Pushing The Envelope

There is one area of your relationship that is difficult to understand... Your partner's fantasies. That is, exactly how far does one want to push a fantasy toward reality? This actually works both ways, but in most FLRs, the male doesn't have to worry about pushing the Mistress' fantasies too far. After all, she is in control. So how far she wants to push it is up to her. But how far do you push your chastity kept man's fantasies?

Let's say your guy has fantasies about being used by other women. He may actually enjoy it if you send him to the neighbor's house for the weekend. But how would you actually feel about that? On the other hand, suppose your guy fantasizes about watching you with another partner (cuckolding). Whether you want to do it or not is really irrelevant if you want to keep your relationship together. Many men fantasize about things that (romantically) sound good, but the reality of those fantasies might never live up to his expectations (or yours for that matter).

So how do you know just how far you can take a fantasy before the reality ruins it? Well, it all depends on the individuals involved. But you knew I was going to say that. You want a more definitive answer, right? Well, there is no more definitive answer. The only way you can effectively answer that question in any relationship is to communicate. You have to tell your partner (no matter which partner you are) exactly what you think you can handle. If you are not absolutely sure you can handle cuckolding, say so! Don't leave anything to doubt.

Okay, now he wants to be lent out to other women (while in chastity, of course) but you don't like the idea of him having sex (even in chastity) with another woman. What do you think about including another woman in your tease and denial sessions? Think about it. That might not be so bad. If you could handle that, why not try it. Maybe some day you will be able to send him home with someone else for the night.

By the same token, if cuckolding is on your list but definitely NOT on his. Maybe you can find a way to perpetuate the fantasy without making it reality. Remember, this applies to ANY activity that you don't BOTH completely agree upon. Many of these activities are a matter of building the trust you need between you both in order to feel secure in doing them.

Perhaps a slow and easy entry into any area of concern is the way to go. Then, you can always back out if either of you are still not comfortable with it. For example, corporal punishment can be something that either party might not be into. So try it out. Maybe a simple smack or two as a reminder of who is in charge will turn into something you both love doing (once you have tried it). If it turns out to be exciting for you both, you can increase the frequency or the intensity (or both) as time goes by.

The slow and easy method can be applied to anything in the tease and denial games you play. They can be used when setting up protocols, or deciding whether to use bondage, or how much or what type to use. It can be used in humiliation play. Start with something easy and slowly increase the to more and more humiliating scenes. Because of legal entanglements, some humiliation scenes might need to stay in fantasy form. But how do you handle that?

That's where you (as Mistress) must use your imagination. You need to know just what his fantasies are and use them when teasing him. Yes, you will have to talk. You will have to talk “dirty”! You will have to tell him his fantasies in your own words. But once you get used to doing that, it won't seem so bad. Kind of like bondage, once you try it it doesn't seem so kinky.

I guess what I am trying not to say is, whatever you do, make sure you communicate with each other, and take it slow. That's the best advice I could ever give anyone.

Mistress Ivey