Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Forced Chastity

I recently read another blog about “forced” chastity. About the only thing with which I agree concerning that post is that you can't really force chastity on anyone. Let's look at the facts...

  • No man who doesn't want to be locked in chastity is going to allow someone to lock a device on him .
  • No device (yet) made can't be defeated, no matter what kind you have.
  • If a chastity device were placed on a man against his will, he could easily bring criminal charges against the perpetrator.

With that in mind, I would like to discuss what many men DO like. Many men, especially those involved in chastity, have fantasies about being “forced” to do any number of things. Some want to be forced to wash the dishes, some want to be forced to wear a woman's clothing, and some even want to be forced to watch their wife have sex with another man. The truth be told, these are all just fantasies. I'm not saying that they won't experience any of these things, but the truth is they want to pretend that they are being forced.

There is a certain amount of sexual excitement in being forced to do things that are considered to be outside the range of “normal.” Normal, meaning accepted by society as whole, or not thought of as “kinky” by non-kinky folks. All the person is looking for is an added thrill that would not be there if they were not “forced” to perform some activity.

When I was slave to my husband, there was a thrill in not having to make any decisions at all. Our sexual, or kinky, activities took on a more exciting, more intense, feeling simply because nothing I was doing was my idea. I had no choice. I had to do what I was told. Being bound only adds to the thrill because, no matter what happens to me, I was not the one who was doing it. I was being “forced” to do it.

All most men want is for someone else tell them what to do. They want to be relieved of responsibility for their actions. Their sexual actions, anyway. Men's fantasies are as widely varied as snowflakes. There are no two alike, especially where their fantasies are concerned. Not only do these fantasies vary from man to man, they often vary from day to day in the same man. That is, a man's fantasies are constantly changing, evolving, from moment to moment.

The thought of being “forced” to do anything in these fantasies only adds to the excitement of the particular fantasy. Therefore, the desire to be “forced” to perform certain acts becomes stronger with each passing day unless, and until, the fantasy is realized. This is true of any fantasy.

If you are not completely up to date on exactly what your man is fantasizing, you need to learn about them. After all, the best way to control any man is through his fantasies!

Mistress Ivey


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  2. Mistress Ivy,
    Yes you hit the nail on the head, at least from my perspective. I don't want to be forced into chastity as much as I want to feel controlled by my Mistress. There is something erotic about being told what to do when the order is something that allows her to do less and me to do more on her behalf. It's an interesting desire since in the vanilla world they would call that woman a 'bitch' but it's the last thing that comes to my mind when I hear it from Katie. Nice post. Keep up the inciteful writing.

  3. Hello Mistress Ivey,
    my comment is also a question to you and other Dominant Women. i recently ended a ten month relationship and i'm afraid that being a naturally submissive male contributed. How does a submissive male introduce this without it being a deal breaker? Our relationship started out very strong and i thought we were perfect. Our sex was great and was progressing in favor, light bondage, spanking, anal play with Her being the more Dominant force. i started getting excited and began doing little things to help push it along. One path i took was to begin consuming my cum when given the chance. It didn't take long until my girlfriend brought it up and asked me what was going on. She noticed what i was doing and wanted to know if i was bi-sexual or even gay, i'm not either.
    Do other women find that act strange and would it turn them off to a point of no return?

    Thank You Mistress Ivey,


  4. Well, Steve, I think you just had the wrong girl there. It sounds to me that she has a problem that you could not have anticipated. However, in the future, perhaps you should "act"a little more resistant to tasting your own cum. Just a thought. But she might have been more open to the whole FLR ting if you had been more resistant. But it's better you found out sooner rather than later.

    I would recommend discussing things more with future women. Creating a good line of communication right from the beginning could help you in determining if the women in question will be open to that sort of thing.

    Hang in there... The right woman for you is out there. Be patient, and I am sure you will find her.

    Good luck,


    1. Thank You Mistress,

      The whole flr thing seems to be a touchy subject to bring up, not easily brought up in conversation. i'll be trying a different tactic next time, thats for sure.

      Thank You,

  5. I've enjoyed your blog until today's. It probably has to do with being a trans woman. People are free to fantasize however they wish, of course. I guess it's just irritating that every fetish site or group that I come across invariably incorporates representations of trans women into their fetish and assumes that I, and others like me, are just men living a fetishistic fantasy.

    I don't know if there's really any solution. It's just frustrating to have a generally traumatizing life experience casually being other people's masturbation material. And it's disappointing to see the appropriation continue here too.

    1. Dear Anonymous,
      I can only assume you are referring to the photo I chose to go with my post. First of all, I chose it because it actually represents many different common fantasies that men often have. It was not intended to single out any specific group or fantasy, for that matter. I thought myself lucky to come across a photo that represented so many different fantasies: Cuckolding, BDSM (chained cuffs), trans-gender, and chastity.

      I mean no disrespect to anyone who might actually live their fantasy or dream if that's what it is. I don't know why you have chosen to be a "trans-woman" nor do I wish to poke fun at you or show you disrespect of any kind. So if you were insulted, I apologize.


    2. You basically just exemplified my point. The porn and fetish communities have limited experience with the realities of transsexuals. You suggesting that it's a "choice" is what is frustrating. It's a "choice" in people's fantasies and they think it's hot whereas for those of us for whom it's a reality, it's not a choice and actually is the cause of a lot of distress and trauma throughout our entire lives.

      The fact that you didn't intend any disrespect is forgivable merely due to understanding that you have a limited experience and are largely ignorant to reality. The disappointment comes from the appearance of you having done your research and being educated about the topics in your other blog posts.

      To try to give a quick explanation as to what I mean, I can only use an analogy. Some people like amputee porn or milf porn or whatever. The difference between amputees and transsexuals is that amputees are still generally afforded the respect of not being assumed to have cut their limbs off because they get a sexual thrill out of it.

    3. Again, my apologies for any negative feelings you might have. I finally understand what it is you have been talking about. However, I don't see where you should be upset by my post. There are people with "maladies" much worse than yours, and they learn to deal with them. There are people who have fantasies about amputees, or even becoming an amputee. There are those with birth defects who must get through life just as you must do.

      I cannot be held responsible for your personal problems, nor can I be expected to teach people about fantasies, if I don't include some of the most common ones. I am sure that you would rather go through life as a "normal" person (whatever you may think that is), but we all wish there were something different about us. Whether that something be physical, or a situation beyond their control, we all wish something was different. But, again, I cannot be responsible for each individuals struggles.

      I guess what strikes me the most, is that you seem very unhappy with the hand life has dealt you, and have not found a way to deal with it. There are things that you can do to change it, or you can make the most of it if you choose. But please, don't blame others for having secret desires to become like you just because you are not happy being you. And don't attack me (or anyone like me) simply because we point out the desires of others.


  6. I'm not angry nor was I angry. I was just pointing out privilege in motion. As far as "things I can do to change it," that starts by educating people with a podium that transsexuals don't typically choose to be transsexuals so that they may (hopefully) stop spreading misinformation that further hinders equality for transsexuals in society. To put it succinctly: how many job opportunities do you think a transsexual has open to them?

    Again, I don't know the solution. I also don't blame others for their secret desires (see my previous post stating that people are obviously fee to have those as they please. What I *do* blame them for is projecting their "secret desires" onto real people. "Transploitation" is an epidemic that results in millions masturbating to us while not letting us have jobs or raise children or even getting married.

    But whatever. It's not your problem. Back to your regularly scheduled masturbation sessions.

    1. It just sounds as if you are bitter about something. As for discrimination in the work place (or finding a job), that's illegal. But, you are not the only one who has a problem getting a job these days. I don't think it's fair that I can't work because of chronic bladder disease. At least you don't have to have surgery every 4-5 months.

      Let this be the end of it.


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