What Men Want

I am amazed at how many women, whose husbands (or boyfriends, or what ever) approach them with idea of being locked in chastity, or simply want a female led relationship, and don't get the concept.

It's very simple, Ladies. In essence, these men all want the same thing, with certain limitations. Those limitations will vary from man to man, but the concept is the same. They want a woman to take charge of their lives. Well, more specifically, their sex-lives.

It doesn't matter if he wants a simple FLR in which you make all the decisions and he simply does what he is told, or if he wants you to take total charge of his mind and body. What he REALLY wants, is a better sex life. How you give that to him, is up to you. But before you panic, you need to understand one simple concept: Tease and Denial.

It's like the proverbial mule and the carrot. You dangle a carrot (an orgasm) in front of him, but never let him have it. Once you do, you no longer have control. Of course, there are times when it's okay to allow your partner an orgasm. Why? Because like the mule, who gets hungry again, your man will eventually want another orgasm. In the mean time, you will have to deal with all the stubbornness.

In order to get, and keep, your man happy, you must give him what he wants without giving him what he wants. That might seem to make no sense, but let me explain. Your man wants two things: More sexual attention, and an orgasm. You must give him all the sexual attention you can muster without granting him an orgasm. See? It is simple.

The truth is, he doesn't want that orgasm. He wants YOU to deny it. He can't deny it for himself. There is no fun in that. So he needs YOU to deny it for him. He needs you to make him think he is getting close to getting it, but never quite reaches that goal. Maybe you ruin it. Maybe you stifle it. Or, maybe you only edge him. The choice, Ladies, is up to you.

I would advise starting out slowly. Most men who are eager to be placed in chastity don't really know their own limits when it comes to “long-term” chastity. I would recommend starting off with a few days, then extend it to a week, then two, then try for longer. If your guy gets all “whiny” or complains too much, give him lots of support. Tell him how proud you are that he has lasted as long as he has and try to convince him that he can hold out a little longer. Sometimes, that's all he needs. Just to know that you are on his side, even though you are not going to grant him that orgasm... Just yet.

He will do almost anything you want him to do. Remember those limitations I mentioned? This is where they come in. Some men don't want to do certain things. We call these things his limits. That's why you make a contract, or agreement. His limits are the most important part of that contract. Without them, you are liable to hurt him in some way, be it physically, mentally, or emotionally.

For example, some men enjoy being publicly humiliated while others don't. Some may enjoy a limited amount of humiliation, such as, being belittled because of the size of his penis in a private setting, but he doesn't want you saying anything about it to anyone else. Maybe that doesn't bother him as long as you limit it to a select few, or even one, person. While another man may enjoy you telling his boss or his bosses wife about his small penis. Some would even enjoy it if you were to make him take it out and show them how small it is.

My point is, you must respect his limits. But how can you do that if he has never told you what they are? If in doubt, ask him. Making a list of things that he likes might take up more paper than you have, but a list of things he doesn't want done to him... That will be a much shorter list. As time goes by, you may find more things he doesn't like, but if you take it slow, the damage will be minimized.

Now the hard part. Teasing him sexually. Come on Ladies, are trying to tell me that you don't know how to turn on the one person know you almost as well as you know yourself? Please. Don't insult my intelligence. Are you trying to tell me that, if you were single and saw a guy across the room in a bar, you wouldn't know how to get him interested in you? Of course you do. That's teasing.

In fact, anything you do that is sexually exciting to your partner (or even yourself if he knows it) can be used to tease him. Masturbating in front of him, but not allowing him to participate is teasing. Telling him that you would love to tie him to the bed and tickle him for hours, is teasing. Actually doing that may be torture to him, but it's still teasing. Grabbing his butt when he is walking passed you at home. That's a form of teasing. Basically, you can do anything of a sexual nature to tease your man. Don't believe me? Try it sometime. You might just be surprised what will turn him on.

Of course, I do recommend that you spend at least an hour, two or more times a week, physically teasing him by fondling him, rubbing ice on his body, using toothpicks or wooden kabob skewers, or just playing with his penis without bringing him to orgasm. If you can manage to do it in some other room of the house besides the bedroom, so much the better. Have you tried the garage? You really should. It can be a lot of fun.

I also recommend, binding him to the bed or a chair from time to time. Blindfolds are wonderful accessories for your playtime as well. If you have read any of my books on the subject, then you know that I always recommend that you use your own imagination. If you can use his imagination, that's even better. If you want to use his imagination, you better get to know a few of his fantasies.

There you have it. Tease and denial in a nutshell. Everything you need to know, but were afraid to ask. Don't be afraid of disappointing your man. If he is not happy with some form of teasing that you use, you will know it. He won't get angry and yell at you. In fact, odds are, he won't even mention it unless you ask. So ask often, just to make sure you are on the right track.

Mistress Ivey

Avoiding the Monotony Monster

Are you guilty of creating monotony in your sex-life? As the one in charge of what happens (within your relationship) it's important to keep things interesting. After all, you could have sex two or three times every day, but if you are not including some variety, then you are doomed to boredom.

If you are the one in charge of your sex-life, then it is up to you make sure that you both avoid boredom. Monotony is the enemy of happiness. You should have a list of sexual activities that you have done before and/or would like to do again. If your list contains fewer than ten items, then you need to do some serious thinking. Your list should have as many things as you can think of on it.

Sit down and think about it. Try to remember all the different things you have done in the past. Write down the ones you enjoyed. Be sure to include those things that were spontaneous, or unexpected. If they can be recreated, write them down. You might want to look over a list of things your partner fantasizes about. What? You don't have a list of his fantasies? Shame on you! If you're not playing into his fantasies, how do you expect to maintain control over his desires?

Once you have a nice long list (and the longer the better) you should refer to it often in order to keep things interesting, exciting even. By using such a list, you can avoid the monotony monster and both of you should be much happier with your life. Not just your sex-life, but your life in general. Let's face it, men are sexually oriented. They can't help it, they are made that way. We women, on the other hand, are not so sexually oriented. We have to work at it.

If you really want to be in total control of your guy, and you are willing to put in the work to make your overall life, even your marriage, better, then you should be willing to spend a little time and effort doing just that. You don't have to have sex every day if you make it memorable enough. At the same time you could use the exact same tease and denial routine every day while telling your partner a different fantasy to achieve your goal and avoid monotony.

Using a list of things you have done that were successful (fun, memorable, exciting) and a list of your partner's fantasies, you can make every sexual encounter memorable. A memorable sexual encounter will actually last longer (in your partner's memory) which means he won't feel like he needs more as quickly. In other words, you can extend the time between teases and he will not feel that you are ignoring him. Nor will he feel bored so quickly.

Once you have these lists, you may need to do some research online. Find some things you have not done and try them. Maybe you need to purchase a new toy or two. Maybe you need to improve your ability to talk during sex. Remember, relating one of your partner's fantasies during sex can greatly enhance both his experience and your own. I guess what I am trying to say is, just because you have a list of ten or even twenty things, you should always be looking for something new. The best part about doing research is that you can make him do it for you. Have him find new things that interest him. Things that you can use as fantasies, and things that you can actually do with/to him.

Never stop varying your routine and you will never have to worry about the monotony monster again.

Good luck, Ladies.

Mistress Ivey

Put your best ideas in a comment for me! Men are welcome to comment as well.

I'm Back!

The vacation was busy, we had some good times and some bad, but we came through it just fine. We also came to a decision concerning the new website. As it turns out, the other site seems to be too much work even for the two of us, so I decided to keep this blog and continue to post everything here. I thank you for you patience and understanding.

I will soon be back to making regular posts and I will re-post some of the better posts that I still have copies of.

I promise to post about all your favorite subjects, from anal sex to serious Tease and Denial and orgasm control!

Please keep checking this site for up-dates, and future posts.

Mistress Ivey

Fun With P.O.T.

I have written about Post Orgasm Torture (POT) before, but it never hurts (me anyway) to explain it and its uses again. First of all, POT is not as bad as it sounds. You can always substitute the word “Torment” for the word “Torture” in the name. It really makes no difference. It's just semantics.

What is POT? I have heard many different explanations ranging from severe CBT (Cock and Ball Torture) to continued stroking after ejaculation. The truth is, POT is the torment created when you rub the head of a man's cock immediately after ejaculation. It will last from a few seconds to a few minutes, depending on two main factors: 1) How sensitive his cock is. And 2) How long you can do it without a break.

Let me explain. If you begin to rub the head (glans) of a man's cock the instant he begins to ejaculate (when it is the most sensitive) it will drive him mad! He will do anything within his power to stop you, even though he might enjoy it (to some extent). It's like being held down and tickled until you can't take it any more... Only worse! If you stop rubbing, for more than a few seconds, will have lost your opportunity in most cases. There are men who will remain extremely sensitive for several minutes, but most will lose that sensitivity within a few seconds, if you stop rubbing. The key to successfully torturing his cock is not to stop rubbing. It will be difficult because of all the squirming, wriggling and perhaps, screaming.

POT makes an excellent punishment if you intended to tease and deny your guy and he accidentally ejaculates in spite of your best efforts to prevent it. But no matter what your reason for doing it, you are bound to enjoy the feeling the power it gives you. Yes, it can really be a boost to your own ego. It is a feeling like no other I have ever felt. I have personally never felt as powerful as I do when I am tormenting a man who has just ejaculated without permission.

It's a simple thing to do. The hard part is holding on through all his attempts to escape your insistent attempt to torment him. The best method I have found is to hold the shaft with one hand and rub the tip with the palm of the other. I highly recommend that he be securely fastened in place as you can see by the video above.

Mistress Ivey

P.S. Here is an excellent device for P.O.T.

Getting to Carnegie Hall

Ruined Orgasm

I have received numerous letters asking me for more information about ruined and stifled orgasms and how to make your guy last longer during teasing, so here is what I know. I hope it helps.

First of all, the major difference between a ruined orgasm and a stifled orgasm is the force behind it. A stifled orgasm is actually a full orgasm in which the ejaculate has been prevented from exiting the penis until the force behind it has stopped. That is, by manually preventing your guy's cum from shooting out at full force, you are not preventing the orgasm, only the part he likes best and the aftermath! By “aftermath” I mean that period of time it takes him to fully recoup his good behavior.

Normally, after a full orgasm, it may take your guy up to a week (or more) to fully regain his self control where his behavior is concerned. That is, he may be a little grumpy or not so sexually excited that he will do anything to please you. In the case of a stifled orgasm, recuperation (in some men) may be as short as a few hours or as long as a couple of days. The average (as far as I can tell) seems to be between one and two days. I can't explain exactly why this is, but just be aware of it and you can cope with it.

A ruined orgasm on the the other hand is an orgasm that has been all but prevented. Sometimes ruined orgasms are called “abandoned” orgasms. This is a very good name for them because that's exactly how you cause them. Simply stop all physical stimulation at the last possible moment and, even though he will expel some ejaculate, there will be absolutely no force behind it. It's kind of fun to watch!

If you are not precisely sure when to stop stimulating your guy's cock in order to ruin his orgasm. Practice! If you stop too soon, he will not produce any semen after you stop. If this happens... Yay! You have edged him. Simply go back to stimulating him and try again. If, on the other hand, you stop too late and he cums with some force (at least for the first shot) take heart. It can be difficult finding the exact right instant to stop all stimulation in order to produce a ruined orgasm properly. Just keep practicing.

Your guys cums too soon when you are trying to tease him during a lengthy session? Okay, there are a couple methods to help extend his staying power. The first thing you must do is reduce the stimulation (duh). One way is to soften it. That is, let's say you are using a sable brush to stroke his cock and get him all ready for what comes next. If he cums too easily from this, try using an ostrich feather instead. It is even softer and will give him less stimulation from the very same actions.

Another method of reducing the effects are to place a condom over his cock. This has the added benefit of catching any ejaculate that might be produced, whether wanted or not. You can also cut the end off the condom to give you access to the tip (head) of his cock without giving the shaft as much stimulation as would get without the condom. Finally, as a last resort, you can use a very small amount of numbing cream to reduce the sensitive areas of his cock. There are several on the market as well as things like Orajel® and such.

Just remember, practice make perfect, and there's nothing quite as much fun as practicing to ruin an orgasm!

Mistress Ivey

Fun With CBT

I get a great number of questions regarding cock and ball torture (CBT) and I am never quite sure how to answer them. While some men may thoroughly enjoy one type of CBT, another type might really put them off. Then there is the inherent danger. The penis and testicles (cock and balls) can be quite delicate. That is, they can be permanently damaged if you are not careful.

Having said that, let's take a look a few things you can do as long as you take care NOT to over do any of them. That is, don't go to extremes. If in doubt, don't do it.

Weights: Adding weights to a man's balls in order to cause slight (or severe) pain is a common method of CBT. The easiest way to accomplish this is simply to wrap a thin rope or string (I like using round boot laces) around the ball sack just above the balls several times and tie it off. If you have enough string left at both ends you can tie them together forming a loop under the balls. To this loop, you can attach weights. Purchase your weights in the fishing aisle of your favorite department store. They come in many different sizes and can be attached to the string using Christmas tree ornament hooks.

There are a number of apparatae (apparatuses?) that can be purchased from just about any online sex shop to make this easier. But I don't recommend you spend a great deal of money on something you discover you don't want to use. There are 'parachutes' that work well. They consist of a conical-shaped piece of leather with (usually) three chains that attach to a ring. These chains dangle below the balls and you attach your weights to the ring. Whatever you choose to do, PLEASE start out slow. Don't go adding a 25Lb weight your first time out. Start with something that only weighs a few ounces first.

Binding: Using the same string I described above, you can tie up your guy's jewels just about any way you like. You can get fancy by wrapping his penis from tip to base. You can make a fishnet type binding, or you can just tie a string to the tip and see how much weight he can “list” when he gets really turned on. Of course you can always involve the balls when binding the penis. Just don't leave it on him all day unless you have tied him loosely (what fun would that be?). Anytime you start binding the cock and balls you risk cutting off the flow of blood. That can be dangerous. So limit the time you leave any bindings on.

Motor-Boat: This is fun (for you, not so much him) thing to try. Wrap a string around his cock starting at the base and working your way to the tip. Don't tie either end to anything. Once you have him all wrapped up, take the end nearest the tip and pull it straight out from his body. It's like pulling the string to start a motor-boat, thus, the name. It's fun and reasonably harmless.

Electro-shock: This is my personal favorite. You can purchase (yes you have to buy something for this one) any number of types and styles of electro-shock devices. Most online sex toy stores carry a variety of them. By attaching the electrodes to various places on and around his genitals, you can achieve all sorts of results. Most devices have the capability to adjust the intensity of the shock and/or the waveform used. All I can tell you about this type of CBT is that it is FUN! Just make sure you ALWAYS turn down the settings before trying it in a new spot. (I learned that from experience.)

Clips & Clamps: There are many other types of CBT as well. Try waxing the hair off his balls, applying some duct tape, or just sticking some regular tape to the hairy spots. Ripping it off is so much fun and fairly harmless. You can use any of a number of clips and clamps made especially for CBT (or nipples) but my favorite of these is that old standby... clothespins. I recommend the cheap ones because they have weaker springs.

I DO NOT recommend hitting, his balls with anything. Gentle slaps or finger thumps should be your limit. Serious injury can result from anything harder. He may be able to take the pain, but his genitals may not take the damage well.

CBT can be fun when you do it right. Just don't risk doing damage and you should be fine.

Mistress Ivey

To Milk or Not to Milk

I have written about this subject several times, but it has become clear to me that many of you, especially those of you who are new to it, are having difficulty with prostate milking. First of all, let's get one thing clear... There has been a great deal of discussion about the value and purpose of prostate milking. I have not been able to find one definitive study on the subject of prostate milking for health reasons. One camp says that if a guy is not allowed to ejaculate for an extended period he should have his prostate milked (for health reasons). On the other hand, I have found no proof that any damage is caused from prolonged abstinence. In other words, do it if you think you need to, don't if you don't want to. I know for a fact that many men (past and present) who practice abstinence with no side effects what so ever. So I don't feel it is a serious problem.

Having gotten that out of the way, let me talk about 'blue-balls' for a second. I'll bet you didn't know that blue-balls is actually a short term malady that effects men when they first start tease and denial. Yep. When you stimulate the male cock into arousal and don't allow it release, his semen will build up in his system as his body prepares itself over and over again for release that never comes (pun intended). But after a while, his body gets used to not being able to release all that excess semen and it quits making so much. It takes from one to two weeks for this to happen, but once it does, his blue-balls will go away.

So what can prostate milking do for you (or him)? Simply put, it can relieve his body of excess semen so that it will once again begin to think it needs to replenish the supply. In other words, he can get blue-balls again! Blue-balls are not as bad as people might like to think. They are an aching in the groin (and possibly the balls) that makes his balls more sensitive to the touch (or the punch, as might be the case).

So what does all this mean to you? Nothing really, but if you want to practice prostate milking for any number of reasons, including, but not limited to, humiliation, be my guest. The problem I most often hear from women who try is trouble getting anything out. First of all, don't stick your finger in as far as you can get it (unless you have pretty short fingers). When you can feel the sphincter tighten around your second knuckle, you are probably in far enough. It may take you many tries before you get the hang of it, and don't expect to get copious amounts of ejaculate every time, especially when you are just starting out. I read a Doctor's note about that once and in it he stated that five or six drops is about all you will get on someone who does not practice it often.

So, in conclusion, use lots of lubricant, wear protective gloves, and try it for at least 10 minutes as often as you can. Before long, you will become good at it. Once you have done it successfully, you will know what works best on your guy. So keep practicing even though you may not get results. The humiliation of having it done (successful or not) will be enough to keep your guy happy.

Mistress Ivey