Tuesday, May 5, 2015

Chastity is for Couples (Pt 1)

That's right. Male chastity is not just for men, nor is it just for women who want to control their men. Male chastity is for couples! Both the submissive male and his partner stand to gain from incorporating male chastity into the relationship. The relationship as a whole stands a great deal to gain as well.

If you are the female whose partner has been talking to her about incorporating male chastity into your relationship, but you have reservations, let me put you at ease. First of all, you should relax. I know you may have concerns, issues, and yes. Even a certain amount of fear. Taking total control of your family (Female Led Relationship) can be a daunting task. But that's not what I am talking about here.

All I am talking about is taking control of one small aspect of your relationship. The sex. By utilizing a chastity device of some kind, you are taking the first step toward controlling your partner. He may or may not be keen on the idea. If he is the one who approached you about male chastity, then half your job is done. On the other hand, if this is your idea, you may have to incorporate a little tease and denial to get what you want. Never fear, it will work.

Anyway, the first step is for you both to agree to give male chastity a try. Sit down at your kitchen table to discuss it. Why the kitchen table? Simply because it is a place where you can both feel comfortable and relaxed. It's neutral ground, so to speak. Talk about the possibilities. The benefits to both of you (we will cover those in an upcoming post). Get used to the idea. Don't try to push anything on your partner. Let him or her think about it, maybe do some research on their own. Give it a few days to sink in and then sit down and talk again.

The hardest part is being open and honest with your partner. But this is paramount. If you are not totally honest about your feelings, then you are doomed to fail. Don't be afraid to talk openly. Remember, this is the person who has seen you naked many, many times. This is the person who knows your strengths, your weaknesses, and your vulnerabilities. If you can't be open and honest with him or her, then what chance does your relationship have, anyway?

If you can both agree to give male chastity a chance, then be realistic about it. Start out slow and easy. Don't plan on more than a month or even a week for a trial period. Decide in advance when and how many orgasms will be permitted for the male during this trial period. Even who can decide when they will be permitted. Remember, this is just a trial period. If you don't like it, don't get any enjoyment from it, don't see how it can improve your relationship, then you can always quit.

Mistress Ivey


  1. Dear Ivey,
    Have read your blog and enjoyed it for some time but first time commenting. I very much agree that chastity is for the couple and the relationship and more and more couples seem to be discovering it.But you and most women who recommend it emphasize using some kind of a " cock cage" that more or less takes away choice from the male. Isn't the real test of obedience and commitment to chastity and the relationship learning self control about masturbating rather than doing it mechanically. I speak with some experience as we used two different devices and they worked but as soon as I was out of them I reverted. Finally we went to the " honor system" with a series of punishments and rewards to motivate me. Today we have accomplished orgasm control in which I can't come ( either with intercourse or masturbation) without her permission. But it took time and that time would have been wasted if I had spent it locked up rather than learning self control. Thanks for your blog and the fresh ideas you introduce

    Philip _ . .

    1. You make a very good point, Philip, but this series of articles is about chastity, not restraint. Besides, some people find using a chastity device to be enjoyable. Yes, it removes the need for restraint, but at the same time, it can be much more fun (not to mention humiliating) for the male to be "forced" into chastity and lose all control over that which he once took for granted.


    2. Dear Ivey,
      Thank you for your thoughtful response. I know we are in the minority in rejecting mechanical devices. I have read part 2 of this article and if it ever becomes a problem again we will definitely look at the Holy Trainer which you recommend so highly. If it had been available it might have worked for us but I do take great satisfaction from achieving chastity by self discipline.

  2. Mistress Ivey, Your recommendations are excellent and should be followed by couples just starting out. Love, respect, trust, and good communications is at the heart of a developing relationship. Mistress Barbara and i say Amen.

  3. My wife simply stated that everything here is her property incl. me. She asked me, " Exactly what right do you have to tell me what I can do with my property?" Good point. Then She followed by saying, " Sounds like you're questioning whether I'm competent enough to decide when you deserve sexual release..is that what you're doing." I trembled at that since, in our marriage, questioning Her authority/Female Supremacy is automatically punishable by a week of Daily Discipline. I relented and apologized immediately and assured Her that I would be HONORED to have Her as my Keyholder.--servant billy

    1. I hope that worked for you.

    2. I've gotten used to it. If I get a good weekly evaluation on Friday I'm allowed out for the weekend.

  4. Mistress Ivey, do you have any recommendations on chastity devices? Especially for beginners.

    On the same note, I think a section on recommended devices/toys would be a great addition to your blog.