Abstinence and Prostate Cancer

I don’t know who wrote the comment, but on Amazon.com, someone wrote  in their review of A Keyholder’s Handbook that I am wrong about abstinence in men having no ill side effects. They quoted a study found in the American Medical Journal that says there is a direct link between abstinence and prostate cancer.

In fact, this person is correct about the article, but does not understand that the AMA (or AMJ) publishes studies and their results in order to entice other researchers to duplicate the study and the findings. The fact is, this was the only study that gave those results. Other studies have not been able to reproduce the same results. The fact is, the AMA knows more about what does NOT cause prostate cancer than they do about what does cause it.

Spanking & Paddling

I have been told by more than a few women that they are afraid of hurting their partner when the spank or paddle him. Well... You could if you really lay into him. But let me give you a few pointers to help you feel more comfortable.

1.      Always use a safe word. A safe word gives him the opportunity to stop you if you are hurting him. Some people will say that it gives him too much control. I say, “Hogwash!” It won't take you long to realize just how hard you can hit his upturned bottom. But in the meantime, if you are afraid of hurting him, it's a good idea,

2.     Watch and listen! You know how much he normally struggles and how loud he yells when you are spanking him. Listen for that especially distinct “Ouch!” that you hear when you know you have hit too hard. As long as he isn't doing that, you're OK.

3.     Hit the “Sweet-Spot!” The spot from where his bottom becomes his thighs and about halfway up (six inches?) his bottom. That is the “Sweet-Spot.” Odds are, you will do less damage hitting him there. Too high, you risk hitting his tail bone. Too low, and the pain will seem much greater because the thighs are more sensitive. (I know I will catch a lot of flak for that one, but I know I am right.)

Always start out slow and soft. Allow yourself to build up to the really hard hits. If you use your hand the first few times, you learn how it feels because you will feel it, too. By starting out more slowly, you will learn more quickly just how much he can take. If your goal to punish him so that he won't soon forget, use fewer, harder smacks. If your goal is more of a play thing, then start slow and let the pain build. Remember, if you can give pleasure while giving pain, he will be able to handle much more. His brain can't tell the difference, so start out by gently rubbing his bottom on a soothing, loving manner.

Another way to tell is to check your handiwork the next day. If it's not all purple, black and blue, then you certainly didn't hurt him. If it is, make sure there are no welts or blisters. These can be a sign that you went too far. By-the-way, if you make him take a nice HOT bath afterwards, you can be sure that the he won't forget too soon. After all, the longer the pain lingers, the longer he will remember it.

If the problem turns out to be your own feelings of guilt. Have a long and serious talk with your partner the next day. Ask him how it felt. Ask him if it was too much, or if he thinks he could take more. Many men enjoy spankings considerably. If your guy is one of those, then he will be honest with you.

I hope that helps those of you who were in doubt.

Mistress Ivey

Just For Fun

What do you say when your partner says, “I'll do anything if you will just let me cum!”? Try saying something like this:

• “Go masturbate on the front porch.”
• “Stand naked in the middle of the back yard and masturbate.”
• “Go masturbate on the neighbor's porch.”
• “Stand in the middle of the highway and masturbate.”
• “Masturbate in the neighbor's coy pond.”

If he doesn't want to do it, then tell him that he doesn't really need to cum, yet. Tell him he has an extra week in chastity just for asking. Or give him a choice, do what you asked or spend another week in chastity. The point here is, he doesn't “need” an orgasm. If he wants one badly enough, perhaps he will do as you requested.

EBook Sale

I would like to proudly announce that I have managed to reduce the price on ALL my eBooks to only $3.99 each through the first of the year. If you have been wanting any of my eBooks, but thought them a little too expensive, now’s the time to get in on this special pricing. If you buy from Amazon, and you also buy the paperback version of any of these books, their match-book price for the eBook will be only $1.99.

I want everyone who reads my blog to be able to read my eBooks as well. You can purchase any of these eBooks from Smashwords, Amazon, Apple iTunes, Barnes & Noble, Kobo, or anywhere you buy eBooks.

If you have been meaning to purchase one (or more) of my eBooks, now is the time to do it. Don’t put it off until it’s too late.

Mistress Ivey

Using Fantasy Effectively

There are things that your partner wants you to do to him, things he wants you to make him do, humiliating things, things he cannot tell you about. So how do you know what these things are? His fantasies!

Every man has sexual fantasies. It's a fact. In many of those fantasies he is “forced” to do things he would never do on his own. Things like cross-dressing, bi-sexual activities, and other humiliating things. These things are his secret fantasies. They are secret because he would be humiliated to tell you about them.

So how do find out what they are? You must find a way for him to relate his innermost secret fantasies. Those things he can't come right out and tell you. A good way to find out some of these fantasies is have him write you stories, or send you links to some stories online. Another way is to ask him to send you some erotic photos that depict things he fantasizes about.

Ultimate Guide to T&D

Yes, I have written another book. This one is aimed at everyone who enjoys sex and would like more of it, and those who don't like sex and would like to avoid having intercourse (too often). That might sound like I am shooting for the moon, but frankly, T&D is for everyone! You don't have to be a keyholder (or chaste), you don't have to be in an FLR (Female Lead Relationship), you just have to want to do more sexually without having more intercourse.

In effect, this book is for everyone, whether you are in a Female Led Relationship or not, whether you use chastity or not. If you are in a committed relationship, this book can make your sex life better, more enjoyable, even bring the two of you closer together. Everyone knows that once the fun goes out of your sex life, your marriage can start to go right along with it. Resentment might set in. And once that happens, you may think there is no way save your relationship. But you would be wrong. Tease and denial can be great fun for both of you. You can put some excitement back into your marriage and make it stronger than it was when you first started out.

Is Submission Really for YOU?

I receive a great deal email from men who say they are submissive and want advice on how to find a Dominant woman to guide them. But it often turns out that what they really want is a woman to cater to their submissive side when it comes to sex (kinky sex). So the questions comes up, “Are you really submissive? Or are you only sexually submissive?”

As it turns out, only you can answer that question. But in order to do that, you must separate your sexual desires from the rest of your life. That is, outside of sex, do you still want to serve? Do you want to wash dishes, vacuum the carpets, make the beds, etc., etc., etc.? Do you REALLY want a woman telling you what to do ALL the time?

If you are not ready to a woman to take total charge of your life, perhaps you should simply join a local BDSM group so that you can get your “Kink” out without getting bound up (pun intended) in something you are not prepare for. Don't get me wrong...

Why Do You Want An FLR?

I get this question from women whose husbands have been nagging them to take control of them. They either don't see the benefits out weighing the work they think they will have to do themselves, or they see only the “kinky” side of it. But there are many benefits men don't often relate to their mates when they want an FLR. So, allow me to enlighten those who don't fully understand it.

A Female Led Relationship is just that, Female Led! There are no rules that say you have to do anything kinky, although I find those kinds of things can be fun. Simply put, it means that the head of the household is the woman, not the man. She makes the decisions as to who will take little Bobby to soccer practice on Saturday and who will do the grocery shopping. It means that she will decide what movies you go to and where you will eat when you dine out.

An FLR is nothing more than a switch in the basic roles of the people involved. That does not include, necessarily, who earns the money. It involves who makes the decisions. Which decisions she wants to make may vary from one relationship to another. After all, every couple is different. What works for Jane and Jim down the street may not work for you. But the basic premise is good for every relationship, FLR or not.

Thank You All!

I wanted to make a brief post to thank all my readers for their support. If you looked about half way down the right column, you will notice my total page views count. On November 12, 2015, in the early afternoon, that count passed the three-million (3,000,000) mark!

Thank you all for your support! It is truly appreciated.

Mistress Ivey

Fulfill His Desires Thru Masturbation

Last week we talked about what it takes to be a good leader. We mentioned that food, shelter and clothing were the only needs that must be filled. Now let's talk about desires. If you are not fulfilling at least some of your partner's desires, he will quickly lose interest in serving you. That would be a bad thing.

So what do you do when your partner has expressed the desire to do something “really” kinky? Well, the obvious answer would be to do whatever he wants. But what if you are not really into that kind of activity? What can you do then? I have found that humiliation works very well.

If you don't want to dress him up in women's clothing, or make him have sex with another man, or cuckold him, or even allow another woman to touch him, here is a suggestion that can fulfill all these desires without you having to do anything but give him a few commands. It's called humiliation.

Are You a Good Leader?

One of the signs of good leadership is how you look out for those beneath you. That is, do you make sure that your subordinates are getting their needs met? If not, then you need to look into that.

My husband was in the Navy for a number of years and one of the things that I learned from him was, if you don't take care of the needs of your subs, then they won't be happy. Their moral will be affected in a negative way. Happy subs are those the hardest working subs, according to my husband. And that makes since.

Training for Submissive Men

I know that I wrote a blog post about how submissive men should not be trained by anyone but their prospective Female Dominant. My reasoning was simply that there was no proper training available. In 99% of the cases I could find, a man was only getting his kinky side satisfied and NOT getting the information he really needs to find a good Dominant woman, or how to begin to serve her properly. That is, until now.

I, along with Queenie of ConquerHim.com and a few other Dominant women have gotten together to set up a training program that I think will give the submissive male everything he needs to find, and properly serve, the woman of his dreams. I believe that this new training program will be a great success and help many men to achieve their own goals in setting up an FLR (Female Led Relationship) with the right woman.

Are You Truly Submissive?

Are you truly submissive, or are you just kinky? That's the question you men should ask yourselves. You women should ask yourselves if you are truly in an FLR or are you just a dominant for his kink?

Many men, women too, mistake leadership in an FLR for dominance in kink. If you are doing kinky things for your partner because that's what he wants, but you are not getting what you want from the relationship, then you are just playing dominant to his kink. If he were truly submissive, then he would be fulfilling all your hopes and dreams, desires, and kinks, without expecting anything in return. That much is fact.

An FLR is not a sexual relationship. It is a lead and follow relationship. That is, as the leader of the relationship, you, as a woman, should be getting anything and everything you want. Only then, should you feel the need to reward your submissive with sexual favors that he wants, whether they be kinky or not.