Forced Chastity?

I recently read another blog about “forced” chastity. About the only thing with which I agree concerning that post is that you can't really force chastity on anyone. Let's look at the facts...

• No man who doesn't want to be locked in chastity is not going to allow someone to lock a device on him.
• No device (yet) made can't be defeated, no matter what kind you have.
• If a chastity device were placed on a man against his will, he could easily bring criminal charges against the perpetrator.

With that in mind, I would like to discuss what many men DO like. Many men, especially those involved in chastity, have fantasies about being “forced” to do any number of things. Some want to be forced to wash the dishes, some want to be forced to wear a woman's clothing, and some even want to be forced to watch their wife have sex with another man. The truth be told, these are all just fantasies. I'm not saying that they won't experience any of these things, but the truth is they want to pretend that they are being “forced.”

There is a certain amount of sexual excitement in being forced to do things that are considered to be outside the range of “normal.” Normal, meaning accepted by society as a whole, or not thought of as “kinky” by non-kinky folks. All the person is looking for is an added thrill that would not be there if they were not “forced” to perform some activity.

When I was slave to my husband, there was a thrill in not having to make any decisions at all. Our sexual, or kinky, activities took on a more exciting, more intense, feeling simply because nothing I was doing was my idea. I had no choice. I had to do what I was told. Being bound only adds to the thrill because, no matter what happens to me, I was not the one who was doing it. I was being “forced” to do it.

All most men want is for someone else tell them what to do. They want to be relieved of responsibility for their actions. Their sexual actions, anyway. Men's fantasies are as widely varied as snowflakes. There are no two alike. Not only do these fantasies vary from man to man, they often vary from day to day in the same man. That is, one man's fantasies are constantly changing, evolving, from moment to moment.

The thought of being “forced” to do anything in these fantasies only adds to the excitement of the particular fantasy. Therefore, the desire to be “forced” to perform certain acts becomes stronger with each passing day unless, and until, the fantasy is realized. This is true of any fantasy.

If you are not completely up to date on exactly what your man is fantasizing about, you need to learn about them. After all, the best way to control any man is through his fantasies!

Mistress Ivey

Attitude!

I have spent a great deal of time writing about all different aspects of tease and denial of your guy's cock. I have given you many reasons to try it. What I have not talked about in this blog, is a VERY important thing... Your attitude!

You can always tease a man's cock successfully, just about any time you want. You can even do it when you are angry with him. But if you really want him to enjoy it, you need to have the right attitude. If you don't, it doesn't matter how you tease him, how often you tease him, or even where you tease him, he will not enjoy it as much as he should.

So, what is the right attitude? Simply put, you must enjoy what you are doing. It sounds simple, but in order to convey your pleasure (your attitude) you must make your partner understand just how much you enjoy teasing him. That means that you are going to have to talk with him (or at him) in a sexual way. That's where all those other things I have taught you come in.

You can talk to him about a fantasy that he has, or simply about how much you like making him squirm. It really doesn't matter as long as you keep his attention on sex. You should do your best to occupy his mind with thoughts of sexual activity. Whether it's about what you are doing to him at the moment, or something you think he would be humiliated doing in the future. Talk about how good it would feel to him to put his cock inside you. Talk about how you love making him beg to cum. Talk about how much you would love to make a video of him being teased by another woman.

The subject matter can be varied as much as your imagination allows, as long as you enjoy what you are doing and he knows it. If you have a good time, so will he, even when you deny his orgasm. But if you go into any sexual encounter with a bad attitude, you will not only not enjoy what you are doing, but neither will your partner.

Remember, in this type of relationship, sex is totally under your control. So why would you ever have a bad attitude? If you want him to please you, make him do it. If you want to edge him ten or twenty times without allowing him an orgasm, do it. If you want him to masturbate for you because you are just too tired to tease him yourself, do it. Just be sure that he always knows that whatever you (or he) are doing, you are enjoying yourself. After all, if he were to simply masturbate to porn on the internet, he will imagine that the woman on the screen is enjoying it.

Let's be honest about this. What makes the women in the the photos and videos on the internet so erotic? They seem to enjoy sex. It's the same thing that makes a hooker good at what she does. She makes her John happy by acting as if she enjoys what she is doing as much as he does. It's no big secret. It's human nature.

Basically, if you have a good attitude toward your sexual activity, he will enjoy it that much more. So make it a point never to engage in sex when you just can't have a good attitude and you will find that you both enjoy it all much, much more!

Mistress Ivey

Philosophy

When it comes to the philosophy of a Female Led Relationship, one must surely realize that we are generally talking about a marriage, as opposed to a work relationship.

So what brings me to this point? I read a book by another author, who shall remain nameless, today. Some folks would look at her work compared to mine and think we are living in two different worlds. The truth is, we are not. In fact, we agree on more things than you might think. The difference, as I see it, is that we are not talking about the same thing.

If you were discussing the rotational effects of the moon on the Earth with a friend, and someone else started saying that, according to so-and-so, you were wrong. Wouldn't you be curious what “so-and-so” said about the subject? But what if you tell your friend that “so-and-s0” wasn't talking about the moon, but rather the Sun? After all, it is a whole different subject.

Okay, in my writing, both here and in my books, I talk about women being in charge of their men, their families, in a female led relationship. But this other author (who I am not naming) does not talk about that kind relationship. Instead, she talks about a non-consensual type of relationship which is a totally different animal. It is my philosophy that there must be harmony in a marriage. And that means “give and take” on both sides.

When someone compares my methods with those of other authors, I appreciate it, if they didn't try to compare apples and oranges. For example, in a non-consensual relationship, the slave (or sub) has given up all rights to anything other than obedience. In a female led marriage, he has not. In fact, he is expected to be rewarded for good behavior, teased to help keep him in line, and given an orgasm once in awhile, especially if he is in chastity.

If you want to have a non-consensual slave to take care of your every need, by all means, go out and find one. But if you want your husband or lover to obey you, be prepared to hand out rewards for good behavior.

If you are going to talk about me, please understand the philosophy, and get it right.

Mistress Ivey

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B & B

I hear so many women tell me that they love keeping their partner in chastity, but don't go in for all that bondage stuff. When I ask them if they at least tie his hands when they remove his chastity device for teasing, most tell me they don't. When I ask if they blindfold him during tease sessions, again the answer is “no”. Shame on you Ladies!

There is a reason that I advocate the use of blindfolds and bondage when teasing your guy. Whether you remove his chastity device or not, your objective is (or at least should be) to get him as aroused as you possibly can. Isn't it? If you didn't answer “Yes” to that, you may as well skip this post. In fact, you may as well forget about tease and denial altogether. I mean, if you are going to do it, do it right.

A blindfold serves as an aid to increasing your partner's arousal because it forces him to use his imagination. His fantasies live in his imagination. Think about it. A blindfold can also eliminate the need for you to put on some kind of fantasy enhancing attire (sexy outfit) in order to tease him. If he can't see you, he will imagine you. In other words, you can be dressed in an old pair of jeans and T-shirt, but he will imagine the leather teddy, high-heeled boots, and whatever else he would like you to wear. You can even feed his imagination by describing to him what you want him to see.

As for the bondage part, again, you need to feed his imagination. By simply tying his hands so that he is unable to use them, he will feel more vulnerable. More vulnerable equals more aroused. Wait... Isn't that the point of all this? It doesn't matter that you are lousy at tying knots. It doesn't matter that if he really wanted to he could get loose. All that matters is that feeling of vulnerability, of having no control (because you have all the control), that will increase his arousal. You can bind his wrists behind his back, to the arms of a chair, to the headboard of your bed (or any bed), you can even tie them to the top of a door. It doesn't matter how you bind his hands as long as you do it.

I hope you get my point. Two simple items, a blindfold and piece of rope, can make your job so much easier. Why work at teasing your partner when there are so many things you can do to get him to new heights of arousal without making more work for you. Don't believe me? Try tying his hands to a chair while he is naked, then sit down and start reading a book (to yourself). Every now and then, ask him if he would like you to touch him. Or ask him to describe what he would like you to be wearing when you touch him. You'll see I'm right.

Have fun with teasing... It's supposed to be fun, NOT a chore!

Mistress Ivey

On The Edge Pt-2

In the video above, you will see how this woman uses several techniques of stroking. The main one she uses is the “Up-Only” stroke. Notice how she starts at the base of his cock and lets her hand slide up (barely even touching him) and then returns to the bottom without sliding down. This is an interesting technique because, I have discovered, many men can't get what they need to ejaculate... The “Down” stroke!

I have found, over the years, that by giving a guy only up-strokes, he seems to be able to hold the edge longer than if he gets a down-stroke along with it. If you think about it, it's like he is only “pulling out” and never “pushing in.” He needs to feel that push to help him over the edge. Since we don't want him going over the edge, this is a great stroke to use. You can pause at any time for however long you think you need to before continuing.

Another method of creating ruined orgasms is what I call the “Ball Tug” method. I don't have a video example for you, but there are some out there. What you do is take his balls in your hand and firmly tug them in a downward direction, never touching his cock at all. Though this method you can produce a full orgasm, it has been my experience that if you either let go at the right time, or squeeze his balls tightly at the last moment, his orgasm will be ruined. Of course, the object here is to stop BEFORE he gets that close.

It really doesn't matter what method you use as long as you stop and allow him a moment to rest before he reaches orgasm. The nice part is, no matter how early you stop, you have successfully teased him and did not push him over the edge. The really fun part of edging is the frustration you are causing your partner. Believe me, he will love it even if he doesn't really get that close to the edge. This is true tease and denial.

Mistress Ivey

On The Edge Pt-1

I have written about edging a little before, but I don't think I dedicated a whole post to that. So, for those of you who have been wanting more information specific to edging, here you go...

First of all, edging is nothing more than bringing your partner close to orgasm and stopping short of allowing him to actually ejaculate. How close you get him, and how many times you do it, will vary, but the methods are many and simple. It's like trying to ruin an orgasm and stopping too soon. That's edging!

It really doesn't matter exactly how close your partner is to ejaculation when you pause, or stop stimulating him, for a moment. The point is to NOT allow him to slip over the edge into an orgasm. Exactly how long you can stimulate him depends on several factors. The first is, how sensitive to stimulation he is. The second would be exactly what you are doing to stimulate him. And the third factor would be how much stimulation you are giving him. But the key to good edging is stopping all stimulation BEFORE it's too late.

Once you start to stimulate him, you can stop and allow him to rest for a few seconds to a minute or even more. As long as he does not ejaculate, you may then resume your stimulation of his cock. Now let's take a look at some of the most popular methods of stimulation (as if we need to).

The most commonly used method is to lubricate his cock (or your hand) really well with your favorite sex lube. Now, simply stroke his cock in whatever manner you prefer. Remember that you MUST stop before he ejaculates! I find it the most fun to use a slow, upward stroke. If you only stroke from the base to the tip of his cock, he will last longer (and so will your fun). I like to stop every few strokes, between five and ten strokes. If you are stroking both up and down, you might want to stop after only five or six strokes.

Short pauses will cause his desire and, therefore his proximity to orgasm, to increase. If you suspect that he is getting close to an orgasm, pause for a longer period, or do fewer or less stimulating strokes. You can, of course, continue to stimulate other parts of his body. Just not his cock or you will push him over the edge.

Another method of teasing his cock for edging is by touching it with only one or, possibly, two fingers at a time. This can be very frustrating. That's a good thing. Though, you might want to do some full stroking with your whole hand to get him warmed up. Use a very light touch and he will certainly last longer. I know that many of you, for whatever reason, don't want to spend a great deal of time doing this, but if you really get into his frustration and learn to enjoy it (not to mention the control you have over him at this point), you can have so much fun with edging.

Mistress Ivey

Stifled Orgasms (Pt 2)

This is one subject I have not spent a great deal of time talking about. I guess that's because they are so easy to accomplish. But I have recently been asked what good a stifled orgasm is if the recipient still gets all “grumpy” afterwards. I have said that stifled orgasms are more like full orgasms than ruined orgasms. I stick by my assessment.

With a ruined orgasm, there is no drop, either physical or emotional, in the sexual arousal of the recipient. That is to say, he still wants sex and he can easily cum again. After all, none of the hormones or endorphins that accompany a full orgasm are released. However, they are released when an orgasm is stifled. That means, there will be a drop in sexual desire. The poor guy will go through all the same symptoms he would have had he been allowed to have a full orgasm. I have been told that the after effects don't usually last as long. At least in some men.

I am not a big fan of stifled orgasms except for their possible use as a punishment. Yes, a stifled orgasm can be a punishment. When the body goes through the normal ejaculation cycle, there is a great deal of pressure behind the ejaculation. When you stifle his orgasm, you are holding back his normal ejaculation, and all that pressure produced forces the semen into whatever area is available. Normally, it will back up into the bladder. While it is not in the least bit harmful, it can cause a certain amount of pain. Often twice. Once when the body is attempting to expel his ejaculate, and again when you release your grip on whatever part of his penis you used to stifle the orgasm. Of course, the pain associated with your release of his penis is not as intense as the initial backup, it is still a little bit painful. Or, I should say, can be. This doesn't happen to everyone, nor does it happen every time. It all depends on how long you maintain your grip.

Either way, the initial backup does, quite often, cause a certain amount of pain, and this is why I use it as a punishment. Personally, I love ruining an orgasm more than just about anything else. The expression on his face as he tries to produce a full orgasm when the stimulation is gone is priceless! The fact that he is still aroused and doesn't want to stop is key to keeping him in a “ready to serve” state.

Just for the record, if you intend on giving your man a stifled orgasm, its effectiveness is directly proportional to the length of time you hold it back. That is, the longer you maintain your grip, preventing any ejaculate from escaping, the more effective it is. If you release him too soon, because the pressure still remains, his semen may shoot out one time and dribble the rest. But if you hold him long enough, it will all dribble out. So it depends on you as to how long you want to hold him back. Sometimes it is fun to watch that first “blast” of semen come shooting out, knowing that he is not getting any enjoyment from it. But other times, you just want to watch his face when you finally release his penis and his cum just dribbles out.

So, yes, a stifled orgasm can be fun, just be careful of the after effects. Remember, he will experience a drop in arousal and desire for sexual activity if you stifle his orgasm. I think it is well worth the trouble to learn how to ruin his orgasms. Besides, it's fun practicing!

Mistress Ivey

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Stifled Orgasms (pt 1)

I have done a great deal of writing about ruined orgasms (my favorite kind). But I think I have to redefine them just a bit. I have come the the conclusion that some orgasms, while not allowed to expend their ejaculate in a 'normal' manner, are not quite the same as real ruined orgasm.

What I am talking about needs a bit of explanation. When I talk about a ruined orgasm, I am speaking about one that is allowed to happen all on it's own. It will not squirt, spurt or shoot as a normal orgasm. It will, in fact, only dribble out. The only way I have found to achieve this type of orgasm is to simply allow it to happen without touching the cock at all. That is, when that all important, crucial moment arrives (often called the point of no return) and no further stimulation of any kind is given, the ejaculate will simply dribble out.

However, if you stop the orgasm, you have not, technically, ruined the orgasm. Though it may not be what your guy wanted, it still allows his system to pump all it can as hard as it can, it just doesn't come out. It will be blocked from squirting, spurting, or otherwise shooting out as in a normal orgasm. That's why I call these “stifled orgasms.” The orgasm must be stopped PRIOR to any ejaculation occurs.

Here are a few ways to “Stifle” and orgasm:

• Squeeze the base of his cock VERY tightly.
• Squeeze this cock just behind the head as tight as you can.
• Pinch the sides of the head firmly between your thumb and forefinger.
• Place your thumb securely over the hole at the tip of his cock. (This one is hard because of the amount of pressure involved.)
• Place a tight cock-ring on his cock either at the base or just behind the head. (Note: silicone rings are not tight enough for use on most men.)

You should maintain your grip for at least ten to fifteen seconds to insure that you have stopped his ejaculation entirely. Of course, in the case of a cock-ring that part is taken care of.

The only difference between a stifled orgasm and a full orgasm (one that is allowed to squirt, spurt and shoot out) is the fact the the stifled orgasm isn't allowed to come out until all the hard pushing is done. The fact that a full orgasm results in a decrease in sexual desire is also present in the stifled orgasm. Therefore, for all intents and purposes, a stifled orgasm is a full orgasm that was not allowed to exit the body with any force.

A ruined orgasm, on the other hand, is not a full orgasm because no matter how much the subject tries to push his ejaculate out with force, he is simply unable to do so. This then, leaves him totally unsatisfied and wanting more. Wanting more is the goal of the ruined orgasm, isn't it?

So from now on I will refer to only three types of orgasm; full, stifled, and ruined. I apologize for any past confusion this may have caused, but in the future, things should be much more clear.

Mistress Ivey

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