Wednesday, August 20, 2014

What Men Want

I am amazed at how many women, whose husbands (or boyfriends, or what ever) approach them with idea of being locked in chastity, or simply want a female led relationship, and don't get the concept.
It's very simple, Ladies. In essence, these men all want the same thing, with certain limitations. Those limitations will vary from man to man, but the concept is the same. They want a woman to take charge of their lives. Well, more specifically, their sex-lives.
It doesn't matter if he wants a simple FLR in which you make all the decisions and he simply does what he is told, or if he wants you to take total charge of his mind and body. What he REALLY wants, is a better sex life. How you give that to him, is up to you. But before you panic, you need to understand one simple concept: Tease and Denial.
It's like the proverbial mule and the carrot. You dangle a carrot (an orgasm) in front of him, but never let him have it. Once you do, you no longer have control. Of course, there are times when it's okay to allow your partner an orgasm. Why? Because like the mule, who gets hungry again, your man will eventually want another orgasm. In the mean time, you will have to deal with all the stubbornness.
In order to get, and keep, your man happy, you must give him what he wants without giving him what he wants. That might seem to make no sense, but let me explain. Your man wants two things: More sexual attention, and an orgasm. You must give him all the sexual attention you can muster without granting him an orgasm. See? It is simple.
The truth is, he doesn't want that orgasm. He wants YOU to deny it. He can't deny it for himself. There is no fun in that. So he needs YOU to deny it for him. He needs you to make him think he is getting close to getting it, but never quite reaches that goal. Maybe you ruin it. Maybe you stifle it. Or, maybe you only edge him. The choice, Ladies, is up to you.
I would advise starting out slowly. Most men who are eager to be placed in chastity don't really know their own limits when it comes to “long-term” chastity. I would recommend starting off with a few days, then extend it to a week, then two, then try for longer. If your guy gets all “whiny” or complains too much, give him lots of support. Tell him how proud you are that he has lasted as long as he has and try to convince him that he can hold out a little longer. Sometimes, that's all he needs. Just to know that you are on his side, even though you are not going to grant him that orgasm... Just yet.
He will do almost anything you want him to do. Remember those limitations I mentioned? This is where they come in. Some men don't want to do certain things. We call these things his limits. That's why you make a contract, or agreement. His limits are the most important part of that contract. Without them, you are liable to hurt him in some way, be it physically, mentally, or emotionally.
For example, some men enjoy being publicly humiliated while others don't. Some may enjoy a limited amount of humiliation, such as, being belittled because of the size of his penis in a private setting, but he doesn't want you saying anything about it to anyone else. Maybe that doesn't bother him as long as you limit it to a select few, or even one, person. While another man may enjoy you telling his boss or his bosses wife about his small penis. Some would even enjoy it if you were to make him take it out and show them how small it is.
My point is, you must respect his limits. But how can you do that if he has never told you what they are? If in doubt, ask him. Making a list of things that he likes might take up more paper than you have, but a list of things he doesn't want done to him... That will be a much shorter list. As time goes by, you may find more things he doesn't like, but if you take it slow, the damage will be minimized.
Now the hard part. Teasing him sexually. Come on Ladies, are trying to tell me that you don't know how to turn on the one person know you almost as well as you know yourself? Please. Don't insult my intelligence. Are you trying to tell me that, if you were single and saw a guy across the room in a bar, you wouldn't know how to get him interested in you? Of course you do. That's teasing.
In fact, anything you do that is sexually exciting to your partner (or even yourself if he knows it) can be used to tease him. Masturbating in front of him, but not allowing him to participate is teasing. Telling him that you would love to tie him to the bed and tickle him for hours, is teasing. Actually doing that may be torture to him, but it's still teasing. Grabbing his butt when he is walking passed you at home. That's a form of teasing. Basically, you can do anything of a sexual nature to tease your man. Don't believe me? Try it sometime. You might just be surprised what will turn him on.
Of course, I do recommend that you spend at least an hour, two or more times a week, physically teasing him by fondling him, rubbing ice on his body, using toothpicks or wooden kabob skewers, or just playing with his penis without bringing him to orgasm. If you can manage to do it in some other room of the house besides the bedroom, so much the better. Have you tried the garage? You really should. It can be a lot of fun.
I also recommend, binding him to the bed or a chair from time to time. Blindfolds are wonderful accessories for your playtime as well. If you have read any of my books on the subject, then you know that I always recommend that you use your own imagination. If you can use his imagination, that's even better. If you want to use his imagination, you better get to know a few of his fantasies.
There you have it. Tease and denial in a nutshell. Everything you need to know, but were afraid to ask. Don't be afraid of disappointing your man. If he is not happy with some form of teasing that you use, you will know it. He won't get angry and yell at you. In fact, odds are, he won't even mention it unless you ask. So ask often, just to make sure you are on the right track.
Mistress Ivey

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