Forced Chastity

I recently read another blog about “forced” chastity. About the only thing with which I agree concerning that post is that you can't really force chastity on anyone. Let's look at the facts...

• No man who doesn't want to be locked in chastity is going to allow someone to lock a device on him .
• No device (yet) made can't be defeated, no matter what kind you have.
• If a chastity device were placed on a man against his will, he could easily bring criminal charges against the perpetrator.

With that in mind, I would like to discuss what many men DO like. Many men, especially those involved in chastity, have fantasies about being “forced” to do any number of things. Some want to be forced to wash the dishes, some want to be forced to wear a woman's clothing, and some even want to be forced to watch their wife have sex with another man. The truth be told, these are all just fantasies. I'm not saying that they won't experience any of these things, but the truth is they want to pretend that they are being forced.

There is a certain amount of sexual excitement in being forced to do things that are considered to be outside the range of “normal.” Normal, meaning accepted by society as whole, or not thought of as “kinky” by non-kinky folks. All the person is looking for is an added thrill that would not be there if they were not “forced” to perform some activity.

When I was slave to my husband, there was a thrill in not having to make any decisions at all. Our sexual, or kinky, activities took on a more exciting, more intense, feeling simply because nothing I was doing was my idea. I had no choice. I had to do what I was told. Being bound only adds to the thrill because, no matter what happens to me, I was not the one who was doing it. I was being “forced” to do it.

All most men want is for someone else tell them what to do. They want to be relieved of responsibility for their actions. Their sexual actions, anyway. Men's fantasies are as widely varied as snowflakes. There are no two alike, especially where their fantasies are concerned. Not only do these fantasies vary from man to man, they often vary from day to day in the same man. That is, a man's fantasies are constantly changing, evolving, from moment to moment.

The thought of being “forced” to do anything in these fantasies only adds to the excitement of the particular fantasy. Therefore, the desire to be “forced” to perform certain acts becomes stronger with each passing day unless, and until, the fantasy is realized. This is true of any fantasy.

If you are not completely up to date on exactly what your man is fantasizing, you need to learn about them. After all, the best way to control any man is through his fantasies!

Mistress Ivey

Web-Teases What Are They Good For?

I have discussed this subject before, but it has been on my mind again of late. Most of you are aware that nemo and I have started our own WebTease site. Well, all that work got me to thinking. What good does a site like that do for a couple who are already into chastity, tease, and denial? I mean, aren't web-teases for guys who, for whatever reason, masturbate a good deal of the time. I am not putting them down. God knows, they probably need the distraction. But most men in chastity can't masturbate, and the vast majority of them are written for men who can.

So why would I, of all people, start a masturbation site for men without Key Holders (KH)? Simple. Most KH's don't realize what a great source of tease and denial ideas web-teases can be. After all, most of us prefer NOT to allow our guys to masturbate. But I say, “Why not?” First of all, it relieves us of having to do it for them. I mean, there are times when I would rather not have to get my hands all messy with lubrication and make my arm sore from trying to edge him four or five times. Then there is the problem of accidents. I may blame nemo if he cums during one of these sessions, but the fault is really mine for not noticing exactly how close he was to ejaculation in the first place.

That's where web-teases come in. I find one I really like, or at least a portion of one, and I use it the next time he wants some attention, but I am too tired (or lazy) to tease him for an hour. Here's how I work it. I have three choices: 1) I can use the web-tease as a guide and follow the script to make him do everything to himself, or; 2) I can use ideas I have gotten from some of them to do things to him, or; 3) I can even load one up on the PC and watch as he attempts to do everything the woman in the web-tease tells him to do.

Now, some of the web-teases can take several hours to complete. So if I am having him do one online, I either set aside enough time, or I stop him when I think he has had enough. If he is doing one online, I can also help him by handing him the next item he needs or by cleaning them when he has finished in anticipation that he might need it again. I can even be his timekeeper when he needs one. Either way, they can be very entertaining. Especially when he has to ruin his own orgasms. I just love watching the looks that cross his face. Don't forget, masturbation carries with it a certain amount of humiliation for most men. They just don't like doing it front of you.

So there you have it. Yet another way to tease and deny him without having to tire yourself out. Besides, after watching him ruin his own orgasms puts me in the mood to have a few orgasms myself!

Mistress Ivey

More On P.O.T.

The term “Post Orgasm Torture,” in itself, sounds almost horrible. Let's face it, any time you use the word “torture” you conjure up all sorts of medieval, horrific images. So I will just call it “Post Orgasm Torment.” I think that is a less terrifying phrase.

I have run across many women who don't understand exactly what I mean by POT, so let me clarify exactly what I am talking about. To put it bluntly, the head of a man's cock becomes extremely sensitive immediately after he cums. You may have discovered this yourself, probably by accident. Or you may have never experience it. Take heart, every man has this sensitivity.

It seems that the vagina is actually too well lubricated for normal intercourse to effectively produce the torment we are talking about here. Most men can continue to thrust their penis in and out of a woman after they ejaculate until their erection shrinks on it's own, without any discomfort at all. That's because there is so much lubrication (including his own semen) that he really can't feel anything. At least not on the head of his cock.

Let me warn you, if you engage in POT, your partner will (if you are doing it right) become almost violent. The problem is not that you are hurting him, it's simply that the extreme sensitivity makes them react in any way they can to stop it. It's like being held down and tickled. If you have ever been tickled until it became so intense that you find yourself fighting to stop it, well, you have experienced a little of what POT can be for the average male.

Most males, especially those who have not experienced much POT will not be able to control their reactions to it. Basically, what you will be doing is tickling them in the most sensitive spot on their entire body! In spite of what it may seem (or he may tell you) it does NOT hurt them. They will do absolutely anything to make you stop. They will scream, they will squirm, they will beg, and, in fact, try to make you believe that you are seriously hurting them. But in spite of what they do, or say, the fact is, you are tickling them.

Now that you know the truth about POT, let's talk about the best way to torment them post orgasm. Because of their potentially violent reaction, I strongly recommend that you (at the very least) bind their hands behind them. It is better to tie them down so that they are not able to move much at all. By the way, this is an extremely fun way to torment them!

Once you have your guy securely bound, go ahead and tease him any way you like. You can edge him, or anything else you enjoy doing up to, and including, the point at which he begins to “spurt.” Go ahead and allow him a full orgasm (otherwise this won't work).

As soon as his cock's throbbing begins to subside, take hold of the shaft and hold on tight. Using your other hand, rub the head of his cock with your fingers or palm. Do this gently, as that is all it will take. Instantly he will protest. Remember, he is NOT being hurt! He is being tickled! How long you can continue doing this will vary from man to man. But you should be able to do it for at least 10-30 seconds for the average guy. Sometimes you can go even longer.

Another method is to continue stroking his cock after orgasm. If you bring him to orgasm by stroking his cock, you simply continue stroking as long as your hand slides gently up over the head with each stroke. This method is not quite as effective, but should still give you an idea of what is possible. The problem is, every second of rest his cock gets, brings him closer to the point where it will no longer be so sensitive. But either way, you should still enjoy a few seconds of extreme sensitivity. Stroking the shaft does nothing. It's the head that is sensitive!

Don't listen to anything he says. He is only trying to prevent further torment. Again, you are NOT hurting him. But he will act as if you are. If you try this, please write me and let me know how it went. I would love to hear from you. Have fun with it!

Mistress Ivey

Pushing The Envelope

There is one area of your relationship that is difficult to understand... Your partner's fantasies. That is, exactly how far does one want to push a fantasy toward reality? This actually works both ways, but in most FLRs, the male doesn't have to worry about pushing the Mistress' fantasies too far. After all, she is in control. So how far she wants to push it is up to her. But how far do you push your chastity kept man's fantasies?

Let's say your guy has fantasies about being used by other women. He may actually enjoy it if you send him to the neighbor's house for the weekend. But how would you actually feel about that? On the other hand, suppose your guy fantasizes about watching you with another partner (cuckolding). Whether you want to do it or not is really irrelevant if you want to keep your relationship together. Many men fantasize about things that (romantically) sound good, but the reality of those fantasies might never live up to his expectations (or yours for that matter).

So how do you know just how far you can take a fantasy before the reality ruins it? Well, it all depends on the individuals involved. But you knew I was going to say that. You want a more definitive answer, right? Well, there is no more definitive answer. The only way you can effectively answer that question in any relationship is to communicate. You have to tell your partner (no matter which partner you are) exactly what you think you can handle. If you are not absolutely sure you can handle cuckolding, say so! Don't leave anything to doubt.

Okay, now he wants to be lent out to other women (while in chastity, of course) but you don't like the idea of him having sex (even in chastity) with another woman. What do you think about including another woman in your tease and denial sessions? Think about it. That might not be so bad. If you could handle that, why not try it. Maybe some day you will be able to send him home with someone else for the night.

By the same token, if cuckolding is on your list but definitely NOT on his. Maybe you can find a way to perpetuate the fantasy without making it reality. Remember, this applies to ANY activity that you don't BOTH completely agree upon. Many of these activities are a matter of building the trust you need between you both in order to feel secure in doing them.

Perhaps a slow and easy entry into any area of concern is the way to go. Then, you can always back out if either of you are still not comfortable with it. For example, corporal punishment can be something that either party might not be into. So try it out. Maybe a simple smack or two as a reminder of who is in charge will turn into something you both love doing (once you have tried it). If it turns out to be exciting for you both, you can increase the frequency or the intensity (or both) as time goes by.

The slow and easy method can be applied to anything in the tease and denial games you play. They can be used when setting up protocols, or deciding whether to use bondage, or how much or what type to use. It can be used in humiliation play. Start with something easy and slowly increase the to more and more humiliating scenes. Because of legal entanglements, some humiliation scenes might need to stay in fantasy form. But how do you handle that?

That's where you (as Mistress) must use your imagination. You need to know just what his fantasies are and use them when teasing him. Yes, you will have to talk. You will have to talk “dirty”! You will have to tell him his fantasies in your own words. But once you get used to doing that, it won't seem so bad. Kind of like bondage, once you try it it doesn't seem so kinky.

I guess what I am trying not to say is, whatever you do, make sure you communicate with each other, and take it slow. That's the best advice I could ever give anyone.

Mistress Ivey

Love That Menthol!

I'm not talking about cigarettes. I'm talking about all those pain-relieving creams you can use for so many purposes. You know the ones, they have menthol, eucalyptus, or ginger root (or all three) in them. Once you get past the smell (some more than others) there are so many wonderful things you can do with them.

I'm talking about Mentholatum, Bengay, Icy-Hot, Tiger Balm and the other brands that seem to get hot or extremely cold when applied to sensitive parts of the body. They are so much fun to tease my slave (nemo) and keep his mind on me long after I have finished my teasing. Here are some ideas you can use on your partner:

• The next time you masturbate him, use Icy-Hot cream. It makes a good lubrication (like hand lotion) and stays with him long after you finish.
• Don't forget to put a good amount of 'something' on his balls before he leaves for work.
• If he sits in front of the TV too much, try putting a little bit on his anus. That should get him off the couch for awhile.
• Try rubbing a good amount on the cheeks of his ass, too. He won't think much of it at the time, but after he pulls his pants back up it will grab his attention.
• Coat his cock and balls before he heads for the golf course with his buddies.
• Before he satisfies you with his tongue, apply a dab of cream to his anus. Tell him he can stop when he can no longer feel the cream (assuming you can last that long).
• If, like me, you enjoy watching him squirm (especially in public), Try coating his cock and balls just before you go out for that quiet dinner at your favorite restaurant.

You may as well avoid using it on his nipples, no matter how much you will be tempted. Most men won't feel much there. I have used it on a man with very sensitive nipples, and it just wasn't effective.

I am sure you can come up with a lot more opportunities than these. I just wanted to stir your imagination and get you thinking more about teasing your guy in ways you may have forgotten. I invite everyone to leave a comment and let me know what you use these kinds of inspiring creams for.

Mistress Ivey

Staying Power

I have already talked about using numbing creams to keep your chastity boy from ejaculating when you want him inside you. But there are other ways of doing it. For example, you could spend months, or even years, training your boy to hold back while telling you each time he comes close so that you can stop (or pull off). But, as I said, that can take years of practice. Assuming you don't want to wait that long, I have a couple of other ideas you might like.

For example, you could run out to your local Ace Kink Center... uh, Hardware store and pick up a number of rubber O-rings to use as cock rings. Why buy more than one? Because you don't (yet) know which one will be the right size. I would recommend you purchase several sizes between 1-inch and 1 1/2-inch. Bigger or smaller if you need them. But I suspect one of these should work. They should come in 1/16th-inch increments so you can get the exact right size for your guy. Even if you buy five or six of them you'll probably spend less than a few dollars for the lot. You might even find an pack of assorted sizes for about $2.00us. So cost is not a factor here.

Here's what you do. Place one around the base of his cock only (NOT the cock and balls). If he is hard, it should be difficult to get it on. You can use lubrication to make it slip on a little easier, or you can roll it from the tip to the base. If you can catch his cock when it is flaccid (soft), you can get it on more easily. However, if you have chosen one that is too small, he will be in quite a bit of pain when he gets hard. You want a little pain, but not so much that he can't concentrate on the job at hand.

Here is a quote from a friend who wrote me about using O-rings:

“As far as the o-rings are concerned, there is a safety issue with just about everything we use on our slaves. Whether it's an o-ring on their cocks, a metal cock-ring, a whip or clamps. It really doesn't matter what it is, there can be problems. But I've found the rubber o-ring to be extremely safe, at least it can be cut off, the metal cock-rings can't. What a woman has to do is exactly what I told you. She has to find the proper size o-ring for his cock, firm but not tight while flaccid. Understanding that when he gets the erection the o-ring will be very tight and he will be in pain. But it will not harm him, and it will keep him rock hard for as long as you want. Expect him to claim his cock is about to be cut off by the o-ring, you know how they go on about CBT. Once he gets time to relax his cock will go down and you can easily remove it then. Just don't let him get you thinking it's unbearable and impossible to endure. After they get use to wearing the o-ring it will still be painful but it does get better for them, just a bit. We've been using o-rings for a while now and have found other uses for them as well.”

Using a rubber cock ring such as this can keep him hard for quite awhile, especially if you are bouncing up and down on him. He should be able to last quite a bit longer if you used the right size. If he still comes too soon, you may need a smaller O-ring. Be careful! Using a too small O-ring can cause him a great deal of pain and, if left in place too long, it can cause damage to the very thing you are trying to have fun with.

There is one other solution. You could try any of a number of Adjustable cock rings available for around $4.00us. One advantage to an adjustable cock ring is that it can be loosened and removed much more quickly than the aforementioned O-rings. You can practice adjusting the amount of pressure this type of cock ring puts on your guy's cock until you get it just right, all without having to remove it.

Some facts you should know about cock rings:

• The results vary from person to person, so it may not work for you.
• They can temporarily create more sensitive, intense and hard erections.
• They can help to delay ejaculation.
• They may temporarily make his cock larger (but it's only temporary).

Any of these solutions can be used by themselves or with the addition of a Desensitizing lube. The combination should prove to be quite effective!

Mistress Ivey

To Lock Or Not To Lock?

There are a number of couples out there (not to mention men without a KH) who practice the honor system when it comes to chastity. The reasons vary greatly as to why they do not use a chastity device. While I believe that there certainly are times when the honor system may be better than using an actual device, I also believe that there are benefits to using a physical device that just cannot be realized otherwise. I know that's a pretty strong statement, but let me explain.

I believe that chastity can (should?), be used for several reasons. First and foremost is the fact that many men actually desire it. But beyond that, the benefits a couple may realize through the use of a device are not often apparent. For example, chastity can bring a couple closer together by allowing them to open up and become more communicative with each other. If done right, chastity can also improve their sex life, their respect for each other, and even reinforce their roles as husband/father and wife/mother. Many times, I have heard from readers who say their husbands have become better role models to their children. I can understand this. After all, he should be demonstrating more respect for his wife while she is showing her children a more self-assured, even self-reliant, woman.

Now I am not saying that you cannot achieve all these things without chastity, many do. But chastity (especially when a device is used at least part time) can facilitate, and often speed up, the realization of these benefits.

I recently received a letter from a man who says he and his wife have been practicing chastity utilizing the honor system. His problem was that after a number of weeks he loses interest (or desire) for sex altogether. As it turned out, his wife has not been teasing him during times of abstinence. While there may be many causes of his lack of interest after a time, it is my opinion that were his wife to tease him on a regular basis, his interest would not decrease.

I have been touting the benefits of teasing (both psychological and physical) for almost a year now. I have received an overwhelming number of letters from those who agree. However, I know that many of you ladies out there do NOT practice teasing your chaste partner with any regularity. There is so much more to it than just physical teasing. I don't know how many times I have said that the most important (not to mention easiest) way to arouse a man is through his libido! His mind can not only arouse him, but it can (under the right circumstances) even produce ejaculation without ANY physical contact at all. It's rare, but it does happen.

The incorporation of a chastity device serves as a constant reminder that there is someone who cares about his sexual activity. But in order to strengthen that impression, teasing on a regular basis (at least several times a week) is what makes it all work. Psychological teasing should be done on a daily basis, even several times per day. Physical teasing should also be done at least two or three times per week if possible.

Without a physical chastity device (the honor system) however, allows for the possibility of unintended, often unwanted, even involuntary, ejaculations to occur. Even an improperly fitted chastity device can allow unintended ejaculation from time to time. Of course, often, a set of “spikes” can help prevent unwanted ejaculation in an improperly fitted device.

So when faced with the question of using a device or the honor system, I would choose a device every time, just for practical reasons. Of course, there are times when it's not practical to wear a chastity device (and those vary widely with the individuals involved), so the honor system must be used during these times. But over all, I think it's better to rely on three basic rules: 1) Use a device when possible; 2) Psychologically tease him several times a day; and 3) Physically tease him several times a week. Doing these three things can produce a happy, healthy, relationship that will facilitate communication and harmony as well as cooperation and attentiveness. With the proper balance of these things you have the tools with which to create the perfect relationship even if you can't (or don't) use the device at all times.

Mistress Ivey