Anal Techniques

One of the many things I like to do to my hubby/slave is to insert a plug in his anus before taking him out to run some errands. I know there are a few of you like to do the same. I get such a thrill knowing how uncomfortable and selfconscious he gets whenever I do this. However, many of the letters I get from readers tell me they have difficulty either inserting butt-plugs (or dildos for that matter). So maybe I can make things a little easier with this post.

First of all, an anus is NOT a vagina. It does NOT generate its own lubrication. Therefore, when preparing to insert anything into it, you MUST lubricate it yourself. I have heard it said many times, that when lubricating an anus, when you think you have put on enough lubricant, double it. I don't know if really true or not, but I do this: you need LOTS of lubrication! You not only need to lubricate inside and outside the hole, but you need to put lubrication on whatever it is you are planning to push in there.

If your partner is not used to anal sex or having anything shoved in his ass, then you need to start small and work your way up to the larger items. Many online toy stores sell sets of anal plugs often called anal training sets. I strongly recommend that you start small and gradually move to larger items as your partner gets used to them. Starting small just makes sense.

You should also NOT try to push the entire item in suddenly. Take it slow. You want to ease it in, not ram it in. Now in the case of a strap-on dildo that is fairly smooth and straight, you can begin a slow in and out motion, eventually ending up with you ramming it in. But that's only after a slow, gentle initial entrance. Slow is good.

I have a tip on making it easier to insert whatever item you are trying to insert in the anus as well. Often times, what makes insertion difficult is the sub's inability to relax. Let's face it, it he keeps clenching, there's no way you're ever going to get anything in without a great deal of pain. However, if you make him place his toes together and his heels apart, then bend him over a table or counter, then you will have no problem inserting a properly sized item such as a butt-plug or small dildo. Why? Because in this position it is not possible to clench the anus muscles. That's why doctors use that position for rectal exams.

So in conclusion, simply remember to lubricate well, start small, go slow and make him “assume the position” before you full him up.

Mistress Ivey

Contracts

I get a lot of questions concerning things like: “How do I know what I can and can't do to my sub?” and; “How can I tell my Mistress what I like and don't like without topping from the bottom?” These are very legitimate questions and they deserve straight forward answers. The problem is, the answers are are not so simple. Everyone is different and their desires, likes, dislikes, tolerances, and limits are all different. But there is an easy way to get the guidance you need without any topping from the bottom or taking the fun out of the whole experience.

What you need to guide you safely through your experience is a contract. Why? Because a contract, though not legally binding, will help you establish rules, protocols, and a way to keep things from getting out of control. A contract can be an excellent guide for the Mistress (or KH, or whatever you are called) as well as for the sub, hubby, chaste, or teasee.

To Chastise or Not to Chastise

That is so often the question facing couples who engage in a female led relationship (FLR). But the answer is much simpler than it sounds. I created this blog for those women who have little (or no) experience with sexually controlling their man. Even though a chastity device can be a great way to accomplish that, it may not be desirable, or even necessary.

Male chastity has become a very popular 'kink' these days. You can now purchase a chastity device at your local sex store, not to mention every sex toy store on line. But just because it is popular is no reason to jump on the band wagon. There are as many reasons to use a chastity device as there reasons not to.

Perhaps your partner feels too uncomfortable. Maybe the device you have chosen does not really fit as well as either of you would like. Of course, you could have one custom made, but even then, you may have problems. Let's face it, male chastity (in its popular form) is a fairly recent addition to the kink scene.