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When you
are not the one in charge, how do you change things? How do get more
of what you want without complaining?
First of
all, you have to give up trying to force your partner to do what YOU
want. It will NEVER work! When you were in charge, you didn't like
being told that you were not doing things right. Now did you? So why
on Earth would think that would work with her?
What you
should be doing is giving her lots of praise every time she does
something you enjoy. Thank her for EVERYTHING she does. If she makes
you wash the dishes by hand, even though you have a dishwasher, thank
her. If she denies you the opportunity to have an orgasm, thank her.
Show her just how much you really appreciate everything she does for
you, and you will get a lot more back from her.
Stop
complaining about what she does not do, and thank her for what she
DOES do. As the old adage says, “you will catch more flies with
honey, than with vinegar.” When was the last time you thanked her
for locking you in chastity so that you can't masturbate? Think about
it. The more you praise her, the more you do FOR her, the more she
will want to do for you.
If you
want her to try something new, something you have never done before,
you need to let her know. But if you make it sound like a complaint,
or like she “has” to do it, the less likely you are to get the
result you want. So be subtle! Write her a fantasy. Send her a letter
with your fantasy in it.
Do
something romantic. When was the last time you bought her flowers?
Took her out to dinner? Or to a movie? What have you done for her,
lately? Perhaps, before you complain about anything, you should
examine your side of the relationship. Make sure you are doing ALL
you can to please her, to make her happy.
After
all, a happy wife makes for a happy family!
Mistress
Ivey
Before you come down on me for what I say in a multi-part posting, perhaps you should wait for the next part... (There is a part 3 to this series.)
ReplyDeleteHow right you are. My wife does not permit me to ask for anything, she will do with me what she wants . I get a lot of T and D every morning. I do not dare to ask to cum, it would result in a severe punishment. She decides and likes me to wait 4 months between orgasms.
ReplyDelete"How right you are...I get a lot of T and D every morning...I do not dare to ask...it would result in a severe punishment."
DeleteWell of course there's no room for complaint in that situation, you're getting exactly what everyone wants already. There's a false assumption in this post series that the keyholder is doing that as a minimum, and so the submissive shouldn't complain and the keyholder can do "whatever she wants" within that presumed scenario. But the reality is many keyholders agreeing to participate in the role do NOTHING: no teasing, no punishments, no anything. Telling keyholders in those situations that they can continue to do "anything they want" (i.e., nada) without complaint is misguided. There has to be some baseline.
A Fine Dominance
with no teasing
A Fine Dominance
my dear, unceasing
We should be like a couple of d/s kinksters
But you're as vanilla as Sunday ministers
A Fine Dominance, you won't punish
A Fine Dominance, you won't admonish
I might as well give my key to my old maid aunt
This is a fine dominance.
-Anonymous from 2/11
Oops, I need to add one more line if I'm going to adulterate Kerns & Fields properly,
Delete...
I might as well give my key to my old maid aunt
You treat me like a plant
This is a fine dominance.
-Anonymous from 2/11
Again... There is another part to this series. And again... You still sound bitter.
DeleteThere are woman out there who just don't want to get involved, or simply don't know what to do. If they read my blog, or my books, and still do nothing, then they are not interested. YOu may have to try something totally different.
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
DeleteMistress Ivey, there are plenty of good bloggers out there, but when it comes to keeping things simple, there is nobody better than you. It should be a law that any woman wishing to enter into a FLR/FLM, must subscribe to your blog. God bless you!
ReplyDeleteLOve youuuu and your blog.
ReplyDeleteVisit me and say hi :)
I have recently started following your blog. As I read through this post, I realized that even if there were no chastity or FLR in the relationship, and one were to follow your advice, It would be enriching for any relationship. Keep those blogs coming... jbo
ReplyDelete