Tuesday, May 26, 2015

Chastity is for Couples (Pt 4)

Learning to be in charge.
This is one area where many women have trouble. Learning to be in charge when you have spent your whole life expecting your partner to be in charge is not always easy. Some women are more assertive than others. But that is really all it takes. Whether your guy approached you about this whole chastity thing or it was all your idea, makes no difference here. Being in charge is really not as difficult as some people believe.

If you had a ten year old child who didn't always do what you want him/her to do the first time you told them, what would you do? You would tell them again in a firmer tone of voice. Correct? Well, it is really no different here. If you start out being firm, and by that I mean don't allow him to talk his way out of anything, then you should have no trouble keeping things under control.

You need to adopt a firm stance on things. If you tell him to vacuum the living room carpet and he starts making excuses why he can't do it, then get firm. Don't allow him to weasel his way out of it. The firmer you are, especially when just starting out, the less trouble you will have later on. You don't have to yell or scream. You don't even have to get angry. Stay calm and insist that he obey you. There are numerous ways to convince him to comply with your every wish, but we will get to that later. For now, just try to be firm. Don't take “No” for an answer.

When starting out, don't “ask” him to do anything... Tell him! Don't say, “Please,” say, “DO IT!” Chances are, in the beginning, he will be quite willing to complete any task you set before him, especially if he initially approached you about chastity. You can expect him to defy you in one way or another during the first few weeks. He is testing you. He is testing your resolve and your ability be in charge. Once you realize that that is all he is doing, then you will have no trouble enforcing your rules. If you stand your ground, he will back down. After all, you hold the key to his sexual release. And there is no reason you can't remind him of that.

And that is all there is to being in charge. Set your mind to it, and never back down.

Mistress Ivey

P.S. Next time we will discuss Rewards and Punishments.


  1. Hi Ivey,

    I could not agree with you more. In my experience men usually want to do what they are told, but there are times when they resist. The important thing is not to back down.
    If he wants you to be his mistress-key holder- or whatever, he needs to do as you tell him regardless of how he feels at the moment. Looking at your site my suspicion is that you have had a great deal of experience with men. My feeling is that it would do every young women well to explore femdom on some level. It may or may not be for her, for her husband or whatever, but what a learning experience. Love, Kathy

    1. Well said Kathy. I think that if more young women learned the benefits of femdom early on, even if they don't partake, the world would be a better place.

    2. There is no doubt that many women don't realize how easy it is to produce the habit of obedience in men. Some of us were trained by our mothers and that training is triggered by assertiveness and firmness from a wife or girlfriend. But most men want to please their woman even if not trained to do so and will respond positively to a woman who projects that she expects to be obeyed. The threat of punishment especially spanking helps too in long term relationships but even if a woman doesn't use corporal punishment she can create a relationship in which she is obeyed . It's sort of sad that so many women don't realize how easy it is.