To my loving wife,
I feel I am at a cross roads and am happy to be experiencing that with you at my side but also, newly founded, as the head of our house, the woman I worship, and the woman who is my lead. All of this is true and would be true whether or not there was bdsm in our life. I want you to understand that. I feel like I have the opportunity to re-invent myself, as I said before, but I need not only your help, I need you to be clear and firm with me. I think sometimes you are too easy on me. I will explain later.
Please understand what it means when I say you are the head of the household. Moving your clothes in the bedroom, you sitting at the head of the table are small symbols of that. I want you to be the boss and have final say about everything, if you wish it. Correcting me, guiding me, showing me, and disciplining me and punishing me are all apart of this. I know it takes effort and care. I thank you for taking it slow, but I think you can speed up a little, at least on my account.
Some examples... I would ask that you set a date for me to quit smoking, tell me how you want me to taper off and just expect it to be done, with your help when I am cranky. Once the date hits, me smoking would mean being punished (which means punishment, not something I would like). Knowing you will follow through will help me. You might do the same with me losing weight.
Yesterday I should have greeted you at the door. Yes I was a bit sad and lost, but that is no excuse. You should be greeted, shoes removed, feet kissed. If I were you, knowing what I am needing, I would have punished me, sent me to the corner, something, for a while... a punishment that matches the infraction. Please discipline and punish me when I displease you. Slap me, send me to the storage room, whatever works for you.
I think you let me cum too often. I cant believe I am saying that, but I notice that I am more at the top of my game when I am hungry to cum... I am not saying I never want to cum or that you shouldn't let me if it is what you want, but I am prepared to be denied. I no longer expect to cum, to be honest, very often. I do not expect you to make me cum. I do not expect you to suck me anymore. I want it to be all your choice and I want your pleasure to be top of mind for me. Remember, I am most excited when I am hard. I get hard serving you and when you speak to me as my Mistress, when you humiliate me, etc. I do not get hard when I cum. Think about that.
I adore you. I want to be as good as I can be for you. I want to serve you and service you. I want...and I need... to obey you. Be my wife and my lover and my friend while you are also my Mistress and Goddess. Be kind and be cruel. Do as you wish with me. I trust you.