Sunday, October 10, 2010

Becoming a FemDom Part 4: Chastity

Okay, so far you have learned how to make your partner a bit more attentive and loving. You have learned how to control him through teasing and denial. But what happens if you deny him an orgasm and later he sneaks off to masturbate? Hmm. That means that all the work you put into getting him so horny that he will be more of what you want him to be was for naught. I mean, if he is going to defeat all your hard work by taking care of his own needs, then how can you keep him in line?

First of all, you must realize that teasing his cock is a VERY enjoyable thing for him (and hopefully for you as well). He may not be too happy when you deny his orgasm altogether, but that's kind of the point. So if he is getting himself off some other way when you have denied him, he undermines your efforts. This must stop! You must punish him for this kind of activity.

If you are certain that he has been masturbating without your permission, you need to make him confess. That part is easy. Simply tease him again and tell him that if he does not confess to his misdeeds, he will not get to cum. As soon as he confesses to his crime, STOP! Go no further. Scold him and tell him how he has broken your trust. Masturbating is tantamount to cheating on you. Then let him go without an orgasm. Don't allow him to please you either.

If you are not into the kinky stuff, as I mentioned before, then your options are limited. The best way to punish him is to withhold all sexual activity. You must make him wait at least a week before you will allow him near you (sexually). If, during that time, he seems genuinely remorseful, you can begin again. Every time you deny him an orgasm he will be much more attentive and loving between sessions. We talked about that.

There is another way in which you can punish him, and I highly recommend that you learn how to do it. I am talking about “ruined” orgasms. Here is where you can eat your cake and have it too. A ruined orgasm is one in which he expends his semen but does not experience the full enjoyment of an orgasm. Because it is ruined, his mind does not experience the after-orgasm drop I mentioned earlier. That means, he will still be horny, he will still be able to maintain an erection and he will still be able (and willing) to please you! I will post a blog on ruined orgasms another time. So check back often.

There is one more way in which you can control your partner's masturbation habits. It is called, “Chastity.” Chastity is not for everyone and it is something you and your partner will have to discuss and agree upon. Of course, now that he has confessed his sin, it's an excellent time to discuss chastity!

There are a million stories on the Internet about women who have forced their husbands into chastity. However, they are just that... Stories! Forcing someone into chastity is NEVER a good idea. I do not recommend you try it. You could just end up ruining a perfectly good relationship. IGNORE all those stories and talk about what you BOTH might gain from chastity.

Men often become more loving and attentive to their wife's needs and desires. There are many websites devoted to real folks who enjoy male chastity. Chastity Mansion is a good one. There you can find lots of good advice from people who actually practice it. You may find that male chastity is not for you, but it's well worth looking into.

Before you broach the subject of male chastity with your partner, you should make a list of things that you want to improve about your relationship. He should also make a list of areas in which he would like to improve the relationship. You might be surprised how many things may be the same. If your love-life has been suffering, chastity may be the answer. Comparing your lists is a good place to begin. Assuming his behavior was better while you were denying him his orgasms, and assuming he has been masturbating, you have a great place to start. After all, if he has been masturbating, he has been cheating... Cheating the both of you out of a better relationship!

If you have decided that you would like to try male chastity, you will need to begin by choosing a chastity device. This is another thing you should both agree on. There are a wide variety of devices on the market ranging in price from under $50 to several hundred. I do recommend that you look at the CB-3000 or CB-6000 series of chastity devices. They are priced under $200 and can give you a good idea where to go from there. Later, if all goes well, you can look into a custom made device.

Before you dive right into this chastity thing, you will need to do a trial period. Most people set the trial period to one week. During this first week you should be checking the fit for comfort. You may have to adjust it a time or two until your partner can wear the device comfortably for a day. You will also need to check for cleanliness. I recommend removing it (under your supervision) for cleaning and bathing. Once your partner gets used to it, and gets a good method of cleaning it, you may leave it on for bathing. You will also need to lubricate it. These devices tend to chafe a bit, especially in hot or humid weather. Silicone lubricants work very well for this as they do not evaporate or wear off. But, again, some experimentation is in order to find out what works best for you and your partner.

Here are what many consider to be the main reasons for (or issues with) male chastity devices.
  • They prevent masturbation of any type, any time.
  • They absolutely prevent ejaculation (except for prostate milking).
  • They can be locked to keep everyone honest.
  • They serve as a constant reminder of the woman with the key (YOU).
  • They tend to make the wearer horny.
  • Most of all, there will be NO SEX unless YOU want it!

The main purpose of using a chastity device is two fold; 1) to prevent unauthorized masturbation, and 2) to keep him thinking about YOU! In order to get the most out of chastity you should learn all you can about what turns him on. I will discuss that in the next part of this series. In the mean time, you should get him to write some of his fantasies out for you. He can email them if it makes him more comfortable.

Once you have a few of his fantasies in hand, go on to Part #5 of this series and I'll tell you what to do with them. In the mean time, DO NOT discuss them with him!

Mistress Ivey


3 comments:

  1. Thank you for this great blog. I found it because somebody at ChastityMansion.com mentioned it to me.

    And I agree that Chastity Mansion is the best place if you consider chastity, and want personal advice. There is a friendly atmosphere in the forums, and many people experienced with everything chastity-related willing to help new people get the best possible start with chastity.

    Chastity definitely helps a man to become more submissive. For most of my life I have been sexually dominant - until I discovered chastity.

    With chastity some subtle conditioning of the man is happening. He can feel the chastity device most of the time, and it feels like his woman is holding his private parts.

    And whenever he gets excited - no matter how or why, even when he is dreaming in the night - he can definitely feel the device. And this makes him think about the device, and the only woman who can let him free and satisfy him. Just think about what it does to your man when it is impossible for him to have a sexual thought without thinking about you.

    It will make him more submissive and caring towards you. And not just in the bedroom. Do not be surprised if he starts giving you small gifts and helping out more with daily household chores.

    Male chastity is not just enjoyed by people who like female dominance. The advantages are the same in relationships that are otherwise vanilla. In fact, the comment that lead me to your blog was a response to a series of captions (an artform, where you add some text to pictures to tell a short story). Here I told a story which I believe is typical for the response of a vanilla female when introduced to chastity. You can find it on my blog here: http://chastitycommons.blogspot.com/2010/10/coming-out.html

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  2. Another great write up. I'm glad I surfed into your blog today.

    I would like to point newcomers to male chastity over to an FAQ I wrote up that answers many of the beginner questions: http://www.aarkey.info/chas/

    Hope that helps.

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  3. Aarkey,
    Thanks for the comment. I will pass your link on to nemo for display on his blog site. I think it would be a nice addition.

    Mistress Ivey

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