Talking During Sex (Pt-2)

So you want to learn how to talk during sex, huh? Well, it all begins with knowing your partner’s fantasies. Last time, I talked about the feelings of vulnerability and humiliation. I told you that you needed to talk about things that would either terrify or humiliate your partner in order to turn him on. But how do you know what those things are?

You have to do your homework! You have to learn to listen and to use what you learn against him. I can tell you things to say until I am blue in the face, and they may or may not work for you. But if you do your own research, find out what REALLY turns your partner on, you won’t need me to tell you anything. You will know what to do and what to say.

Talking During Sex (Pt-1)

Why is it that we women have such difficulty talking sexually to our husbands during sex? I know that many women have this problem. I saw a survey (somewhere) that where almost eighty percent of the respondents said they had trouble talking “dirty” to their spouses. I had this problem when I first got with my husband. I don’t know why I was afraid to talk dirty to him, but I was.

Back when I was his slave, and he did most of the “action” during sex (I was usually the one tied down and sometimes gagged) he did all the talking. He would tell me things of a sexual nature without batting an eye. He would hold up a knife, look me in the eye, and say something like, “We are just going to draw a little blood.” No, he never actually did draw blood, but he planted the idea of it in my head so clearly, that after he placed a blindfold over my eyes, and I felt the cold steel touch my skin, I was positive he had cut me. As I said, he never did actually cut me, but the thought of being totally at his mercy, knowing that he could cut me anywhere he wanted, thrilled me.

Differences Between Male & Female

No, I don’t mean anatomically, nor do I mean mentally. What I am referring to here is how the world treats males differently than females (just in case you hadn’t noticed).

A man runs naked across the basketball court of a Big 10 game during half-time. He is immediately arrested. Hauled off to the poky where he will no doubt be held on charges of indecent exposure, be stood in front of a judge who will, no doubt, slap him with a huge fine. His name, may or may not, ever be found on the front pages of any newspapers anywhere. His friends will pat him on the back and tell him what great thing he did while buying another beer at his favorite sports bar.

Slave -v- Sub

Well, it’s a whole new year! Whatever your dreams, I hope they all come true.

I have been in the BDSM community for many years. My husband even longer. I have heard debate after debate as to exactly what the difference is between a “slave” and a “submissive.” My understanding is that there have been these same debates for years and years before I was even born. So I want to clear a few things up.

First of all, I am sure there are those who will want to argue with me about it. Fine, post your comments. I DO read them all. Even though I don’t always reply to them, I do read them. They are automatically emailed to me. So I read each one carefully before deciding to which I want to respond.

Abstinence and Prostate Cancer

I don’t know who wrote the comment, but on Amazon.com, someone wrote  in their review of A Keyholder’s Handbook that I am wrong about abstinence in men having no ill side effects. They quoted a study found in the American Medical Journal that says there is a direct link between abstinence and prostate cancer.

In fact, this person is correct about the article, but does not understand that the AMA (or AMJ) publishes studies and their results in order to entice other researchers to duplicate the study and the findings. The fact is, this was the only study that gave those results. Other studies have not been able to reproduce the same results. The fact is, the AMA knows more about what does NOT cause prostate cancer than they do about what does cause it.

Spanking & Paddling

I have been told by more than a few women that they are afraid of hurting their partner when the spank or paddle him. Well... You could if you really lay into him. But let me give you a few pointers to help you feel more comfortable.

1.      Always use a safe word. A safe word gives him the opportunity to stop you if you are hurting him. Some people will say that it gives him too much control. I say, “Hogwash!” It won't take you long to realize just how hard you can hit his upturned bottom. But in the meantime, if you are afraid of hurting him, it's a good idea,

2.     Watch and listen! You know how much he normally struggles and how loud he yells when you are spanking him. Listen for that especially distinct “Ouch!” that you hear when you know you have hit too hard. As long as he isn't doing that, you're OK.

3.     Hit the “Sweet-Spot!” The spot from where his bottom becomes his thighs and about halfway up (six inches?) his bottom. That is the “Sweet-Spot.” Odds are, you will do less damage hitting him there. Too high, you risk hitting his tail bone. Too low, and the pain will seem much greater because the thighs are more sensitive. (I know I will catch a lot of flak for that one, but I know I am right.)

Always start out slow and soft. Allow yourself to build up to the really hard hits. If you use your hand the first few times, you learn how it feels because you will feel it, too. By starting out more slowly, you will learn more quickly just how much he can take. If your goal to punish him so that he won't soon forget, use fewer, harder smacks. If your goal is more of a play thing, then start slow and let the pain build. Remember, if you can give pleasure while giving pain, he will be able to handle much more. His brain can't tell the difference, so start out by gently rubbing his bottom on a soothing, loving manner.

Another way to tell is to check your handiwork the next day. If it's not all purple, black and blue, then you certainly didn't hurt him. If it is, make sure there are no welts or blisters. These can be a sign that you went too far. By-the-way, if you make him take a nice HOT bath afterwards, you can be sure that the he won't forget too soon. After all, the longer the pain lingers, the longer he will remember it.

If the problem turns out to be your own feelings of guilt. Have a long and serious talk with your partner the next day. Ask him how it felt. Ask him if it was too much, or if he thinks he could take more. Many men enjoy spankings considerably. If your guy is one of those, then he will be honest with you.

I hope that helps those of you who were in doubt.

Mistress Ivey

Just For Fun

What do you say when your partner says, “I'll do anything if you will just let me cum!”? Try saying something like this:

• “Go masturbate on the front porch.”
• “Stand naked in the middle of the back yard and masturbate.”
• “Go masturbate on the neighbor's porch.”
• “Stand in the middle of the highway and masturbate.”
• “Masturbate in the neighbor's coy pond.”

If he doesn't want to do it, then tell him that he doesn't really need to cum, yet. Tell him he has an extra week in chastity just for asking. Or give him a choice, do what you asked or spend another week in chastity. The point here is, he doesn't “need” an orgasm. If he wants one badly enough, perhaps he will do as you requested.