get it elsewhere, even if it's only his own hand.

Mistress Ivey

Rewards & Punishments

Were You Good or Bad?

No, I am not going to tell you a bunch of ways to punish or discipline your sub. I want you to tell me how you do it. This is your chance to share the many things you do to keep your guy in line. Do you use an unusual method of discipline? Do you do something special in the way of rewards when your guy does something special?

Does your wife, Mistress, Queen, Goddess (or whatever you call her) play a cool game so you can earn an orgasm? Does she have a unique or fun way of punishing you when you need it? Or maybe, it's not that unusual but you just want to share it with all of us.

Don't be shy. I know there is something you or your Mistress does that you could share. Maybe she makes you masturbate in front of her friends if you want a full orgasm. Hey, this is your chance to tell us all about it. Whatever it is. Tell us about your rewards or your punishments. Anything that you think is interesting or unique.

Write me, or leave a comment for everyone to share.

Cbt.mstrss(at)gmail.com

Thanks,

Mistress Ivey

Updating Fantasies

In a recent post to his blog (Tease, Denial and CBT), my husband wrote about the Evolution Of Sexual Desire. His article has prompted me to think about how best to utilize your partners fantasies to increase his sexual desire in your tease and denial sessions. Bare in mind that his article points out that most men's fantasies (or desires) evolve over time. For example; One man's deepest, darkest fantasy might be to have two women teasing him at one time. A few months later, that may evolve into wanting several women to tease and humiliate him. Or, as another example; He may secretly want to be forced to wear women's undergarments beneath his regular clothes. Only to later decide he really wants to be totally dressed in women's clothing including wearing a wig and makeup.

If, when you first started out in whatever type of female led relationship you have, you made a very detailed list of your partner's fantasies, depending on how long ago that was, you may need to update your list. You may have been regularly using his favorite fantasy (such as the two women fantasy) for several months. You may also have noticed, or not, that it is not working as well as it did when you first started using that fantasy. It may just be that his desires have evolved into something more. More humiliating. More intense. More whatever.

In order to keep up with your partner's fantasies you need to continuously update them. But that does not mean you need him to make you another list. In fact, that may not work. He may be too self-conscious to reveal the new deeper, darker fantasies to you. So in order to keep him interested, assume his fantasies are evolving and take them to the next step yourself. If he has reached that point (or is simply heading in that direction) you will do well. If he has a problem with the fantasies as you relate them to him, then you can always back off.

You should also be aware, that what was once only a fantasy, might very well have evolved into something he would like to experience in reality. Remember, not only will his fantasies evolve, but so will his desires for more intense reality. This is normal. I would venture to say that if you looked back on your life, you would find there are things that you do on a regular basis that you once only fantasized about doing. There may even be a few things that you used to fantasize about that you, yourself, would like to make real.

The more you are exposed to, the more your mind will convince (or try to convince) you that you want them in reality. The same is true for just about everyone. So if you can keep the fantasies (and realities as well) up to date, you and your partner will continue to grow in your relationship.

Now I realize that the vast majority of my readers are men. Therefore, I have created two polls that I would like you to answer. One questions your fantasies, while the other questions your actual desires. You may want to write them down for future reference. Take a look at them in six months or a year from now and see if your answers have changed. You may surprise yourself.

Ladies, you too can take the polls if you have any of the fantasies listed. Or create your own from your current fantasies and desire to see if things change for you as well. Of course, you will want to know (if he will tell you) what fantasies and/or desires your partner has that may have changed. Make your own poll to give him.

Mistress Ivey

Another Chastity Game

Here's another chastity game for those of you who enjoy them. It's really simple. Take a number of colored tokens (poker chips, colored marbles or stones) and place them in an opaque (cloth) bag. Depending on how often you want to play the game, and how long you want your guy to go without an orgasm, the number and color of the chips will vary. You will need three different colors (or three different markings) of the tokens to play this game. Here are some examples to get you started...

Suppose you want your guy to have (on average) one full orgasm per week. You might put ten tokens in the bag as follows: 7 white, two red, and one blue. Every day, your guy must decide whether to draw a token from the bag or not. If your partner chooses not to draw out a token, then you remove one token of your choice (usually a white one). The next time, the odds are better that he will draw either a red or blue token (if he chooses to draw at all).

If he chooses to take a chance and draw out a token, he must live with the result. If he draws the blue token, he can have a full orgasm (given any way you want). If he draws out a red token, he will receive a ruined orgasm (any way you want). If he gets a white token he gets no orgasm at all. Either way, if he chooses to take the chance of drawing a token, all the tokens are returned to the bag for the next drawing.

In other words, the longer he refuses to draw from the bag, the greater his chances of drawing out a red or blue token (assuming you have not removed those from the bag). However, if he refuses to draw for a full seven days, all the tokens go back into the bag anyway.

If you want to make him go longer, simply put more white tokens in the bag. For example, if you want him to hold out for a month (instead of a week) put thirty white tokens in the bag. You don't have to change the number of red or blue tokens unless you want to give him better odds. You could even put 365 white tokens in the bag and give him the possibility of going for a year or longer.

You can always adjust the number of red or blue tokens you put in the bag, just remember that it will change the odds of him drawing out a red or blue token:

• There should be at least one blue token and two red tokens in the bag.
• The number of white tokens should start out as the number days you want to deny him an orgasm.
• Each day he chooses NOT to draw a token, you may remove one token.
• Each time he draws a token the bag is refilled.
• When the number of days have passed equal to the number of white tokens, the bag is refilled.

That's all there is to it. One variation would be to place 52 white tokens in the bag and then allow your guy to draw on a weekly basis instead of daily.

Let me know if you come up with any interesting variations. I would love to hear about them.

Mistress Ivey

Changing It Up

As a Mistress (or even just as a wife in charge) I like to shake things up from time to time. After all, variety is, as they say, the spice if life. So for the last week (and the next week or so) I have changed how I tease my slave's cock. I know, I have long professed that one should tease her partner's cock for short periods, several times a day. And I still stand by that for most couples. However, if you have a week or two off-work (holiday) you might want to try something new.

The reason I say you need to be on vacation (or holiday for our UK friends) is that what I am about to suggest requires you both to have several hours available for cock teasing each day. What I have been doing is to tease his cock two to three times a day for an hour each time. Now this is serious cock teasing. I am not talking about just getting him hard and then sending him on his way. Oh, no! I am talking about laying him out on the bed, on a table, or just sitting him (pant-less) in a chair.

Once you have your guy where you want him, you want to tease his cock with very light touches. I don't actually stroke his cock. I simply run my fingertips (or fingernails) up and down the length of his cock, or over his balls, or his inner thighs, or anywhere that that turns him on. Once in awhile I will run my fingers over the tip of his cock in order to spread all that precum he has been dripping around a bit. Of course, the whole point is NOT to bring him even close to ejaculating.

By touching him so gently (and slowly, by-the-way) he never even reaches an edge. The end result is to drive him crazy with desire without giving him enough stimulation to get to the edge of cumming. The over all goal is the same as the shorter sessions I have always talked about, to keep him aroused and thinking of me (or you, as the case may be).

If you are like me, and really love just playing with his cock, then this will give you both something different to try when you have the time. I normally do this kind of teasing once in the morning, once in the afternoon and finally, once at bedtime. Of course, you can do it more or less according to the time you have available. But I do recommend you do it at least twice a day.

It's also up to you how you want to end the last session of each day. I prefer to keep him from his ejaculation. But of course, you can always ruin it or even allow him a full orgasm, if you like. If you can't find the time during the week to do this, try it on a weekend, sometime. Let me know how it works for you and your partner. I would be interested in hearing about the results others may get.

Mistress Ivey

Anything???

“As long as I keep you from having an orgasm, you'll agree to do anything I want?” The answer to that question when asked of a man on the edge of orgasm is invariably, “Yes.”

Don't believe me? Try it sometime! Of course, once he has had an orgasm his entire attitude will, most likely, change. That is, unless it is something he doesn't mind doing in the first place. For example, many men are willing to drink their own cum, so asking him to that might not change with an orgasm. But what about sucking another man's cock? Not many will do that without the proper incentive. In fact, I have found that most women who actually want their partner (slave, subbie, boy toy, or what have you) to do something often ask this question in the wrong way.

What do I mean by that? Here's an example of asking the wrong question (or asking in the wrong way); “Will you suck another man's cock if I let you cum?” Do you see how that puts his reward before he has completed his part of the bargain? Instead, try asking the question this way; “I will let you cum if you first suck another man's cock.” Or, “You can have an orgasm as soon as you have sucked another man's cock.” See the difference? If you really want your victim to perform something he would not ordinarily do (perhaps something humiliating) promise him a reward only after he has completed the task.

I know that many woman have difficulty learning to talk erotically to their partners during sex. Because of this, they tend to be timid when it comes to psychological torment. You may never want your partner to suck another man's cock (just for example) but making him think that you will can be very sexually arousing to him. Obviously, if you are only attacking his psyche with your play, you would want to ask the question differently. Instead of making him perform the task before his reward, you simply want him to agree to complete that task. That is, you want him to say that he will suck another man's cock (or drink his own cum, or dress like a woman, or whatever the task is) before receiving his reward.

Ladies, please understand the difference. Every man who enjoys being sexually teased (and they all do) has fantasies of things he would love to be “forced” to do. He also has a list of things that he likes to fantasize about being forced to do but would never really do under any circumstances. Your job, as his tormentor, is to learn what these things are and which are which. Then, and only then, can you really keep your partner on his toes and torment his mind as well as his body properly.

In answer to all the questions I've received on the subject... Yes you can make your guy agree to anything as long as you keep him from having that orgasm.

Mistress Ivey

Intro To Cuckolding

I have written very little on the subject of cuckolding because it is such a dangerous thing. It can, as I have said before, ruin a relationship. The main culprit is jealousy!

However, I did a little experimenting with my slave,nemo, recently and I have come up with a method of training your slave to accept being cuckolded. I am not going to tell you all about it here. Instead, I direct you to nemo's blog where he will tell you the story from his point of view. Just be aware, it took me six months to complete the training and get nemo to the point where I can now bring in any man I want and make nemo watch, or even participate, in our sexual activities.

I don't recommend cuckolding for every couple. In fact, please understand that I discourage it for most people. However, having said that, there are men (and women) who have strong fantasies about doing such things. So, with that in mind, I devised this little training program.

If you are interested, please click over to nemo's blog and read his post entitled, 'CuckoldTraining'.

http://teasedenialandcbt.blogspot.com/2012/04/cuckold-training.html

Mistress Ivey

Teaching Through Teasing

Over the last year and half I have described many games you can play to make your tease and denial relationship even better. Well, I have another game you can play, especially if you are feeling particularly wicked! The object of this game is to teach your guy to NEVER ask for an orgasm.

Before you begin this game you should have a goal in mind for your denied partner. A chastity device of some kind would be a big help in this game. Let's say, for argument sake, the longest your guy has gone without an orgasm is one month. Don't tell your partner anything about this game you are going to play. That's a secret. Your goal should be to make him wait longer for that orgasm than he has ever waited before and to learn not to ask for an orgasm, no matter what his options are.

Once you have a goal in mind, you are ready to begin. Go ahead and tease his cock using whatever method you like. Shortly before he is ready to cum, ask your partner to choose between two or three options. One option should be to give you pleasure (in his favorite way), or have an orgasm. Now that would seem like a rhetorical question, but he may surprise you. If he says he wants the orgasm, you decide if he deserves it or not. If you are trying to teach him not to ask for an orgasm, he has failed.

If he has not reached the goal you set for him, then then he gets no orgasm and will have to please you in your favorite way. If he chooses the 'please you' option, then don't let him cum before you stop and give him his reward for making a good choice.

If he chooses the orgasm and he has reached his goal, give him a ruined orgasm and tell him that you want him to wait a little longer. Then he can please you in whatever way you want. Another option is to punish him for asking for the orgasm and deny it anyway.

The point of this game is to teach him not to ask for any orgasms. After all, he should know that his purpose is to please you, not himself. Of course, there are many ways of teaching him this lesson without telling him what's going on. For example, if you think he deserves an orgasm, but has not learned his lesson, make him masturbate for you and ruin his own orgasm.

If you think about it, I am sure you can come up with many diabolical ways to deny him the full orgasm he really wants. Just remember the rules of the game. They are simple; Don't tell him what you are doing; Don't allow him a full orgasm until he has learned NOT to ask for them, even when given the option.

You can always make the options more difficult. Try offering him a paddling, or no teasing for a week, or even wearing women's under garments to work for a week. Anything other than an orgasm as the second option. Once he has learned his lesson (never to ask for an orgasm) you could offer him anything and he will not take the orgasm option.

It should also be obvious that you can teach your partner anything you want him to learn through denial. Just make sure he never gets that orgasm until he learns his lesson.

Mistress Ivey

In The Beginning

I get so many letters from women asking me how to get started when their husband (or lover) has asked for some teasing and denial. Many men have fantasies about this, and many are simply afraid to bring up the subject. However, once a man has asked his wife (or GF) to take charge of this, it can be difficult for a woman with little or no experience. So here is what I did when it happened to me.

The first thing I did was to create a plan. I wanted to do it right, and I figured that in order to do it right I needed a plan. Please bare in mind that this plan will not be right for everyone. But, hopefully, it will give you a place to start.

The plan has three basic parts and required me to do some research before actually implementing it. But before I began I had to decide if I wanted to use a chastity device or not. So I did some research involving chastity devices and how effective they were. I talked with nemo about it to get his feelings on the subject. Once I decided that I wanted to use a device, I had to choose one. I eventually selected a CB-3000 (the old version) because it was fairly inexpensive and it give us both a feeling of where we wanted to go from there.

Once the chastity device arrived in the mail, I put my plan into motion.

Part One: Denial

I informed nemo that I was going to take complete charge of him and his ejaculations. He had just stepped out of the shower when I made my announcement. That means, I caught him while he was still naked and would feel the power I was wielding even more. After installing the CB-3k,  I told him that from that moment on he would only be allowed to cum when I gave my permission. I had decided to start with a week and then take it day by day after that. I had no idea how long he would actually be denied this first time, but I did plan on making sure he knew who was in charge.

While I had him standing naked in front of me, I laid out my rules for him. I gave him a list of chores that I expected him to do each week and some that needed to be done daily. I warned him that if he failed to complete any of his chores, he would be punished in some way. I told him the punishments would increase in severity the more often he failed.

I told him that if he was good, he would be rewarded with the opportunity to pleasure me and to receive some teasing for himself. Sometimes I would even remove his chastity device before or during these tease sessions.

Part Two: The Teasing

My research had given me many ideas for teasing a man. So I decided that I would need to tease him briefly several times a day. He had a job at the time, so I would call him at various times while he was at work and turn him on. I needed to know what turned him on the most in order to guarantee my success. That meant I needed to know what his deepest, darkest sexual fantasies were.

In order to find out what he fantasized about,I decided that I would make him tell his fantasies when I had him on the edge of cumming. So each time I removed his CB-3k, in order to tease his cock directly, I would get him on the edge of cumming and then stop. I would tell him that if he wanted more he would have to tell me one of his favorite sexual fantasies. Then while he talked, I would tease his cock, never allowing him to cum. Eventually, I knew enough of his fantasies to get him hard on the phone rather easily.

I also used my knowledge to turn him on when we were together as well. I would reach into his pants when he least expected it and whisper a part of one his fantasies in his ear. I would have him hard in no time, then I would just walk away, leaving him wanting more. If I did this often enough, I thought, he would not be able to think about much else other than me and how I might allow him to cum during our next session.

I also researched several ways of teasing him while his CB-3k was off without allowing him to cum. I also learned about ruined orgasms, but that's a subject for another post except to say that if I thought he was getting too close to cumming, I could always stop. Even if I stopped too late, his orgasm would be ruined and not give him the relief he longed for.

Part Three: Punishment

While you might think that denying nemo an orgasm for an extended period of time would be punishment enough, but it's not. Remember, your partner actually enjoys being denied (that's what he asked you for), so what kind of punishment is that? So I had to find some ways to punish him that would seem much more like a punishment than simply denying him an orgasm. Adding days to his denial wouldn't work, either. As I no idea exactly how long I intended to make him wait, it was impossible to add days to an unknown number of days.

Since I intended to remove his CB-3k three or four times a week, it became obvious that I could skip one of those sessions as long as he knew why he was not getting it. I could also not tease him during the day for one or two days. But what could I do when he continued to fail or didn't seem remorseful? I had to come up with something more... Impressive.

After the first couple of weeks I decided to add “points of intrigue” (little spikes that came with the device) to his CB-3k. These would cause him pain whenever his cock tried to get hard while in the CB. If he was good, I would remove them. But if he wasn't, I could leave them in and tease him as often as I liked. In addition to that, I came up with a few more immediate punishments if I needed them. Without going into detail, I'll just tell you that several forms of corporal punishment were used quite effectively.

In summation, I know that this was a pretty vague plan, but it is so easily modified for any situation, I think it works very well. If you have a good imagination, or you can do your own research, then you should be able to make this basic plan work for you.

Good luck and happy teasing!

Mistress Ivey

Not In Your Butt!

Ladies and gentlemen, it has come to my attention that many of you enjoy (or would like to enjoy) anal sex of some sort. That is, the realm of male chastity (not to mention tease and denial) often includes some sort of anal play. While in and of itself, anal play is not a bad thing, you need to be careful what you put in your guy's ass.

Let's face it, it can be very tempting to use ordinary household items. Some may seem like a good idea at the time, but rest assured, most can have negative results. I know, if you happen to be into humiliation, there is nothing quite as humiliating as a trip to the emergency room to remove that jar of peanut butter you shoved into your guy's ass and just can't seem to retrieve, now.

Watch this video and you will see what I mean.

Now that you have an idea of what NOT to put into your butt, let me give you some suggestions as to what you CAN put there. My store carries a full line of Tantus^(R) products designed for use by both male and female users. If you want to put something in your butt, I highly recommend you try one these products instead of what you find around the house.

Tantus products are all designed to be of the highest quality. That means that they will be comfortable (or as comfortable as an anal device can be), and will last you a good long time. In fact, I have used many of the Tantus products and I believe that, even though you might be able to purchase a similar product for less, you can't match the quality. And let's face it, quality counts. Especially when you are going to insert it into your (or your partner's) body.

We also carry a full line of lubricants. You are going to need one! The rule of thumb for using lubricants for any anal activity is: When you think you have enough, double it! That basically means that you can't have too much lubrication when it comes to anal sex.

Have fun, and be safe. Don't end up at the ER!

Mistress Ivey

P.S. If you start out with the Cowboy, don't try to push it ALL THE WAY IN the first time!