Tuesday, June 30, 2015

Getting Enough

Okay, he asked you to lock his cock in a cage. He said your were in charge of, not only his orgasms, but all your sexual activity. He said you could tease him whenever, wherever, and however you wanted. He told you that he would be willing to do more of the chores around the house. He told you it would make him more attentive to your sexual needs. So what happened? He seems to want more sex, or sexual attention, than he ever did before.

Admit it ladies, he is doing more for you than ever before, isn't he? So what's the problem? Greed! He seems to want more sexual attention than he ever did before. What did you expect? Did you think that just because you locked him up and agreed to take charge that his normal male sex drive would some how magically disappear? That's right, I said “Normal.”

Let's look at this problem logically and see what we can do to relieve all the pressure he has been putting on you to step up his teasing. First of all, you need to realize that all men were designed differently than women. Even if you are one of those who want a great deal of sex, chances are he still wants more than you. Women were designed to want sex at those times when they can get pregnant. Face it ladies, it's the way we were built. Men, on the other hand, were built to be ready to impregnate us whenever we are ready. That means, in order for them to be ready when we are, they have to be ready all the time. So you see, it's normal for them to be greedy.

Now that we have that settled, what can we, as women in charge, do about it? The answer is simple. Nothing. Well, not exactly, but instead of giving them all the sex they want, it now falls upon us to redirect that energy. To focus their sexual drive in another direction. Ask your self this (and be honest), are you really getting all the sexual attention you want? Are you getting foot and back massages whenever you want? Are you getting all the orgasms you want? Are you getting all the oral sex and intercourse you want? Are all the chores you want him to do getting done?

If the answer to any of these questions is “No,” who's to blame? In order to satisfy your partner's sexual desires, there is more you can do besides, fondling his cock all the time. He wants to serve you. He wants you to tell him how to do that. The problem is, do you know how to do that while satisfying his sexual needs? If you want him to wash the dishes, are you making it a “sexual” thing that he is doing for you? When you ask him to run to the store for you, are you making that a “sexual” thing?

My point is, he doesn't want “more” sexual attention. He's always wanted as much as he can get. It is up to you to make sure that even the smallest task is, in some way, sexual for him. Try telling him that if he will run to the store (do the dishes, or whatever you want him to do), you will give him some teasing at bed time. Or maybe, tell him to insert a small butt-plug before he performs the task. Another way might be to fondle his cock and balls for a few minutes (just enough to get him hard) while you tell him what you want him to do.

Another method might be to paddle him (or give some other punishment) if he fails to do what you ask. Many men will respond positively to discipline and/or punishment. You might even try spanking him before you tell him what you want him to do. Many men enjoy a little physical incentive.

Finally, are you using him for your own pleasure as much as you could be? One method of teasing a man in chastity, is to have him sexually please you. He will get aroused. Denying him relief afterwords, is an excellent way to prolong his “agony.”

Every man is different, but I have found most men who enjoy chastity, especially those who asked for it, really don't want to cum that often. Most of them fantasize about being denied an orgasm far longer than you might suspect. If you tease him until he begs to cum, and then allow it every time, you are not giving him what he really wants. If he has indicated that he would like to “try” longer periods of chastity (or denial), I suggest you give it to him.

If your partner has fantasies of long term denial, you should, by all means, make him wait longer between orgasms (his, not yours!). Don't tell him how long you are going to deny him, simply do it. If he asks when or if he can cum, tell him you have not decided, but that asking you about it just might make it longer. This should have a positive effect. If you have been giving him an orgasm every couple of weeks, or even once a month, try doubling the time between orgasms. By all means, DON'T tell him what you are doing. The more he doesn't know the more anticipation will build within him.

Trust me, if he seems greedy, you are not getting as much sexual attention as you should be. So go and get it!

Mistress Ivey

Tuesday, June 23, 2015

Playing with Him

There is one area of chastity play that I have left out in my blog. That's because most people who get involved in chastity play (or reality) don't often use it, and that's a shame. It's called Role Play.

It is up to you, the Mistress (or whatever you call yourself), to control all the teasing that goes on with you and your chaste partner. I mean, you can bind him, remove his chastity device, and tease him in any way you like, but doing the same thing each time can, eventually, become boring. Just as with any other kind of sex, variety is the spice of life. But figuring out new and different ways of teasing a man's cock can be a daunting task at best. If you do the same thing (or even several things) too often, then some of the fun and excitement will become routine. And that's no good!

Role play adds a whole new aspect to the world of tease and denial. For example; You could pretend to be a mall cop and you have apprehended a shoplifter (your partner). You can bind him, you can make him undress, you can even remove his chastity device if you like (but it's not necessary). Then you can do anything you like, such as masturbate in front of him, have him do it for you, or even allow him to please you orally if you like. How the story unfolds can be different every time you play. The point is, you have just added a bit of variety to your teasing that will be much appreciated by the both of you.

Another popular scenario is the cop and the robber. Suppose you have to interrogate a suspect in an robbery. Perhaps you want to know the location of the loot he stole. You can do anything you like to your prisoner to get the information out of him. In the end, you give him an orgasm (ruined or otherwise) for giving up the information. Or, you could keep him on the edge as long as you like if you are not happy with the information he is giving you.

Here is how I play this particular game, just to give you an idea. Before we begin, I have my husband choose one card from a deck. Then, as I interrogate him through teasing, CBT and even the paddle at times, he must keep secret the card that he pulled. It is my job to get him to tell me what card he pulled from the deck. When he does, the game is over and I won. If he holds out until I give up, he wins. Sometimes, just for winning the game, I will allow him to ejaculate. Other times I won't. If I win, it doesn't matter because I have already put him through the ringer, so to speak. But you can make up your own rewards or don't use them at all. Just have fun playing the game.

Another popular role play scenario is Doctor/patient (or nurse/patient) as the case may be. Of course you would play the role of the Doctor or nurse while your chaste partner becomes your patient. Here, again, there are any number of things you can do ranging from a physical exam (very in-depth) to prostate milking, or anything in between.

Without going into a long list of scenes you can use for your role playing, I'll leave it to your own imagination, or you can research it on the net. It's up to you. But by adding role play to your repertoire of teasing methods, you have a million new ways to tease and add excitement to your sexual experience.

Mistress Ivey

Tuesday, June 16, 2015

If For No Other Reason...

I searched my email for a good subject for this week, but came up empty. Part of the problem is that I have been extremely busy. What with the house being almost complete and our lease rapidly running out, praying the house is done on time for us to move into without having spend an extra week in a motel, and finding all the right furnishings, not to mention accessories for the house, I have not been able to keep my mind on the lifestyle very much.

However, having someone (willing or not) to run out in a thunderstorm to get you a strawberry milk shake when you really want one, is priceless. Having him locked in a chastity device, while watching a porn movie to keep him out or your hair, is priceless as well. Being in charge, I mean totally in charge, can be such a time and energy saver, I can't imagine living any other way.

Ladies, if you don't already have a guy to do your bidding, and I mean ANYTHING you ask, then you have got to get with the program! Okay, I was still a bit overwhelmed with all that setting up a new house requires, and could not come up with a better post than this one. But that doesn't mean you can't take the time to tease and arouse your guy to get him motivated. Motivation is the key to making any en devour successful. So call your partner into the room and make him do something simply because you can. He will love you for it.

Mistress Ivey

Tuesday, June 9, 2015

No Chastity Device?

Okay, for one reason or another, you have decided not to keep your partner in chastity. That is, you are not going to make him wear a chastity device. Maybe you tried it and it chaffed him severely, or maybe you don't like having to remove and replace it each time you want to use his equipment, or maybe, you just want to torment him more that. How do handle your relationship when you don't put your guy in chastity?

In order to do it, you must keep a vigilant eye on him in order to be sure he isn't cheating. This is a difficult thing to do. After all, there will always be times when you simply can't watch him and he may be tempted to cheat. Frankly, this doesn't always work out so well. You could try teasing him by making him masturbate several times a day. The idea is to keep him satisfied so that he won't be tempted to take things into his own hands.

There are several ways you work this, if this is the method you choose. For example, you can call (or text) him in the middle of the day (even when he is at work), and have him go to the nearest restroom and masturbate. Naturally, you need to have him send you photographic proof that he did as you ordered him to do.

In addition, you might have him masturbate for you at home once (or even twice) each night. This will serve to keep his desire to masturbate low. You don't have to even watch him do it. Simply tell him to go the bedroom or bathroom and do it. Have him bring you proof that he has complied with your order, and that is that. Personally, I have drink that proof as soon as I saw it, but that's just me.

The best method I have found is supervised masturbation. By having him masturbate ONLY under your supervision, can work to keep him from cheating. First of all, he has something to look forward to, i.e. masturbating under your watchful eye. Men who enjoy being humiliated (there are a LOT of them), will remain chaste in order to suffer the humiliation of being “forced” to masturbate. You can spend the time talking to him about your day, or what he is doing, you can kibitz him, you can talk on the phone to your mother or girlfriend if you like. You can watch him, you can ignore him, you can tell him to hurry up, or to stroke it a certain way. As long as you are in the room with him, everything will be fine.

If using the supervised method, you can still tease and deny them because you will allow them to masturbate for you later. I recommend doing it at least once a day. There is no rule that says you can't do it yourself. That is, you can always make him (let him?) cum anytime you feel like it. You can stroke him, suck him, or even fuck him, that's how you want him to cum. Just be sure that you remind him that he is NOT to cum without your permission.

Mistress Ivey

Tuesday, June 2, 2015

Chastity is for Couples (Pt 5)

The Reward & Punishment System.
As I said in my last post, you can expect to have your authority tested, in one way or another. It's not so much a challenge to your authority as it is a test of your resolve. Be prepared. Don't back down.

The best way to maintain discipline (in my opinion) is through a good reward program. This doesn't need to be anything formal (or even written down), but you should keep track so that you can keep a check on yourself, as well as your guy. Yes, you need to keep track of the rewards you give him. Why? Because it is too easy to slip into a complacency in which you don't do your part. That is, you don't give him the rewards he deserves. So get yourself a note book, or one of those journals you can use like a diary. Write down EVERY thing he does for you and the reward you gave him for it.

So what is a good reward system? Fondling him through his clothing can be a reward. Letting him please you sexually can be a reward. But the best rewards of all are those times when you take the time to tease him sexually even if he will not get to have an orgasm. If you truly want your relationship to prosper and flourish, you need a good reward system in place. The more attention (yes, sexual attention) you give your guy, the better the system will work.

Every man's goal, not just a chaste man, is to receive sexual gratification. By locking him in chastity, you have removed every other kind of sexual gratification he could get BEFORE you locked him up. Now, the only thing he gets is what you chose to give him. That is why I have always said, “You can't tease him too much.” He will enjoy it even if all you do is hug him, squeeze his balls or bottom, kiss his cheek and tell him that he is doing a great job.

However, you really should plan on at least one long (sixty minutes or more) tease session a week. You could tease him two or three times a week for thirty minutes each, and that would be even better. The more time you spend each week with him laying naked on the bed while you “play” with his body, the more he will appreciate it, and you. But it's really all those short little teases you give him on a daily basis that keep him coming back for more. That means he will be better behaved. The minute he thinks you are taking all his hard work for granted, he will begin to doubt your ability to lead. Don't let that happen!

Now, about those tests... Whenever he slips up, fails to do as you require, or even smarts off, it is time to implement the other half of the Reward/Punishment system. Punishment can range from a simple scolding, to a severe paddling, or anything in between. You can make him stand in the corner, balance a book on his head, or even wear a pair of clothespins on his nipples for ten minutes. It doesn't matter what the punishment is as long as the severity fits the crime.

One of the best punishments I know of is adding time until his next orgasm. The key to this type of punishment is not placing his orgasm so far in the future that a few days one way or the other won't matter. If you try to keep his orgasm within thirty days from today, you will be doing well. One way of doing that is to set a date in the near future, say... Two weeks away. Mark it on the calendar with a an “O” so that he can see it and he can count the days. Now each time he does something to displease you, you can cross it off and move it the appropriate number of days. (See the photo above.)

As you can see, as long as you can keep moving the expected release date, he will have something to shoot for, but he may never actually reach that day. It is a form of teasing as well as a form of punishment. Of course, you can give him an orgasm any time you want. Maybe he deserves a reward for going above and beyond what you expected and has earned a big reward. No one says you can't give him one anytime you like. But the system above allows you to create an ever increasing time between orgasms without him even realizing what is happening.

Yes, you can make up reasons for moving the release date, if you like. For example, “Thursday is not a good day for me, let's move it to the weekend.” Or, “Your birthday is coming up in a couple of weeks, why don't we just hold off until then?” Perfectly good reasons to move his release date down the line without moving it too far. I know one woman who actually made her husband wait an entire year using this method of reward and punishment. She simply kept moving the date a few days at a time. Her husband was always less than two weeks away from his release date and never got upset when it got moved. She kept him happy by giving him lots of sexual attention (or taking some for herself) and he just never realized how long it had been since his last orgasm because he was focused on the next one.

There you have it. Life is good. If your man is in chastity, life can be great! All you have to do is take charge and tease the hell out of him, and have fun doing it!

Mistress Ivey

Tuesday, May 26, 2015

Chastity is for Couples (Pt 4)

Learning to be in charge.
This is one area where many women have trouble. Learning to be in charge when you have spent your whole life expecting your partner to be in charge is not always easy. Some women are more assertive than others. But that is really all it takes. Whether your guy approached you about this whole chastity thing or it was all your idea, makes no difference here. Being in charge is really not as difficult as some people believe.

If you had a ten year old child who didn't always do what you want him/her to do the first time you told them, what would you do? You would tell them again in a firmer tone of voice. Correct? Well, it is really no different here. If you start out being firm, and by that I mean don't allow him to talk his way out of anything, then you should have no trouble keeping things under control.

You need to adopt a firm stance on things. If you tell him to vacuum the living room carpet and he starts making excuses why he can't do it, then get firm. Don't allow him to weasel his way out of it. The firmer you are, especially when just starting out, the less trouble you will have later on. You don't have to yell or scream. You don't even have to get angry. Stay calm and insist that he obey you. There are numerous ways to convince him to comply with your every wish, but we will get to that later. For now, just try to be firm. Don't take “No” for an answer.

When starting out, don't “ask” him to do anything... Tell him! Don't say, “Please,” say, “DO IT!” Chances are, in the beginning, he will be quite willing to complete any task you set before him, especially if he initially approached you about chastity. You can expect him to defy you in one way or another during the first few weeks. He is testing you. He is testing your resolve and your ability be in charge. Once you realize that that is all he is doing, then you will have no trouble enforcing your rules. If you stand your ground, he will back down. After all, you hold the key to his sexual release. And there is no reason you can't remind him of that.

And that is all there is to being in charge. Set your mind to it, and never back down.

Mistress Ivey

P.S. Next time we will discuss Rewards and Punishments.

Tuesday, May 19, 2015

Chastity is for Couples (Pt 3)

How to begin.
Once you have your chastity device, you should engage in a brief test period. YOU should put it on him. Let him wear it for a day, then check to make sure there are no major problems. That is, make sure it doesn't pinch him or chaff him anywhere. If it does, try to correct the problem. You may also have to wait a few days for him heal before testing it again.

To prevent chaffing, use a good lubrication on his penis before putting it back on. Most water-based lubes will dry out too quickly. I suggest a oil-based or silicone-based lubricant. (Johnson & Johnson makes a Baby Oil Gel that works well for this.) If chaffing still occurs, you may have to resort to a different chastity device. Once he can get through a day without any problems, try it for twenty-four hours. If all goes well, try three days this time.

Once you have a device that he can comfortably wear day after day, be sure to clean and inspect it (yourself) at least once a week. Taking a shower together is good way to do this, but by all means, not the only way. The device does NOT need to be removed for cleaning. Use a liberal amount of soap and water to clean his penis every few days. Remember, he probably can't see it well enough to clean it himself, so you inspect it for him. This can be part of the teasing process as well.

Don't let him (or anyone else) tell you that he needs to have an orgasm to prevent ANY kind of disease. He doesn't! I checked with more than one doctor on that, so trust me. He can easily go for a week, a month, even six months or a year without having an orgasm. When the sperm in the body gets old, it will be released inside the body and will be quickly absorbed by the rest of the body. All this happens without him even knowing about it.

Blue-balls is something that is vastly misunderstood as well. Blue-balls is a condition that occurs when a man gets frequently aroused, but does not have an ejaculation for a long period of time. How long depends on the individual and the amount of arousal. What happens is this: He gets aroused and his body (testicles in particular) begin producing sperm (or fluids for feeding and transporting the sperm (in the case of a vasectomy) along the urethra for eventual ejaculation. If that ejaculation does not occur, there is a build up these things in the body (particularly the balls). This may cause him to feel a slight aching in the groin (or balls) when he gets his next erection (or tries to). It is harmless. It's all a part of the game.

After a few weeks of not getting have an orgasm, his body will limit the amount of sperm etc. that it produces and the effects of blue-balls will go away. (No more groin pain.) So you see, blue-balls is nothing to be concerned about. In fact, you may take some joy in the fact that he gets them. After all, it's just another reminder that he is yours and is not allowed to cum without YOUR permission.

Mistress Ivey