Why is it that we women have such difficulty talking sexually to our husbands during sex? I know that many women have this problem. I saw a survey (somewhere) that where almost eighty percent of the respondents said they had trouble talking “dirty” to their spouses. I had this problem when I first got with my husband. I don’t know why I was afraid to talk dirty to him, but I was.
Back when I was his slave, and he did most of the “action” during sex (I was usually the one tied down and sometimes gagged) he did all the talking. He would tell me things of a sexual nature without batting an eye. He would hold up a knife, look me in the eye, and say something like, “We are just going to draw a little blood.” No, he never actually did draw blood, but he planted the idea of it in my head so clearly, that after he placed a blindfold over my eyes, and I felt the cold steel touch my skin, I was positive he had cut me. As I said, he never did actually cut me, but the thought of being totally at his mercy, knowing that he could cut me anywhere he wanted, thrilled me.
Sometimes he would talk about other things that he could do, such as publicly flog me, or make me perform oral sex on one of his friends. But the whole point of what he was doing was to increase my pleasure by increasing the feelings of vulnerability that filled my mind every time he bound and blindfolded me.
When he started teaching me to be dominant, that was one of the things he said was very important, because it heightens your “victim’s” sense of reality and fantasy. That is, you are planting fantasy in their minds that could become reality if you chose to make it so. It took me some time to relax enough to talk “dirty” but I did learn to do it. What it took, was an understanding of what, and why, I was trying to accomplish.
When you have your partner in a vulnerable position (this is why I recommend a blindfold) you have the opportunity to fill his mind with fantasies of your own choosing. If you really want to get him turned on, talk to him! Tell him that you are going to do something (either now or in the future) that he would find terrifying or humiliating. Don’t be intimidated by someone who wants you to intimidate them. I will write more on this subject next week.