Tuesday, March 31, 2015

Topping From The Bottom

Well, guys... Now it's your turn! I get so many complaints from men and women alike, that their partner is not doing their part. When I look more closely at the relationship, I so often find that the guy is trying to top from the bottom. Put simply, they tell their wives (or partners) just exactly what to do, how to dress, when and how to punish them, and/or tease them.
Guys... You can't do that and expect your partner to just fall in line. It doesn't work that way. If your partner is not all “gung ho” about taking control, she will NOT be what you were hoping she would be. Not even close. Telling her what and how to do things is never going to work. Period!
The best approach is one in which you educate your partner and find things that she might enjoy doing, or having done for her. She needs to do some research. Who knows better than you where to send her for the information YOU want her to have? No one. So if she sounds even a little bit open to working with you in setting up an FLR (or whatever name you want to call it), give her time to do her research.
Maybe you can make it a joint venture. You know where to go, so go there together and let her read things for herself, or read them together. Read her stories that illustrate the kinds of things you enjoy. Ask her if any of what you read interests her. If it does, build on that. If not, read her something else. Keep going until you find something that she says she might enjoy doing.
Once you cross that first hurtle, the rest is easy. Make an agreement that simply states that you will do such-and-such and that she will do something specific as well. For example, you will wash the dishes and take out the trash every night if she will spend ten minutes playing with your cock. Then try it for a week or so. Keep helping her do research, however she wants to do it. Then, when she finds something else she would like to try, add it to your agreement.
Now you are on your way. Don't push her, that will be counter productive. It will NEVER work! Instead, lead her toward those things that she finds interesting or fun. Remember, it's a game of give and take. Don't try to do it all. Neither of you will be happy in the end and your attempt at an FLR will fail. Just relax, enjoy those parts that you can, and let nature take its course. It will.

Mistress Ivey


  1. Ivey,

    Enjoyed the post. That is great advice for any woman. In a sense we all want to please our men. For many this is why we are in a FLR to start off with. My husband craves public humiliation. One of the simple things that works for me is taking him panty shopping. He loves it, yet at the same time fears it. Love, Kathy

  2. Mistress Ivey, great post. I read many blogs and see where the submissive is really topping from the bottom. In our relationship I asked for a FLR and told her why, then gave her some sites to look at. After looking at a few we looked together. She did comment that some of the sites left her very wet and she agreed to try a FLR. That was years ago. She is now in control and I couldn't be happier. Having said that I'll also say at times I do ask for something. If I get it or not and when I get it is up to her. I'm very grateful to have found my dominate.

  3. Yes. My approach exactly. Wise lady.

  4. My wife was reluctant to take over, because she felt that to be in charge would characterize her in my eyes as mean, bitchy and arrogant. She wanted an "equal" relationship that almost ruined the marriage, but now she realizes that someone has to have final say to avoid constant disputes, but she was sure she didn't want me to have that final say. After months of having to top from the bottom, I finally convinced her that I knew she would never turn her dominant position into a problem because she is kind and loving. I wanted to just adore her as the beautiful and sexy head of the household, in charge of our sex, orgasms for both, my tease/denial sessions, spankings as I needed them for bad behavior and letting me know when she needed some of my job earnings for the house, without me being allowed to question any of her new areas of control. She will now also make all final decisions in disputes and I will wait on her whenever she wants, clean the house and do other chores and errands as ordered, and she will control the TV remote whenever it pleases her. She teased and denied me for several days while getting herself about 6 orgasms from my tongue and fingers. I dripped and ached for days. Last night and again this morning, she sealed the deal on our new arrangement with two hard spankings with a nylon spatula, my bamboo bath brush and a wicked paddleball-style paddle with a 5" X 6" head that I had bought for her, made from heavy purple heartwood. She then allowed me inside her for a mind-blowing orgasm, while reminding me that this was her choice because she wanted me inside, and was not up to me, ever again. She feels I should stay chaste without a cock cage, and since she plans to keep teases to no more than a week, I know I can easily stay on the honor system, as a loyal knight to my queen. I am happy beyond belief and my bottom is still tender to sit on, 12 hours later, which she says pleases her. I thanked her for my spankings and loving me enough to train me to her liking. She said she expects she will now be able to teach me how to be a better, more well-behaved and respectful husband. Now she is fully in charge, and I will not top from the bottom as she said it will earn more punishments than I would want. She has read several of your posts that I pointed out to her, so thank you so much for your wise instruction. I think you have had a big part in healing our 40 year marriage. I just wish we had discovered this even 20 years ago, but no more looking back, I am just looking forward to continuing to serve her and her delicious pussy.