Why Become A Mistress?

Because it can be so much fun! That's why.

I have written several books and heaven knows how many blog posts about how and why you should tease your man. But it seems like everything is about him when in fact, the reason for becoming a Mistress is to have someone cater to your own needs, wants and desires. After all, isn't that what this is all supposed to be about?

If taking control and setting up an FLR is supposed to be all about the woman's needs and desires, why do I spend so much time talking about what she should be doing for him? Isn't it obvious? I can think of only one reason... To keep him sexually aroused so that he will WANT to do everything he can for her.

But if she has to work this hard at it, isn't that sort of self defeating? If by that you mean that she should have to do nothing and he should do everything, then it won't work. Both partners MUST get something out of the relationship, and in order to do that, both must put something INTO the relationship. Tit for tat (pun intended). The great part about it is, the woman, YOU, should be getting a great deal more than you are putting into it. How is that fair? I didn't say was.

Here is how it really works... You are in charge! In charge of him. In charge of everything. You get a servant (sub, slave, whatever) to do all those things you don't want to do. To get that, you have to keep him sexually aroused and focused on you. That's it. The big bonus for you is the feelings that only come from having that much power and control at your fingertips.

Let's face it, Ladies, don't you get a little charge every time you give him an order and he complies? Especially if you have just ordered him to do something humiliating that he would never do without you “making” him do it? Then there is the powerful feelings when you ruin or completely deny him the orgasm he has been begging for for the last two months! The look on his face when his ejaculate dribbles out of his cock after a long tease session is priceless. The fact that he hasn't had an orgasm in two or even three months just adds to the joy.

Yes, you spend some time keeping him horny by teasing his cock, telling him what to do, making sure he is doing everything you want, and then, of course, having to punish him when he doesn't. But, there again, there is that feeling of power and control. Isn't it wonderful?

I feel sorry for those women who look at all the sexual attention they give their partner as a chore. It's not a chore, it's an opportunity to have fun... At HIS expense.

Mistress Ivey

CBT for Beginners

I get a great number of questions regarding cock and ball torture (CBT) and I am never quite sure how to answer them. While some men may thoroughly enjoy one type of CBT, another type might really put them off. Then there is the inherent danger. The penis and testicles (cock and balls) can be quite delicate. That is, they can be permanently damaged if you are not careful.

Having said that, let's take a look at a few things you can do as long as you take care NOT to over do any of them. That is, don't go to extremes. If in doubt, don't do it.

Weights: Adding weights to a man's balls in order to cause slight (or severe) pain is a common method of CBT. The easiest way to accomplish this is simply to wrap a thin rope or string (I like using round boot laces) around the ball sack just above the balls several times and tie it off. If you have enough string left at both ends you can tie them together forming a loop under the balls. To this loop, you can attach weights. Purchase your weights in the fishing aisle of your favorite department store. They come in many different sizes and can be attached to the string using Christmas tree ornament hooks.

There are a number of apparatus that can be purchased from just about any online sex shop to make this easier. But I don't recommend you spend a great deal of money on something you may discover you don't want to use. There are 'parachutes' that work well. They consist of a conical-shaped piece of leather with (usually) three chains that attach to a ring. These chains dangle below the balls and you attach your weights to the ring. Whatever you choose to do, PLEASE start out slow. Don't go adding a 25Lb weight your first time out. Start with something that only weighs a few ounces first.

Binding: Using the same string I described above, you can tie up your guy's jewels just about any way you like. You can get fancy by wrapping his penis from tip to base. You can make a fishnet type binding, or you can just tie a string to the tip and see how much weight he can “lift” when he gets really turned on. Of course you can always involve the balls when binding the penis. Just don't leave it on him all day unless you have tied him loosely (what fun would that be?). Anytime you start binding the cock and balls you risk cutting off the flow of blood. That can be dangerous. So limit the time you leave any bindings on.

Motor-Boat: This is a fun (for you, not so much him) thing to try. Wrap a string around his cock starting at the base and working your way to the tip. Don't tie either end to anything. Once you have him all wrapped up, take the end nearest the tip and pull it straight out from his body. It's like pulling the string to start a motor-boat, thus, the name. It's fun and reasonably harmless.

Electro-shock: This is my personal favorite. You can purchase (yes you have to buy something for this one) any number of types and styles of electro-shock devices. Most online sex toy stores carry a variety of them. By attaching the electrodes to various places on and around his genitals, you can achieve all sorts of results. Most devices have the capability to adjust the intensity of the shock and/or the waveform used. All I can tell you about this type of CBT is that it is FUN! Just make sure you ALWAYS turn down the settings before trying it in a new spot. (I learned that from experience.)

Then there are what are commonly called “sounds.” Sounds are long metal (usually surgical steel) rods that can be inserted into a guy's urethra. The name comes from using them like a tuning fork. The vibrations can be very stimulating. I recommend starting with the smallest one you can get. They do come in sets anywhere from four to twelve in a set. Always use plenty of lubrication when inserting ANYTHING into the penis. It will hurt enough, even with lubrication.

There are many other types of CBT as well. Try waxing the hair off his balls, applying some duct tape, or just sticking some regular tape to the hairy spots. Ripping it off is so much fun and fairly harmless. You can use any of a number of clips and clamps made especially for CBT (or nipples) but my favorite of these is that old standby... clothespins. I recommend the cheap ones because they have weaker springs.

I DO NOT recommend hitting, his balls with anything. Gentle slaps or finger thumps should be your limit. Serious injury can result from anything harder. He may be able to take the pain, but his genitals may not take the damage well.

CBT can be fun when you do it right. Just don't risk doing damage and you should be fine.

Mistress Ivey

Get Into It

After years of talking with folks, researching, and writing, I still hear the same old complaints. Men complain that their wives don't give them enough sex (teasing, etc.) and the woman complain that their guy thinks it's all about sex. Well, they are both right (in a manner of speaking).

While I am a firm believer that, for men, sex is one of the most important things in life. I also believe that they will always want more than they get. It's a fact of life. It's the way they were designed. I talked about this in all of my books. Men are, by design, sexually oriented beings. They will, if given the chance, beg, plead, hound, and cajole you to death to get more sex. That's why a woman must learn how to control all that.

Women, on the other hand, don't normally want sex nearly as often as men. Not, that is, until they discover how much fun they can have controlling a man with it. Before I discovered my “inner Mistress,” I hated the fact that all men ever think about (it seemed) was sex. But once I learned how to use that to my own advantage, I couldn't get enough myself. Why? Because I discovered just how much fun it can be.

Ladies, if you are still at that point where you get tired of being hounded everyday for more and more sexual activity, then you have not yet figured out how to have fun with it. Think about it... Don't you just hate trying to find ways of telling your partner that you just don't want to do it right now? Don't you just wish you could do or say something that would make him stop begging all the time?

Try taking control. You don't have to give in to his desires. Instead of you having to take the time to get him all turned on (as if he weren't already) and then let him poke you for thirty seconds to relieve his desires, try something different. The next time he starts his routine “hint dropping” that he needs sex, take control. Tell him that he can have all the sex he wants if he will do exactly what you tell him to do.

Once he agrees, you tell him to strip and masturbate for you. If you don't want to watch, don't. Watch TV or knit something while he does all the work. If you really want to have fun, stop him before he cums and tell him that he tried hard enough and that you will give him another chance later (or tomorrow). It's called tease and denial. The better you get at it, the more fun you can have with in.

So, Ladies, get with the program. Tease the hell out of your partner and he will repay you ten times over with love and attention. It's a win-win situation.

Mistress Ivey

Special Announcement

I need one special slave

I am in search of one special slave. This slave will NOT have to purchase tasks as all my other long-distance slaves do. He (or she) will be expected to obey my every command without question.

If you think you can measure up to my expectations, then you should send me an email with the Subject reading "One Slave". In the body of the email, tell me why you think I should choose you to be my special slave. What makes you unique? What makes you worthy?

Also include a brief story about what you think a typical day as my personal slave would be like. Yes, this is a fictional story. Do your best. I will select the applicant from the entries I receive in the next few weeks. So get your application in.

Send your email to:

Good Luck!

Mistress Ivey

Is Coercion Necessary?

What I mean by that is, does the average woman who wants to take control of her man need to coerce him? I guess that depends on the man. There have always been men who enjoyed being submissive to women. Professional Dominatrices have been around a long time. I have heard about men going to these women as far back as the Fifties, but I am sure it goes much further back than that. Mark Anthony for example. Here is a solder, a leader of men who fell so madly in love with Cleopatra that he would have done anything for her.

It is my opinion, that if most (not all) wives were to bring up the subject in the proper manner, their husbands would jump at the opportunity to be submissive. I do know a few women, married to “Alpha” males who had to practically force their husbands into chastity for one reason or another. Most of them are living quite happily since making the change. And so are their husbands.

But, no. I don't think most women would need to coerce a man to become submissive and live a happy, healthy lifestyle in an female led (driven?) relationship. Even though I do teach women how to “take charge” and how to use corporal punishment and/or chastity as a means of controlling their husbands, in most of these cases it has been the husband who first brought the idea to the relationship.

The main reason why I come off sounding like someone who thinks all men should be paddled or shackled in chastity, is because, even those men who want this lifestyle, have difficulty letting go of the reins. They want their wives to dominate them, to take charge, but they can't help trying to tell them how to do everything. They can't help it. They were brought up in a world where men were expected to be in control of the family unit. Letting go and turning everything over to his wife, is not that easy for him.

I guess what I am trying to say is, if your guy wants this kind of life and you are willing to “give it a try,” then be prepared for him to “top from the bottom” as they say. He will still try to tell you that you shouldn't buy a red car because the police are more likely to stop you for speeding than they are if you are driving a green car. Whether that's true or not, you have to remind him that he doesn't make those decisions anymore. He wanted you to do that. If he can't seem to remember that, then you may need a paddle to remind him. That's all I am saying.

Reward good behavior... Punish bad behavior.

Mistress Ivey

Be Mean To Me

A common theme (or desire) among men who want to live in a Female Led Relationship is the desire for a woman to be “mean” to them. The question is, what is “mean?”

To most men, being mean to them has very different definitions. If you are in an FLR you need to know what your partner's definition is, whether you are a man or a woman. After all, don't you both want to be on the same page, so to speak?

To one man, “being mean” might mean ruining his orgasms, while another man's idea of “being mean” could be long periods in chastity. The fact is, it is a very personal thing and if you, as the one in charge, don't fully understand what your partner thinks is “being mean,” then you have no way of knowing if you are doing those things he really (perhaps secretly) wants you to do.

I have put a pole up for men to indicate what “being mean” means to them. Hopefully, the result will make us all wonder if we are doing the right things. It may be cause to sit down and discuss it thoroughly with our respective partners so that we can evaluate what we are doing and if we should, perhaps, change our approach somewhat.

Naturally, the only way to gain the knowledge needed is to communicate. Your partner may have difficulty talking about this. Perhaps he doesn't want to sound like he is dictating to you, or telling you what to do for him. If your partner has difficulty talking with you about this subject try ordering him to put his deepest desires in writing (perhaps an email or a journal entry) so that you can read it in privacy. He should also understand that there will be no repercussions for anything he writes or says during your discussion.

Take the time to learn all you can. It can only help your relationship.

Mistress Ivey

Teasing a Cock (Pt-2)

Recently I wrote a post about teasing your guy's cock with or without his chastity cage in place. This time I will cover some fun things you can do while his cage is off.

First of all, I always recommend that at least his hands be bound whenever his cage is removed. This to insure that he doesn't touch himself or try to stop you from doing what you want to do. A blindfold is also a good idea, just so he can't watch you, so he won't know what you are planning.

Now that you have him blind and secured to the bed, a chair, or a support post in your dungeon (basement?), gather all the items you will need. The reason for not setting everything up prior to the blindfold is so he won't know what is coming and his anticipation will build as you move around gathering items you need. Yes, I am very conscious of things like that.

Now, let's get started... In addition to all the things I mentioned in my last post on the subject, you can do any or all of the following:

• Edge him as many times as you like. Simply stimulate him for awhile and then stop before he gets too close to orgasm.
• Put some clothespins or other type of clips on his balls or even the underside of his cock.
• Tie a string around his cock and balls. Make it as long as you want and you can get as creative as you want in how you tie it all up. Don't forget to tease his cock using any method mentioned in my first blog on the subject.
• Poke his cock and balls with a sharp instrument.
• Wrap duct tape around his cock and balls. The fun is in removing it.
• Shave his entire pubic area. There is nothing so beautiful (or humiliating) as a clean shaven cock and balls.
• Suck it (briefly).
• Sit on it and slide back and forth.
• Ride it. That's always fun.
• Stroke it very gently using lots of lubrication and a rubber glove.
• Put Icy-Hot (or another mentholated cream) on his cock and/or anus and blow on it.
• Finally, and most importantly, don't let him cum. Or better yet, ruin his orgasm.

I hope this list will give you some ideas of your own. Please, tell us about them by leaving a comment.

Mistress Ivey

Teasing a Cock (Pt-1)

OMG! Where do I begin? There are so many ways to tease a cock that it boggles the mind. If the guy is in chastity, you have to decide whether or not to remove his chastity device. Here are a few ideas that will work if you want to practice a little tease and denial on your guy.

First of all, you should decide whether you want to remove his chastity device or not. Assuming the device fits tight enough, he should experience a certain amount of pain any time he gets aroused. So the real question is, do you want him to be in pain, or do you only want to give him pleasure? If you choose to remove the chastity device, remember that you must bind his hands so that he cannot touch himself or interfere with anything you want to do. Binding his hands is a good idea even if you don't remove his chastity device.

Alright, let's begin with a few cock teasing methods that can be done with or without the chastity device in place. Since most chastity devices leave the balls exposed, and often have small openings in the cage itself, you will be able to tease his genitals with a modicum of success. Don't forget his feet, neck, nipples and anus (if accessible). These are often very sensitive parts of the body and will certainly bring about a certain amount of arousal whether caged or not.

I always recommend the use of a blindfold of some sort. That way you don't have to dress the part to get him all worked up. You can wear your favorite flannel Pjs or a pair of jeans and your best ratty T-shirt. Remember, you don't have to look like those women on the Internet, just make him think you do.

• As I mentioned in my post entitled “Hose Him” you can always use a fresh stocking. To do this, you simply drag the stocking across various parts of his body, including of course, his penis and balls.
• Poke him gently with a toothpick or kabob skewer. You obtain wooden skewers at most grocery stores pretty cheaply. Again, don't just concentrate on his genitals. There are many other parts of his body that will respond positively to this type of activity.
• Ice cubes work wonderfully! Rub them all over his body until they melt away, or put them in a small plastic bag and save the wet mess. If you plan well, you can place a large towel (or two) under your partner before doing this and you won't get your bed sheets wet (assuming you are doing this on the bed). Of course you tie him to a straight-back chair or even one of those metal folding chairs if you like.
• You can drip candle wax on various parts of his body. You should only use special candles made for this purpose or use “utility”candles you find in most convenience or grocery stores. Please don't use regular or scented candles! They burn much hotter than plain paraffin candles. Always hold the candle at least 18 inches above his body unless he tells you that he can handle it closer.
• You can use a feather of any kind. However, ostrich feathers are very good for this and you can obtain them from many craft shops or on-line.

These are just a few ideas to get you started. I'll write another blog on the subject at a later date to give you even more ideas. Of course, a light touch of your fingers is always a great way to tease his cock, or any other part of his body. And the best things is, they are always available.

Mistress Ivey

Obey Ms. Ivey

Yes, it's back!

My blog “Obey Ms.Ivey” is back online for all subs, slaves, Keyholders and Couples! If you are interested in becoming my slave, being trained as a couple or a Keyholder, then you will find instructions and links to get you started. Here is how it works...

Individuals: Male or females who wish to be my sub/slave may apply. I will evaluate you and give you tasks to perform for me. You will be tested, and controlled by me, personally. You may be teased, humiliated, used in ways that will thrill, arouse and test your ability to serve. It's a good place to start if you are looking for a Real-Time Mistress and want to be ready to serve her to the best of your ability.

Couples: I will help guide you through the rough spots or help you get started as a couple who want to learn about male chastity, being a Mistress, BDSM, or any other aspect of a Female Led Relationship you are interested in. I will be there to help guide you when you don't know what to do next. I will even give you ideas as to how you can keep your partner aroused.

Keyholders: Sign up using the “Couple's” page and I will guide you through everything from choosing a chastity device to how to keep your partner aroused from moment to moment, day to day, month to month. I will give you ideas of ways to punish, discipline, tease, or use your partner to make the most of your relationship, whatever it may be.

I will also be posting photos from time to time so that you will have some eye-candy to keep you coming back for more. So enjoy the site.

Mistress Ivey

Captioned Photos

No, this post does NOT contain a bunch of captioned photos. Sorry. This post is my way of teaching you how to find ideas of things you can do with your guy (sexually). So many women (and men as well) ask me for ideas of things they can do to tease their men. It's really simple. Do what I do...

Use your favorite search engine's image finder. Type in a subject such as “Male Chastity Captions” or “Femdom Humiliation Captions” and see what you get. Simply be reading some of these captions, you can get great ideas of ways in which to tease your partner.

Take the captioned photo accompanying this post, for example. It should tell you that he wants to be teased by you. He wants you to dangle that “orgasm” carrot in front of him, but in the end, he wants you to deny him that orgasm.

Other captions will give you ideas about dressing (or undressing) in ways designed to turn him on. What you say to him at such times can be even more productive. For example, ask him if he would like to masturbate while watching you undress. Then tell him that you don't think he has spent enough time in chastity. Or ask him what he would be able to give you in return.

Another approach, is to taunt him with things to come. That is, tell him that you have been thinking of teaching him how to suck a cock. That should get his attention. If he protests, push the issue. After all, he did ask you to take control, to do whatever you want. He put you in charge, so use that. Remember, you are teasing him! You can tell him anything, especially if it arouses him. Experiment with it. That's the best way to learn what turns him on.

Maybe you want to take a different approach. Tell him you have been reading about what it takes to make him grow breasts. That you want to try it. Maybe you want to turn him into a transvestite (or make him think you do).

Remember, not all teasing is physical. By attacking his psyche, you can get him aroused in many more ways without so much physical action on your part. In other words, you won't have to tire yourself out.

Bringing in another woman (or threatening to) can be a big turn on as well. Threaten to loan him out to someone he doesn't know. Humiliation, even if only threatened, can be a BIG turn on for many men.

You have an imagination. Use it! If you need help, search the captioned photos out there and get some ideas. It works for me. I am sure it will work for you.

Mistress Ivey