Updating Fantasies

In a recent post to his blog (Tease, Denial and CBT), my husband wrote about the Evolution Of Sexual Desire. His article has prompted me to think about how best to utilize your partners fantasies to increase his sexual desire in your tease and denial sessions. Bare in mind that his article points out that most men's fantasies (or desires) evolve over time. For example; One man's deepest, darkest fantasy might be to have two women teasing him at one time. A few months later, that may evolve into wanting several women to tease and humiliate him. Or, as another example; He may secretly want to be forced to wear women's undergarments beneath his regular clothes. Only to later decide he really wants to be totally dressed in women's clothing including wearing a wig and makeup.

If, when you first started out in whatever type of female led relationship you have, you made a very detailed list of your partner's fantasies, depending on how long ago that was, you may need to update your list. You may have been regularly using his favorite fantasy (such as the two women fantasy) for several months. You may also have noticed, or not, that it is not working as well as it did when you first started using that fantasy. It may just be that his desires have evolved into something more. More humiliating. More intense. More whatever.

In order to keep up with your partner's fantasies you need to continuously update them. But that does not mean you need him to make you another list. In fact, that may not work. He may be too self-conscious to reveal the new deeper, darker fantasies to you. So in order to keep him interested, assume his fantasies are evolving and take them to the next step yourself. If he has reached that point (or is simply heading in that direction) you will do well. If he has a problem with the fantasies as you relate them to him, then you can always back off.

You should also be aware, that what was once only a fantasy, might very well have evolved into something he would like to experience in reality. Remember, not only will his fantasies evolve, but so will his desires for more intense reality. This is normal. I would venture to say that if you looked back on your life, you would find there are things that you do on a regular basis that you once only fantasized about doing. There may even be a few things that you used to fantasize about that you, yourself, would like to make real.

The more you are exposed to, the more your mind will convince (or try to convince) you that you want them in reality. The same is true for just about everyone. So if you can keep the fantasies (and realities as well) up to date, you and your partner will continue to grow in your relationship.

Now I realize that the vast majority of my readers are men. Therefore, I have created two polls that I would like you to answer. One questions your fantasies, while the other questions your actual desires. You may want to write them down for future reference. Take a look at them in six months or a year from now and see if your answers have changed. You may surprise yourself.

Ladies, you too can take the polls if you have any of the fantasies listed. Or create your own from your current fantasies and desire to see if things change for you as well. Of course, you will want to know (if he will tell you) what fantasies and/or desires your partner has that may have changed. Make your own poll to give him.

Mistress Ivey