Reality-v-Fantasy

I have always been curious about something. What challenges would men most like to have become reality and which would they prefer to keep only as fantasies?

Everywhere you look on the Internet, you see photos and stories about submissive (or chastised) men being subjected to all sorts of humiliating situations. I mean, you see it all the time in captioned photos, erotic stories are filled with humiliating situations such as, being naked or dressed as a French maid at a party full of women (and or men). Men being forced to commit homosexual acts, and even men being exposed in pubic.

I know how my own husband feels about most of these situations. After all, he loves humiliation of this kind. But what do YOU think about them. Do you only fantasize about be bound to a chair while watching your wife have wild sex with another man? Or is that something you would love to actually do? Would you want to be “forced” into joining in, maybe sucking his cock? Or would you prefer to suck this cum out of your wife's vagina?

Maybe, to you, simply having your wife (or Mistress) sit on the couch and instruct you how to masturbate for her is a only a fantasy. But would you like it to be real? Or would that be too much for you?

Teasing Methods (pt-5)

So, by now you have a pretty good grasp of what Tease & Denial is all about. But there's more. Lots more, actually. However, this is the last in my “Teasing Methods” series. Here are a few ideas of things you can have him do when you want to be doing something else. That is, when you don't want to be bothered. Basically, these are things you can make him do by himself, so you don't have to.

So you are sitting at home, ready to watch your favorite TV show, or maybe a movie you have been waiting to see. In pops your partner wanting you to do something to tease him. Tell him to watch a porn video that will last until your show is over. Be sure you tell him NOT to ejaculate. Better yet, put him in chastity, at least for the time being. That way, you can be sure he won't have any unauthorized ejaculations.

You could try making him drop his pants right there in front of you. Have him masturbate while you watch your show. Or, if you are not that interested in the show, direct him. Tell him when to speed up and when to slow down, just to avoid that unwanted ejaculation. Yes, it requires a bit more involvement, but again, you don't have to direct him.

Teasing Methods (pt-4)

Okay, we have talked about many types of teasing so far, but we have not touched on what you can do when the two of you are not in the same room. In other words, while he is away. So let's do that now.

There will be plenty of opportunities to use the teases in this post. You don't have to send him to some far away place and make him spend several nights in a hotel room, just to do these little teases. In fact, you can use these while he is at work, or running errands for you, or anytime he is not physically with you. He could simply be in another room, for that matter.

Try sending him some sexy photos. It works best if he has a computer with him, but you can simply send them to his cell phone if you want. Have him make a special album (or folder if he is using his computer) to place all the photos you send him into. That way, he can always find them and there is less chance of someone else seeing them by accident.

These photos don't have to be of you. If you prefer not to open yourself up to that sort of thing, you can always send photos you find on the Internet. Use your favorite search engine and type in anything that will provide photos of whatever you want. You can get any kind, even animals mating, if that's what turns him on. Just a few of these photos along with your words of encouragement, can go a long way toward getting him all “hot and bothered.”

You can also send him some sexy texts. Tell him what you would like to do to him the next time you get him alone. This is also a good way to find out what really turns him on. He probably has fantasies of a nature he has been reluctant to tell you about. So try lots of different subjects to see how he reacts to them. Maybe he loves the idea of you dripping candle wax on his body. Or maybe he finds the thought of you being dressed in a skimpy pair of jean-shorts to be something that gets his penis all in an up-roar.

You can also have him perform tasks for you while he is away. Send him out to purchase a pair of ladies panties, a size that will fit him. Or maybe you would prefer to make buy some type of lingerie for you. The humiliation of going to a boutique to by sexy things for you can be a real thrill for him as well, and for you.

Maybe you send him to work with a small tube of lubricant and a butt-plug. Have him insert it while he is at work, or out shopping. Tell him to take a photo of the plug in place before he gets home. This type of humiliation is a common turn-on for many men. Maybe you can have him send you a photo of his hard penis while he is out of the house.

You send him a text link to a sexy story online with orders to read it before he leaves the office, or at least, before he gets home. If he is out shopping, have him read it on his phone before he is allowed back in the house.

Using a little imagination, you can come up with a myriad of thins he can do for you that will at least turn him on, if not yourself. Have as much fun with it as you can. It's the little things you have him do that can make all the difference in how much he relies on you for sexual stimulation. And that is what you want.

Mistress Ivey

Teasing Methods (pt-3)

So far, we have covered a lot of ground. But there is a lot more to go, so pay attention! Here in part-3, I will give you some more basic ideas on how to get your guy on edge and keep him there.

Again, at least his hands should be bound so he cannot interfere with what you are doing. And, of course, a blindfold will help. It not only gets his imagination working over-time, but it also means you can wear that old pair of ratty jeans you are so comfortable wearing. After all, if he can't see you, what does it matter what you are wearing? He can imagine anything you tell him.

This time, try using a vibrator. It doesn't really make a great deal difference what type it is, but having a couple different ones on hand is a good idea. At least one should be of the “wand” style. You know, something that has to be plugged in or, at least, charged. You can find this type at most pharmacys and ANY sex shop. A small battery powered one is also a plus.

You can use a vibrator just about anywhere on his body. Try it on his penis, balls, anus, nipples, neck... you name it! Any of his erogenous zones should get a charge out of it. Tickling him with it can be a great deal of fun as well. Don't forget the bottoms of his feet.

Speaking of things that vibrate... Purchasing a small vibrating butt-plug is also a good idea. There are a number of uses for an item like that. Insert one. Turn it on. Then go ahead and tease whatever else you want to tease. It only adds to his pleasure (or should I say, torment?).

Have you ever tried a masturbation aid? There are many such items on the market. Some, like the “Fleshlight” can get quite expensive, but there are many cheaper items that work just as well. You can check them out here if you like. However, if you don't want him to ejaculate, I recommend using a desensitizing cream on his penis first. Otherwise, you are liable to ruin all your fun when you were just getting started.

I don't know about the rest of you, but sometimes I hate getting all that lubrication on my hands. But I found a great solution to that problem! Rubber gloves! Now, you are probably thinking about those Nitrile gloves like the hospitals use. No, no, no! What you want are dish-washing gloves. You can obtain them just about anywhere. They have raised ridges, bumps, or even a grid pattern that helps you pickup those slippery dishes. Well, those grippers can work wonders on the male body, especially the penis! And you can always make him clean them up when you are done.

Finally, try using a penis extender. You can obtain them wherever you buy your sex toys. If want to look at a few, here is a link to some for you. You might still want to use some desensitizing cream on his penis, but don't worry, he will stay hard while you ride him to as many orgasms as you want. And, of course, you can always make him wait until next time for his orgasm.

Mistress Ivey

Teasing Methods (pt-2)

Okay, we have discussed how to handle that “quick-shooter” and how to use some of those other erogenous zones he has. If you did your homework, you should also know that stopping direct stimulation BEFORE he can ejaculate, is a very good method of extending his pleasure (and yours, if you are really having fun).

Now that you have spent some time “not touching” his genitals, and he is probably begging you to do so, let’s see what else we can do to frustrate him. Try using something like a feather. Ostrich feathers are especially good for this. Use it just like you did your hands, except that now, it’s okay to stroke the feather across, up, down and along the length of his penis and balls. Don’t worry, it won’t be enough stimulation to bring him to the edge.

The next option is to give him five or six VERY SLOW strokes with your hand. If you want to use lubrication for this, so much the better, but it’s not necessary. When I say “slow,” I mean really slow! It should take you at least four, maybe five seconds to complete one full stroke up and back down. Again, the point is to keep him from getting close to an ejaculation. Ejaculation is the enemy, here. Repeat stroking his penis this way stopping for thirty seconds after every five or six strokes.

Talk to him. If he normally ejaculates easily, talk about your day. What did you do, where did you go? The idea is to distract him from what you are doing. If he is one of those who can hold back when he wants to, talk about how much fun you are having doing all this to him. Talk about how much you love making him beg for it.

Or… You could try using a toothpick or a small kabob skewer (get them at your local grocery store) and poke his skin in all those erogenous places, including his penis and balls, even the space between his legs, behind his balls. Don’t poke him hard enough to cause real pain, just enough to keep him aroused. 

One final tease you might like to try. Again, this works great for that quick-shooter. Buy some desensitizing cream or basic Ora-gel (both available at your local pharmacy) and apply a liberal amount to his entire penis. That should slow him down a bit. If you're lucky your arm will tire before he gets close to ejaculating.

Of course, you may use any one of these during a Tease & Denial session, or all of them, if you like. I find that mixing them up, using different methods for each session, keeps things more interesting. After all, you don’t want things to get monotonous. What good would that do?

Until next week, practice.

Mistress Ivey

Teasing Methods

I get a lot of questions about teasing. Sexual teasing, that is. You know, Tease and Denial, T&D, sexual torment. Things of that nature. Well, there are literally thousands of ways to sexually tease a man, but here are some of my favorites. PLEASE, send me any methods you use that you are willing to share. I love learning what other people do with their partners when it is time to get them all worked up. And, I have never stopped learning.

Before I start, let me remind you, binding your partner's hands (and adding a blindfold) is something I highly recommend. After all, you really don't want him reaching down and finishing himself off, after you have spent all that time getting him on edge. It ruins all your hard work and leaves him sexually uninterested for the next few days, making him totally unmanageable. The blindfold just adds to his excitement and makes him use his imagination a great deal more.

Let's start by giving you some tips for that “quick-shooter” if you have one. If you can't touch his penis for more than a few seconds before he spurts it all away, don't. Don't touch his penis then. You can get him all worked up and aroused, simply by running your hands, or just your fingertips, over most of his body. He has other erogenous zones. Use them, instead. I often prefer to start this way anyway. It arouses him enough to get his penis standing as strait and tall as it ever will (without a penis pump) so that, by the time I am ready to touch it, he is begging me to do it.

If you have never watched a T&D video on the Internet (yes, I am talking about porn), you really should take some time to watch a few. X-Hamster, Pornhub, and XVideo, are just a few.

Try doing a search with your favorite search engine (Bing, Google, Yahoo) for tease and denial videos. Most SE's will simply post the videos right there for you.

If you go to one of these video sites, the first thing you will notice is that most of the videos only last a few minutes. Most are shorter than fifteen minutes. But if you really want to get your man excited, watch some of the longer ones, say, over twenty minutes long. This will give you a better idea of how these woman can make their partner's erection last so long without exploding and ruining all your fun.

Take your time! After all, if you have the right attitude, it can be great fun for you as well. You want him to last as long as you can make it last. It's called “Denial” for a reason. Don't allow him to ejaculate before you finish. Making him wait until (maybe) next time, will make him much easier to handle when you want him to do chores and such.

I will give you more details in upcoming posts. In the mean time, do your homework.

Mistress Ivey

Soft FLR

I get a great number of questions about keyholding and Female Led Relationships (FLR), but one question I never seem to get is, "What if I don't want to get into all that BDSM and corporal punishment stuff?"

The answer is simple. I mentioned this in my books, but most people probably missed it because it is such a small part of the whole scope of what an FLR is about. So in answer to the question, "Can we still have an FLR even though I don't totally subjugate my husband?" I give a resounding, "Of course you can." You can make your FLR as hard or as soft as you like. There is no reason, other than you both want it, to subjugate your partner. That is, if you would rather withhold sex for a couple of days, or have him wash the dishes for a week instead of taking a paddle to his bare bottom, it is perfectly okay. You set your own rules.

There are no rules, other than the ones you set for your own relationship. If you don't want to make him wear a chastity device, that's fine. No one says it is a requirement. If you would rather he handle the finances, or the grocery shopping, or even buying you flowers once a week, that's totally up to you. How you set up your FLR, the rules you set, the punishments you prefer to use, are all something that the two of you can work out together.

I encourage everyone who is new to the world of Female Led Relationships to sit down and make a contract, or agreement, as to exactly what is acceptable to the both of you. You may eventually throw it away as your relationship evolves and changes over a period of time. But if you start out by setting certain boundaries, and expectations, you have a good place to start and you each know exactly what is expected of you.

A "Soft" FLR is one in which there may be no physical punishments involved. However, I do strongly recommend that you include at least some tease and denial. It doesn't even have to be in your contract. But I think you will both be surprised at how much fun it can be. From the woman's side, there is nothing like working your guy up and edging him, then stopping at least long enough for him to catch his breath before doing it all over again! Men seem to love it as well.

Mistress Ivey