Practice is Fun!

I have received numerous letters asking me for more information about ruined and stifled orgasms and how to make your guy last longer during teasing, so here is what I know. I hope it helps.

First of all, the major difference between a ruined orgasm and a stifled orgasm is the force behind it. A stifled orgasm is actually a full orgasm in which the ejaculate has been prevented from exiting the penis until the force behind it has stopped. That is, by manually preventing your guy's cum from shooting out at full force, you are not preventing the orgasm, only the part he likes best and the aftermath! By “aftermath” I mean that period of time it takes him to fully recoup his good behavior.

Normally, after a full orgasm, it may take your guy up to a week (or more) to fully regain his self control where his behavior is concerned. That is, he may be a little grumpy or not so sexually excited that he will do anything to please you. In the case of a stifled orgasm, recuperation (in some men) may be as short as a few hours or as long as a couple of days. The average (as far as I can tell) seems to be between one and two days. I can't explain exactly why this is, but just be aware of it and you can cope with it.

A ruined orgasm on the the other hand is an orgasm that has been all but prevented. Sometimes ruined orgasms are called “abandoned” orgasms. This is a very good name for them because that's exactly how you cause them. Simply stop all physical stimulation at the last possible moment and, even though he will expel some ejaculate, there will be absolutely no force behind it. It's kind of fun to watch!

If you are not precisely sure when to stop stimulating your guy's cock in order to ruin his orgasm. Practice! If you stop too soon, he will not produce any semen after you stop. If this happens... Yay! You have edged him. Simply go back to stimulating him and try again. If, on the other hand, you stop too late and he cums with some force (at least for the first shot) take heart. It can be difficult finding the exact right instant to stop all stimulation in order to produce a ruined orgasm properly. Just keep practicing.

Your guy cums too soon when you are trying to tease him during a lengthy session? Okay, there are a couple methods to help extend his staying power. The first thing you must do is reduce the stimulation (duh). One way is to soften it. That is, let's say you are using a sable brush to stroke his cock and get him all ready for what comes next. If he cums too easily from this, try using an ostrich feather instead. It is even softer and will give him less stimulation from the very same actions.

Another method of reducing the effects are to place a condom over his cock. This has the added benefit of catching any ejaculate that might be produced, whether wanted or not. You can also cut the end off the condom to give you access to the tip (head) of his cock without giving the shaft as much stimulation as he would get without the condom. Finally, as a last resort, you can use a very small amount of numbing cream to reduce the sensitive areas of his cock. There are several on the market as well as things like Orajel® and such.

Just remember, practice makes perfect, and there's nothing quite as much fun as practicing to ruin an orgasm!

Mistress Ivey

Using Role Play

There is one area of chastity play that I have touched on very little in my blog. That's because most people who get involved in chastity play don't often use it, and that's a shame. It's called Role Play.

It is up to you, the Mistress (or whatever you call yourself), to control all the teasing that goes on with you and your chaste partner. I mean, you can bind him, remove his chastity device, and tease him in any way you like. But doing the same thing each time can, eventually, become boring. Just as with any other kind of sex, variety is the spice of life. But figuring out new and different ways of teasing a man's cock can be a daunting task at best. If you do the same thing (or even several things) too often, then some of the fun and excitement will become routine. And that's no good!

Role play adds a whole new aspect to the world of tease and denial. For example; You could pretend to be a mall cop and you have apprehended a shoplifter (your partner). You can bind him, you can make him undress, you can even remove his chastity device if you like (but it's not necessary). Then you can do anything you like, such as masturbate in front of him, have him do it for you, or even allow him to please you orally if you like. How the story unfolds can be different every time you play. The point is, you have just added a bit of variety to your teasing that will be much appreciated by the both of you.

Another popular scenario is the cop and the robber. Suppose you have to interrogate a suspect in an robbery. Perhaps you want to know the location of the loot he stole. You can do anything you like to your prisoner to get the information out of him. In the end, you give him an orgasm (ruined or otherwise) for giving up the information. Or, you could keep him on the edge as long as you like if you are not happy with the information he is giving you.

Here is how I play this particular game, just to give you an idea. Before we begin, I have my husband choose one card from a deck. Then, as I interrogate him through teasing, CBT and even the paddle at times, he must keep secret the card that he pulled. It is my job to get him to tell me what card he pulled from the deck. When he does, the game is over and I won. If he holds out until I give up, he wins. Sometimes, just for winning the game, I will allow him to ejaculate. Other times I won't. If I win, it doesn't matter because I have already put him through the ringer, so to speak. But you can make up your own rewards or don't use them at all. Just have fun playing the game.

Another popular role play scenario is Doctor/patient (or nurse/patient) as the case may be. Of course you would play the role of the Doctor or nurse while your chaste partner becomes your patient. Here, again, there are any number of things you can do ranging from a physical exam (very in-depth) to prostate milking, or anything in between.

Without going into a long list of scenes you can use for your role playing, I'll leave it to your own imagination, or you can research it on the net. It's up to you. But by adding role play to your repertoire of teasing methods, you have a million new ways to tease and add excitement to your sexual experience.

Mistress Ivey

The Ultimate Guide to T&D

Yes, I am writing another book. This one is aimed at everyone who enjoys sex and would like more of it, and those who don't like sex and would like to avoid having intercourse (too often). That might sound I am shooting for the moon, but frankly, T&D is for everyone! You don't have to be a keyholder (or chaste), you don't have to be in a FLR (Female Lead Relationship), you just have to want to do me sexually without having more intercourse.

Now that you know what it's about and who it is designed for, you might want to consider buying it on Pre-Order. Until it's released on December 1, 2015, the price is only $3.99us for any eBook version.* You place a pre-order at Smashwords, Apple iTunes, or Barns & Noble before the release date and you won't be charged until it is officially released. If you wait to buy on or after December, 1^st, you will pay $5.99. So by placing a pre-order, you save 30% over the full retail price.

You can read a description of the book at The Ultimate Guide To Tease & Denial and place your order there, if you like.

Mistress Ivey

Talking it out

I have been telling folks to get together and talk now for over a year, but it never occurred to me that they might not know exactly how to do that. Of course they know how to talk, but do they feel comfortable approaching their sex (or life) partner about their particular sexual situation? I have to admit, 90% of all the advice I give to people who come to me with their problems or questions is to talk to their partner.

I realize that it can be very intimidating when you want to discuss your sex-life with someone, especially when you don't want to hurt their feelings. I mean, no one wants to sound like they are criticizing or complaining about the way things have been. All they want to do is make a few suggestions as to how things could change for the better.

Well, here is my suggestion to handle this kind of situation. First, you need to know what you want to talk about. You need a plan. I suggest you write down some of your ideas and try to organize them into some kind of logical order. Remember, no amount of planning will be able to cover everything that is likely to come up. You have no idea how your partner will react to your ideas, nor do you have any idea what your partner might want. They always seem to come up with good suggestions for things you never thought of.

Once you have your “plan” all laid out, let your partner know that you would like to sit down and talk about it “sometime.” Don't spring it on them unannounced. That will only cause them to feel that you have “complaints,” and that won't work. Instead, tell them that you have some ideas that you would like to discuss that you think they might like. Also, it gives your partner time to come up with some things of their own and to prepare for a good discussion.

When the time comes, don't approach it as a “bitch session.” That's not the purpose. Instead, approach the meeting as a discussion of what is working and what needs to be changed. Be open to your partner's ideas. Discuss, don't dictate! Suggest, don't complain! For such a discussion to be effective and productive, you must both feel safe and comfortable. As a Mistress, I always reassure my sub that there will be no repercussions for anything they say during the discussion.

Don’t forget to implement (that means do) whatever the two of you agree on. After all, isn't that the point of all this? It won't help if you don't try the things you discussed.

You may be surprised how productive a talk like this can be. Remember, if you don't know where you are going, you'll never get there. Or... “Wherever you go, there you are.” (Yogi Berra)

Mistress Ivey