Teasing Methods (pt-2)

Okay, we have discussed how to handle that “quick-shooter” and how to use some of those other erogenous zones he has. If you did your homework, you should also know that stopping direct stimulation BEFORE he can ejaculate, is a very good method of extending his pleasure (and yours, if you are really having fun).

Now that you have spent some time “not touching” his genitals, and he is probably begging you to do so, let’s see what else we can do to frustrate him. Try using something like a feather. Ostrich feathers are especially good for this. Use it just like you did your hands, except that now, it’s okay to stroke the feather across, up, down and along the length of his penis and balls. Don’t worry, it won’t be enough stimulation to bring him to the edge.

The next option is to give him five or six VERY SLOW strokes with your hand. If you want to use lubrication for this, so much the better, but it’s not necessary. When I say “slow,” I mean really slow! It should take you at least four, maybe five seconds to complete one full stroke up and back down. Again, the point is to keep him from getting close to an ejaculation. Ejaculation is the enemy, here. Repeat stroking his penis this way stopping for thirty seconds after every five or six strokes.

Talk to him. If he normally ejaculates easily, talk about your day. What did you do, where did you go? The idea is to distract him from what you are doing. If he is one of those who can hold back when he wants to, talk about how much fun you are having doing all this to him. Talk about how much you love making him beg for it.

Or… You could try using a toothpick or a small kabob skewer (get them at your local grocery store) and poke his skin in all those erogenous places, including his penis and balls, even the space between his legs, behind his balls. Don’t poke him hard enough to cause real pain, just enough to keep him aroused. 

One final tease you might like to try. Again, this works great for that quick-shooter. Buy some desensitizing cream or basic Ora-gel (both available at your local pharmacy) and apply a liberal amount to his entire penis. That should slow him down a bit. If you're lucky your arm will tire before he gets close to ejaculating.

Of course, you may use any one of these during a Tease & Denial session, or all of them, if you like. I find that mixing them up, using different methods for each session, keeps things more interesting. After all, you don’t want things to get monotonous. What good would that do?

Until next week, practice.

Mistress Ivey

Teasing Methods

I get a lot of questions about teasing. Sexual teasing, that is. You know, Tease and Denial, T&D, sexual torment. Things of that nature. Well, there are literally thousands of ways to sexually tease a man, but here are some of my favorites. PLEASE, send me any methods you use that you are willing to share. I love learning what other people do with their partners when it is time to get them all worked up. And, I have never stopped learning.

Before I start, let me remind you, binding your partner's hands (and adding a blindfold) is something I highly recommend. After all, you really don't want him reaching down and finishing himself off, after you have spent all that time getting him on edge. It ruins all your hard work and leaves him sexually uninterested for the next few days, making him totally unmanageable. The blindfold just adds to his excitement and makes him use his imagination a great deal more.

Let's start by giving you some tips for that “quick-shooter” if you have one. If you can't touch his penis for more than a few seconds before he spurts it all away, don't. Don't touch his penis then. You can get him all worked up and aroused, simply by running your hands, or just your fingertips, over most of his body. He has other erogenous zones. Use them, instead. I often prefer to start this way anyway. It arouses him enough to get his penis standing as strait and tall as it ever will (without a penis pump) so that, by the time I am ready to touch it, he is begging me to do it.

If you have never watched a T&D video on the Internet (yes, I am talking about porn), you really should take some time to watch a few. X-Hamster, Pornhub, and XVideo, are just a few.

Try doing a search with your favorite search engine (Bing, Google, Yahoo) for tease and denial videos. Most SE's will simply post the videos right there for you.

If you go to one of these video sites, the first thing you will notice is that most of the videos only last a few minutes. Most are shorter than fifteen minutes. But if you really want to get your man excited, watch some of the longer ones, say, over twenty minutes long. This will give you a better idea of how these woman can make their partner's erection last so long without exploding and ruining all your fun.

Take your time! After all, if you have the right attitude, it can be great fun for you as well. You want him to last as long as you can make it last. It's called “Denial” for a reason. Don't allow him to ejaculate before you finish. Making him wait until (maybe) next time, will make him much easier to handle when you want him to do chores and such.

I will give you more details in upcoming posts. In the mean time, do your homework.

Mistress Ivey

Soft FLR

I get a great number of questions about keyholding and Female Led Relationships (FLR), but one question I never seem to get is, "What if I don't want to get into all that BDSM and corporal punishment stuff?"

The answer is simple. I mentioned this in my books, but most people probably missed it because it is such a small part of the whole scope of what an FLR is about. So in answer to the question, "Can we still have an FLR even though I don't totally subjugate my husband?" I give a resounding, "Of course you can." You can make your FLR as hard or as soft as you like. There is no reason, other than you both want it, to subjugate your partner. That is, if you would rather withhold sex for a couple of days, or have him wash the dishes for a week instead of taking a paddle to his bare bottom, it is perfectly okay. You set your own rules.

There are no rules, other than the ones you set for your own relationship. If you don't want to make him wear a chastity device, that's fine. No one says it is a requirement. If you would rather he handle the finances, or the grocery shopping, or even buying you flowers once a week, that's totally up to you. How you set up your FLR, the rules you set, the punishments you prefer to use, are all something that the two of you can work out together.

I encourage everyone who is new to the world of Female Led Relationships to sit down and make a contract, or agreement, as to exactly what is acceptable to the both of you. You may eventually throw it away as your relationship evolves and changes over a period of time. But if you start out by setting certain boundaries, and expectations, you have a good place to start and you each know exactly what is expected of you.

A "Soft" FLR is one in which there may be no physical punishments involved. However, I do strongly recommend that you include at least some tease and denial. It doesn't even have to be in your contract. But I think you will both be surprised at how much fun it can be. From the woman's side, there is nothing like working your guy up and edging him, then stopping at least long enough for him to catch his breath before doing it all over again! Men seem to love it as well.

Mistress Ivey

Hard Truths

Many of you asked Mistress Ivey's health. Yes, she has been having problems of late. Well, the past two months to more precise. I am not at liberty to say exactly what her problems are, other than to tell you that it has to do with her epilepsy. She has been unable to spend more than 15-20 minutes a day in front of a computer screen. She has "spells" where she can not remember things. In short, she can't spend the needed time online to write this blog, among other things.

In the mean time, I may write a few lines now and again, until such time as she gets things under control, medically speaking. I am also working on some sexual fiction of my own. It won't be  the same as Ivey's, but I hope many of you will still enjoy it. I will try to keep you posted on my progress.

Another truth is that a marriage, contrary to popular belief, is NOT a 50/50 proposition. Quite the contrary. It is a 100/100 proposition. If you both don't give 100% to your marriage it will, most likely, fail. It doesn't matter is you have a "normal" relationship, an FLR, a gay or lesbian relationship, or any other kind. Failure to give 100% to your partner will always end in failure.

Now, one question... If you could purchase a sex-robot who could walk, talk, do the dishes, and provide you with all the sex you could possibly want, would you? Send me your comments on the the subject, please.

nemo

Punishment

It's me, nemo, again... You know, there are many, MANY ways to punish your sub. I, for one, am not really into pain. So, paddling etc. is reserved for when I really need to learn a lesson. Most of the punishments I receive are less... Sadistic.

I have been made to stand with my nose against a wall, naked. I have been forced to drink my own ejaculate, something I really hate doing. I have been made to masturbate in the woods while standing in front of our car while Mistress sat in the driver's seat watching. I have even been bound to a post at a dungeon party simply because I said something mistress didn't like. That was quite embarrassing. I was not only naked and blindfolded, but people could touch me, put clips and clamps on me, or even rub ice on various parts of my body. While it was all rather erotic, I would much preferred to be able to walk around and converse with some of my friends.

I have had to masturbate while standing in the living room in front Mistress Ivey and at her direction. Normally, I am either not allowed to ejaculate or must ruin my own orgasm and consume the results. I really hate those punishments! Then there are the caged days where I spend some or all of a day in a steel cage. But I think the worst punishments are the ones where I am forced to cross-dress in some way. I don't even like wearing women's panties all day.

I guess what I am trying to say is that it is not the punishment that counts, but rather the way it is given. If done in fun, some can be  quite erotic, but when a scolding or demeaning lecture accompany the act, it becomes much less erotic. Mistress always makes sure that I have to do something that she finds entertaining. I guess that's why I often get punished for the slightest infraction.

nemo

nemo again

Yes, another post by me. Mistress Ivey is currently in the hospital (it's nothing serious) and was unable to write this week. Sorry for the late post, but I wasn't expecting to have to make one. So, let me answer some more questions that I often get.

By-the-way, I prefer to be associated with last weeks photo (see the post for May 17, 2017). I am NOT a fish!

Let me say this first, because of the way our FLR began, I am no good at telling you how to approach your wife about setting one up. Sorry, but I wouldn't know the first thing about getting a woman to take charge of my sex-life, much less anything else in our relationship. So, don't ask.

I can tell you this, however, if you want to set up an FLR, it is best to sit down and talk about your relationship openly and honestly. Maybe, if you find out what your spouse likes (or doesn't like) about your current arrangement, it will be easier to figure out how an FLR can help. Just my opinion, and you know what they are like.

If you want more sexual teasing and less actual intercourse, perhaps you can start with that. Explain how much more exciting it can be for you when you simply don't know if you are going to get to ejaculate or not. Leave it up to her to decide when, how and if you will get to do that. Let her know that want to please her more than you have in the past and that you are no longer concerned about your own pleasure. Let her know that you derive pleasure from giving her pleasure. And NOT just in bed, but anytime. That means you may have to start buying flowers or small gifts on your way home from work, or that you can send her little "love texts" during the day when you know she is having a rough time.

In other words, let her know that you are thinking of her. She should be your number one concern all the time! Not just at bedtime! Once you learn to put her first, in all things, the rest will come naturally. Let her know that it is okay for her to have eight or ten orgasms when you don't have any. Then show her that you mean it. Life will get better and better as time goes by and you keep proving it to her.

nemo

P.S. Stop looking at so much porn!

From My Husband

I have received many questions over the years that are best answered by my husband. He has been by my side through the good times and the bad and can answer some of these questions better than I, because of his perspective. So, I am turning today's blog over to my husband...

They call me nemo. Yes, like the famous Capt. Nemo of Jules Verne fame. When Ivey and I first set up our female led relationship, I chose that name because in ancient Latin it means “no one.” I thought, since I had nothing to say about how our relationship would work, beyond our initial agreement, it was a fitting name.

The question most men seem to ask is, “How did you approach your wife about setting up an FLR?” The answer to that question is simple. If you have read anything about her past, then you know that I started out as her Master. When she first asked me if I would teach her to be a dominant, I did just that. For me, the easiest way to teach her was to take the role of a submissive. Then, when she screwed up, (which she often did, at first) I would simply remind her of what I would have done had our roles been reversed.

After a few months of being her submissive, I suggested that she was ready to take on a real sub of her own. Together, we searched for a suitable replacement for me (as her submissive). We found one, and I stepped out of that role to help guide her when she needed it.

Later, when I realized how difficult it was for her to play the “switch” I asked her if she wanted to settle down with just me as her submissive and stop spending so much money for motels and travel to various BDSM events that we so often did, and just stay at home. She accepted my proposal and it has been that way ever since.

Even though I am not in charge anymore, there have always been things that she would rather do for herself, so I was not one of those guys who was placed in total submission and required to do everything for her. We share many responsibilities. I believe that is the reason for our success at home.

I get a lot of questions about chastity. Well, I own (or rather she owns) many different types of chastity devices. We did a great deal of experimentation in the beginning. Our favorites include the Holy Trainer for its comfort and the CB3000 because she also purchased the Points of Intrigue to go with it. (That is not my favorite part.) We also own a few different metal devices from various manufacturers.

How did we first get started with male chastity? Personally, I wanted to try it out. Curiosity was my motivating factor, I suppose. How did I approach my wife with the subject? Simple. One day, while bound to our bed and she was teasing my genitals, I said, “I would like to try wearing a chastity device. I think it would be fun.” And that was all I needed to say. If you ask me, during sexual activity is the best time to bring up anything you want that is different from what you have done. I suppose the same would be true for asking your wife about setting up a female led relationship.

These days, I don't even wear a chastity device even though I am only allowed to ejaculate once every two to three months. I use only my own self control between times. Mistress Ivey hates having to remove the device every time she wants to fondle or physically tease my genitals. Of course, it takes a lot of trust and self control to maintain this type of chastity. It may not work for everyone, but it works for us. Besides, with no device in the way, I get a lot more sexual attention!

If you have other questions for me, simply make a comment to this post and I will try to answer them all, as best I can. Thank you for your time.

nemo

Husband & slave to

Mistress Ivey