Tuesday, April 28, 2015

Third Volume Available

Yes, I have finally released Mistress Ivey's Femdom Fantasies – Volume 3 for your enjoyment. This volume is even more focused on real-life situations than the previous two volumes. There are still some stories that are less than realistic, but these are fantasies, after all. (See the ad in the right-hand column.)

I especially enjoyed the one entitled Tea Time because it is a true story that involves a bit of humiliation along with being one of the more erotic tales in the book. Although, I think you may enjoy many of the other stories as well. I have many more submissions from readers and I will putting together at least one more volume for those of you who just can't get enough.

If you remember my series entitled The Marriage Counselor, I am doing a minor rewrite to the first three volumes and planning two more to follow. They will be back on the market as soon as I am happy with the rewrites.

Mistress Ivey

Tuesday, April 21, 2015

Discipline

I have found, over the years, that people don't always understand the difference between punishment and discipline. The fact is, there is no strict division between them. It can depend on many different things to different people.

I normally define discipline as a form of punishment that teaches a lesson of some sort. There are those who would argue that a severe spanking teaches a lesson, but I am not talking about that kind of lesson. For example, you can spank (or paddle) your sub for not making the bed the way you want it, but unless you spend a great deal of time making sure they can actually do it your way, they will never learn the lesson through corporal punishment (a spanking). You need to spend a little time helping them learn the correct of doing what you expect hem to do.

In our example, if showed your guy exactly how you want the bed to look, and he still keeps doing it wrong, it may be that he really doesn't understand it. If you stand over him, giving him detailed directions as he make the bed, then he has a better chance of getting it right. Now, if you make him repeat it a dozen times, THAT is discipline!

Many men, I have discovered, actually enjoy the occasional paddling. Because of that, I have adopted a more disciplinary approach when it comes to getting exactly what I want. I have found that making a guy repeat a task over and over until he gets it right (several times in a row) works quite well. Yes, it takes more of my time, and he enjoys the attention, but he is less likely to make the same mistake again.

That's my lesson for the today...

Mistress Ivey

Tuesday, April 14, 2015

Beware of On-line Keyholders

I know that may sound strange coming from a person who has been an online Keyholder before (and will be again) but I have recently become aware of some rather unscrupulous women (or possibly men) who would take you for all you are worth and leave you... Frustrated!
If a Keyholder demands that you purchase toys for her use (on you) from her (or from a specific website) you might want to watch your step. Asking you pay up to $900us or MORE for toys doesn't sound quite right to me. That's a great deal of YOUR money out of your pocket for who knows what!? It is not unreasonable for a Keyholder to want you to have certain toys at her disposal. However, there are always substitutes you can use or purchase.
If your prospective Mistress demands that you close all your “other” website accounts in favor of her own, or any specific website, she may be asking too much. After all, were you wanting this to be a permanent thing? Or were you just wanting to test the waters to see if she is the right Mistress for you? It's okay if she wants you to open a special website account on her (or any other website, but unless you are sure that she is “the one” for you, you may want to look elsewhere for a Keyholder.
If she immediately wants to take command of you and all you do, be careful. She make make other demands that are outside your limits later on. If she wants you to give her information about yourself that you would rather she (anyone else) not know, again, be careful. Personal, private information can turn out to be used for blackmail purposes. You don't want to get caught up in something like that.
Don't give out information about your personal finances, people you know (such as family or friends), and never give out your real address. If she wants you to give her your phone number, buy a cheap phone and use a service such as Net-10 or Straight-Talk, something you can walk into a gas station and purchase a time card for.
If she wants you to use something such as Skype, Yahoo messenger, or other video chat program, be extremely careful about what can be seen (or heard) in the background. Even letting her see your face (especially if she records your sessions) or required you send photos, can be devastating once she publishes them online. Once she has such photos, she can do anything she likes with them! Be aware of that!
You should be allowed to interview her for the job as much as she can you. Don't sign up with anyone who won't answer questions or allow you to have personal limits.

Mistress Ivey

Tuesday, April 7, 2015

FLR w/o BDSM?

Yes, you can have a female led relationship without BDSM. You will still need a certain amount of “Kink” though. But kink is something that varies from person to person. As the saying goes, “It's only kinky the first time.” Simply put, that means that once you have done something it becomes “old hat” as far as you are concerned.

If you are going to do an FLR right, there are two things that I believe are essential; 1) Chastity, to keep the guy from doing what he shouldn't; and 2) Tease and denial, because unless the guy is kept in an aroused state (as much as possible) he will lose interest in everything else.

Having said that, how you manage discipline, punishment (if at all), and control of your guy, is entirely up to you. You can get as kinky as you want (or not). I know one couple where the guy is not at all kinky but his wife is, to a greater extent. He wears a chastity belt to keep him in line and is teased on a regular basis. He does not get as many orgasms as he would like (unless you count ruined orgasms). He gets punished with a paddle when he needs it. Other than that, there really isn't any kink in their relationship. Well, he has rings on the sides of his chastity belt which are used to keep his hands from doing what they shouldn't whenever his cage is removed. Oh wait! That's a little kinky, isn't it?

Well however you look at it, besides the chastity and tease and denial, there does not need to be a great deal of kink involved in your relationship. And “chastity” does not mean you must use a device. There are a few men out there who don't need one. Some will actually obey their wives when told not to touch themselves, and some who just don't care to masturbate. Granted, these men are few and far between, but they do exist. But if your guy might masturbate when you are not around, then you will need some kind of device to keep him chaste.

And that's my lesson for the day...

Mistress Ivey

Tuesday, March 31, 2015

Topping From The Bottom

Well, guys... Now it's your turn! I get so many complaints from men and women alike, that their partner is not doing their part. When I look more closely at the relationship, I so often find that the guy is trying to top from the bottom. Put simply, they tell their wives (or partners) just exactly what to do, how to dress, when and how to punish them, and/or tease them.
Guys... You can't do that and expect your partner to just fall in line. It doesn't work that way. If your partner is not all “gung ho” about taking control, she will NOT be what you were hoping she would be. Not even close. Telling her what and how to do things is never going to work. Period!
The best approach is one in which you educate your partner and find things that she might enjoy doing, or having done for her. She needs to do some research. Who knows better than you where to send her for the information YOU want her to have? No one. So if she sounds even a little bit open to working with you in setting up an FLR (or whatever name you want to call it), give her time to do her research.
Maybe you can make it a joint venture. You know where to go, so go there together and let her read things for herself, or read them together. Read her stories that illustrate the kinds of things you enjoy. Ask her if any of what you read interests her. If it does, build on that. If not, read her something else. Keep going until you find something that she says she might enjoy doing.
Once you cross that first hurtle, the rest is easy. Make an agreement that simply states that you will do such-and-such and that she will do something specific as well. For example, you will wash the dishes and take out the trash every night if she will spend ten minutes playing with your cock. Then try it for a week or so. Keep helping her do research, however she wants to do it. Then, when she finds something else she would like to try, add it to your agreement.
Now you are on your way. Don't push her, that will be counter productive. It will NEVER work! Instead, lead her toward those things that she finds interesting or fun. Remember, it's a game of give and take. Don't try to do it all. Neither of you will be happy in the end and your attempt at an FLR will fail. Just relax, enjoy those parts that you can, and let nature take its course. It will.


Mistress Ivey

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Fun Fun Fun!

Ladies, what kind of things do you think are fun (sexually speaking)? That is, do you enjoy receiving oral stimulation? Giving oral stimulation? Acting like a bitch and shouting orders to your submissive partner? Maybe you are more the type who enjoys embarrassing your partner and making him feel the humiliation?
My point here? If you are going to make your female dominated relationship work, you are going to have to find something that is fun for YOU! Maybe locking your guy in chastity then sexually teasing him for weeks (or even months) at a time is what gives you a thrill. It doesn't matter what you enjoy. What matters is that you make sure you are doing SOMETHING! Your partner is expecting his needs and/or desires to be satisfied, and only YOU can do that. So doing nothing will not work. Find out what is fun for you, and then use that to have fun with him.
If you were both open and honest in creating your agreement, then you stand a good chance of making your relationship a success. After all, isn't that what this is all about? Your relationship? Don't be afraid to try something new. After all, chances are, you have already reached a point where your male dominated relationship went stale. That is, it may have become boring, sex almost non-existent. This is YOUR chance to “fix” things.
Don't be afraid to talk to your partner about ANYTHING. Do some research. Find out what kinds of things other people are doing. Start out slow. Add things as you go. Experiment. Be brave. If your partner likes the idea of being cuckolded, but you just can't bring yourself to do that sort of thing, fake it. Get all dressed up. Go out. When you get home, tease your partner by telling him all about how you met this really well hung guy, and how you went to his place and he fucked your brains out. He won't know the difference unless you admit that you just went to your sister's house and watched TV.
If your partner wants to be publicly humiliated, tell him you are going to invite some friends over and you want him to serve you all, maybe wearing only his chastity device. Or maybe make him masturbate for you. You might be surprised how embarrassed he becomes just at the thought of doing that.
The best way to find out what your partner likes is to have him gather some captioned photos. The caption says it all. The photo is usually irrelevant. But you will find out what kind of Mistress he wants you to be. There is always a way for you both to be more sexually satisfied than ever before, if you are willing to work at it. But remember, it is supposed to be FUN!
Mistress Ivey

Tuesday, March 17, 2015

Who Are You?

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People often confuse me with someone who is cruel to men, or hates men, or enjoys inflicting pain on men. But that's not me. The truth is, I am an average woman who happened upon a lifestyle that is so often confused with that sort of person.
I consider myself to be average. Average looking, average intelligence, and average income and background. I have been poor. Living on the streets, poor. I never attended college, but I read a great deal, so I don't consider myself uneducated. The fact is, I am just an average woman, a house wife, as it were.
I am married. With the help of my husband, I have grown to understand romantic relationships quite well. After all, I have lived in many different kinds of relationships.
My philosophy concerning female led relationships (FLR) is somewhat different than many you will encounter on the Internet. I do (and have done) my research when it comes to these types of relationships. The fact is, I was in one before I knew what to call it.
An FLR is not that different from the average couple anywhere in the world, or throughout history, for that matter. The truth is, women have a power over men that men often overlook, and therefore, fall prey to. Erotic power!
You see, men are driven, even controlled, by their desire for sex. They can't help it. They were made that way. Women, on the other hand, are not so driven. They have something men want. And except for certain cases where sex is forced upon them, women control the sexual part of any male/female relationship (at least in the free world).
But marriage is a give and take on both sides. The only difference between a male dominated relationship and a female dominated one is who is in control. At least, that's what we are told. The fact is, more men are controlled by their libidos than would like to admit it. Men are weak when it comes to sex. They can't help it. It's their nature.
It is my belief, and I try to convey that to others, that even in a FLR, there must be a certain amount of balance. Men have rights in a FLR, just as women have rights in a male dominated relationship. The only real difference is that, I recommend spelling out those rights in an agreement. This agreement is intended to be a true negotiated agreement that spells out exactly what is expected from each member of the partnership (marriage).
I so often run into couples whose agreement is either non-existent, or very poorly negotiated. If you ask the man who wants his wife to become his “Mistress” what he is willing to do for her, the answer is invariably, “Whatever she wants.” When it comes time to negotiate the agreement (if they bother to do it at all) many men who desire this type of relationship, fail to be realistic. They are so anxious for their wives to take over, they fail to honestly negotiate their own limits.
On the other hand, there are those women who only enter into this type of agreement in order to placate their partner, and they don't follow through on what is expected of them. Sometimes, this is due to that fact that they, themselves, have not done their research and are unaware of what is being required of them.
I know of one couple who set up a FLR simply because it was what the husband (at least he said) desperately wanted. When his wife locked him in chastity (which was a part of the agreement) he refused to wear the device on the weekends, siting that he needed to be able to masturbate if she didn't give him the teasing he wanted. That was never a part of the agreement, nor does it make any sense at all, if he truly wanted her to be in charge. As it turned out, he entered into the agreement (after pushing his wife into it) hoping she would spend several hours a day sexually teasing him (something she was totally unprepared to do). Because the agreement failed to specify what constituted “sexual teasing,” the whole thing fell apart. The wife failed to do any research into what she was getting herself into, and the husband had his own ideas as to what he wanted. It failed miserably.
So, in conclusion, I warn men not to push their wives into something they are not prepared for, and to be realistic in their expectations. I warn women to do their homework before sitting down at the negotiating table. Know what he wants. Know what you are willing to do. Make an agreement, at least an initial one, that does not require more from either of you, than you are prepared to give.
All relationships evolve. Allow for that, and don't try to make yours the “ideal” FLR until it has had time to evolve. Let it grow. Don't try to push things too fast. You both need time to learn your roles and how to handle various situations. Be patient, and things will work themselves out.

Mistress Ivey