Learning about CBT

A word of warning which I will only say once, so pay close attention. Hitting the balls, even just the flick of your finger can cause a great deal of pain. So be careful. Too much pain and your submissive will lose his focus and you may have ruined the scene. Hit too hard (such as with your fist of your foot) and you can do permanent damage to your submissive's genitals. We don't want that, now do we!?

You can usually squeeze a pair of balls pretty tightly without causing much pain. So don't be afraid to grab those suckers and let him know you are in charge. You can squeeze a hard cock just about as hard as you can without causing much pain either. But putting it (or his balls) in a vice will not only be extremely painful, but can cause damage as well. I guess what I am trying to get you to understand is that you should start out slowly and gently. You can gradually increase the intensity to see just where your submissive's pain threshold is. Then you can help him to gradually increase that threshold to whatever level you like. Just remember, it takes time to increase his pain threshold.

Some of you (like me) can be very sadistic when it comes to playing with our submissives. So, please, restrain yourself when dealing with CBT. Always start out gently. You may have seen movies where women have used a riding crop, flogger, or even a cane to strike a submissive's cock and balls. Trust me, one of two things is true when you see this: 1) The Domme is not really hitting the cock or balls, or; 2) The submissive can take a great deal of pain. However, you can strike the cock harder than you can the balls. Just be very careful where you aim.

I will talk about some of the fun things you can do with CBT in future blogs, so watch for them.

Mistress Ivey

Daily Teasing

Okay, you have your husband, boyfriend, sub or whatever he is in the palm of your hand (instead of his own). But how can you keep him interested in pleasing you all day, everyday? You need to come up with some ideas on how you can tease him, humiliate him, or just plain make him think about getting into bed with you all day long. Here are a few ideas to get you started. If you use them, or find some of your own, please write me and tell me all about it.

While he is at work:

• Make him wear a pair of woman's panties to work under his regular clothes. Believe me, he will think about you all day!
• Send him text messages at random times telling him erotic things, such as, how much you want to suck his cock, or in what way you want him to give you an orgasm.
• While you're at it, have him stop by your favorite sex shop and pick up something that will embarrass him to buy. A blowup doll, perhaps?
• Call him on his cell phone and have him go to the rest room and masturbate while he is talking to you. Don't allow him to cum, but make sure he has to do some talking that will embarrass him if anyone should overhear.
• Have him put a plug in his butt for an hour or two. Or put one in before he goes to work and call him to tell him when he can take it out.
• Stick a pair of your panties in his pocket and tell him to smell them several times during the day. Maybe when you call or text him?

When he is at home:

• Make him spend the day naked while doing chores.
• Make him masturbate for you but don't allow him to cum.
• Make him beg to kiss your ass.
• Put a leash on his cock and lead him around the house.
• Make him satisfy you orally several times during the day.
• Tie him to a chair and tease his cock for hours on end.

If you have kids at home:

• Call him into your bedroom several times during the day. Fondle or suck on his cock until it's really hard then tell him he can go.
• Whisper in his ear that he is to go into your room and make himself hard. Have him call you when he has done it so that you can check the results.
• Take him to the bathroom and make him masturbate for you. Just don't let him cum.
• Send him to the store with a butt-pug in place.
• Make him wear a pair of woman's panties then stick your hand down his pants periodically and fondle his cock or ass through the panties.
• If you have two computers in the house, use your IM's to chat and build a fantasy together.

There you have it. I am sure that you can come up with some of your own ideas and I would love to hear about them. Please write me and tell me all about them. You can catch me at CollarNcuffs.com as well.

Mistress Ivey

A Plea for Control

This is a letter sent to me from a friend. He wanted advice on how to approach his wife about becoming his Mistress. So I agreed to post it here so that his wife could read it and so that it might inspire others to openly express their desires as well. 

To my loving wife,

I feel I am at a cross roads and am happy to be experiencing that with you at my side but also, newly founded, as the head of our house, the woman I worship, and the woman who is my lead. All of this is true and would be true whether or not there was bdsm in our life. I want you to understand that. I feel like I have the opportunity to re-invent myself, as I said before, but I need not only your help, I need you to be clear and firm with me. I think sometimes you are too easy on me. I will explain later.

Please understand what it means when I say you are the head of the household. Moving your clothes in the bedroom, you sitting at the head of the table are small symbols of that. I want you to be the boss and have final say about everything, if you wish it. Correcting me, guiding me, showing me, and disciplining me and punishing me are all apart of this. I know it takes effort and care. I thank you for taking it slow, but I think you can speed up a little, at least on my account.

Some examples... I would ask that you set a date for me to quit smoking, tell me how you want me to taper off and just expect it to be done, with your help when I am cranky. Once the date hits, me smoking would mean being punished (which means punishment, not something I would like). Knowing you will follow through will help me. You might do the same with me losing weight.

Yesterday I should have greeted you at the door. Yes I was a bit sad and lost, but that is no excuse. You should be greeted, shoes removed, feet kissed. If I were you, knowing what I am needing, I would have punished me, sent me to the corner, something, for a while... a punishment that matches the infraction. Please discipline and punish me when I displease you. Slap me, send me to the storage room, whatever works for you.

I think you let me cum too often. I cant believe I am saying that, but I notice that I am more at the top of my game when I am hungry to cum... I am not saying I never want to cum or that you shouldn't let me if it is what you want, but I am prepared to be denied. I no longer expect to cum, to be honest, very often. I do not expect you to make me cum. I do not expect you to suck me anymore. I want it to be all your choice and I want your pleasure to be top of mind for me. Remember, I am most excited when I am hard. I get hard serving you and when you speak to me as my Mistress, when you humiliate me, etc. I do not get hard when I cum. Think about that.

I adore you. I want to be as good as I can be for you. I want to serve you and service you. I want...and I need... to obey you. Be my wife and my lover and my friend while you are also my Mistress and Goddess. Be kind and be cruel. Do as you wish with me. I trust you.

John