Tuesday, November 24, 2015

Is Submission Really for YOU?

I receive a great deal email from men who say they are submissive and want advice on how to find a Dominant woman to guide them. But it often turns out that what they really want is a woman to cater to their submissive side when it comes to sex (kinky sex). So the questions comes up, “Are you really submissive? Or are you only sexually submissive?”

As it turns out, only you can answer that question. But in order to do that, you must separate your sexual desires from the rest of your life. That is, outside of sex, do you still want to serve? Do you want to wash dishes, vacuum the carpets, make the beds, etc., etc., etc.? Do you REALLY want a woman telling you what to do ALL the time?

If you are not ready to a woman to take total charge of your life, perhaps you should simply join a local BDSM group so that you can get your “Kink” out without getting bound up (pun intended) in something you are not prepare for. Don't get me wrong...

In a real Female Lead Relationship, a woman does not always even want to control her man all that much. She may only want to be in direct control over her sex-life. She can, and should, control any and all aspects of the relationship that she feels comfortable controlling. Perhaps she wants to maintain the final word on things and lets her partner handle the day-to-day routine things that she used to do. Things like cleaning, cooking, doing the laundry.

Many FLR's don't appear very different from any other relationship, on the outside. Maybe her partner handles the financial end of things. Maybe she still does the cooking. She may even want to be on the receiving end of most of the sex. These things are all simply her choice. After all, if she is in charge, she can do whatever she wants, including the laundry, if that is the way she wants it.

Serving as a submissive in an FLR means that you serve out of love. If you don't love the woman you are serving, then your life will not be what you expected, no matter what the sex is like.

So, gentlemen, when looking for a Dominant woman to take over your life, to love, to cherish, to obey, be yourself. Be strong in who you are. If you try to be someone you are not, you will fail... Miserably!

Mistress Ivey


  1. Hi Mistress Ivey!

    What you write is so true. Does the desire to serve and submit continue after sexual gratification? If not then you are right on, head to the local BDSM group and get your kink on.

    If submissive thoughts and emotions are still there after then it's the real thing, and that is a wonderful place to be :-)

    Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and experiences. It is so wonderful to read about others living in FLRs.

    My best wishes to you!

  2. "Serving as a submissive in an FLR means that you serve out of love."

    This is the absolute anchor-point truth of any FLR/FLM. Thank you for a wonderful post.

  3. Truth is no matter how strong your submissive desire there are times when it wanes. I am not referring to right after a release either, I mean stress or a life event. With that said, I for the last 5 years have gladly served my wife and followed her directions, more importantly than just doing what she says, I follow her lead and yes in some ways I allow her to lead, its important to her that my obedience and following of her is what I truly want, not just something I do to make her happy. I guess the point of my post is to say great post and there are those of us who are happy to follow and obey just because we enjoy it, not just sexually but completely.

  4. Try it if you preach it.

    For the next 6 months...

    Deny Nemo all kink.
    Offer him vanilla sex only once a month.
    Let him do whatever whenever andet me know if you still have a working flr.

    1. Nemo has gone for almost an entire year without sex, due to my health, and never complained once. He took such good care of me that I felt obligated to something special for him. I did, but I am not telling you what that was.


  5. A different anonymous than above here. My wife and I of 41 years are just now trying out our new FLR. Children of the 60's, we had already rejected the old 50's and earlier setup of male led, and we tried for all those years to have an equal relationship...which never worked, due to the inevitable things you can never agree on, which become angry scars in the relationship. Now at 61 years old each, we are "test driving" the new arrangement of her in charge of anything she wishes, while I humbly follow. So far, we are loving it. She controls our sex completely now, and I have been given a set of daily household chores, but must do anything else she come up with in that way. She has final say whenever she wishes. I am allowed one orgasm every week or two, usually intercourse, but am teased 2 to 3 times a week until she is ready to allow my release. Then I am teased again within 12-24 hours of that to keep it going, while I am learning to change my habits to that of obeying her in all issues, which is not easy right now, but I am learning. She has no interest in chastity devices, and says she thinks more of my devotion if I wait out of devotion and love only, rather than equipment. As long as we stay at a week or two, that is no problem for me to stay chaste for her. I wait on her whenever she wishes, just like wives used to do for their husbands, including more than half the cooking and all the dishes and bed making. She has as many orgasms a week as she wants, but usually that is only about 4 or 5, usually oral from me, and often right after my tease. She is not totally comfortable with flogging or spanking me, but she did notice that it helps me learn to humble my ego, so she saves it for times when my new habits, still forming, slip back to my old willfulness. Then she warms and reddens my bottom good and scolds me, which helps me be better for many days. We figure that after a couple of months, I will get more used to her being in charge, with me obeying her, and outbursts will dwindle to almost nothing. Even though my intentions are pure in wanting her lead, it truly helps to have the sexual and spanking part in place, at least until I am better trained. So I agree with you in theory, but breaking the habits of many years would not be possible, at least for us, without a little kink. Maybe after a long time, that may change and be less needed? Time will tell. Meanwhile, we are both loving our rediscovered love and romance. It feels good to share this with someone, because it is a secret to friends and relatives. She said it would be too embarrassing to let anyone else know. That is just fine with me. I am learning, slowly, but still learning, that she gets it all the way she wants it.

    1. ps. Me again. I think the "right way" may simply have to depend on individuals and couples. We are not identical people to everyone else in the world. How could it then be true that your ideal is perfect for everyone? I think if the motives are pure, there are as many right ways as there are couples. As long as the result is a happy couple, it can't be wrong, just different.

  6. Just had to say I love the femdom art above! We should try to cultivate a greater love for femdom art.

  7. sexually submissive for me... wife is fine with it

  8. sexually submissive for me... wife is fine with it

  9. The more women control, the better the world.