Sunday, January 25, 2015

Fantasy Submissions

I want to thank all those who have (or will) submit fantasies for my upcoming book series. It is beginning to look like the first volume will be out by March (I hope). So far, I have received a good many stories, or fantasies if you will, from my readers. I need many more if we are to make this series successful.
I have received many questions about the subject matter. In answer to those questions, all I can say is, if it relates to Female Dominance (Femdom), then I will be happy to review it. So keep those stories coming and I will keep working on them. It doesn't matter whether you think you are a good writer or not. After all, I will be editing them. I will need as many stories as you can write.
Come on Ladies! I know that many of you can write. I have read your blogs! And I am sure there are many of you who may have stories of funny things that have happened, or erotic things that you have done with your subby. So far, I have received only one submission from a women. We need to give the world a better idea of what we are all about.
Again, thanks to all of you who have submitted fantasies already.
Mistress Ivey

Monday, January 5, 2015

Femdom Fantasy Books

I have repeatedly said that men (and women) have fantasies. Their fantasies are usually quite different, but that's not what this post is about.
I am putting out a call to anyone (male or female) who is willing to share their fantasies, stories, or real-life experiences with me and possibly my readers. I am putting together a book of Femdom (female dominance) stories and fantasies. I need ideas and good stories. I intend to cover all aspects of female dominance and male submission. So, even if you don't think you can write, give it a try. If I like it, I can polish it up and maybe publish it in my new book.
I know many of you love to read stories and fantasize about them. I am also sure that many of you have the time to write out a few of your own stories and fantasies. So take a chance. What have you got to lose? If I decide to publish your story, I will pay you for it! So go ahead, submit your stories and fantasies. Just make sure it is your own! DO NOT plagiarize anything. If I even suspect that you have used someone else's work, I will simply throw it in the trash.
Send your stories to me either as an email or an attachment. I can read just about any word processor document (except for Lotus). So don't worry about that.
Send them to:

Here are just a few of the subjects I am looking for:
  • Serving/servicing your partner
  • Cuckolding and/or Bisexuality
  • CBT
  • Spanking/paddling
  • Chastity
  • Humiliation of all types
  • Cross Dressing
  • Bondage and/or BDSM
  • Punishment & Discipline
  • Strap-on play
  • Prostate Milking
  • And of course, Tease & Denial
  • Anything else you can think of...

Mistress Ivey

Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Utilization Of Time

I recently received an email from a woman who complained that she and her husband could only practice the lifestyle (Female Led Relationship) late at night and before the sun comes up. It dawned on me that there must be others out there who share her dilemma. They think they don't really have enough time to enjoy the lifestyle the way they would like. Well, to that I say, “Utilize what time you have!”

If you have children at home, or one (or both) of you work outside the home, it might seem that you just don't have enough time to share the little things that make an FLR truly enjoyable. Then you are not utilizing your time properly. Especially if you engage in a little tease and denial or even chastity.

I have written several posts that touch on the subject in one way or another, so to many of you, this might seem like a rehash of old ideas, but I say, if it works, who cares how old the idea is? Anyway, here are a few suggestions to help you get started down the road to more fully enjoying each other using what time you have. Beyond the obvious weekend getaways, there are plenty of things you can do to spice things up using little moments here and there.

Take a few minutes to sit down and create a plan. Let's assume (just for argument sake) that your husband works, your kids go to school, and you stay home taking care the house (doing those things you don't trust your hubby to do) or shopping, or whatever you normally do with your day. The first thing you need to do is make a schedule of your families typical day. List (in chronological order) all the normal events that take place. For example, when do you get up? When does your husband rise? What about the kids? When do the kids leave for school, and what time does your hubby leave for work? Include things like what time your husband has available at work (breaks, lunch, etc.) when you could contact him with little or no interruption of his work.

Once you have everything listed in order, you are ready to make your plan. If your husband's breaks are at irregular times, he could simply call you (or perhaps text you) so that you can give him instructions. There may be other things you can use as well. Does he take a lunch box or briefcase to work? Something where you could leave a little note for him to find?

There will be things that don't run on a regular schedule, such as when the kids go out to play, or do their homework. Maybe hubby doesn't always get home at the same time. Your plan will have to take these things into account.

Okay, so what goes into this little plan of yours? Well, much of it will not actually be a part of the plan, but rather a list of things that you can do if and when the opportunity presents itself. Your plan should include things like short teases you can do before he goes to work, during his breaks, during lunch, or any time he might have free to perform little tasks for you. So you need a list of tasks that you might want him to perform when you get the chance.

Include anything you can do (in the way of teasing him) when you get five or ten minutes alone. It could just be a “bathroom break” when the two f you can sneak off to the bedroom (or bathroom) while the kids are busy watching television. You should have several little teases that you can do with your hubby that will only take a few minutes. Such as, pull his pants down, get him hard by telling him a fantasy, or simply fondling him. You can even use these little “tease times” to punish or admonish him for some indiscretion or displeasure he has caused you. Maybe he didn't do the dishes properly, or he forgot to call you before he left the office. It really doesn't matter what he did, this is a chance to remind him just who is in charge.

By-the-way, don't EVER feel guilty about taking charge or even punishing him. If he enjoys being subservient to you, he will love you all the more for enforcing your rules.

Finally, you should include longer tease and denial sessions as often as you can. These may have to wait until the kids are asleep or something, but you should plan to spend at least twenty or thirty minutes (or more) at bedtime teasing him or allowing him to pleasure you. Even if he complains that he is too tired, don't let that stop you. If you do it right, he will get hard and he won't care how tired he is at that point. Friday and Saturday nights are great for long tease and denial sessions. Especially if you can both sleep in in the morning.

Anyway, I hope you get the picture from all this. If you both want to feel that you are living the lifestyle more, be creative, use the time you have to tease him more and he will become much more the husband you have always wanted. Don't forget to push his limits a little while you are at it. He will thank you for it and you will have even more fun.

Mistress Ivey

Friday, December 26, 2014

What's in a Name?

I realize that my blog is called “Becoming A Mistress,” but what if you don't want to be a “Mistress” per-say? That is, you want total control, but you detest the image that comes to mind when the word is used. I must agree, the image most often called to mind (thanks to the Internet), is one of a woman wearing very high heels, dressed in skin-tight leather, and carrying some kind of whip or riding crop. If this is not you, what are you? What do you call yourself? What does your husband (boy friend, submissive, spouse, or significant other) call you?

I have heard things like, Goddess, Queen, and even “She who must be obeyed.” But even these seem like too much. I chose Mistress because, in my opinion, it is the least self-centered of the names I have heard. However, I also heard names such as, Sweetheart, Sweetie, lover, and just plain wife, used as well. Of course none of these describe the relationship, much less the position of the woman in that relationship.

In one my of books I make a comparison between a Queen and her Knight in shining armor with that of a Mistress and her slave. However, I make no recommendation as to what your husband (or whatever he is) should call you. Nor do I make a recommendation as to what you might want to call him.

Personally, I feel it makes no difference what you call each other, as long as the relationship works and your roles within that relationship are clearly understood. Having said that, I call myself “Mistress” and so does my husband, nemo. However, we only use those terms when we are alone and in “play” mode. Yes, real life requires us to change from “happy couple” to “Mistress and slave” when we want to play. The rest of the time, though I am always in charge, we appear “normal.”

I never wear a leather teddy. I don't like high heels, but I do have a pair of black boots with 3-inch heels that I bought at PayLess, but I rarely wear them while we are “playing.” And I have an assortment of whips, floggers, crops and paddles that I do often use (but that's just me). Though we both enjoy the many images of Mistress' on the web, I just can't see me wearing those types of outfits.

My point here is that it doesn't matter how you dress, or by what names you use when you are playing. Just be yourself. You can be in control without having to be called “Mistress.” It's not what you call yourself that makes you the one in charge. It's the attitude with which you approach your relationship.

I have been writing this blog for over four years and the one thing I always wanted to make clear is that you should have fun. Your sex life should not be something that you do every now and then. It should be something you look forward to, something that is fun for the both of you! So don't let a name deter you from enjoying the control you can wield, and fun you can have. Life is, after all, something to be enjoyed. So is marriage. So enjoy yours to the fullest! You will thank yourself for it.

Mistress Ivey

Monday, December 22, 2014


“As long as I keep you from having an orgasm, you'll agree to do anything I want?” The answer to that question when asked of a man on the edge of orgasm is invariably, “Yes.”

Don't believe me? Try it sometime! Of course, once he has had an orgasm his entire attitude will, most likely, change. That is, unless it is something he doesn't mind doing in the first place. For example, many men are willing to drink their own cum, so asking him to do that might not change with an orgasm. But what about sucking another man's cock? Not many will do that without the proper incentive. In fact, I have found that most women who actually want their partner (slave, subbie, boy toy, or what have you) to do something often ask this question in the wrong way or at the wrong time.

What do I mean by that? Here's an example of asking the wrong question (or asking in the wrong way); “Will you suck another man's cock if I let you cum?” Do you see how that puts his reward before he has completed his part of the bargain? Instead, try putting the question to him as a statement this way; “I will let you cum if you first suck another man's cock.” Or, “You can have an orgasm as soon as you have sucked another man's cock.” See the difference? If you really want your victim to perform something he would not ordinarily do (perhaps something humiliating) promise him a reward only after he has completed the task, not before.

I know that many woman have difficulty learning to talk erotically to their partners during sex. Because of this, they tend to be timid when it comes to psychological torment. You may never want your partner to suck another man's cock (just for example) but making him think that you will can be very sexually arousing to him. Obviously, if you are only attacking his psyche with your play, you would want to ask the question differently. Instead of making him perform the task before his reward, you simply want him to agree to complete that task. That is, you want him to say that he will suck another man's cock (or drink his own cum, or dress like a woman, or whatever the task is) before receiving his reward, especially if you don't plan on making him actually follow through.

Ladies, please understand the difference. Every man who enjoys being sexually teased (and they all do) has fantasies of things he would love to be “forced” to do. He also has a list of things that he likes to fantasize about being forced to do but would never really do under any circumstances. Your job, as his tormentor, is to learn what these things are and which are which. Then, and only then, can you really keep your partner on his toes and torment his mind, as well as his body, properly.

In answer to all the questions I've received on the subject... Yes you can make your guy agree to just about anything as long as you keep him from having that orgasm.

Mistress Ivey

Thursday, December 18, 2014

For Him or For You?

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I get a large number of women telling me that they worry that they are not doing enough, or the right things, to keep their partner satisfied. First of all, and I have said this until I am blue in the face... It is NOT about his pleasure, it is about yours!
Many women fear that they are not doing enough, or that he will get bored with the things they are doing. I can understand these feelings. I have been there myself. However, I came to the realization that I was creating my own fear. I had a fear of failure, of not doing it right, or not doing enough to keep him happy. It is not about him!
To put it simply, you should not be doing things FOR him, but TO him. You should be doing things FOR YOU! Don't think in terms of whether or not you are pleasing him, but rather, is he pleasing you? You are (or should be) the focus of all he does. It is your job to make him focus on those things. If he is not happy doing that, then he may not be cut out to be a submissive.
If that is the case, it is up to you to mold him into the man you want him to be. If he is bored, shame on you. You are not giving him enough to do to keep him aroused. You are, probably, not using his fantasies to your advantage. You should learn to do that. If you are doing it, then do it more often. You can always have him do a webtease. It not only keeps him busy but, usually, allows him an orgasm. Maybe you should make up (or modify) your own webtease that does NOT end with his satisfaction, but rather your satisfaction.
Your partner should be coming to you and asking what he can do for you. If he isn't, then he is not aroused enough. If he complains about not getting enough (sexually) then find more ways to arouse him without having to satisfy him.
Nine times out of ten, if things are not going right, it is because you are creating your own problem. If you keep in mind that it is not what you do for him, but rather what you do to him for yourself, you will get along much better.

Mistress Ivey