What's in a Name?

I realize that my blog is called “Becoming A Mistress,” but what if you don't want to be a “Mistress” per-say? That is, you want total control, but you detest the image that comes to mind when the word is used. I must agree, the image most often called to mind (thanks to the Internet), is one of a woman wearing very high heels, dressed in skin-tight leather, and carrying some kind of whip or riding crop. If this is not you, what are you? What do you call yourself? What does your husband (boy friend, submissive, spouse, or significant other) call you?

I have heard things like, Goddess, Queen, and even “She who must be obeyed.” But even these seem like too much. I chose Mistress because, in my opinion, it is the least self-centered of the names I have heard. However, I also heard names such as, Sweetheart, Sweetie, lover, and just plain wife, used as well. Of course none of these describe the relationship, much less the position of the woman in that relationship.

In one my of books I make a comparison between a Queen and her Knight in shining armor with that of a Mistress and her slave. However, I make no recommendation as to what your husband (or whatever he is) should call you. Nor do I make a recommendation as to what you might want to call him.

Personally, I feel it makes no difference what you call each other, as long as the relationship works and your roles within that relationship are clearly understood. Having said that, I call myself “Mistress” and so does my husband, nemo. However, we only use those terms when we are alone and in “play” mode. Yes, real life requires us to change from “happy couple” to “Mistress and slave” when we want to play. The rest of the time, though I am always in charge, we appear “normal.”

I never wear a leather teddy. I don't like high heels, but I do have a pair of black boots with 3-inch heels that I bought at PayLess, but I rarely wear them while we are “playing.” And I have an assortment of whips, floggers, crops and paddles that I do often use (but that's just me). Though we both enjoy the many images of Mistress' on the web, I just can't see me wearing those types of outfits.

My point here is that it doesn't matter how you dress, or by what names you use when you are playing. Just be yourself. You can be in control without having to be called “Mistress.” It's not what you call yourself that makes you the one in charge. It's the attitude with which you approach your relationship.

I have been writing this blog for over four years and the one thing I always wanted to make clear is that you should have fun. Your sex life should not be something that you do every now and then. It should be something you look forward to, something that is fun for the both of you! So don't let a name deter you from enjoying the control you can wield, and fun you can have. Life is, after all, something to be enjoyed. So is marriage. So enjoy yours to the fullest! You will thank yourself for it.

Mistress Ivey