What are You Denying?

I get quite a few complaints from men whose wives have locked them up in a chastity device (and some who haven't) concerning orgasm control. These men want to know exactly what constitutes “Orgasm Denial” and what is just plain sexual denial.

Ladies, ladies, ladies! If you are not teasing your partner at least once a day (hopefully a great deal more) then you will never achieve what you are looking for. Your man will eventually stop doing as he is told and will become disillusioned at the least, possibly even bitter about it.

Sexual denial is never going to improve your marriage, or your husband's behavior. If your goal is to mold him into the man you want him to be, then you have to tease him and tease him and tease him some more. That's all there is to it.

In my experience, you should be teasing your guy for at least 30 minutes a day. It doesn't matter whether you give him that all at once or break it down into several shorter teases, but you must tease him every day. You need to use him to please you, if nothing else. That alone will give him what he needs even if you do nothing else.

Personally, I recommend teasing him for five minutes or so several times a day. You must talk to him, erotically, that is. Get his cock hard. If he is in a chastity device and can't get hard, at least make his cock strain against its confines. If you can do this several times each day, then you are no longer just denying him sex.

Once or twice a week you should spend at least an hour getting him sexually aroused. Talk to him, stroke his body. Tease his nipples, balls and anus. Use some kind of instrument, a toothpick, a feather, a fine brush, to tease his body until he is fully aroused (mentally if not physically).

At least once a month, remove his chastity device (bind his hands so that he can't touch himself) and tease his cock until he is begging for that orgasm you have denied him. You can either let him have it, ruin it, or just plain deny it for another day, week, month, or whatever length of time you like. Make it fun for you. If you enjoy doing it, then you will be more likely to continue doing it instead of ignoring the fact that your partner needs sexual attention.

If you are one of those who doesn't want to use a chastity device, be prepared for him to masturbate. It's will happen. In spite of what he tells you. But if you can make it more interesting for him, say with a little humiliation? Then you may not need that chastity device. Try making him masturbate while you watch. Do it several times a week and you may get his unauthorized masturbation under control.

In short, make sure that you are denying him orgasms and not just denying sex. Sorry to have to tell you this, ladies, but if you simply deny him sex, he will get it elsewhere, even if it's only his own hand.

Mistress Ivey

Rewards & Punishments

Were You Good or Bad?

No, I am not going to tell you a bunch of ways to punish or discipline your sub. I want you to tell me how you do it. This is your chance to share the many things you do to keep your guy in line. Do you use an unusual method of discipline? Do you do something special in the way of rewards when your guy does something special?

Does your wife, Mistress, Queen, Goddess (or whatever you call her) play a cool game so you can earn an orgasm? Does she have a unique or fun way of punishing you when you need it? Or maybe, it's not that unusual but you just want to share it with all of us.

Don't be shy. I know there is something you or your Mistress does that you could share. Maybe she makes you masturbate in front of her friends if you want a full orgasm. Hey, this is your chance to tell us all about it. Whatever it is. Tell us about your rewards or your punishments. Anything that you think is interesting or unique.

Write me, or leave a comment for everyone to share.

Cbt.mstrss(at)gmail.com

Thanks,

Mistress Ivey

Updating Fantasies

In a recent post to his blog (Tease, Denial and CBT), my husband wrote about the Evolution Of Sexual Desire. His article has prompted me to think about how best to utilize your partners fantasies to increase his sexual desire in your tease and denial sessions. Bare in mind that his article points out that most men's fantasies (or desires) evolve over time. For example; One man's deepest, darkest fantasy might be to have two women teasing him at one time. A few months later, that may evolve into wanting several women to tease and humiliate him. Or, as another example; He may secretly want to be forced to wear women's undergarments beneath his regular clothes. Only to later decide he really wants to be totally dressed in women's clothing including wearing a wig and makeup.

If, when you first started out in whatever type of female led relationship you have, you made a very detailed list of your partner's fantasies, depending on how long ago that was, you may need to update your list. You may have been regularly using his favorite fantasy (such as the two women fantasy) for several months. You may also have noticed, or not, that it is not working as well as it did when you first started using that fantasy. It may just be that his desires have evolved into something more. More humiliating. More intense. More whatever.

In order to keep up with your partner's fantasies you need to continuously update them. But that does not mean you need him to make you another list. In fact, that may not work. He may be too self-conscious to reveal the new deeper, darker fantasies to you. So in order to keep him interested, assume his fantasies are evolving and take them to the next step yourself. If he has reached that point (or is simply heading in that direction) you will do well. If he has a problem with the fantasies as you relate them to him, then you can always back off.

You should also be aware, that what was once only a fantasy, might very well have evolved into something he would like to experience in reality. Remember, not only will his fantasies evolve, but so will his desires for more intense reality. This is normal. I would venture to say that if you looked back on your life, you would find there are things that you do on a regular basis that you once only fantasized about doing. There may even be a few things that you used to fantasize about that you, yourself, would like to make real.

The more you are exposed to, the more your mind will convince (or try to convince) you that you want them in reality. The same is true for just about everyone. So if you can keep the fantasies (and realities as well) up to date, you and your partner will continue to grow in your relationship.

Now I realize that the vast majority of my readers are men. Therefore, I have created two polls that I would like you to answer. One questions your fantasies, while the other questions your actual desires. You may want to write them down for future reference. Take a look at them in six months or a year from now and see if your answers have changed. You may surprise yourself.

Ladies, you too can take the polls if you have any of the fantasies listed. Or create your own from your current fantasies and desire to see if things change for you as well. Of course, you will want to know (if he will tell you) what fantasies and/or desires your partner has that may have changed. Make your own poll to give him.

Mistress Ivey

Another Chastity Game

Here's another chastity game for those of you who enjoy them. It's really simple. Take a number of colored tokens (poker chips, colored marbles or stones) and place them in an opaque (cloth) bag. Depending on how often you want to play the game, and how long you want your guy to go without an orgasm, the number and color of the chips will vary. You will need three different colors (or three different markings) of the tokens to play this game. Here are some examples to get you started...

Suppose you want your guy to have (on average) one full orgasm per week. You might put ten tokens in the bag as follows: 7 white, two red, and one blue. Every day, your guy must decide whether to draw a token from the bag or not. If your partner chooses not to draw out a token, then you remove one token of your choice (usually a white one). The next time, the odds are better that he will draw either a red or blue token (if he chooses to draw at all).

If he chooses to take a chance and draw out a token, he must live with the result. If he draws the blue token, he can have a full orgasm (given any way you want). If he draws out a red token, he will receive a ruined orgasm (any way you want). If he gets a white token he gets no orgasm at all. Either way, if he chooses to take the chance of drawing a token, all the tokens are returned to the bag for the next drawing.

In other words, the longer he refuses to draw from the bag, the greater his chances of drawing out a red or blue token (assuming you have not removed those from the bag). However, if he refuses to draw for a full seven days, all the tokens go back into the bag anyway.

If you want to make him go longer, simply put more white tokens in the bag. For example, if you want him to hold out for a month (instead of a week) put thirty white tokens in the bag. You don't have to change the number of red or blue tokens unless you want to give him better odds. You could even put 365 white tokens in the bag and give him the possibility of going for a year or longer.

You can always adjust the number of red or blue tokens you put in the bag, just remember that it will change the odds of him drawing out a red or blue token:

• There should be at least one blue token and two red tokens in the bag.
• The number of white tokens should start out as the number days you want to deny him an orgasm.
• Each day he chooses NOT to draw a token, you may remove one token.
• Each time he draws a token the bag is refilled.
• When the number of days have passed equal to the number of white tokens, the bag is refilled.

That's all there is to it. One variation would be to place 52 white tokens in the bag and then allow your guy to draw on a weekly basis instead of daily.

Let me know if you come up with any interesting variations. I would love to hear about them.

Mistress Ivey

Changing It Up

As a Mistress (or even just as a wife in charge) I like to shake things up from time to time. After all, variety is, as they say, the spice if life. So for the last week (and the next week or so) I have changed how I tease my slave's cock. I know, I have long professed that one should tease her partner's cock for short periods, several times a day. And I still stand by that for most couples. However, if you have a week or two off-work (holiday) you might want to try something new.

The reason I say you need to be on vacation (or holiday for our UK friends) is that what I am about to suggest requires you both to have several hours available for cock teasing each day. What I have been doing is to tease his cock two to three times a day for an hour each time. Now this is serious cock teasing. I am not talking about just getting him hard and then sending him on his way. Oh, no! I am talking about laying him out on the bed, on a table, or just sitting him (pant-less) in a chair.

Once you have your guy where you want him, you want to tease his cock with very light touches. I don't actually stroke his cock. I simply run my fingertips (or fingernails) up and down the length of his cock, or over his balls, or his inner thighs, or anywhere that that turns him on. Once in awhile I will run my fingers over the tip of his cock in order to spread all that precum he has been dripping around a bit. Of course, the whole point is NOT to bring him even close to ejaculating.

By touching him so gently (and slowly, by-the-way) he never even reaches an edge. The end result is to drive him crazy with desire without giving him enough stimulation to get to the edge of cumming. The over all goal is the same as the shorter sessions I have always talked about, to keep him aroused and thinking of me (or you, as the case may be).

If you are like me, and really love just playing with his cock, then this will give you both something different to try when you have the time. I normally do this kind of teasing once in the morning, once in the afternoon and finally, once at bedtime. Of course, you can do it more or less according to the time you have available. But I do recommend you do it at least twice a day.

It's also up to you how you want to end the last session of each day. I prefer to keep him from his ejaculation. But of course, you can always ruin it or even allow him a full orgasm, if you like. If you can't find the time during the week to do this, try it on a weekend, sometime. Let me know how it works for you and your partner. I would be interested in hearing about the results others may get.

Mistress Ivey

Anything???

“As long as I keep you from having an orgasm, you'll agree to do anything I want?” The answer to that question when asked of a man on the edge of orgasm is invariably, “Yes.”

Don't believe me? Try it sometime! Of course, once he has had an orgasm his entire attitude will, most likely, change. That is, unless it is something he doesn't mind doing in the first place. For example, many men are willing to drink their own cum, so asking him to that might not change with an orgasm. But what about sucking another man's cock? Not many will do that without the proper incentive. In fact, I have found that most women who actually want their partner (slave, subbie, boy toy, or what have you) to do something often ask this question in the wrong way.

What do I mean by that? Here's an example of asking the wrong question (or asking in the wrong way); “Will you suck another man's cock if I let you cum?” Do you see how that puts his reward before he has completed his part of the bargain? Instead, try asking the question this way; “I will let you cum if you first suck another man's cock.” Or, “You can have an orgasm as soon as you have sucked another man's cock.” See the difference? If you really want your victim to perform something he would not ordinarily do (perhaps something humiliating) promise him a reward only after he has completed the task.

I know that many woman have difficulty learning to talk erotically to their partners during sex. Because of this, they tend to be timid when it comes to psychological torment. You may never want your partner to suck another man's cock (just for example) but making him think that you will can be very sexually arousing to him. Obviously, if you are only attacking his psyche with your play, you would want to ask the question differently. Instead of making him perform the task before his reward, you simply want him to agree to complete that task. That is, you want him to say that he will suck another man's cock (or drink his own cum, or dress like a woman, or whatever the task is) before receiving his reward.

Ladies, please understand the difference. Every man who enjoys being sexually teased (and they all do) has fantasies of things he would love to be “forced” to do. He also has a list of things that he likes to fantasize about being forced to do but would never really do under any circumstances. Your job, as his tormentor, is to learn what these things are and which are which. Then, and only then, can you really keep your partner on his toes and torment his mind as well as his body properly.

In answer to all the questions I've received on the subject... Yes you can make your guy agree to anything as long as you keep him from having that orgasm.

Mistress Ivey

Intro To Cuckolding

I have written very little on the subject of cuckolding because it is such a dangerous thing. It can, as I have said before, ruin a relationship. The main culprit is jealousy!

However, I did a little experimenting with my slave,nemo, recently and I have come up with a method of training your slave to accept being cuckolded. I am not going to tell you all about it here. Instead, I direct you to nemo's blog where he will tell you the story from his point of view. Just be aware, it took me six months to complete the training and get nemo to the point where I can now bring in any man I want and make nemo watch, or even participate, in our sexual activities.

I don't recommend cuckolding for every couple. In fact, please understand that I discourage it for most people. However, having said that, there are men (and women) who have strong fantasies about doing such things. So, with that in mind, I devised this little training program.

If you are interested, please click over to nemo's blog and read his post entitled, 'CuckoldTraining'.

http://teasedenialandcbt.blogspot.com/2012/04/cuckold-training.html

Mistress Ivey