Tuesday, May 19, 2015

Chastity is for Couples (Pt 3)

How to begin.
Once you have your chastity device, you should engage in a brief test period. YOU should put it on him. Let him wear it for a day, then check to make sure there are no major problems. That is, make sure it doesn't pinch him or chaff him anywhere. If it does, try to correct the problem. You may also have to wait a few days for him heal before testing it again.

To prevent chaffing, use a good lubrication on his penis before putting it back on. Most water-based lubes will dry out too quickly. I suggest a oil-based or silicone-based lubricant. (Johnson & Johnson makes a Baby Oil Gel that works well for this.) If chaffing still occurs, you may have to resort to a different chastity device. Once he can get through a day without any problems, try it for twenty-four hours. If all goes well, try three days this time.

Once you have a device that he can comfortably wear day after day, be sure to clean and inspect it (yourself) at least once a week. Taking a shower together is good way to do this, but by all means, not the only way. The device does NOT need to be removed for cleaning. Use a liberal amount of soap and water to clean his penis every few days. Remember, he probably can't see it well enough to clean it himself, so you inspect it for him. This can be part of the teasing process as well.

Don't let him (or anyone else) tell you that he needs to have an orgasm to prevent ANY kind of disease. He doesn't! I checked with more than one doctor on that, so trust me. He can easily go for a week, a month, even six months or a year without having an orgasm. When the sperm in the body gets old, it will be released inside the body and will be quickly absorbed by the rest of the body. All this happens without him even knowing about it.

Blue-balls is something that is vastly misunderstood as well. Blue-balls is a condition that occurs when a man gets frequently aroused, but does not have an ejaculation for a long period of time. How long depends on the individual and the amount of arousal. What happens is this: He gets aroused and his body (testicles in particular) begin producing sperm (or fluids for feeding and transporting the sperm (in the case of a vasectomy) along the urethra for eventual ejaculation. If that ejaculation does not occur, there is a build up these things in the body (particularly the balls). This may cause him to feel a slight aching in the groin (or balls) when he gets his next erection (or tries to). It is harmless. It's all a part of the game.

After a few weeks of not getting have an orgasm, his body will limit the amount of sperm etc. that it produces and the effects of blue-balls will go away. (No more groin pain.) So you see, blue-balls is nothing to be concerned about. In fact, you may take some joy in the fact that he gets them. After all, it's just another reminder that he is yours and is not allowed to cum without YOUR permission.

Mistress Ivey

Tuesday, May 12, 2015

Chastity is for Couples (Pt 2)

How to select a chastity device.
There are many different chastity devices on the market. Everything from cheap Chinese knock-offs of the most popular brands to complete customized chastity belts costing several hundred dollars. I will only cover the those that I feel are the most reasonable for those just starting out.

Before we begin, let me state that a chastity device is a very personal choice. What one couples likes may not be the best choice for the couple next door. There are a great number of things that need to be taken into consideration, such as penis size (when flaccid), the amount and type of exercise your guy gets, travel, and overall comfort. It may take some experimentation to find exactly the right device for you and your guy.

CB-x000 Series
Lets begin with the most popular, the CB-x000 series which includes the CB-6000, the CB-6000s, the CB-3000, the Curve, and (if you can still find one) the CB-2000, all of which are made by A.L. Enterprises, Inc. ( cb-x.com ).

All of these chastity devices are made of acrylic and are welded together at the center. They come with a variety of base-ring sizes so you don't have to worry about ordering a particular size. However, the CB-6000s was released to accommodate those with a slightly smaller penis than average. They do NOT make one for the extra large penis, however. They also offer a set of “spikes” called “Points of Intrigue” which dig into the top-base of the penis should it attempt get hard. There are three different lengths of spikes included with each set. Personally, I think they are over-priced at $45us per set. But they DO work well!

I don't recommend the Chinese knock-offs because they are usually NOT made of acrylic.

Pros:
Well made.
Reasonably priced
No measuring required.
Spikes are available.

Cons:
They can break.
Spikes are an expensive addition.
Cause a visible pant-bulge.

Customized Steel
To avoid breaking, most people will choose to go with a metal device. There are several different styles to choose from. Mature Metal ( maturemetal.com ) will custom build any of their chastity devices to fit the way you want your chastity device to fit. They offer several designs. You can get spikes with some models, but not all, for an additional charge. Of course, being customized, these chastity devices will cost you a little more. But if fit is important to you, this might be the way to go.

There are other customizing companies out there, but Mature Metal seems to have the best customer relations and best way to insure proper fitting BEFORE you buy. So if you are looking for a custom fit, Mature Metal is the way to go.

Pros:
Customized to fit properly the first time.
Steel construction won't break.
Spikes available.

Cons:
Can cause a pant-bulge.
Fairly expensive.
Long wait because of customizing.

Standard Steel
There are many companies that make standardized devices out of steel. However, many do not use surgical stainless steel and those models will often corrode and/or cause irritation. Be VERY careful in selecting one of these.

However, if purchase from a reputable company, you can often save a great deal of money because they usually only come in one or two sizes. The nice part is that you can get quite a large variety of styles. Some have urethra catheters (usually removable) just in case you are feeling extra sadistic. Some brands offer some kind of spikes that can be included or not, depending on your mood. Some of these spikes are quite sharp and may even bring a little blood on occasion. So, I would recommend filing them down just enough to remove the sharp tip. They will still be effective.

Pros:
Inexpensive.
Many different choices.
Optional catheter.

Cons:
Spikes can be too sharp, requiring filing.
Limited sizes available.
Difficult to judge quality of steel.
Usually cause a large pant-bulge.
Airport security.

Silicone Devices
There are a couple of companies making male chastity devices out of pure silicone. These stretch to fit snugly and are usually make from one piece. So there are not little parts to lose, no sizes to worry about. The most famous of these devices is the “Birdlocked” ( birdlocked.com ) which can be bought with spikes in the head of the device. Most devices put the spikes along the penile shaft. But the spikes are NOT removable and you would have to purchase more than one device if you didn't want the spikes always there.

While silicone is a nice stretchy material, it does not breath well. It fits very snugly and may not prevent an erection as much as a harder material would. However, because of its elasticity, one size will fit everyone. The Birdlocked comes in three size, getting the right one can be a matter of trial and error. In spite of what the manufacturers might have intended, these devices often do cause a bit of pant-bulge, but not as much as their steel or acrylic counterparts. All in all, the silicone devices are not as popular as many other devices. Why, I don't know. They seems to do well.

Pros:
One size always fits.
Smaller pant-bulge.

Cons:
No removable spikes.
Not as comfortable as other devices.
Does not breath well.

HolyTrainer
In all my research into male chastity devices, I have never run into a device as perfect as this one. It is made by Novam├ędia of Sweden. The HolyTrainer ( holytrainer.com ) is unique among male chastity devices in that it is made from a bio-sourced resin (plants) that is extremely strong. It has the unique property of becoming ply-able when heated. The HolyTrainer is formed without seams which means it won't break where most plastic and acrylic devices break. At normal room temperature is is very strong, but when heated normal body temperature (such as when you wear it) it becomes somewhat soft and will become quite comfortable.

The material used and the unique design of this device make it ideal for travel. It does NOT require the usual pad lock and the only (tiny) metal piece used for locking the device in place does NOT set off airport metal detectors. If your guy travels a lot, this will be a really big plus! The base ring is also made of the same bio-sourced resin and will form-fit itself your guy's body the first time he wears it.

The HolyTrainer comes in two sizes (like the CB-6000) for those smaller than normal guys. However, not only does the device NOT produce a pant-bulge, it is extremely comfortable to wear even while riding a bicycle. I am told (by a reliable source) that is the most comfortable device on the market. (Believe me, we have tried them all!) While it does not have any provision for adding spikes, it can be worn 24/7 removing it only for a thorough cleaning once a week (recommended for ANY device!)

Pros:
Reasonably priced.
Comfortable.
No pant-bulge.
Less apt to break.
No problem when traveling.
48 hour delivery (believe it or not)!

Cons:
No spikes.

All in all, the best device I have ever tested! I would strongly recommend the HolyTrainer as your number one choice for a male chastity device. If you heat it in hot water, it can be molded to fit any penis. Put it on your guy, have him take a hot shower, and the device will mold itself to come extremely comfortable.

Mistress Ivey

Tuesday, May 5, 2015

Chastity is for Couples (Pt 1)

That's right. Male chastity is not just for men, nor is it just for women who want to control their men. Male chastity is for couples! Both the submissive male and his partner stand to gain from incorporating male chastity into the relationship. The relationship as a whole stands a great deal to gain as well.

If you are the female whose partner has been talking to her about incorporating male chastity into your relationship, but you have reservations, let me put you at ease. First of all, you should relax. I know you may have concerns, issues, and yes. Even a certain amount of fear. Taking total control of your family (Female Led Relationship) can be a daunting task. But that's not what I am talking about here.

All I am talking about is taking control of one small aspect of your relationship. The sex. By utilizing a chastity device of some kind, you are taking the first step toward controlling your partner. He may or may not be keen on the idea. If he is the one who approached you about male chastity, then half your job is done. On the other hand, if this is your idea, you may have to incorporate a little tease and denial to get what you want. Never fear, it will work.

Anyway, the first step is for you both to agree to give male chastity a try. Sit down at your kitchen table to discuss it. Why the kitchen table? Simply because it is a place where you can both feel comfortable and relaxed. It's neutral ground, so to speak. Talk about the possibilities. The benefits to both of you (we will cover those in an upcoming post). Get used to the idea. Don't try to push anything on your partner. Let him or her think about it, maybe do some research on their own. Give it a few days to sink in and then sit down and talk again.

The hardest part is being open and honest with your partner. But this is paramount. If you are not totally honest about your feelings, then you are doomed to fail. Don't be afraid to talk openly. Remember, this is the person who has seen you naked many, many times. This is the person who knows your strengths, your weaknesses, and your vulnerabilities. If you can't be open and honest with him or her, then what chance does your relationship have, anyway?

If you can both agree to give male chastity a chance, then be realistic about it. Start out slow and easy. Don't plan on more than a month or even a week for a trial period. Decide in advance when and how many orgasms will be permitted for the male during this trial period. Even who can decide when they will be permitted. Remember, this is just a trial period. If you don't like it, don't get any enjoyment from it, don't see how it can improve your relationship, then you can always quit.

Mistress Ivey

Tuesday, April 28, 2015

Third Volume Available

Yes, I have finally released Mistress Ivey's Femdom Fantasies – Volume 3 for your enjoyment. This volume is even more focused on real-life situations than the previous two volumes. There are still some stories that are less than realistic, but these are fantasies, after all. (See the ad in the right-hand column.)

I especially enjoyed the one entitled Tea Time because it is a true story that involves a bit of humiliation along with being one of the more erotic tales in the book. Although, I think you may enjoy many of the other stories as well. I have many more submissions from readers and I will putting together at least one more volume for those of you who just can't get enough.

If you remember my series entitled The Marriage Counselor, I am doing a minor rewrite to the first three volumes and planning two more to follow. They will be back on the market as soon as I am happy with the rewrites.

Mistress Ivey

Tuesday, April 21, 2015

Discipline

I have found, over the years, that people don't always understand the difference between punishment and discipline. The fact is, there is no strict division between them. It can depend on many different things to different people.

I normally define discipline as a form of punishment that teaches a lesson of some sort. There are those who would argue that a severe spanking teaches a lesson, but I am not talking about that kind of lesson. For example, you can spank (or paddle) your sub for not making the bed the way you want it, but unless you spend a great deal of time making sure they can actually do it your way, they will never learn the lesson through corporal punishment (a spanking). You need to spend a little time helping them learn the correct of doing what you expect hem to do.

In our example, if showed your guy exactly how you want the bed to look, and he still keeps doing it wrong, it may be that he really doesn't understand it. If you stand over him, giving him detailed directions as he make the bed, then he has a better chance of getting it right. Now, if you make him repeat it a dozen times, THAT is discipline!

Many men, I have discovered, actually enjoy the occasional paddling. Because of that, I have adopted a more disciplinary approach when it comes to getting exactly what I want. I have found that making a guy repeat a task over and over until he gets it right (several times in a row) works quite well. Yes, it takes more of my time, and he enjoys the attention, but he is less likely to make the same mistake again.

That's my lesson for the today...

Mistress Ivey

Tuesday, April 14, 2015

Beware of On-line Keyholders

I know that may sound strange coming from a person who has been an online Keyholder before (and will be again) but I have recently become aware of some rather unscrupulous women (or possibly men) who would take you for all you are worth and leave you... Frustrated!
If a Keyholder demands that you purchase toys for her use (on you) from her (or from a specific website) you might want to watch your step. Asking you pay up to $900us or MORE for toys doesn't sound quite right to me. That's a great deal of YOUR money out of your pocket for who knows what!? It is not unreasonable for a Keyholder to want you to have certain toys at her disposal. However, there are always substitutes you can use or purchase.
If your prospective Mistress demands that you close all your “other” website accounts in favor of her own, or any specific website, she may be asking too much. After all, were you wanting this to be a permanent thing? Or were you just wanting to test the waters to see if she is the right Mistress for you? It's okay if she wants you to open a special website account on her (or any other website, but unless you are sure that she is “the one” for you, you may want to look elsewhere for a Keyholder.
If she immediately wants to take command of you and all you do, be careful. She make make other demands that are outside your limits later on. If she wants you to give her information about yourself that you would rather she (anyone else) not know, again, be careful. Personal, private information can turn out to be used for blackmail purposes. You don't want to get caught up in something like that.
Don't give out information about your personal finances, people you know (such as family or friends), and never give out your real address. If she wants you to give her your phone number, buy a cheap phone and use a service such as Net-10 or Straight-Talk, something you can walk into a gas station and purchase a time card for.
If she wants you to use something such as Skype, Yahoo messenger, or other video chat program, be extremely careful about what can be seen (or heard) in the background. Even letting her see your face (especially if she records your sessions) or required you send photos, can be devastating once she publishes them online. Once she has such photos, she can do anything she likes with them! Be aware of that!
You should be allowed to interview her for the job as much as she can you. Don't sign up with anyone who won't answer questions or allow you to have personal limits.

Mistress Ivey

Tuesday, April 7, 2015

FLR w/o BDSM?

Yes, you can have a female led relationship without BDSM. You will still need a certain amount of “Kink” though. But kink is something that varies from person to person. As the saying goes, “It's only kinky the first time.” Simply put, that means that once you have done something it becomes “old hat” as far as you are concerned.

If you are going to do an FLR right, there are two things that I believe are essential; 1) Chastity, to keep the guy from doing what he shouldn't; and 2) Tease and denial, because unless the guy is kept in an aroused state (as much as possible) he will lose interest in everything else.

Having said that, how you manage discipline, punishment (if at all), and control of your guy, is entirely up to you. You can get as kinky as you want (or not). I know one couple where the guy is not at all kinky but his wife is, to a greater extent. He wears a chastity belt to keep him in line and is teased on a regular basis. He does not get as many orgasms as he would like (unless you count ruined orgasms). He gets punished with a paddle when he needs it. Other than that, there really isn't any kink in their relationship. Well, he has rings on the sides of his chastity belt which are used to keep his hands from doing what they shouldn't whenever his cage is removed. Oh wait! That's a little kinky, isn't it?

Well however you look at it, besides the chastity and tease and denial, there does not need to be a great deal of kink involved in your relationship. And “chastity” does not mean you must use a device. There are a few men out there who don't need one. Some will actually obey their wives when told not to touch themselves, and some who just don't care to masturbate. Granted, these men are few and far between, but they do exist. But if your guy might masturbate when you are not around, then you will need some kind of device to keep him chaste.

And that's my lesson for the day...

Mistress Ivey