You may ask yourself, do I have to spank my guy or tie him up to have sex with him? The answer is a resounding, “NO!” You don't have to do anything. However, if you don't do anything, how will he know you are in charge?
Simply put, being in charge means that you make the decisions. You know what you want, and you are not afraid to say it. Whether we are talking about buying a new car or choosing a movie to watch, you know what you like. Maybe it isn't his favorite color, or he hates this actor or that subject, but who cares? The decision is yours to make. If you want to ask for his opinion, there is nothing wrong with that, as long you realize that you are not obligated to do so, nor are you obligated to go with his desires.
Do you have to engage in tease and denial? Do you have to include corporal punishment? Do you have to ask him when he wants to have sex? Or if he wants to be on top? The answer to all these questions is, again, “NO!”
Just because you are in a female led relationship doesn't mean that you have to do anything special, other than, make up your own mind. If you have to ask him about it, then you are not being in charge. Don't ask him, tell him. Tell him what YOU want and expect him to do it.
“But, Mistress Ivey? You keep telling us that we have to keep him sexually aroused as much of the time as possible. Are you saying we don't have to do that?”
Yes. Yes I am. But I am also telling you that keeping him aroused so that he will always want to please you is the best way I know of to keep him doing his best for you. He loves you. He wants to please you. If you enjoy the attention he gives you, then why not reward him for it? That reward may not, and should not, necessarily include an orgasm. That might cause you more problems that is solves. But sexually teasing him... That will keep him doing all those things you enjoy.
Men love orgasms. That is why they have sex as often as they can. But what happens if you deny them an orgasm because you don't think their behavior warrants one? Their behavior improves. So, no, you don't have to keep him sexually excited or frustrated, but it helps to keep him compliant. If you can make it a game, you will be able to enjoy it as much as he does. And it will help you to feel more like you are in control, because you will be.
The ultimate control is when you know you control his sexual appetite. That is, when you have made him sexually aroused enough to do almost anything you want so that you will please him, then you will feel more in charge than you probably ever have. By making sex fun for the both of you, you release your inner Goddess and let out the woman he really wants, the one you want to be.