Soft FLR

I get a great number of questions about keyholding and Female Led Relationships (FLR), but one question I never seem to get is, "What if I don't want to get into all that BDSM and corporal punishment stuff?"

The answer is simple. I mentioned this in my books, but most people probably missed it because it is such a small part of the whole scope of what an FLR is about. So in answer to the question, "Can we still have an FLR even though I don't totally subjugate my husband?" I give a resounding, "Of course you can." You can make your FLR as hard or as soft as you like. There is no reason, other than you both want it, to subjugate your partner. That is, if you would rather withhold sex for a couple of days, or have him wash the dishes for a week instead of taking a paddle to his bare bottom, it is perfectly okay. You set your own rules.

There are no rules, other than the ones you set for your own relationship. If you don't want to make him wear a chastity device, that's fine. No one says it is a requirement. If you would rather he handle the finances, or the grocery shopping, or even buying you flowers once a week, that's totally up to you. How you set up your FLR, the rules you set, the punishments you prefer to use, are all something that the two of you can work out together.

I encourage everyone who is new to the world of Female Led Relationships to sit down and make a contract, or agreement, as to exactly what is acceptable to the both of you. You may eventually throw it away as your relationship evolves and changes over a period of time. But if you start out by setting certain boundaries, and expectations, you have a good place to start and you each know exactly what is expected of you.

A "Soft" FLR is one in which there may be no physical punishments involved. However, I do strongly recommend that you include at least some tease and denial. It doesn't even have to be in your contract. But I think you will both be surprised at how much fun it can be. From the woman's side, there is nothing like working your guy up and edging him, then stopping at least long enough for him to catch his breath before doing it all over again! Men seem to love it as well.

Mistress Ivey